MY DAUGHTER IS 13 & WANT'S A BOYFRIEND SHOULD I ALLOW IT OR NOT?

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Scarlet - posted on 10/29/2013

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I must say that i allowed my daughter to begin dating at the age of 13 this was based on her maturity and grades. These are vip things to consider overall.

Lisa - posted on 10/16/2013

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This is a tough issue. One I'm faced with for the first time today. I told my daughter she could have a boyfriend at school and text/message him, but no going out on dates until high school. Even then, the dates will be supervised family outings. This boy seem like a very up standing young man, but lets face it- they're both teens with raging hormones. I know from personal experience things can get out of hand very fast. I have two daughters. Once they are old enough to drive, I'm considering letting them date on their own. I will still demand an itinerary for the date and reserve the right to pop up where ever they are at any time. It is a hard balance- showing them that you trust them and protecting them from the pressures (sexual) that can occur with dating. I want them to have the experience of young love and I don't want them to be so cloistered that, as soon as they turn 18, they go wild. I am already trying to figure out how to handle the inevitable break-up. Thank you all for the different views on the matter. It helps to hear what other parents have to say and to know that I am going through something other parents are going through. I like this ladies perspective and, ultimately, it helped me decide how I want to proceed.
http://www.hampoland.com/2011/03/05/let-...

Maia - posted on 09/14/2013

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Ok I know this site is for moms, but I'm going to give you an answer from a 16 year olds perspective... First you need to check what she means by "dating" because sometimes kids just mean being able to call somebody their boyfriend, and give an occasional kiss on the cheeks... If that's all she wants then go ahead, but watch out because it can get more intense really fast... If she wants more like a relationship where you go out on dates, the I would say no, my mom gave me the rule that I can as soon as I get my license it doesn't matter if he's got it, but when I get it I can go out on a date... This I believe is not being an overprotective parent, it's being responsible... There are so many ways that teens can get around their parents and then they will have to break the news that something happened to them... It's not for certain that something will, but condoms don't always work... And the worst thing for my mom to have to go through was when my brother had to tell her the news that at 17 he got a girl pregnant.

Deborah Ridgely - posted on 09/09/2013

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Ummm... let's think aboit this for a minute... How can you date someone unless they can drive you somewhere??? Seriously! And, do you really want your daughter dating a guy that cannot independently support a child? Come on, moms! You are just asking for a teen pregnancy. Things can get serious pretty fast ( first date ). Talk to your teens before they are teens about these things. My children won't date until 18, and they understand the responsibility. They only will date the person who is a serious contender for marriage. They agree with our standards and that is a safe place for them. Hormones and feelings should not control your teens actions. Let them understand all the responsibilities of a relationship, and decide with wisdom rather than peer pressure and hormones.

Aileen J - posted on 09/05/2013

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If you had asked me a week ago I would have said yes but having held my daughter as she cried after a six month loving relationship broke up out of the blue I would say they are too young it is too intense

Jackie - posted on 08/21/2013

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13...I say no way...reading posts and hearing people say don't be overprotective...somebody needs to be protective...13 is too young and the last thing you need is a pregnant teenager...kids want to grow up faster these days...but they are not ready yet.I would say no and keep my eyes on her...check her cell phone periodically to make sure she is not going behind your back...

Jennette - posted on 08/18/2013

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Yes I think you should. My daughter is just
Turning 13 and has a boyfriend, yet it sounds to me like they don't really talk as much as usual boyfriends and girlfriends do as much as older teens do. Sometimes all of their friends hangout and have some parties they never go over to eachothers houses alone this is why I'm ok with it the only time they talk is at the parties,school, and over he phone I'm pretty sure this is usually how "dating" is in junior high

Jessica - posted on 08/05/2013

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I just don't like the fact that my 13 year old hide things from ME. I always tell her talk to me don't let me find out

Vanessareverheart - posted on 07/30/2013

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yeah don't be over protective they are teenagers they are going to do what u tell them not to

Vanessareverheart - posted on 07/30/2013

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i honestly think that u should let your child have a boyfriend because it's just a learning experience so let them try it!!!!!

Holly - posted on 07/23/2013

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Yeah , I have13 year old twin daughters , one has a boyfriend but I no they won't do anything stupid together and they are never alone as her twin sister is they and she is very protective over her

Kendra - posted on 07/14/2013

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NO NO NO to young to have a boyfriend maybe. A friend that come over and hang out but they should not be left alone way to young to understand. The emotional conciqunces of a relationship.

Joy - posted on 07/09/2013

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My 13 she have a bf she have sex at my home am ok was it

Tiffany - posted on 07/02/2013

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Don't be over protective......... Just make sure they know about some outcomes of having a relationship. If you don't let them they will do it behind you back. Plus if you dont you should just forget about your relationship with her!!!

Claire - posted on 05/28/2013

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When mine was 13 she had a school bf who was her age and nice and polite. He would eventually come over for dinner and spend time with her at our house. They are both now 16 and truly in love and committed to each other (at least as much as any 16 year olds can be.) They are both responsible and get good grades in school and she is on bc now and they use condoms. I know if I'd try to stop their relationship they would just go behind my back. There are times now that I like him better than I like my daughter lol but they are good kids in a serious relationship.

ASTRO - posted on 05/19/2013

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If you don't allow it (w/ conditions of course) she's only going to do it behind your back and then all open communication goes out the window which in my opinion is the most important thing to have with your teen daughter..

Sarah - posted on 05/05/2013

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It depends on how mature your daughter is. My daughter is right now at the age of 13. She is very mature. She is respectful and I trust her. If she were to ask, I would probably let her have a boyfriend. Of course I would have to meet the boy, ad maybe the boys parents.

Robin - posted on 04/25/2013

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No. To be honest, I think being friends is enough at that age. Having the status as a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend', in my experience, tempts teenagers to have sexual relations.

Rosa - posted on 04/24/2013

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Hi, I am 19 and my little sister is 13. My mum went through the same thing, I am out of the house, in college, living on my complete own. When I was 13 my girlfriends and I, of course, would talk about "the cutest boy in school," but never had any inclination on "dating" him. It shows how different kids are these days. There are 15 year olds who have had 6+ "boyfriends," and already having sex... it's sad. Corrupt. My mom said to my little sis: you can "date" him, but gave her the sex talk. She also met his mother and they made sure to set ground rules. (don't leave them alone, escort them on "dates," etc.) I also talked to my sis, because I know I have influence on her. I told her exactly how I felt about the situation: not good(I'm very protective), but also to be safe, make sure if you don't want to do something, you make it VERY clear to him. And what do you know: two weeks later they were "broken" up. My little sis said: "Boys are just plain stupid. He wouldn't let me hang with my friends, and I'm not okay with that." Good job sis! lol I hope all went well with you!!

AndyandBelle - posted on 02/19/2013

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How do you intend to stop it? You can't go to school with her. Make sure she knows your dating rules and that even if she does "pair" up with a BF she isn't allowed to date, etc.

Loreli - posted on 02/02/2013

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Thats a total lie - i'm not sure where you live but here - we have 13 yr olds who are pregnant. so wheres the shyness? peck on the cheek - HA not if they are pregnant and have to bring their baby to daycare in school just to get their education!

Loreli - posted on 02/02/2013

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in my opinion NO - a boyy who is a friend of the family is one thing - but a boy friend?? unless you and his mother are on the same page about not leaving them alone and such - this will certainly end up in them having sex before they are ready - no matter how much you preach to them about not having sex.

Karen - posted on 01/28/2013

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Just a comment to the someone saying kids are too shy to do anything at that age that was said....my 13 year old tells me so much about what's going on with kids in her school. She refused to go out with a boy her age because he told her he wasn't a virgin. And another in her grade is pregnant. Don't be fooled that they won't have sex, you just have to talk to them about it and stay involved in their life!

Beauty And A - posted on 01/26/2013

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Are you kidding me? If your a Mother and have a teenage 13 you should let her date and let her be free you dont need to be checking up on her 24/7 shes not a baby anymore shes 13! Let her live alittle let her learn and learn about life and from her mistakes. let her feel what dating and love is about she wants a boyfriend let her try to see what shes getting herself into. She 13 years old and whats to learn about the world and what ''boyfriend'' means it means you got to love him like all you do is talk, hug, kiss, hold hands and no sex only if they wanted to but it wont happen at this age trust me she would know whats best for her. And hey im 14 years old im a girl i aso have a loving caring kind hearted boyfriend he is my everything im so happy were toghther we see each other go on dates talk cute kiss hold hands somethings we talk sexual but not bit and its because were teenage were learning and i do love him very very much with all my heart we been dating for 3 months now and everything is going perfect we had little silly fights but noting big or bad we always made up and forgot about it and moved on his my best friend his alwyas hhelps me and is there for me i couldnt ask for a better boyfriend his the love of my life and yes my mum does know i have a boyfriend and shes very happy for me and tells me things and checks up if were going on i love my mum because shes not a stuck uo rude ass mum she lets me be free anfd do what i want unless its not silly let her date LIVE because you ONLY got ONE TIME TO LIVE your life than BOOM! its all over. xoxox trust me its the right thing for her :)

Lillie - posted on 01/26/2013

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At 13 you should not allow her to date, you should not allow her to have boys in her room (especially with the door closed) ---but I would suggest not in her room at all, and there should ALWAYS be supervisor nearby. Just keep reminding her he is a "friend" and she is too young for "boyfriends"... But be realistic, at 13 in her mind, if there is a "he" -- he is her boyfriend. Sometimes girls at that age are looking for away out, so don't be afraid to be firm... that way she can use you as an excuse if needed. Other times they are having their first crush, and need you to make sure they don't get hurt. Get to know the boy, invite him over as a friend. You need to know where she is, who she is with, and when she will return, and check up on her now and then just to keep her guessing. Don't hesitate to contact the parents of the person she is with to verify... .if the parents turn out to not be trustworthy, make sure any future visits are under "your" supervison. Pay attention to what she does on the internet, on a cell phone, who she hangs out with and what they are doing. But make sure she knows you love her, and if you trust her, make sure she knows it, but make sure th trust is earned. Good Luck!

Kale - posted on 01/26/2013

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what i am planning with my daughter in the future when she feels she wants to start dating is explaining this to her the reason for dating is you searching for your future husband so if you arent ready to get married yet, then your not ready to be dating.

Harriet - posted on 01/20/2013

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Before I say anything... I am not a parent I am a 15 yr old girl

Let her have a boyfriend, I've had my fair share and it's not like they doing anything at that age... the most they'd do is hug or a quick peck on the cheek. Girls and boys are too shy at 13. It's an experience and a bit of fun. Just make sure she tells you about her boyfriends, and then she'll tell you more in the future...

Girl - posted on 01/19/2013

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Why not tell your daughter why you won't allow her to have one?? she deserves to know.. plus.. you should trust your daughter.. you keep telling her to treat you as a best friend but if she tells you about some guy she likes you wont squeal like their real best friends.. you'd even give them a whole lecture! come on!

Alice - posted on 01/18/2013

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You should have let her a long time ago! Thirteen is very old for a first boyfriend! Let her live a little...

Alice - posted on 01/17/2013

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i don't think you should be deciding that for her at this age. It is important to give our children a little freedom so they become more independent and don't always rely on us as mums. What you need to see is that if your daughter doesn't start to grow up and become that young woman that she will one day be, then it will only make it harder for her. My daughter is also thirteen and has a boyfriend named Lewis who is a lovely boy. Now, I don't know what they get up to but that is there own decision. I know, and you will too, that if you have raised your daughter well enough then you can start letting her make her own decisions and they wont be bad ones. You have got to let her make her mistakes so she can learn from them.

Lisa - posted on 01/16/2013

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girls and boys do that even earlier nowadays. my youngest is in 2nd grade and says all the girls want him to be their boyfriend. as some of the other mom's stated. they just do that for the name of it. they dont usually hang out after school or go and do anything else except at school. possibly kiss. this is normal and so normal and part of growing up. i will say this is also the big challenge for you mom. because now is the perfect time to have a talk with your daughter about appropiate behavior. that girls are powerful with or without a boy in their lives, and how boys are going through changes in their bodies also and so may ask you to do things that you have the power to say no. also important that she never go anywhere with the boy to where she might make herself unsafe like the school basement. and yes i would talk all about sex. sex sex and talk more about sex. she probably knows but let her know from an adult...GOOD LUCK

Karen - posted on 01/15/2013

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I can only post my own experiences with my own 13 year old, and 10 year old for that matter. My oldest has had several boyfriends, but only one that was semi serious. I met his parents, actually became friends with his mother. He was allowed to come visit her at our house, and she to his. BUT, there were rules. They weren't allowed into his bedroom because their lived in a two story house and his mom didn't want that responsibility (don't blame her). He had two sisters that also chaperoned their visits which consisted of watching tv/movies, playing video games, or skate boarding outside with other friends. At my house he was allowed over. Usually one or both of his sisters came along and my youngest was around. I have a one story house and her bedroom is right across from the bathroom so heavy traffic goes by her door. The rule for him in the room was: 1. the door had to stay open at all times 2. they both weren't allowed to sit on the bed at the same time. If one sat on the bed, the other sat on the floor 3. my daughter knew what was acceptable behavior with a boy. That was the big one. She knew they could do a quick hello and goodbye hug which they always did in front of me or his mom. She was allowed to hold hands, but she really didn't like it because his hands were always sweaty (LOL) , no kissing, no arms around her shoulder. Honestly, to take a picture of them together I actually had to ask them to scoot closer together on the couch for the picture and then she shoved him to the other end as soon as the pic was taken. My youngest has a boyfriend now. She has been to the movies once with him and his parents (G rated) and played outside with him and other friends. But I trust my daughters. I read my girl's text messages and emails. My oldest came home from school last year and said mom I need to talk to you. The current boyfriend (not the one that came over) at the time was bothering her. She said he sits with me at lunch and keeps trying to put his arm around me. I told him to knock it off but he won't. We talked about how it made her feel about him disrespecting her. She went to her room on her own and sent him a text, then showed it to me after she sent it. It said, we have to break up because you can't keep your hands to yourself and disrespect me when I ask you to stop and you keep acting like a perv. I was so proud of her for standing up for herself. I've always been straight with her and told her as long as she follows what I feel is acceptable "dating" behavior for her age I will allow her to have boyfriends. When she is old enough to do more, such as kiss, then I'll let her know (which will probably be never! hehe). I am very proud of her so far for respecting herself and her body. I think it helps that her father also has open conversations with her from a "boys" perspective. Telling her that boys will tell everyone if you do anything with them and they are only after one thing and will tell you anything to get it. It grossed her out that he was talking like that to her, but it also got her attention. I think parental controlled dating/boyfriends at 13 is a good way to train them how to behave before they are 16, driving, and able to do more alone! BTW, I got a good laugh when I found out the boy that she sent that text to about him not being able to keep his hands off her....his mom read the text! :) The only advice I'll give you is keep an open dialog with your child about dating. Ask her what having a boyfriend means to her. Is it just to be able to say she has one, like other girls? Does it mean chatting or texting on the phone after school with him? Does it mean kissing or holding hands? Find out why she wants the boyfriend and what she hopes or expects to get out of the relationship status. As long as she feels she can talk to you, you will be able to have the most influence on her!

Sonya - posted on 01/14/2013

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My 12 year has a boyfriend. They have been "dating" (which is see each other at school, his Mom took them to dinner and a movie once..rated "G") for over a year now. They have plans to get married, move to Michigan, get an apartment and he is going to propose while they are watching Family Fued. They have it all planned out. lol. If you forbid the "boyfriend" they will still be secretly "boyfriend and girlfriend". Take this opportunity to teach your daughter to get the respect she deserves, handle boy drama and all the other little girl drama that stems from being in a relationship. Last year, I laughed at the whole thing..thought it was cute. But now that she has "blossomed..and I mean double D taller than me over the summer, I freaked out about the situation. Thought the boyfriend would pass. But I have taken every opportunity to talk to her often and be straight with her about the hormones, and love and yes..even sex. You can't keep em from growing up, but you can help them through it. Be there for her. Allow the word boyfriend, but actual dating, that is another story.

Lady - posted on 01/06/2013

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yes and no! yes:you should let her have her own time with someone to talk to and hang with.before you know it shes going to be dating and whatever no matter what you say! no: i mean like think about it be prepared to hearing her go on and on about him day and night! also if she gets her heart broken you will be the one up for the consequences of cheering her up! and if you notice skipping,change in behavior,failing in work,or other possible things as well,then dont allow anymore! DONT LET HER ACTUALLY GO OUT SOMEPLACE WITH HIM!YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT HE COULD BE PLANNING! hope it helped you!!!!!!!

Julia - posted on 01/06/2013

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No too young! Keep her active in sports and church.she has her whole life for boys and eventually men!!

Genell - posted on 01/05/2013

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at the age of 13, is a age of discovering, and young people are trying to fit in and they want to be approved and learning to relate to their peers, and they are trying to figure out who they are.So, I would say "no" not during this age.I think they should be taught about boys and learn how to keep them at a distance and be kind to their friends, but should forcus on things that would allow them to move ahead in their schooling and and the things that helps them not to be distracted in any way,

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

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Now for all you that said no, re-read what you had to say and put common sence into it, then answer me, but only if you had a basic Q&A with your self under the related events that have, will, and did happen with any 13 yearold, also, please dont ask this kind of stuff, 92% of 13 yearolds more than likely have a boyfriend, also shes 13... comon really? I dont get the big deal, let them have there time, if not, common sence will take over and youl want to ask your self "Y did this happen with her" bla bla ive alrady seen it dozens of times and it dosent seem to fail.... Jest let her have a boy friend, my god its not the end of the world if she gets one, but with the rules set up on her, it jest might be the end of the world by the time shes alowed to get one tho -_-.

Trol - posted on 01/05/2013

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Now for all you that said no, re-read what you had to say and put common sence into it, then answer me, but only if you had a basic Q&A with your self under the related events that have, will, and did happen with any 13 yearold, also, please dont ask this kind of stuff, 92% of 13 yearolds more than likely have a boyfriend, also shes 13... comon really? I dont get the big deal, let them have there time, if not, common sence will take over and youl want to ask your self "Y did this happen with her" bla bla ive alrady seen it dozens of times and it dosent seem to fail.... Jest let her have a boy friend, my god its not the end of the world if she gets one, but with the rules set up on her, it jest might be the end of the world by the time shes alowed to get one tho -_-.

Alejandra - posted on 01/02/2013

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What will having a boy friend entail?
if it's someone she will text ocassionaly not a problem, but if she wants to start going out or hanging out on their own, this might lead to early intimacy.

I believe that the younger you are exposed the sooner you will start playing the game.

Maggie - posted on 01/02/2013

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Okay at 13 my mom let me have a boyfriend we held hands ate lunch together at school and oovooed he also came ove to my hose and e just hung and a played games and i do that with a bunch of my guy friends because I hangaround guys more than girls and if your daughter wants a boyfriend let her let her be who she is because she prolly will do it behind your back anyways at 13 we want to have 5 things 1.we want to be pretty 2.we want to be fit 3.we want to be popular 4. We want to hang out with friends 5. WE WANT TO HAVE FUN let us don't hold us back we are teenagers we don't know the world we can do so much and ocomplish so much we are our own person. Like and dislike hat we want and want to do amazing things and travel and get out of the world be because we how our we supposed to love , live , have something to look back on when where 47 and think wow I had a amazing life BUT HOW WILL THEY DO THAT IF YOU DON'T LET THEM BE WHO THEY ARE AND BE FREE AND HAVE FUN ???

Maggie - posted on 01/01/2013

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Let your children be who they are god gave you the precious gift of having beautiful children because he knows you will make good desions for them but if you don't let them make any life desicons then who will they be ? AND DON'T TALK TOA CIRCLE OF MOMS ABOUT IT ! TALK TO YOUR DAUGHTER SHE'S YOURS YOURS FOR A REASION TALK TO HER ABOUT IT AND THEN YOU DESCIDED

Maggie - posted on 01/01/2013

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Your daughter is 13 and she wants a boyfriend because she likes a buy and it's not like they have a car and have sex wha the heck? Where ? There 13 no offince but it sounds like you need to trust you r daughter more. IF YOU TRY TO KEEP YOUR KID IN A BOX AND NOT LET THEM BE THEMSLEFS 70% will got depressed and make bad life desicoNs later on or become your cone you need to let your daughter be who she is

Sheri - posted on 12/31/2012

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Find out what her idea of a 'boyfriend' is first. Then decide. It could be that its just a boy to sit with at lunch and hold hands with. Maybe you are making more out of this than she would. Talk to her about the many different levels of boyfriends at different ages. Don't always think the worst without getting all the answers...you will never make til she's 18!!!1

Trina - posted on 12/31/2012

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i think having a sit down with your child boy or girl first is very important but telling them no wil not change the fact that this is a part of life. it is human nature to like a boy at this age and if you dont allow it ( with boundaries of course ) then MOST of the time the kids will do it behind your back anyways because its what they see. i speak from experience as a basketball coach i did allow my daughter to have a boyfriend at 11 but i first sat her down and explained what a boyfrind means at this age and what not to do but some of the girls on my teams were not allowed to have a boyfriend yet in my car around me , because i was the cool mom i heard all the stories about the boyfriends they were hiding from mom!!!!!!!!!!! and guess what because they did not have that parent to go to they were very misguided by their peers so parents please talk to your kids, pray for them, and be the parent they can trust enough to come to

Michelle - posted on 12/30/2012

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I cannot say there is an exact answer for this. For me it would depend on your daughter's interpretation of a boyfriend. When my daughters were 13 they both had boyfriends, but the most they ever did together was see each other at school, talk on the phone, and text. Most 13 year olds in my experience just want the title, nothing more. Of course, I would place strict guidelines and expectations on all parts of this relationship. Having a "friend that is a boy" at this age is normally innocent, but then again it depends on the child. Not allowing your daughter to claim a special boy as her boyfriend will most likely alienate her from the other kids at school. At 13 you should be able to closely monitor any activity between the two and it is a great way to start laying down expectations and guidelines for future serious relationships. How is a child suppose to learn what is acceptable and not acceptable in society if we don't allow them to grow up. Of course this is only acceptable to me if you completely intend on limiting the activities between the two to innocent friendship activities. We all experienced puppy love at this age and that will never change, if anything kids will start younger than we did. Parent involvement and supervision is the only way to raise kids to know right from wrong and sheltering children only ensures rebellion at some stage in their teen years.

Tammie - posted on 12/30/2012

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I don't think at 13 they have the knowledge what really dating is about. As far as I would go if she is in High School to eat lunch with each other and occasional phone call every other weekend. Stops at that. No friend dating, etc..,that's when very young girls get in trouble.

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