My daughter is sweet and beautiful to the outside world but disrespectful at home. HELP

Margaret - posted on 06/16/2012

Thanks - I know this is part of the growing up process. I react bad when she reacts bad - ug!! Sometimes when the relationship seems all one-sided and add-on to that disrespect and rude behavior -- I loose my cool and re-evaluate what I am doing with her. And second guess myself for all the things I am giving without requiring any ounce of working for it from her. Once I had the heart to heart I think I got my daughter back. Maybe it was she was exhausted - around friends who are in the same "me, me, me" stage as her and she just needed some reminding. It also maybe that a small part of me is having a hard time letting go. I'm going to be on top of the behavior but still give her freedom to grow and feel she is independent of me.

Yeah - doing this myself as a single mom is definitely not fun many times and there I times I want to say "here YOU do it ..... I need a break" and walk away get refreshed but I can't. AND not having another parent to bounce things off of - thats why this site is perfect!! Thanks for all the comments.

Carolyn - posted on 06/15/2012

I feel it's the age of blossoming from within themselves and they turn into this conk shell when it comes to the parents.... They want to feel their in control of self now because they turned the legal age......Even though they put up this tough persona with you....always know she wouldn't know what to do without you. Being a single mom is tough.......don't take it too personally, however stand your grounds when it comes to her disrespecting. As long as parents are flipping they bills we are still responsible and is when consequences still can pay a price if they don't follow the love and respect of the home. We all need to remember to speak with our hearts at not our minds.......... Stay far from building additional problems, and seek the solution that will work for all...........

Kristin - posted on 06/13/2012

Margaret,
Yes you are right this culture and society today is breeding a lot more selfish kids, it is sad really. There is no sense of a work ethic anymore with young adults and kids. Parents in my neigborhood look at me strange because I actually play outside with my 2 younger children and I give all my kids chores to do. My oldest is 16 and he tends to think only of himself from time to time and is constantly on the computer or phone or runing out the door so I make him stay home 2 nights a week unless he has to go to work and he has to do his chores and get his homework done before going anywhere. I had my oldest son young myself and I was still in the selfish stage with him as well and he was told no quite a bit and he had to learn to work for things, but you know I still raise my youngest 2 (6 and 1) the same way. I do not do everything for them as I am not always going to be there and I want my kids to have a work ethic and respect, which is not easy in todays society. Biggest thing I find is communication and talking calmly on how you feel and what your expectations are, Like I tell my oldest son MOM does not mean servant, I am here to guide you, support you and love you not do everything for you and have you walk all over me. Not saying it always works because it doesnt but my oldest one is pretty good he works part time is an honor role student does his chores (sometimes i have to give him friendly reminders) and helps with the younger 2. Unfortunately, our kids are going to grow away from us and have their own lives with their own kids (which is sad i know) but I think once they become more mature and wise they do quit thinking of only themselves. We hve to realize as well that they dont neccessarily always mean to be selfish, they just dont think lol. I am glad you and your daughter had a good heart to heart and hope it gets better, which I am sure it will.

Margaret - posted on 06/13/2012

Thx Kristin. I had a huge heart to heart with her and after we somewhat battled. When I got her back from beach week and after being around her friends - seems like this culture we live in breeds selfishness. Whenever we go away on vacation and friends aren't a factor I get the girl I remember at 12/13. Sweet, fun, interacting well with us. Maybe she was exhausted from the week away but I think laying it all out on the table plus taking away things that she lives for - her phone, our old car etc made her really think about her behavior. At least for yesterday!!! After our big conversations she hung around the house, got all her things done, offered to help me -- and gave me more hugs and actually interacted with family besides just asking for more things and running out the door. And making it all about her. Maybe I just have to keep reminding her that THIS is what I expect. Only have a few months before college. And yes - I did tell her after our argument when she got home that now that she just turned 18 I am treating her like an adult. I will no longer help do all her things and hover. All the to-dos and paperwork that needs to be done/sent in before fall she has to do I gave her a list of all the things and said its up to you. We'll see how long this lasts. But gosh the me,me, me behavior I can not stand!!!

Kristin - posted on 06/12/2012

I think it is normal teenage personality, especially if you did everything for her her whole lilfe, She takes you for granted and she has never really had to worry about anyone else, If she is rude and disrespectful to you than i suggest ignore her and quit doing things for her. If she asks why your not speaking to her or doing things for her simpoly tell her your dont do things for people who do not respect you or your home and that you will not be taken for granted, Mom does not mean servan to our children and stand your ground or kick her out.