my rebellious 16 yr old daughter

Cindi - posted on 04/29/2012

If I could have posted something....this is exactly what I would have said. Someone please help!

Kricket - posted on 09/09/2010

I feel your pain my 15 almost 16 yr old daughter plays the blame game,our family therapist said always take the high road it's really hard,state your need take the trash out, do your homework and then remove yourself your daughter will come around but she is not allowed to abuses you during the process always keep this in mind and remember to always walk away no matter what

Kimberley - posted on 09/04/2010

She needs counseling. She needs love and compassion as well. Find her help before it's too late. Good luck. I will pray for you both.

Cheyenne - posted on 09/04/2010

that sounds like my sister and my dads relationship. she balmes my dad for everything. he has given her so much and she is so disrespectful to him. over the years i think he has learned to just not argue with my sister because you will never win. but now my sister is 18 1/2 and shes out of control. shes having sex with 40 year olds and hanging out with older people and drinking and doing god knows what. she currently stated she is moving out of my dads house and into a womans house she has known for maybe 6 months. my advice: just do the best you can. work with her. you dont want to have a relationship with your daughter like that. i know its hard i've lived with it. my brother abused the crap out of me thats why i moved out at 17 because my parents didnt do anything about it. and they let my siblings do whatever they want. just give it time. maybe go to family cousneling? i didnt help with my family because we had bigger problems but it might after awhile.

Ali - posted on 09/01/2010

oh come off it it's not about blaming mum if you divorced her father it is your fault at the end of the day and she will rebel against you its not something she asked for. stop smothering her leave her give her space!

Michele - posted on 09/01/2010

I to have a 16 yr.old daughter who is rebellious,mouthy, and defiant. My daughter also blames me for every thing and never takes the blame for any wrongs she should does. Also her father and i are not together either. You did what you had to do for your self and your family when you got a divorced. Don't feel guilty for the divorce. Don't let her abuse you verbally or physically. You have rights as a parent. Your daughter needs cousleing and the both famiy cousleing. As for any physical abuse you have rights on that to.

Wendy - posted on 08/26/2010

This is so true. My 17 year old daughter just, un-announced, moved out. My x-husband-her father let her just do this without setting a boundary for her to talk with me about it. He has always talked down of me and blamed me for the divorce which then influenced our 2 daughters. I tried to play the bigger parent and supported the girls working through their issues with their dad. Especially when he was pointing the finger at me. Now my 17 yo daughter is pulling this stunt and he is playing the card that she has a right to decide where she wants to live. Unfortunately she is manipulating him and he is letting her to prove its me. I hate saying this, althought my heart is aching, there is this sense of relief. You just get so tired of the drama. She never had a consistant thought in her head. She'd twist things, scream and throw tantrums just like her father. No matter how calmly you talk to her, listen to her, even when she was mad at the other parent, somehow it was my fault. Her father yells, swears, and has the mentality of do as say not as I do. She does this to her boyfriend and friends. Is negative and critical of people, talks badly of them and is rude, disrecptful and yells. Now financially she expected me to give her what she wanted and got to the point where she was demanding it. Funny thing, she'd come to me when he dad would not give her these things.But only get mad at me when I said no. My house was the least restrictive and now she at her fathers where she can't have a picture out of place. I say good luck with that young lady. So in dealing with giving her space, there's the fact that I still have to deal with her father. He is now all righteous, saying that she has been unhappy for months but claims he didn't know she was moving out of my house. Then he shared that she discussed it with her counselor who agreed with her decision. Maybe the responsible thing to work on her decision but not to cut me out of her life and not say a word. When my daughter wanted to move out of her dads at 15 yo, I set the boundary to work on her issues with her dad in counseling, and that she couldn't just run away from her problems. I didn't give her an out. But he did and thinks this is okay, cause I'm the bad parent. He, who never financially provided or spent time with his daughter until the divorce. Then was always given his long weekends up with them until he started his new family. What's horrible is I wouldn't talk about the divorce with my daughters and he has been, and all I would say is there are 2 sides to every story. Cause I wanted to role model being the better person. How did my daughter get this trait from him of lying, twisting the truth, and having a bad temper. This whole thing is ridiculous.

Maria - posted on 07/21/2009

Give it time. i know it won't be easy and at times impossible,but belive me it WILL be worth it . I went through a very simalar situation that lasted about 8 or 9 months. I tried listening,ignoring,yelling ,crying and at times it seemd like nothing worked. Please hang on to your faith and give it time.

Camille - posted on 07/20/2009

Been there, still there....My 17 year old daughter has moved out several times. She KNEW that I wanted her home. So, the last time she came back, she had a VERY disrespectful attitude. When she didn't like the rules and decided to leave again. This time I told her that I had had enough and if she left, not to come back. It was very hard and broke my heart (again). She left and I did nothing to get her back. She was on her own, thinking about her future and it scared her. She is home now with a much better attitude and with respect. Just let your child know that you love her but that you can and will not be disrespected any longer. The main thing to do is to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY! Yes, therapy will help too. Good luck!

Kathy - posted on 07/20/2009

I have had simailr problems with my 16 year old. She started hanging out with the worng crowd and began to sneak out and not care about the family. (we have younger children too. One night she was determined to sneak out and my husband followed her every time she left the house. She got reallly mad and finally went to bed (she did not want Dad in on her "fun". The next morning Dad had to work and I was home with her an the other kids. I noticed once she got up that she was packing a very big bag (including CD's etc.) and was worried about where she might go. I called an out of state relative and she lived with them for almost 5 moths. She just got home again and she says things will be different. We'll see...

Ann - posted on 07/20/2009

my daughter gets very aggressive too she will not look for a job or even get out of bed until she has too her father and i are at our wits end. cannot find a way to get her motivated at all . she has no communications with anyone except her sister and when she goes out and gets completly blind drunk and out of control

Teresa - posted on 07/18/2009

Ive been where you are. Believe me it will get better in time stay with the therapy.My daughter is 17 now and my nightmare began at 13 with skipping school hanging with the wrong people. She would blame me for everything. Her dad has never been involved so what she wanted to say to him she couldnt ,so I got it because Iwas there her dad wasnt. If at all possible involve your ex if not let scream cry whatever,remember more listening .This difficult stage is a step towards greatness.Best of luck

Deborah - posted on 07/18/2009

I am in the middle of the same thing with my 16 yr old. We are still working on it so I do not have all the answers. We are trying a combination of counseling, immediate consequences for bad behavior, saying it once and not repeating, trying to avoid yelling, church youth group, etc. It is very hard but we feel we must stay the course for the entire family. As for the counseling, make sure you get one that truly believes parents are in charge and doesn't undermine your parental authority. We fired one due to such undermining. The 2nd one is fully behind the parents but also took time to fully assess the history and current situation so as to develop an appropriate approach. The parents come in as needed and we do get suggestions, some of which are hard to hear but needed!! If we knew the answers, we wouldn't be there. As for consequences, find something she loves and take if away, such as the car, rides, and cell phone. After a serious and ridiculous incident with her, we sold the car we bought for her and will not buy another - ever. She will be allowed to buy one with her own money when she is 18. She no longer gets rides to school but has to take the bus every single day. With the cell phone, if she won't give it to you when you ask, call the company and have it disabled. I believe Verizon charged me $15 to disable a phone for up to 90 days - well worth it!! She had to earn it back by being respectful - no screaming, swearing or threatening - one week the first time. You may have to do it several times as she learns you are not kidding - the rules will be followed.



Our philosophy now is that she has no rights or privileges in our home except for food, medical care and a roof over her head. She has to earn all other privileges. She gets rights and makes her own rules when three things happen all at one time: 1) she is at least 18 and graduated from high school; 2) has her own home; and 3) makes enough money to fully support herself. Democracy exists on the other side of the front door - not inside our home. She doesn't get a vote.



Good luck.

Jamie - posted on 07/18/2009

is her father involved?

Gloria - posted on 07/17/2009

You know sometime's our kids dig in on what they can get away by using the blame game. Don't yell, keep focused, stay stern. I can't imagine what would have happened to my daughter had I not kept fighting for her life. Counseling is a very good idea, but it's hard to get your kids to go when they are being so rebellious. Catch her by surprise if you can bring someone over from your church to talk with her, so that you at least get your concerns out to her without her fighting not to listen. Don't be afraid to cry if you have too. Show your child that you love her and no matter what you are stronger and you are going to stay on top of it.

Regina - posted on 07/17/2009

Honey you must go back to the old days if she abuses you physically, wear her behind out... And as for the break up with her father if she seen him abuse you and you've never done anything then maybe she feels that she can do the same thing.. Let her know that you two are adults and let you handle it and you let her know who is the mother and who is the child..Take nothing off of her

Toni - posted on 07/16/2009

Been there done that...Two boys - Therapy, therapy, therapy....

Sandy - posted on 07/15/2009

I have 4 children. A son of 21, another of 18 1/2 and one of 12. Then I have a daughter who has just turned 17! I thought raising teenagers was a piece of cake until last year when my daughter started being very rebellious. People warned me about the boys, but they haven't been a handful at all. Is it just a girl thing?

Josephine - posted on 07/15/2009

i thank you all for your ideas and yes will look into getting her in youth group, i did as a teenager, i absolutely loved it, i just hope they have one near me....

Anne - posted on 07/14/2009

Most teenage girls go through a rebellious stage they are at a hard stage in there lives no longer a girl but not a woman. But we still treat them as kids my girl became alien to me for almost 18mths i didnt know what to do with her at times.My sister who has no children told me be patient she will get better and she did .She is now perfect and im very proud of her.

Cherie - posted on 07/13/2009

God Bless you, hang in there! I went thru this with my own daughter, and it wasnt from a divorce or anything like that, it was the teenage years, you have it worse, going thru the teenage stuff and the divorce. I know you cant see it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you that!! My daughter was rebelious, running away, talking back, just really trying anything to show she could do whatever she wanted and didnt care what the concequences were. My girl is now 19 years old and a totally different person than she was at 14-16. Just hang in there and stay consistent, keep up the therapy and get her involved with a youth group if possible, whether she wants to or not, it will be okay!!

Bridget - posted on 07/12/2009

Stay w/ the therapy. I never really had this issue w/ my son but if he did get lippy, I would ask him do I talk to you like this, then why do you think you should be able to talk to me this way? I worked really hard @ listening and not letting him push my buttons. If he said anything that freaked me out, I would take a deep breath, try to keep my face expressionless and count to 10 before I replied.

Josephine - posted on 07/12/2009

she is in therapy she has seen the psychologist twice and i've also booked her in at families relationships to discuss with the social worker our problems so that hopefully we will have a better and loving relationship like mother and daughter

Laura - posted on 07/12/2009

Yep. Therapy and getting her involved with GOOD kids. She's getting the wrong kind of support from her friends or she wouldn't have the guts to attack you so.

Maureen - posted on 07/11/2009

Wow...Me too, me too....exactly, exactly & exactly. Although we have our precious moments that I treasure, Wow exactly. I tried for many months to get through this on my own, taking the blame and feeling guilty as hell, but knowing she is hurting and willing to do what ever I can for her, she is now in therapy. She bucked me on that for a long time saying that she does not like to talk about her feelings especially with a stranger, we (her dad finally got on board-my son is in therapy as well) gave her no choice. I told her she was going even if she just sat there and listened to the pyschologist, she was going to go talk to someone! She has been to 4 sessions and our precious moments are more frequent. Hang in there, and good luck. You'll do the right thing! Trust your mommy senses.

Kathryn - posted on 07/11/2009

Spiritual counseling and lot's of prayer for yourself. God will handle it

Maria - posted on 07/11/2009

Therapy... and make sure he is there to support her as well. My daughter is 17 now but it is a phase they go through "hating mom" & "blaming mom", why because it's easier than facing at that age.