My son has decided that he would like to move out at the age of sixteen to reside with friends...... What should i do?

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Tuesday - posted on 05/19/2009

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Wow talk about a rock & a hard place.....but I would sit down w/ your son & have an open~session, heart-to-heart, w/ him & ask him WHY? he would rather reside w/ his friends than @ home & ask him to list the pros & cons of living @ home & friends, & then maybe a "lightbulb" will appear(while making his list;) & he'll decide to stay home w/ a loving mama & hot meals!!....lol I wish the best for you!!

Amy - posted on 05/22/2009

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Oh good lord! Every kids wants to move out at sixteen, I remember trying to talk my mother into it. An overbearing mother wouldn't let him go out with his friends at all(without her). I'm sorry, but I think that we are letting our teenagers get away with way to much these days. They are teens, not adults! Did you know that the part of their brain that handles impulse control isn't even fully matured until they are atleast 18? I don't care how responsible or mature you think your child is, they are your responsibility until they are 18, out of high school and can function on their own without you! Keep them and love them as long as you can.

Carol - posted on 05/20/2009

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I dont know what state you live in but where i live, a teenager cant move out without getting emancipated. The requirements for getting emancipated are:you have to have a job sufficient enough to support you and you have to have a stable place to live, which the child has to be able to have proof of. If I was you, I would make it clear to your son that if he takes these drastic steps, that he better be sure its exactly what he wants. As hard as it may be for you to do, dont leave your door open for him to come back or he wont learn anything from it. Hope his helps.

[deleted account]

A friend of mine went through this with their son and what she did was lock up the kitchen and told him to buy his own food, didn't do his laundry or cleaning for him, made him pay rent, utility bills, cell bills, etc. let him come and go anytime and did not bother him at all for three weeks and by then, her son was so broke, dirty and felt so stupid that he never asked about moving out again until he was getting married.
It might sound harsh to a lot of you, but it worked and made him love and respect his parents more than ever!

Jenny - posted on 05/18/2009

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Sounds good to me!!! Only joking... Cant imagine my lad moving out in a years time.. Got no common sence! Would prob make him appreciate me a bit though. . Kids got it far too easy.. They might just realize that the dirty clothes thrown on bedroom floor dont magically appear back in wardrobe all clean n ironed by themself... Wouldnt worry.. x

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Lori - posted on 05/22/2009

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well if he is giving you attitude and fighting with you over it....let him move out. give him a good taste of....let him see what it is like to have to pay bills and do everything for yourself. i bet within 1 or 2 months he'll be asking to move back home.

Kimberly - posted on 05/21/2009

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I would sit down 1 on 1-make a list of untilites, cell, food, clothes, rent and minus it from his income if any. Also tell him that he must keep in mind that by law you are responsible for him and his wellbeing. In 2 years you will re-evaluate it. 16 is too young and especially if your soon doesn't have a HS degree

Debbie - posted on 05/20/2009

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Quoting Caroline:

Hi, I left home when I was 16 my mum said it was my choice. I lived in a shared house with 5 other people ages from 16-26. I lived there for about 6 months but then moved back home cause i hated not having any money, But I'm so glad that I experienced the independance and I learned a lot from it, I think you should tell your son how you feel but let him know that if he chooses to move out that he'll always be welcome home, If you put you foot down and demand that he stays at home it might cause arguments and then he'll leave anyway. Hope this helps, xx


This is exactly how i feel.  My daughter moved out when she was 18, which i still thought was too young but i helped her do it and 6 months later helped her move back home with much more empathy for all that is done for her and a maturity others her age didnt have.



 



My  16 year old son wanted to move into a shared house with his friends .... i said fine as long as you can afford it alone and have a plan of work/ college and said i would help him formulate his plans ... one and a half years later he is nearly 18 and still living at home - all his mouthing and big ideas scared him in the end and i came out looking to him as a great mum cos it was his choice to stay!



 



My advice to you would be to be realistic, they may be children but they are not possessions and do have minds of their own, just help them and save them when they need it!

Caroline - posted on 05/12/2009

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Hi, I left home when I was 16 my mum said it was my choice. I lived in a shared house with 5 other people ages from 16-26. I lived there for about 6 months but then moved back home cause i hated not having any money, But I'm so glad that I experienced the independance and I learned a lot from it, I think you should tell your son how you feel but let him know that if he chooses to move out that he'll always be welcome home, If you put you foot down and demand that he stays at home it might cause arguments and then he'll leave anyway. Hope this helps, xx

Laura - posted on 05/11/2009

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i wldnt... till 18 ur choice... i did n wish hadnt...but.... i didnt have much choice so........xx hope all goes k x

Tara - posted on 05/11/2009

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My question is the same as Mary are there adults where he's going? If so you need to sit them down and talk to the adults. If they say he's not welcome to live at their home then he might rethink his decission!! Or have them lay out a bunch of rules and he will soon realize home doesn't seem so bad.

Angela - posted on 05/11/2009

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do all you can to keep him at home!!! If he leaves call the police and say he's a runaway, they will bring him back home. You are the parent, i'm going through the same thing with my 17 year old, however in the state of MO at 17 he is aloud to leave home and not be considered a runaway, however I am still resposible for him. I said hell know and got the papers for my son to fill out to be an emancipated minor. He dicided to stay home. These years are so challenging! Good Luck, it's ok to be overbearing to some extent your his parent, tough love is a good thing.

Mary - posted on 05/08/2009

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Is the household he is moving into represented by adults?

If not, then you should worry.

Cindy - posted on 05/08/2009

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My 3 daughters moved out when they were 13,15 & 16.. no matter how i argued with them, they would still do whatever they wanna do..the police kept on chasing them, was so stressed up during that time.. so i just let em go..but when they get sick of friends & all dat. they all came back..so no matter how close is ur son to his friends or whoever he is going with...family is still a family.. They will always come back..just show him that u still love and care for him..after all, no matter what they been through life ....family is always the one who stick with them through thick & thin.

Angie - posted on 05/08/2009

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You are not being overbearing. Your son is too young to move out of the house and you are right to put your foot down and say no. Keep in mind that even if he is not living in your home you are still legally liable for him. If he gets into trouble guess who else is getting in trouble..... Besides, he can't even legally sign a lease yet, where is going to live???

[deleted account]

While I agree with Juli that family is forever I'd have to disagree about the tell him no part. At sixteen he can decide where he wants to live but can he pay for it is another matter. My 17 year old moved out I told her I didn't want her to and she'd always be welcome to move home. If he moves out don't rescue him financially because if he's old enough to live on his own he's old enough to pay for it - but that is easier said than done. Good Luck and know your kids never really leave you; no matter how old they are they always need their Mom.

Becki - posted on 03/27/2009

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the first thing that cimes to mind is he responsible enough to handle that responsibility? does he have a job to pay his bills? do his friends have jobs to pay thier bills? if so can he (or they) afford it and still go to school? will he still go to school? everyone matures at their own rate so he may be able to handle the task. But with roommates you have to know if they are all mature enough. I guess if you can say yes to all of these questions you may be best off letting him sink or swim. Just let him know he can always come home. best of luck!!!

[deleted account]

Friends are transitory and family is Forever. You are the Mom and you know that friends can turn their back on you. You have more life experience. You have the strength to do what is right, what is necessary, instead of what is popular.

Be calm, be loving, but tell him No. Be ready for arguements and for him to dislike you for a while. It's OK, you can handle it- you're the Mom!

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