Patti Anne - posted on 08/02/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )
I became ill with Severe Depressive Disorder for about 3 years. There are basically two kinds of Depression; 1) Clinical/Biological Depression, which I had, and 2) Situational Depression. The first type is biological and it can happen to someone who is very happy with his/her life. What happens in this case is your brain doesn't produce enough Seritonin, Nor-Epinephrone or Dopamine. These are chemicals your brain produces to keep you on an even keel or to just feel normal. Situational is when a person suffers a painful loss, but eventually learns to accept it.
My severe Depression hit when I was the happiest I had ever been. I had a wonderful life caring for my lovely children. I became so depressed I couldn't care for my children, so the children lived with their dad. I suffered for years fighting this horrible illness and eventually out of desperation I was interviewed by Psychiatrists and became a canidate for shock treatments, ECT. Unfortunately the treatments did not work for me. While I was fighting the feeling of not wanting to live while at the same time wishing to be a mom again and to be emotionally well for my children. During this awful time my ex-husband decided to make it official and dragged me into court and made it legal that he had temporary custody. I have been in and out of court for 3 years and it has been 4 years since this started and I still live without my children. I have been back to my old self for at least 2 years now. But, my ex wants full custody and has lied about me to eveyone: the kids, court, court supervisors and some former friends and just about anyone he comes in contact with. My ex-husband is rich, distinguished, cunning, charming and has an ability to make people like and trust him. He has weaved a story of me that he has designed to make it impossible for me to have my children live with me. Everyone I mentioned he has convinced I am not well, and he is believed. This may sound like a story of sour grapes, but it is not. My 13 year old daughter has not slept at my house once in 4 years, because she does not feel comfortable. I get no goodnight calls, Mother's Day Cards and I am not told of hospital visits or school parent teachers meetings, to name a few exclusions. I am better emotionally than I have ever been. I have many good friends and family who have watched in awe and disbelief as this very real drama has unfolded. I was just told by my son who is 20 that he has lied for his dad to the court who has asked him questions about me. I can't imagine the guilt my son feels about throwing his own mother "under the bus.' I am treated as less than by my ex-husband and he is the hero who has saved his children from a mother who is not right in the head. I have more common sence than most, and I am a woman of character, kindness and I am a good mother and friend. There is much more to this story but, I started to write and now I am too tired to keep typing and I could not possibly paint a complete picture of this never ending bad dream. I have excepted, well almost, that my children won't be living with me anytime soon, or more likely never. The grief was so hard to carry but I have come to terms with it, sort of. I have had 3 attorney's and fought my best to change things, but I have decided to wave the white flag for a bit. I must stop...I will return at another time ♥