my soon to be 13 year old son that has adhd doesnt listen to me. and im so stressed out .i dont know what to do anymore?

Maxi - posted on 06/15/2012

I am so sorry that you are going through this. My son is now 16, also has ADHD, and many other problems. We have called the police on him for his violent behavior towards me, and destruction of property (our home). He was also removed for 6 months and placed in foster (this was a voluntary placement on our part as parents). There are options, but they are very hard to do as a parent. I never realized that "tough love" would be so hard ! You have to think of your younger children right now, as I am doing with my younger daughter. I have told my son that I love him to death.. and always will. However, he is doing this to our family, and everything that happens is because of his actions. And, I do get what your saying about not getting the help. We have been to Dr's, and councelling and anger management, drug councelling, and so on.... it is very frustrating !

Kristin - posted on 06/15/2012

I would maybe look into putting your son into counselling and anger management. You also may benefit from counselling and doing things for you to make you happy and to keep you calm. When my 16 yr old hit puberty at age 12 he had uncontrollable emotions it was a roller coaster ride for a while, I just used to give him is space and calmly ask him what his problem was and if he yelled or didnt listen to me I took awaay his privledges ie cell phone, computer, video games, friends houses etc. Also, maybe look at putting your son into a team sport or even tae kwon do or karate to help him take his agression out. Sometimes kids act out because there are stresses in their lives that we dont know about. Life as a teenager today is a lot different than when we were teenagers and we need to be patient with out kids even though we feel like throttling them lol. Maybe your son is wanting attention and being bad gets him the attention he wants, my 6 yr old ADHD son is like that so I have to make sure he knows that bad behavior is not liked and will not be rewarded. I tell him that if he wants my attention and to do fun things than he needs to be a good boy. This also works for my 16 yr old as corny as that sounds, he still needs time with me to talk about his life. Now I was young when i had my oldest (16) and my middle child is 6 and my youngest is 1 so my kids have a huge age gap and I have to juggle enough of my time with all of them and I think with me being so much younger than most parents I relate pretty well to my teen. Not to say is perfect because he isnt but i have explained to him that his younger siblings look up to him and he needs to set a good example. And when my 16 yr old went through his anger period we talked a lot, do not yell or scream gets you no where and I found out that my 16 year old had some self esteem issues, guilt and anger issues. He felt guilty for thinking he ruined my life because i had him so young so I explained to him he has nothing to feel guikty about he made me a stronger person and we may have struggled on our own for a few years, we made it and without him I would not have had the courage to go back to school and get a good career. He felt anger towards his dad as his dad does not have a lot to do with him and he took it out on me until i told him that his anger towards his dad was ok for him to feel but he needs to channel it in the right place (to his dad) and he had self esteem issues because he is mature for his age and there is a lot of peer pressure out there nowadays. I dont hand my kids everything and they have to work for it, and they have to be respectful. I also give my kids choices and I tell my kids that all choices have consequences good or bad and you need to live with them. Like my 16 yr old racked up a 700 pay pal account so I made him pay it all back with earnings from his part time job. I give them the freedom to be them and to make their own choices with guidelines of course and for me it seems to work. I dont get mad I just make them deal with their choices. As well maybe you should think about taking your son off the meds as maybe they are what is causing his destructive personality and contorl his diet. But if I were you I would take him one on one and have some you and him time and talk, as well as counselling.