my teenage daughter after 4 years will still not dispose of used sanitary pads, Anyone have suggestions?
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Karen - posted on 04/13/2014
Hi Janmarie, you posted this issue two years ago. How are you and your daughter doing now? I just wanted to say, you are not alone. When my daughter started showing signs of going through puberty (breast bumps), I had a matter-of-fact, calm talk with her about having a period, what to expect, how to take a pad and use it (never used a tampon myself and didn't want her to), when to change and how to dispose of it discreetly. Not long after, she got her period in 5th grade (11 yrs). She often stained her clothes, but I figured that was because it was all new to her and just told her to change more often and that I would help her check. About 4-6 months in, I saw some used pads in the dirty laundry, told her she'd have to pay more attention, but also shared how I'd forgotten once or twice myself. Then she started doing her own laundry and I'd find used pads washed and dried as she didn't always empty the dryer right away when I needed to use it. I reminded her, and yes, she has a trait of absent-mindedness, so I thought ok, I'll just be vigilant about reminding her when she has her period. I told her it was best to change when she woke up, right after lunch and dinner and at bedtime; I'd ask her after her bedtime washing up if she'd taken care of her pad, she'd say yes. She was still staining her clothes, but that did stop with my vigilant asking and visual check. Then I was shocked and angry when one day, I found her old pads (5-6) still attached to stained panties in her dresser! She was very embarrassed. I scolded, but also said I understood if she found the whole messiness of a period too much--just that it WOULDN'T be so messy if she'd just change pads more often. She was 11, so I informed her about all the bacteria and unsanitariness, etc., and how disappointed I was that she'd lied to me. She seemed to improve and I eased up, until I found her doing it again, just taking off her soiled pad and panties and tossing them into the laundry pile (yes, sometimes they're on her bed/floor, because she undresses and just leaves her used clothes there). I'd remonstrate, ask her what was going on, instruct, inform, she'd be remorseful, apologize, cry, promise, be forgiven, accept loss of privileges, etc., she'd improve a few months, I'd relax, then bam, again I'd find the same thing happening. All this time, I'd be asking her a few days directly after school or after the evening washing up if she'd taken care of her pad, if she had stained and needed to put anything in a bucket to soak, etc. What killed me most was how she would reassure me that yes,yes,yes, she was taking care/properly disposing.... and it would all be untrue if I began to trust her and didn't check. I felt my trust broken again and again every time she backslid. Was this your story too? How is your daughter doing now? It's two years for me (she's in 7th grade now) and as I write this, it's just happened again. I told her I've decided to make an appt. with her school's counselor tomorrow as it's come to that. I've also collected all the sanitary napkins supplies as she'll be using disposable diaper briefs from now on when she gets her period until we work this thing out. My daughter is psychologically still "pre-puberty" and really awkward about looking like a woman when she's really still a girl, and I totally get that. But what I can't get my head around is why she can't manage that simple step of throwing away her used pad, yet all the other women in the world can't do it fast enough! There's just a natural "gross, I want to trash that thing as soon as possible!" feeling, isn't there?? I was worried she was the only one until I googled and found there were others. Tell me, is there hope? I've seen that if I keep monitoring her like a hawk, it doesn't happen, but am I to keep this up forever??? Really hope to hear from you, and sending you heartfelt blessings and prayers that your situation has improved. Thanks so much for sharing it.
Shea - posted on 01/09/2013
my teen daughter does the same thing!!! I have tried everything as well. I have said it in front of friends, etc. She doesn't care! I do not wash her clothes but sometimes get clothes out of the dryer and their is a clean pad. I tell her all the time, we are not that poor we can afford new pads. I find them shoved everywhere. I don't understand how she can take the time to hide them but yet can't take the time to wrap them?????? ugh!!! Now, everytime I see a used pad unwrapped, I take her phone. That of course is her life and it doesn't phase her. She doesn't care. She is getting where she has a serious boyfriend, etc. I would think she would care but she doesn't.
Janmarie - posted on 04/14/2014
I so wish i had better news for you. my house hold unfortunately it got way sicker. She is a diagnosed bi-polar/adhd/personality disorder that actually tried things much much worse than that...that was only the icing on the cake. I had no choice but to have her removed from the home and after additional medical and legal professional help for fear of my life I ended up having to cut all ties. I do wish I had more encouraging news for you. I hope that your situation turns out 100% better than mine. I'll send up a prayer for you
Dana - posted on 01/24/2013
Teens are teens and their ways of thinking may stump us parents as parents. I bet the whole situation is just gross for you but thanks for sharing. I've had issues with hygiene and my daughter. The same here taking things, yelling and punishing. I think you are going to have to go into the washroom with her and make sure every time it gets done properly. I say this because nothing else has worked.Whats worse having your house smell and being grossed out by finding them all over her room. I mean you have done everything already.
â« Shawnn âªâ«â« - posted on 06/18/2012
Well, you've lectured, you've cried, but through it all, you continue to clean up after her, so why should she?
Instead of begging, instead of pleading, set some consequences for the girl! If she refuses to clean up after herself, she can darn well give up privileges. It's time to get tough with your kid!
Of course a child that has never been made to clean up their messes (hygienic or otherwise) doesn't think that they need to do anything! You picked the wrong battle to give in on when you gave in on her cleaning up after herself. Last I checked, MOM does not equal MAID.
Alternatively, you can let her leave her room/personal situation as a landfill, and when the dog/cat EATS all of her unders, and starts peeing/pooping in her room, and she complains, you can say "you are the one who wanted it that way". Either way, GROSS. Step up to the disciplinary plate, mom, and put your foot down.
Janmarie - posted on 06/18/2012
I have been fighting this and fighting this...she does not even roll them up or wrap them up in toilet paper...I have sat down and talked to her about the hygiene aspect..I have screamed...I have taken privileges away...I literally took a new good pad and showed her how to wrap and dispose...I have had her see a counselor...I have gotten sooo desperate after this much time...the last time I used shame and threats. I hate using guilt or shame...but I also threatened her that the next time I cycled (which she would never know since I never leave anything out) that I would throw my used ones in her room and you know I would swear to my higher power that she was not even remotely phased by that idea.
It makes her room smell like vomit. I have asked close friends and family and her doctor and none of them have ever heard of a young girl doing this. She stuffs them between the wall and her bed...in her dresser drawers...behind the bookcase you name it. I finally took away her bed, dresser, desk and shelves...she only has a mattress on the floor. I don't know what else to get through to her that it is nasty, disgusting habit that is unsanitary and just plain nasty.
Louise - posted on 06/18/2012
Sit her down and tell her straight that she is going to be dealing with this for the next 40-50 years so she better snap out of it and get on with cleaning up. I can not understand why you have left this 4 years!
I would not pick up after her any more, if she wants to be disgusting then let her live in her own filth. I am sure if she invited her mates around they would not be to pleased about sitting in her room surrounded in filth. If she is leaving them in the bathroom, move them to her room. I have never heard of a girl doing this before, most are only to pleased to get rid of them as discretely as possible, and are embarrassed.
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