MY DAUGHTER IS POSSABLY BI-SEXUAL

Felicia - posted on 05/13/2010 ( 107 moms have responded )

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I WAS CHECKIN MY DAUGHTERS FB AND SHE HAD A CONVERSATION GOING AND I READ IT AND IT SAYS SHE WAS DATING HER FRIEND WHICH IS FEMALE AND I ASKED HER ABOUT IT AND SHE SAID SO WHAT AT LEAST U DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME GETTING PREGNANT ANY SUGGESTIONS ON WHAT I CAN DO ???

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Jen - posted on 04/26/2012

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1) Turn off Caps lock
2) Stop reading her Facebook
3) Chill out
4) Accept her for who she is.

That's all there is to it.

Sarah - posted on 05/15/2010

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My daughter also says that she's bi. Even tho she's never tried to date a girl. I told her that I dont' care who she dates as long as she's happy. She didn't like it tho when she wanted to have a sleepover at a girl's house that also says she's bi. I told her that if she is bi then the rule about sleepovers with other bi or les girls have be the same as the rule about no sleepovers with boys. She didn't like it but she still has to obey it. Just love her for who she is. It may be just a stage or curiosity or trying to fit in with her friends.

Good Luck!

Nichele - posted on 05/16/2010

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Explain to her that although that may be societies view on things it isnt right by God's standards. She may be too young to know exactly how she feels. If you believe in God show her the scripture that shows why homosexuality is wrong.

Shana - posted on 05/16/2010

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I think you should sit downand talk with her about what she thinks "BI " means. I know alot of girls talk that way at my daughters school, but they have never actually ever date nor been sexual with another girl. It seems the popular thing now, I don't get it personally. But you know the youth tends to bend towards what is shocking, outrageous, and rebellious. None the less I think it is very important to make sure she knows that a baby is not the only possible consequence of being sexually active. And being with another girl does not protect her from STD's as it will from getting pregnant. She needs to be very careful of the choices she makes now as they may have long term consequences. Our kids are so unbelievably sexuallized its a real shame!!!!!

Tracy - posted on 05/14/2012

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I have a similar situation as the OP and there are many thoughtful responses on here. But one sentence struck me the wrong way from Patricia " But God doesn't like it and in his eyes its a sin." The WORST sin is to purport to know the mind of God. What are you? His secretary? No one knows the mind of God.

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Ike - posted on 11/08/2013

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Anonymous are you talking about someone who says they are Transgender or you talking about a lesbian? Either way Do as the bible says Treat others as you would like to be treated. Be open & honest with "Him" who knows your husband may discover "he" loves guy stuff as much as he does. LOL "he" may know more about cars than hubby or be able to discuss the finer points of Football. Be honest but respectful. Ya never know you might find yourselves out & some Jerk decides to be a jerk towards your daughter & her "friend" Only to have you or your husband step between them. I've seen it happen many times.

Ike - posted on 11/08/2013

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Jennifer Greene A question would you rather have a live happy teen or a dead one? How bout one who grows up leaves for college & never speaks to you again?? Yes the bible speaks out against homosexuality TWICE Once to the Ancient Israelites & once to the Early Christians. HOWEVER What did Christ say was the SECOND GREATEST Commandment you should follow? Are you doing this when you act the way you are? No one can "Make" you be something your not. No one can make a Straight person gay or a gay person straight. Oh and did you know New York City Elected a Man to be Mayor who has a LESBIAN wife? Maybe rather than reading two bible versus you should try & read the WHOLE book. Five years from now you could be sending a healthy happy bisexual daughter off to college OR She could walk ou the door never to return. your choice.

Ike - posted on 11/08/2013

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To think back in the 60's Parents discovering their princess was dating "A Black" or "A Mexican" Today it's another girl. No doubt your daughter's generation will face a similar issue as this. My suggestion is treat this other girl like you would treat a guy. Explain that same sex relationships are just like any other & have the same issues. Now bisexuals are interested in girls AND boys. If she's only interested in girls then she's a lesbian. That point you should stress as well. I'd also talk to a minister at a Metropolitan Christian Church Maybe go with her to one of their Sunday services.

Jennifer - posted on 11/07/2013

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My 13 year old daughter is confessing to her friends she is bisexual as well on facebook. When I asked her about it I was stonewalled, but never denied. As a Christian, she knows my stance on this subject is biblical and tells me even if she was she would never admit it to me because she knows what I think and feel about it. Sad thing is she is a Christian as well, but feels God made people this way and the Bible is wrong on this one topic. My heart is breaking for her and I have no clue how to handle this. Since 90% of her friends on facebook are either gay/bi I took facebook away for the rest of the year to help minimize the influence. Then I found out the boy she was dating was really a girl with a boys name-because she wanted to be born a boy. I am so far in over my head. Please help!!!

Anonymous - posted on 09/13/2013

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I just found out the same thing about my daughter and I am devastated. Except she is seeing a girl who says she is a boy. It is very hard for me and my husband.

Samantha - posted on 06/28/2013

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Um, nothing? Because she is her own person and sexuality is not something you can change about someone in any way.

Lisa - posted on 04/25/2013

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My daughter is bysexual and i dont have a problem with it but her father and her step-mother doeas going to the school where the two girls attend and causing a problems and all because am going to love my daughter reguardless they are trying to stop me from seeing my children its bad enought he has tempory coustudy of my children but these girls dont need the hassel of my ex and his new wife causing problems
what should i do i need help

Chaya - posted on 04/16/2013

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My daughter told me she was pan, and has had girlfriends, she tells me she wants a boyfriend now, things could be changing.

Helen Maisey - posted on 02/11/2013

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Well just let her be who she is. Maybe she's just bi curious. Maybe try to invite her gf over and see how it goes.

Chaya - posted on 02/10/2013

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You can't "Pray the Gay away." It's been tried, some states have criminalized those programs because they don't work, they are expensive, and they occasionally either cause or a major factor in the "patients" sucides or attempts. It makes them feel like failures. Why? so some uber conservative parents can tell their friends they tried. I know plenty of successful gay people. They are my friends because we go to the same church, or they play instruments I play, they like murder mysteries or wizard rock. The fact that they are gay isn't an issue, it doesn't need to be.
I've lost children to accidents and terrorism, I'd rather have them in my life gay than deceased. It's not worth alientating your children over.

Helen Maisey - posted on 02/02/2013

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Well let your daughter test it and she's if she likes dating girls cause I'm also bisexual. But when I dated a girl it wasn't as good. It was a short relation ship

Sue - posted on 10/23/2012

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We as parents need to love our children no matter who they love.I went thru this with my brother and sister in law when here daughter told them she was gay.There first instinct was to kick her out till she came back straight.I had a talk wih them and let them know that this is who she has been forever.We all knew it.Be thankful u have a daughter here that is being honest with u about how she is and feels.

I lost my daughter at the age of 10 to cancer and I would so take my daughter back gay then where she is today..Fighting over if they are gay,straight or Bi is stupid.. cause u never know when or if that day may come when tjey are not here.

Let her figure this out and always be there for her.

Chaya - posted on 08/28/2012

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I know the thread is more than a little old, but why do you have to do anything? She is what she is, you're not going to change it

Julie D. - posted on 05/21/2012

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@Pat Bible tells me I should keep kosher and leave my village and go hide out somewhere separate during my period too. Not too many Bible-believing women doing that. Howcome people aren't as obsessed with these transgressions as they are with things like sexual orientation?

Julie D. - posted on 05/21/2012

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First, please turn off caps lock. It feels like you're shouting. Thank you.

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Accept her dating choices, support her in times of difficulty. There will be times when she will be upset by others who are hateful, spiteful, jealous, or just confused by her sexuality. She may experiment with dating women, men or both. Teen years are a confusing time for everyone, parents and child alike. All you can really do is support whatever choice she makes, be there to talk if or when she needs you. Hug her a LOT ! Hugs to you, Lisa !

Pat - posted on 04/27/2012

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there isnt much you can do. she will have to her decisions on her own and if you push her, she may push back that much harder. hopefully she will outgrow it. i think girls these days think if they see someone who is attrractive and think, wow.. that they are bisexual... keep an eye on her. either way she is a little young to be getting involved.. thats what i tell my daughter...

Ashley - posted on 04/15/2012

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The first thing is going through your daughters fb is wrong. She needs to feel like she can trust you. Having a realtionship full of trust with your daughter is one of the main things. There is nothing wrong with being bisexual. Girls don't just say it because it's 'cool'. I think some of these generations are learning to become more accepting and open to everything so that's causing more girls to be more open about their feelings. Don't overreact and over think anything because this is perfectly normal.

Tina - posted on 02/11/2012

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I think you're handling things just fine. Whether you're straight, bi, or homosexual. You still have to live by rules they're there to proctect her. No matter what your preference there is risk of STD's people think there has to be penetration but that's not the case. By all means support her, let her date but also inform her of the risks of being sexually active no matter what her preference. Homosexuality isn't wrong. They have just as much chance of having a long loving relationship as anyone. Absolutely anyone can enter into a relationship for the wrong reasons.

Lichelle - posted on 02/10/2012

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Being gay or bisexual is NOT a sin. You don't CHOOSE to be gay and that is the most ignorant thing I have EVER heard. It is actually a "different" wiring of the brain, and people are BORN gay. "christians" like you need to stop judging others. GOD will be the one to judge, so keep YOUR opinion to yourself.

Lichelle - posted on 02/10/2012

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Don't be judgemental, just be there for her.. you can't change it.. and maybe it is just a phase! Just don't make her feel bad about it, it's who she is.. and she is a teenager, she is still figuring out who she is.. she is learning,experimenting and discovering herself.

Jerusha - posted on 02/08/2012

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The people that tell you that you should not check her facebook are wrong. Children should not be allowed to use the internet freely. The internet activity of everybody under 18 should be moniteored. It is just plain wrong to let children use the internet so freely. It is just plain wrong for a parent to not be checking their children's internet activity. A parent should be logging onto their children's social networking accounts every now and then to see what their children are up to. Many children do bad things on the internet, and it is because of irresponsible parents that don't check their children's internet activity. You did right by checking your daughter's Facebook. Keep up the good parenting.



As for her sexuality, in this day & age, bisexual females are not only accepted but also encouraged. Even the girls that really are not bisexual say they are bi. Lots of girls experiment with other girls. She is right when she says at least you don't have to worry about her getting pregnant. Teenage lesbian sex may just be more safe than girls having sex with boys. Kids are going to experiment with that stuff. It could be an experimental thing. It could be a phase. Or it could be she prefers females and may always prefer females. Let her do her experimenting. Let her go through her phases. If it is a permanent thing, then it will be time to decide what to do about it. But until then, just let her experiment and go through her phases, and see what happens. And never stop checking her Facebook and all the rest of her internet activities. Good job as a parent.

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Individual sexuality in today's day and age should not be cause for concern. We are who we are, and we make the choices in life based on that. If your daughter is dating a girl, you should accept that just as if you would a boy - make sure the person she dates is a responsible and loving person. The only difference between dating a girl or a boy is whether the possiblity of grandchildren is imminent. I have a son and daughter who will make their own choices in life, and I will respect those choices if their partner is a good person. That's what you should concentrate on. By the way, I do applaud you for checking your daughter's facebook page, as long as you were honest about it. I think parents need to keep up with their children's friends, in person and on the social network; we might avoid some of the other Columbine type incidents.

JuLeah - posted on 06/24/2011

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What outcome do you want? STI's can still be had, so make sure she is educated about that.

Meet this girl, get to know her. If your daughter likes her, odds are you will too.

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It probably came as a real shock, but you have got to show your support or she will rebel. Quite a few of my friends are having similar issues with there 16+ daughters. It seems to be very popular these days and I think with more and more celebrities labeling themselves as Bi-sexual its made it more acceptable. All you can do is be supportive and see what happens. We cant choose our children's paths in life but we can accept and respect their choices.

Kelli - posted on 06/22/2011

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if i was on my deathbed i wouldnt ask this so called "god" to forgive me for being myself. dating someone of the same sex doesnt mean its a sin

Jennifer - posted on 03/23/2011

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Your daughter may or may not be bi. It is kind of trendy these days to say you are bi, but some people really are. I have two sisters and one is bi and the other is a lesbian. The most important thing for them is that their family accepts them and loves them for who they are. I suggest doing some research on the topic so you will be well-informed for when you talk to your daughter. She needs the same kind of guidance and support from her mom whether she is dating men, women or both.

Angela - posted on 03/23/2011

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Don't push her just let her know that your there for her , its just a thing a lot of kids are going through those day, god my daughter is married and i found out they are into the swringers thing but i learnt with her as a teenager's dont go daggers and horn as it only make it worse .

I learnt that its only me that gets stressed out about it and not her .

[deleted account]

I know people have different beliefs on this subject, but surely you'd want to support ur child no matter what?....
I'm a christian & I go to church, but if one of my son's came home one day saying they were gay or bisexual, I'd support them. Just my opinion.

Julia - posted on 03/22/2011

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First of all--is it that you have a moral objection to your daughter's preference? If you do, then you need to take the time to figure out which is more important to you: your relationship to your God or your relationship to your daughter. Because your daughter will assume that that is the choice you are going to want to make, even if that's not the case.

Second, think about how your daughter is feeling. It takes a lot of guts to have a relationship that a large segment of society says is wrong. You should think about how strong your daughter is and perhaps maybe you should be proud of her for being true to herself and her girlfriend.

Third, your daughter is probably waiting for you to judge her. If you truly feel OK with it, let her know that you are not judging, that you love and support her and trust her to be able to choose a partner. But also talk to her about recognizing situations like mental abuse, which can happen in same-sex relationships too.

Just be there for her and show her you love her. That's all she wants anyway.

Shawnn - posted on 03/16/2011

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And, ladies, I'd also like to point out that the Bible does, in fact, say that homosexuality is wrong, but it also says that it's not ours to judge.

So, everyone using the Bible argument, that's fine, until you start making it personal. By saying that "i don't agree with their choice", you are making it personal.

Personally, I believe that homosexuality is against God's wishes. However, I also believe that God created each and every one of us, and pronounced "it is good". Therefore, and according to the Bible, those who have sinned only need ask forgiveness, and mean it with their hearts, and they shall be forgiven. What that means to me, is that if my brother, who is homosexual, on his deathbed says "Father, forgive me for my sins", and means it truly, in his heart, then he shall be forgiven and allowed to sit at the right hand of the Lord.

I think that we need to leave the Bible out of this. The OP did not ask for the biblical opinion, but for the human opinion, ours. If we can express that without being insulting or calling each other out (and I won't name names, but the ladies doing the calling know who they are), then I would say we've had a successful discussion.

After all, we are all adults, all moms, and all here for some level of support.

Shawnn - posted on 03/16/2011

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I honestly think that more women experimented with this as teens than may be willing to admit. I know I did, and if I was presented with the situation again, with the right lady, I would again. Does that make me bi? I don't really think so, especially since i've been happily married for 20 years, and enjoy sex with my husband. (if that was TMI, I apologize ;-) )

There are several reasons she could have posted that, only one of those reasons is that she is. And, if she is, well, honestly, what's wrong with that? Being in a sexually satisfying relationship can be just as important as anything else.

I know, I know, she's only in her teens...but most teens are active, whether their parents know or not.

She's probably upset that you read her FB page, if you and she hadn't addressed the whole internet privacy issue. But, you need to ask yourself this: "If my daughter is truly bi or homosexual, does it affect my love for her"...If the answer is yes, then you need to see a therapist. After all, you should always love your kids. No one says you have to LIKE them all the time, but the LOVE should always be there, and be evident.

Marina - posted on 03/11/2011

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She is still your daughter even though you may not like or approve of her actions. All you can really do is be there for her, you can voice your opinions or objections on the matter but don't alienate her by condemning her choices. Let her know that you will always be there for her if she needs you.

Julie - posted on 03/11/2011

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Ok well SORRY Jane....I WAS NOT even talking about YOUR post on THIS topic.....so let's not get it twisted....I was referring to a post I made on the same subject, different mom. I didn't go through and read everyone else's post before I posted mine bc I chose not to. I posted MY thoughts on the particular subject at hand and left it at that. NO ONE criticized you for YOUR beliefs/opinion so please don't criticize me bc I DO NOT agree with yours. I am entitled to my opinion as you are to yours. NO ONE should be blasted just bc someone else doesn't agree. And I DO NOT disrespect ANYONE, gay/lesbian included. I treat everyone with respect regardless of sexual orientation. And in regards to my cousin, her girlfriend was apart of the family, they bought a house together etc,etc,etc...things just didn't work out in the end. They went their seperate ways and she was single for a few years and met her husband now at a friends party, they hit it off and are still together today. So, sorry.....all families are not the way you think. Just bc we don't aprrove of a loved ones choices in regards to their orientation doesn't mean we love or respect them any less. I didn't like my brothers choices in regards to girlfriends but I didn't love or respect him any less.

Jane - posted on 03/11/2011

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First of all, Julie…I wasn’t even talking to you but being gay is not a choice. Everyone who is religious believes that people choose this life style and they don’t. They are born that way. And yes, it is “accepted” and it should be. The gay/lesbian community are loving, caring individuals who deserve to be accepted as part of society and deserve to be respected just like any OTHER human being. I you want to believe the way you do, that’s fine but what I find sad is when people talk about “saving the soul” and placing guilt on parents that should not be there. Your cousin might have so many reasons why she’s the way she is now versus the way she was back then. I’ve seen situations like that and MY experience who has many family and friends who are gay, is that the person was guilted into living a lifestyle they are not truly born to live but if they didn’t, their family disowns them. I’m not saying or accusing you or your family of that with regards to your cousin…what I’m saying is that it happens a lot and more than you’ll ever know.

Julie - posted on 03/11/2011

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I think being gay is waaaaay too excepting these days. It just seems like the thing to do. And if you are truly a christian then you should know what the Bible says. I have my beliefs so please don't bash me for them as in another post. I am not being disrespectful by any means. I am not disrespectful to gay/lesbians in public but I am NOT accepting/approving of their life choice. And you're daughter just makes it seem like the thing to do,right now....could it be a "phase"? Or lifelong? Who knows but I am not talking out of my butt by any means.....I do have personal expeirence with my cousin who thought the lesbian lifestyle was for her when in the long run, it truly wasn't. She is now married with a daughter and is the happiest I have ever seen. I am sorry I guess my advice/opinion isn't what alot of people like to read/hear just as I don't like to hear/read of how accepted being gay is in society today but I just have to respect that it's someone's right to their opinion and feelings even if I disagree.

Jane - posted on 03/11/2011

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Patricia - please don't post this on my wall (Its spritually wrong ! How can you encourage people to accept this in their children? ) and not give me the opportunity to respond to you by blocking my ability to do so. I encourage it because I DO NOT BY ANY MEANS BELIEVE it to be spiritually wrong. I 100% believe people are born that way and if you believe in God, then it means He created them that way. I am sorry but I am so sick and tired of people thinking that gay people choose to be this way. Why in the world would anyone choose to be criticized, condemned by the religious brain washed and beaten in hate crimes? Be realistic please...feel what you feel but I encourage people to LOVE their children for who they are because that's what parents do...unconditional love. What you said below is just mean and hateful even if you don't mean it to be. To tell a mother that she better be worried about her child's soul is probably one of the meanest and unsupporting things anyone could say to a person. I find you to be insensitive and yes, offending by your comments.

@ Felicia...I will say it again...your daughter is your daughter...it doesn't change who she is. Love her and accept her for who she is!!!!!

Patricia - posted on 03/11/2011

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Being left handed or right handed is not a sin. I hope I am not offending anyone on here but I feel very strongly about this subject.I don't hate anyone for being gay or whatever My husband has an uncle a cousin and a nephew that are all gay. It makes no difference to me personally. But God doesn't like it and in his eyes its a sin.So if you are worried about this person's soul you better step up and tell

them the truth whether they want to hear it or not.I love my daughter no matter what thats the reason i tell her the truth.I am trying to save her from sin.So I guess if you don't believe in God then it makes no difference if their gay or bi but if you do believe then you better be worried about your soul.

Patricia - posted on 03/11/2011

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Well I would take it seriously as there tends to be a sensationalization about gender these days. I think its because of all the publicity these days about gay rights an such.Its making it appear COOL to be gay these days. I am basically going through the same thing at this time. I am against it in the moral and spritual sense.I am very upset about it. Talk to her calmly and get some fact if she will share with you.

Beth - posted on 01/05/2011

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First you need to examine your feelings about homosexuality. It sounds like you are a bit freaked out right now, and perhaps aren't reacting the way you will wish you had when you go back and look at your behavior later.
OK, your daughter has a girlfriend. She may be just experimenting, she may be into girls, or she may be bisexual...will that make her less your daughter? Will your feelings change toward her if she is not heterosexual? Can you be supportive and realize that her sexual preference is just one small part of who she is now and who she will become. Be glad she has found someone she feels happy with, she's not out there doing drugs, failing school, breaking into homes and robbing people, beating up people or being a bully, drinking herself into alcoholic stupors every night, or any of the myriad things that teens can do to be self-destructive.

I have mixed feelings about you reading her FB. Would you like her to read your diary, or listen in on your phone calls to your best friend? I bet not. How about affording her the same respect and privacy you want for yourself. It is different if it is posted on her wall, but don't break in and read private messages. She should have felt comfortable enough to come to you on her own terms and own time and discuss this with you, but instead you forced the issue and may have pushed her away.

I think you need to do some damage control, go tell her that you love her, and whatever path she chooses relationship wise you will love her the same,that it is much more important that she grows into a healthy, responsible and intelligent woman than what her sexual preference is. And the other posters are correct, it is very much more accepted to be open about gay and lesbian relationships in school than it has ever been, thank God! My daughter has quite a few friends who are gay couples, in fact, she went to her senior prom with a gay friend because they had both ended long term relationships and wanted to dance the night away with their friends! The pictures are adorable and they had a blast!

Love your daughter, be supportive, and let her spread her wings. If you try to cage her, when that door does open, she will fly away from you and you'll never get her back.

Karen - posted on 01/05/2011

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so? she is still your daughter what difference does it make if she is "straight" bi-sexual" or "gay" does it change who she is? how much you love her? the person she is?

Mandy - posted on 12/13/2010

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My daughter, 15, also has made that statement. It doesn't bother me because teens these days change their minds every other day. I wouldn't worry about it and just support her choice. Good luck.

Suzanne - posted on 12/12/2010

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I am seriously brand new to this site BUT I saw this post and have to tell you I have been through this same thing. This is the "cool" thing to do now a days and if you start looking around on sites a lot of the young girls are doing this, I am not sure whats cool about being a lesbian or not being a lesbian but it can be a form of attention from both boys and girls. In my daughters case she is dating a girl and has been for a while now. She previously drooled over every guy and male actor and dated boys. Right now I am not sure what her permanent status is but all you can do is try talking with her, allow her to make her decision wisely, and dont alienate her support her. Most likely it is a faze but even if it isnt she is still the same daughter that you know and love. Hang in there and just try talking to her - which I know can sometimes be pretty hard.

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