my teen son

Gabby - posted on 09/16/2016 ( 10 moms have responded )

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my 14 year old does not want to go out to any activities ,should l force him to go?

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JL - posted on 09/21/2016

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Gabby, I'm not a counselor, but I'd suggest that you seek professional support so that things don't get further out of hand. You may want to begin via your church counseling, and they usually can recommend good local counselors. If not that, try reputable counselors suggested by trusted friends or coworkers. Also there are online counselors from reputable sources, I just searched "reputable family teen counseling" in Google and came up with three good articles on finding a counselor from Focus on the Family, WedMD & Goodtherapy.org, so I'd start there if you don't get any results through your personal channels.
As for personal advice from a mom that's been though a few "heightened" emotional events some years ago with a teen, something I read as a young girl that has stayed with me all my life is to "never answer an angry word with an angry word, it's the second that makes the quarrel". Sometimes it's better to see that our children are moody and simply let then live through the moment and not add to it. Even with adults, it's best not to let our mood, needs, wants, etc., come up at a moment when we can sense that the other person will likely not be receptive. That way we're being respectful of their need to not speak and be moody. No less respect applies for our children. But I'd like to stress that due to the physical nature of the breaking of the doors, I'd recommend that you (and your spouse/father if present) seek counseling and then allow the counselor to say when it may be best to involve your son. I say that because forcing him to go right up front may not be best. I'll be praying for peace and harmony for you and your son. ;)

E - posted on 09/19/2016

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I would, but it should be something he is interested in... Something. I believe kids need to learn how to make commitments and learn to stick with them, even if it is hard to do. 14 seems to be the right age for that.

Gabby - posted on 09/19/2016

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JL can you please advice how l can handle a horrible situation that's happening in my home now, l'm extremely hurt, l picked up my son from school and like always with an attitude does not want to answer my questions ignores me all the way home. we got home l asked him to please take an empty bag from burger King in place it in the garbage , he grab the bag all mad and everything went all over the car. l push him and said because what's up with this attitude all the time he answer don't touch me. l got furious and went off on him l didn't touch him just went nuts yelling what was his problem? why he had no respect for me? what had l done that he was so mad at me? l left to go grocery shopping when l got back he had destroyed all 4 of the closet doors in he's bedroom. l'm lost l didn't even know what to say l'm in shock!!!any suggestions on how to handle this problem?

Adolf - posted on 09/19/2016

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Hi Gabby

I find it best to flush out the teenage offspring with Tear gas, works every time. I highly recommend you pump it through the cracks in the the door frame.

All the best,

Adolf.

JL - posted on 09/18/2016

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HI! Seems to me that he's going through puberty and as we know often comes with emotional changes, relational changes, etc. I wouldn't push him if he's not overly isolating himself or drastically (as in hurting himself or others) changing his behavior. There are some good articles on various sites that may offer sound advice, like WedMD, Medline.gov (good overview article on "Teen Development" linking to numerous reputable sites), and family type articles on Focus on the Family (one in particular on "Changing relationships with teens"). When my son went through this stage everything seems cool, but we ended up having a couple of major struggles. My daughter on the other hand seemed to go through this stage relatively smooth, but she changed her dress and style. I made a few comments, but mostly let them work out their lives at the time. I only intervened when they broke rules that they knew were for their best.

Linda - posted on 09/17/2016

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Just gently keep inviting him to do activities as a family. It's hard when thier teenagers and they tend to clam up when something is going. For my girls I let them have the time and space they need to calm down or unwind after a school day if I see they need it. I don't pry because that makes them feel as if I'm trying to control the situation. Then they tend to come to me when they are ready or realized that maybe what they thought wasn't exactly what they had felt the situation to be. Feelings are a tricky thing and we get a lot of different ones throughout the day. Letting our kids learn to cope and work through feelings is healthy. I have two teenage girls so I use to worry alot about it but once I let them be in control on how they feel it opened the door to more communication and sometimes it's alot but just requires lots of love and lots of patience. It's ok not to have all the answers to at the moment and get back to them. That has helped me too. A good app for teenagers I have used is Parenting Today's Teens. Praying for the best for you and your family. Everything will be ok:)

Gabby - posted on 09/16/2016

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hi Claire, thank you for ur response. l know what u mean about taller and stronger it seems to get very difficult from a few months ago. Sebastian started high school but is not all the time but most of the time he seems angry l ask him if everything is ok he says yes so l don't know what else l can do .

Claire - posted on 09/16/2016

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Hi Gabby

I have a fifteen year old just the same. He is taller and stronger than me - if you are in the same position, how can you force him out? It's all hormones - support him (not over the top) encourage him to meet with friends, and he will hopefully work it out for himself.

Hope this helps,

Claire

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