my daughter is 13yrs old & caught her smoking & she has admitted to all she wants to do is have sex & have a baby. She is seeing a coucillor at school & out of school i don't know what else i can do she enjoys lieing & being the centre of attention. PLEASE if you got any advice it would help me deal with this.

Dawn - posted on 04/05/2012

1st off....I wouldn't jump into the birth control just yet! All it does is give her the "OK" to do it. Even if she's telling her friends about it, doesn't mean she's really interested. Talking with a counceler is good, but sounds like she really needs some mommy/daughter time. "Listen" to her & find out why she's feeling this way. You may be surprised what you hear! As a mom of teen girls myself, Remember...There's no such thing as too many questions. I might drive them crazy, but it sure does work! lol!

Shawnn - posted on 04/05/2012

How much one on one time do you spend with her? This, to me, resembles the same type of ploy I've seen over and over again, and it's a cry for attention.



but if she really thinks she's serious about having a kid, then you can start this way: Find a friend with a young (under 6 months) baby, and have her be "in charge" of that baby for a weekend. SHE has to feed, diaper, bathe, clothe, diaper, bathe, diaper, feed, get up at 11, 1, 3, 5 am to deal with baby's needs, diaper, feed, bathe, clothe...LOL...you get the idea. This is a method that works WONDERS by about the 24th hour. I have actually prevented teenage pregnancy that way, when my boys were babies. I had the girls stay with me for a weekend, and they were "it". They couldn't come to me for help, and they couldn't assume that I'd automatically come get the baby if it needed me. I DID supervise them the whole time, and laughed my butt off (in private) at their dismay that it never ended.



She's lying to get your attention. She likes to be the center, and she feels that you are not paying her enough attention. You may be, I don't know, because I'm not there, but that's what she wants. I seriously doubt she really wants to have a baby.



having her volunteer at a local museum, shelter, library, etc and restricting her activities is another thing I'd recommend. Generally, I've found that young girls who want to become sexually active are seeking, again, attention and approval, which can be found in many more healthy places. If you do have something like Whispers of hope, go that route.



Best of luck

Jennifer - posted on 04/04/2012

take her to planned parent hood and get her on birth control and show her std pictures make her meet people with kids who are young

Penny - posted on 04/04/2012

Is this all of a sudden ? She seems kind of young to want to do those adult things like smoke and sex. Who is she hanging around with ? Birds of a feather flock together you know.



It's very difficult to analyze your situation from 3 or 4 sentences. Life is complex, but I was somewhat like your daughter. Smoking at a very young age ( my father smoked ). I was having sex very young as well. I did not wish to have a baby though. I turned out OK. Quite good as a matter of fact. As long as a child has been taught right from wrong and has not been totally ignored they will probably sort it out themselves... eventually.



first things first : you MUST put her on birth control and teach her about std's NOW



She might want more of your attention (although she would not admit this ) . Try to spend as much time with her as possible doing things like : making cupcakes > playing cards or a board game > shopping > grooming a pet > anything relaxed where she might open up to you a bit more. You will have to be very stragegic so you don't push her away since she is in the defiant mode now.



enforce rules like curfews - phone time - homework - chores so she is accountable.

sometimes kids want you to say NO > you can't go to so and so's party ! It's their way out

without losing face.



Pay very close attention to her friends and if they approve - disapprove of her new behaviours > is she losing old friends > making new friends > this can tell you alot about where her head is at. Is she following a boy / man she wants approval from ?



How about you > is there a new man in your life ? What's going on that she might be rebelling against ?



They just don't come with a manual but at least you are reaching out. Good Luck !

Lisa - posted on 04/04/2012

It seems that she is trying to fit in to a group of peers. Negative attention is still attention. Find something, anything that she is good at...Music,Art,and get her involved over her heels...ha ha I have a 14 year old daughter who was going through the same thing. She is now involved in Whispers of Hope, and helps others with the use of horses. It gives her a sense of pride and self esteem when she can see that she is important and can make a positive change in someone else's life. Good Luck