MY DAUGHTER IS 13 & WANT'S A BOYFRIEND SHOULD I ALLOW IT OR NOT?

Alexandra - posted on 12/06/2012

Im 13 i have a BF and all we do is hold hands, hug, and text! I like him alot and my mom knws. If u trust ur daughter you'll let hr! :)

Aubree - posted on 12/04/2012

Yes, alloW your daughter to date. I am 13 myself and my mom hasnt sat down amd had a talk about dating with me but she has said that she encourages me to date. She says she wants to let me practice as much as possible because she never got the experience growing up going to an all girls chatolic school. She divorced my dad a few years after i was born and she says that she might have had a more possitive experience with my dad if she had ever dated anyone before. If your interested in what most 13 year old relationships look like its this: cute text messages and awkward eye contact at school. Almost no face to face talking. The luckier 13 year olds will end up with cute texts and real conversations but a few weeks before a kiss. Now almost none of them (and usually they are a group of kids who have that look) would ever have sex at our age. Dating is a possitive thing. It allows your daughter to be happy and warm inside giving her something you cant no matter how hard you try. It gets her a little more attention at school, which boosts her confidence level, and allows her to do better in school. This lets her become more successfull in life. If you have ever loved anyone - which you have amd do because obvisously your expressing your love for your daughter theough this post - you know that love is happiness. Your daughter isnt going to fall inlove (modt likely) with the person she dates right now. Although, that person will only help her grow.

Tiana - posted on 11/11/2012

No she do not need a boyfriend mayb male friend but that boyfriend shit GOTS 2 GO!!!

Lin - posted on 11/10/2012

Nooooooo!



She is just too young for that.

Jazzylyn - posted on 11/09/2012

i do allow my daughters t have guy-friends but i think they should wait be a kid have fun play outside with friends be a kid enjoy before u guys have to pay bills and take care of your family and drive and cook and pay for fast food... please kids enjoy your young life while you have it..

Jazzylyn - posted on 11/09/2012

i agree no way my daughter was once 12 and 13 and she was in the middle school with her older sister her sister was 15 and she was 12 in the 6th and in the 8th.. my 15 year old had a boyfriend and went to the movies but i only allowed group dates with friends.. and my 12 year old was very jealous and wanted one but i said no not until i trust you or allow it she was very furious but now she is now she is 15 and is happy and said thanks mom i see why you made me wait. and my other daughter is 18 and talks to her and im just glad gosh... moms dont have girls have boys there way easier!! lol

L R - posted on 10/16/2012

There is not a problem having a boyfriend stay overnight however, not in the same room! I would make sure that they are in opposite sides of the house at night and all doors open. Some people make too much out of this... as long as it's clean and there is supervision, I do not see anything wrong with it.

Teen - posted on 10/15/2012

To tell you the truth i would go crazy in that house your not letting her live her life. Adults act like they never had boy friends when they were young and had sex in highschool. Guess what...MY MOM DID!! They have to think about there past and stop being so protective. Some had more freedom then us.

Anonymus - posted on 10/13/2012

Strict parents create sneaky children. Im 13 and have had 2 boyfriends and it didnt last for more than a month. I have never even kissed a boy, our relationship consisted of bbms and hugs at school. At school they do sex ed twice a year and we have learnt a lot. Maybe you should talk to your daughter and trust her to make the right decisions. Just know that as teenagers we wont care if you say no, the best thing to do is be the cool mum that she can talk to about these things.

April - posted on 08/24/2012

I a mom of 5, four being daughters ages: 5, 11, 13 & 15. That said, I highly recommend saying yes to her with boundaries. One requirement of mine is that each daughter go on a mother-daughter trip and go through the "Passport2Purity" CDs & guide book together. We always go after elementary school is finished and sometime over the summer before middle school begins. That way we are on the same page & get to talk about sex, boys, friendships & flirting. Some friends of mine have taken their daughters younger & some older. But each girl has looked forward to their special time alone with me & a gift they will receive on our trip. The most recent one was this summer and we went to Chincoteague Island for the Pony Swim. Others plan a trip around a favorite band they want to see in concert. The point is, is that we must carve out uniterrupted time for our kids to talk about important stuff right? I hope my girls make good choices in relationships & I'm making sure to give them the tools they need. The public school cannot do enough & it's my job, not theirs.

Sally - posted on 08/24/2012

I guess it depends on what YOU mean as DATING?? I say no dating for my 13 yo dd till 16. She has had what 'they call' a boyfriend since 12 but they don't even txt or call each other. She does have 'boy' friends that she txts once in awhile. One, a lot but it's just a friend. There are girls that she knows who are gaga over boys and have been at a young age and have gotten in with the wrong crowd & sexting has even been done. NOT GOOD. It takes all kinds doesn't it?!It's hard to believe that they are doing this at 13, and getting pg too. Parents have to be ongaurd.

Carol - posted on 08/24/2012

I'm not in your shoes but I'll tell you what my dad did... He never say no. But, he told me about self-respect and that relationships are not a toy. You must be mature, and that include the ability to say NO. My dad met all my boyfriends and I waited until be an adult to have my first time. If you trust her and make her be confortable with you, it will be so easy. The only thing a girl wants is somebody who listen her and trust.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

It honestly depends on your daughter, in my opinion.

My parents (I'm 16.) never put a restriction on me.

As a teenager, I honestly don't see why I would even need one.

Think about it. What's so bad about your daughter having a boyfriend?



Edit:

I'm reading the other posts, and my god, you all have your children on leashes.

Why so much control over your children? Do you not trust their judgement that much?

I have one rule and that is come home by 11.

I can pull all-nighters if I want to and my parents don't say a word to me. They frown at me and ask, "why did you stay up so late?" but never have I been forced to go to bed.

Honestly, they fight back because you make them.

I go to sleep, at the latest, 3 am. Usually around 1 though. I'm doing just fine.

Patricia - posted on 08/21/2012

I have a 14 year old daughter that I allowed to have a boyfriend when she was 13; big mistake.
Although they only saw each other at school, had lunch together, had 2 classes together, they would text instead of finishing homework and chores, stay up late sneaking their phones over their covers, not getting to bed on time, etc, etc.
After a short time I pulled the plug on their friendship. I called the boy's mom and told her
my daughter was getting too attached, clingy and her grades were falling; so I broke them up for her own good.
It taught her that she is much too young for the "extra" time, energy, commitment and sometimes frustration that it takes to keep a solid relationship growing.
After their little breakup, they remained friends and still talk at school but they are not allowed any more "off the campus texting, calling, email, Facebooking, etc. So far they have both moved on to focus on grades and their homework demands.
So my vote is NO BOYFRIEND UNTIL 17!

Nina - posted on 08/21/2012

Hi Melynda,

A boy that is also 13 could be a friend, but not a boy-friend in the sense of the word where physical contact would occur. Why would she be thinking about boys at 13, it seems a little young to be concerned about boy-girl things, doesn't it? Does she have a reasonable group of female friends? Sport on weekends, music lessons, homework and other things to think about? Does she have female cousins and female siblings she can spend time with? Can she go bike riding, fishing, boating, cycling, fruit picking and other activities with her female friends? Why would she be thinking of boys?

Abdul - posted on 08/19/2012

for me aloww her because as for me since i was born i have never had a girl friend before so if she likes she can take my facebook name and we can be friends this is my face book name abdul majid and my email abdulmajid@yahoo.de thanks see you but i am also 14 years old bye

Sally - posted on 08/16/2012

13 is way to young to be on individual "dates". However, if she and another boy like each other enough to hang out at school and she's calling him her "boyfriend", there's not much you can do about it.
She has all the time in the world to get "serious" about any particular boy, but practicing a "relationship" in a safe atmosphere (either in large group "dates" to a public activity or in small group "dates" with parental supervision) can give her valuable practice for when she is ready.

Sandra - posted on 08/15/2012

Hehe..I remember telling my mom when I was in the 8th grade and prob 13 at the time, that I was "going out" with a boy. Thats what we called it then. Her reply? Oh yeah? Where are you going?
Touche' lol. The only thing we could do was make phone calls..lasted all of 2 weeks before he found some other "skank" lol. NOT that I knew that word at that age. Harmless .
My FIRST thought to this question though, was, if you tell her no, then it will be that more appetizing.
Maybe its cause I live out in the country, that I think the way I do....I guess if they go to the same school there's more to worry about but out here there's an ABUNDANCE of adult supervision going on at the school, and the few dances that they have.
If it was my daughter I wouldnt worry , I would prolly think it was cute.

Melanie - posted on 08/15/2012

If it is nothing serious and all her friends have one then i say go for it

Shea - posted on 08/15/2012

yeahh my daughter had a boyfriend when she was 8 she didnt tell me since she was 10 cause she didnt know how to say it but its not a big deal if you want just tell her if she wants to go on a date to the movies or something you wil go to and sit in front of her

Maye - posted on 08/14/2012

my son is 14 and I told the trueth no he may not tell know what he really getting him elf into I want my son good time I want to see life for really can give him. tell to wait smell rose along way she will child only make the best of it boys cn wait till she older but teen years be here only for short while so make best of them whil she still can

Katie - posted on 08/13/2012

We are dealing with my stepdaughter who is 13 also wanted to have boyfriends that are 16 and 17. Me and my husband say No way is that going to happen.

Sam - posted on 08/13/2012

If you don't see a problem with this, then go ahead. My daughter has been dating the same boy for almost two years now, which is a rare thing at this age. I figured it was going to end after 3 weeks, which most of these relationships do, but this one didn't. My daughter is open with me, I picked my battles. A lot and by a lot, I mean most of her friends have had boyfriends behind their parents back, have lied about sleeping over at a girlfriend's house to go to an overnight party with older kids and a few have had sex with a boy since they had no idea how a boy should be treating them. Not to sound judgemental, but a lot of parents don't want their kids dating because the parents are not ready for it, not because the kids arn't. We are not talking about fulfilling, responsible adult relationships here, we are talking about teen relationships, where learning respect about yourself is primary, self-confidence and responsibilty are paramount and parental guidance is a must. Stop your child from doing teen things and all you are really doing is stopping your child from having proper guidance when it comes to relationships. - just my opinion but it is my experience too!

Linda - posted on 08/13/2012

I personally believe that kids should not date until their 16 years old.

Teenager - posted on 08/13/2012

teenagers
...............
hey im a teenager i looked up this website because im not alowed to talk to boys .... well just saying this as a modern teen ............we do want we want wen we want where we are ....use parents stop controling our lives we do say thank for growing us up but its also a time that we make our own choise and sex is a thing teens do they do not wait for marrage tel me one teen that does not smoke or drink yes if they did not im dam sure they tried it wel dont let teens do ,what they want but trust me they are the ones who fal preagant at the age of ,16,17,18 and so on ..trust your teen make them learn .... youv got to make mistakes in life in oder to learn so parent try to stop us from making that mistake but they stil would go out there i do act not just say it ...............dont regret a thing you do but parent distroy teens lifes in steand of helping that why we dont tel use anything...........so much more but parent just wont get it so mwahzila remembrer its our life not urz u lived ur life

Julie - posted on 08/11/2012

At 13 you still have the ability to control relationships at least from the home. The fact that she is asking you means she is still willing to communicate with you on the subject. That is good and you want to keep it that way. So, although 13 is to young for a boyfriend, You need to listen and be understanding to her feelings on the subject. Her feelings of wanting or having a boyfriend is not wrong. It is just not the right time in her life. Remind her that although she is "coming into womanhood" her brain is not developed enough to rationalize and make good decisions. That is where your job comes in to lead, guide and protect her so when it is time, she can make better choices.

Angela - posted on 08/09/2012

Relationships are learning experiences. They give one experience in how to treat people and gives them a direction on what to look for in someone. It's got serious consequences as well. Set clear boundaries. No alone time, no dates in my oppinion until at least 16. But, it's still dangerous to allow it. My having a boyfriend at her age was threatening because I was innocent and pure and boys are not innocent. I should not have had as much freedom as I had and I have set strict boundaries with my two daughters. I care if they are dating. I worry about the inevitable breakup and the tears. I warned that boyfriends make you cry, and I ask a ton of questions. I bet that if I tried to force them not to, that I would have a lot of secrecy from them. I want them to feel like I trust them and believe that they are capable and reasonable human beings. I have to say that I may not have the best of advice, so go with your heart. I don't know your teen and how mature that she is. Maturity is a major factor in what you trust your child with.

Jennifer - posted on 08/08/2012

If she wants a boyfriend, does she already have one picked out? Are they already "dating" or "fooling around" at school, after school, while supposedly at a "friend's house" or at a youth group? Trust me, 13 year olds are having sex. 12 year olds are having sex... 11 year olds...

If you think I am crazy, you should know that I have a friend who at 22 had a 9 year old daughter. She got pregnant the first time she had sex at 12 years old. She kept the baby and lived by herself. Kids are going to do crazy things, with or without your permission.

Just think about your life experiences. Everything in you is saying "NOOOOO!" which is why you asked the question.

Boys, especially older boys, will pressure girls to do things that they are not ready for. They are stronger physically and can force girls...

or let's play devil's advocate:

Yes. Let your 13 year old daughter date. When you are with her, by her side, after meeting his parents together as a family. At which point you can have a serious conversation with the boy's parents about boundaries, expectations, curfews and the NEVER ALONE* rule. Let them see each other at designated activities and special occasions. They are not to "sext", or sex-text and you should check their emails and cell phones frequently.

*Group dating is useless as it just let's kids break off into pairs for alone time.*

It's up to you, but I think by asking the question, you are looking for other people to reinforce that having a 13 year old dating is an invitation to become a grandmother.

Arun - posted on 08/08/2012

you can be a friend and told she you are a small girl .she can 18 year old they can be permeted to allow a yes. they can allow for a friend boy .

Jade - posted on 08/07/2012

Thanks for replying, your advice is helpful, just wondering what pan sexual means.

Jade - posted on 08/07/2012

wow, sounds a lot like my situation, my girl is very defiant, always has been, and very determined but also very kind , bubbly and out there, thats why she keeps attracting problematic boys, this one tho has been the worst she has had 1 or 2 , that I have not supported either, this one recently spent time in a youth mental facility.
She has cut his name into her skin, and does self harm, she was in counseling, but the counselor thought she was doing really well, before this business, and has closed the case.
But I will try get it started again, asap, with someone new, as the old one has now moved to Oz.
Thankyou very much for replying, I really appreciate it, please keep me updated on how you are going with your daughter, I really hope it works out for you.

Chaya - posted on 08/05/2012

Church is a good date, watching a movie in the house or at a theatre is appropriate, anything in public, but I have grounded my daughter for bringing boys home while I'm not home, she knows which days I work and which I have appointments. I can usually tell because they use the guest account on my computer to get information about bus schedules, and fail to log out. I'm less prickly about it now that she's out as a pansexual, she can have girls over no matter what because I know them and their parents

Chaya - posted on 08/05/2012

You may wish to take the phone away from your daughter and answer some of the texts, making it clear that this not so gentlemanly caller needs to treat her better and refrain from texting filthy stuff to her. A subtle little threat wouldn't hurt.

Jade - posted on 08/05/2012

my daughter has turned 14, she is not only dating against my wishes and advice, but she is dating a boy who is mentally unstable, and I know he is emotionally controlling her,her attitude has really changed, she is lying to me and cannot be trusted, Im not sure what to do, ant suggestions would be great. I have also found filthy msgs to her from him, about sex etc

User - posted on 08/04/2012

i tell my kids (they are preteen now, but still into that 'boy thing'- 'sure, you can have a boyfriend. he can come over for dinner. he can go to church with us' 'can we go to the movies?' dad almost answered and i stopped him, 'sure, but i'll either be sitting in between you..or behind you, smacking you/him upside the head when you get too close';) lol.. needless to say..boyfriend didnt' last long, lol;) score for mom!

Emma Rose - posted on 08/04/2012

loosen up you old whore

Linda - posted on 08/01/2012

As long as they do nothing sexual its ok, believe it or not it would be good for your kid to have a boyfriend it boost's self considense and the boy might be good for her

LARRY - posted on 07/29/2012

THIS IS A VERY BIG DEAL. THIS BEHAVIOR IS UNACCEPTABLE.. SHE SHOULD NOT BE TALKING ABOUT DATING ,,, THATS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR HER AGE. MAYBE WHEN SHE'S OLDER

LARRY - posted on 07/29/2012

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! SHE IS A CHILD... SHE STILL HAS ALOT OF GROWING UP TO DO MENTALLY.. EMOTIONALLY , AND PHYSICALLY.. YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS BOY AND HAVE HIM OVER YOUR HOUSE AND GET TO KNOW HIM AND HIS FAMILY OVER DINNER. THEN AFTER YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE YOU CAN TAKE HER AND HER FRIENDS OUT TO A MOVIE TOGETHER ,BUT SHE SHOULD NEVER GO ALONE WITH ANY BOY AT THIS AGE IT'S TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE.MAYBE WHEN SHE SHOWS MORE RESPOSIBLILITY AND TRUST IN HER LIFE MAYBE WHEN SHES 16 TEEN AND THEN ONLY WITH SOMEONE YOU HAVE KNOWN AND MET AND HAS BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE AND YOU HAVE MET HIS FAMILY. THEN MAYBE AS A GROUP SHE SHOULD GO OUT. AND IN A PUBLIC PLACE ALWAYS..

Emma Rose - posted on 07/27/2012

It really depends on the maturity of your daughter! Mine is 14 and she is dating :)
Dating doesn't always = sex. My daughter's boyfriend would have to be one of the best things that has happened for her because she hasn't turned into a disobedient brat that sneaks out at night to go and mingle with boys and you know why?
Because we talked about it! Parents these days don't talk to their daughters! They set all these strict rules and boundaries and we all know that when you do that, as soon as they're free they go crazy and do everything in one big hit. Let teenagers be teenagers, let them face tough situations because it's going to give them life skills! You can't shelter them forever.
I think really, you all need to open your eyes and realize that not all girls are going to become little (mind I say it) sluts and if they do, it's your faults for not talking to them!

When I underestimated my daughter she proved me so wrong! The other day when I arrived home from work I heard laughing and giggling coming from the lounge, in all horror I crept up, opened the door - not too see 'hooking up' or any of that stuff but the two of them hysterically laughing over study notes.
That just proves that yes there are immature teenagers that sneak out and do bad things but with the bad there's such a good side too! I'm so proud of my daughter and all that she has achieved. She can balance school grades and a boyfriend because we have talked! We have talked about balance and rules!

Remember when you were a teenager?

Talk to your girls, you're their mommas! do your jobs! and remember that not all teenagers are bad.

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

As a christian mom, I truly want what is best for both of my children. I was allowed to date at 14 & car date at 16, but that did not stop me from having boyfriends starting at the age of 11! I have told my children they can date at these times as well. My daughter who is now 13 (& might I add is already in a D cup)-( she blossomed early, but my husband and I have always been honest with her about how & what little boys are thinking!) has had a boyfriend, but he is the son of family friends, their relationship was strictly hanging out w a parent around close by. They go to different middle schools, have broken up for now and decided mutually that they would try again in high school. They are still friends!! I really do not see the the problem with the "dates" being supervised. If they both know the consequences of rules being broken,& we can talk to our children making sure that they know we are there for them. I pride myself in the fact that both of my teens feel comfortable talking to me, about EVERYTHING!!! I know that they do things that they think I don't know about, but truth is I always know where my children are, who they are with, etc...!!! I know I rebelled against my dad when he said I couldn't date...yeah right! I found ways to see my boyfriends. I was a bad girl to an extent. I didn't find Jesus until I met my husband, we were high school sweethearts. My dad truly liked him, & his parents considered me a part of the family from the get go. We have raised our children under God. I'm very proud of both of my teens!!! Oh by the way both of them (my 15 yr old son, & 13 yr old daughter) have asked for purity rings!

Sarah - posted on 07/11/2012

Supervise it! set boundaries, strict rules with consequences. Take her phone away if she disobeys etc. Most of the time at this age the kids just want to hang out with other friends. Saying NO! may cause her to rebel. Hope you can pray about it & talk to her about all dating entails! GOOD LUCK!!

Connie - posted on 07/11/2012

allow but let they talk on the phone somtimes if it get serious tell her its going to far she is 13 let her spread her wings but not to go to far

Francine - posted on 07/11/2012

No way! That's way to young. keep her home. lol

Chaya - posted on 07/09/2012

When I was 13, I went out with a group of kids, usually 5-6 to go rollerskating, to movies, the mall, They stayed in public and together. There's safety in numbers no matter what. These days, kids should have a cell phone, preferably with a camera. If someone causes a problem for them, they can take a picture of the person and their licence plate, if necessary.

Trina - posted on 07/08/2012

it has always been my belief that if you hold on to the kids and not let them experienced life on an appropriate level then when they do get out they really get out. the best thing thing we can do as a parent is talk to our children and pray for them but you got to loosen the strings, these kids spend most of their time at school with other kids this is a big influenced on them . dont make your child hide things from you. some of you on here said your child could not have a boyfriend until 16 really? THAT IS 11 GRADE. in another year this child will be gone away to college dont send your kids away too sheltered they are usually the ones who lose their minds with partying way too much.

Jamie575 - posted on 07/08/2012

i agree with that
they will have the bf , even if you say no. best thing is just watch them and let them earn your trust.
when i was 12 I would sneak around since my mom would not let me have one, i was very lucky i did not end up preg.
child do it just because you tell them no.

Chaya - posted on 07/05/2012

My daughter started going out with a boy when she was 12, I didn't like it, but I have no room to speak. They were chaperoned on all dates by either me or the boys mother. The bad news is that they were alone together a few times, not a good situation,the boyfriend was abusive, I didn't hear about it until a year later. We had to tell the other mother, who defended my daughter. The abuse wasn't necessarily serious, the boy hit my daughter. His mother sent him to a psychiatric facility. I'm not in contact with the family anymore, not for lack of desire.
You can't stop the child from having a boyfriend as much as you try. I'd recommend allowing it, but only supervised only by one of the parents. Keep it in public, bedrooms are not okay, movies aren't okay except if you're there as well.

Jemima - posted on 07/05/2012

just coz somebody says NO NOT UNTIL 18! it does not mean that you can stop love. love is powerful. if she is actually reallly in love, then do not stop it, let her be. but do not be stubborn and argue with the power of love, it's a sensetive emotion.

Ruth - posted on 07/05/2012

No do not alow it only at 18