my teenage son won't call me!

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

My son is at his dad's for his 1/2 summer vacation and he nevers calls me when he's overthere. I'm already used to that but I can't help myself to wonder why. I won't call him either... i figured I'm giving him some space. He'll come back and be with us for the rest of his summer vacation but I do miss him and wish he called from time to time!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

[deleted account]

Well remember we teach kids how to treat us by the way we accept or don't accept their behavior. It is a tough balance with teens as they are running with the rope as far away from you as they can. But they will be better adults if you yank the rope gently. With my son, who is now almost thirty and my foster son who is 20, I found the soft approach worked best. I acknowledged that I know they love me even when they don't call but I wanted them to know two things. The first one is that I can get my feelings hurt- letting your son know how you feel (leave out the guilt talk) is a healthy example.I said, "because you are older now I feel I can talk to you more like an adult. So I want to say that you might want to keep in mind that Mom's are people too and that even though we have to be strong sometimes, we can get our feelings hurt. It does hurt me when you go so long with out communicating. Maybe we can compromise so you don't have to call frequently. How is Sunday evening for you? Could we talk once a week at 9 pm? " You may have to compromise and be the one who calls. The other thing you can do is sign up for his Twitter so that you find out what's up or text him as that is the thing teens like right now.



The second thing to teach him is that relationships are sucessful because two people are engaged in them. Children expect you to do all the work. "As you are older now I know that you recognize that kids expect adults to do everything for them, but as we get more mature we realize that we are expected to do some things ourselves if we want the adults in our life to start treating us less like a kid. One of these areas is in relationships. Here is what I know-good relationships happen cause both people try. So I am trying to see you as a more mature person but it would help if you took some of the responsibility for our relationship. I won't go away from you and not call you for weeks as that would not be respectful of our relationship. Itt makes me feel like our relationship is important when you make the move to call me too. Cause we are both in this relationship."



I find that respect is the way to a teen's heart- not food! If you would like more actual suggestions (not just support talk) join the Circle of Mom's group- I survived my teenagers! This is where Moms and Dads who have sucessfully raised teens answer your questions. Good luck with "boy on a rope." Jude

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

8 Comments

View replies by

Mel - posted on 07/26/2012

27

0

0

I don't let my son go without calling me. Relationships are living things. They need care. To much or to little care is damaging. I feel it is important for both of us to respect our relationship and care for it.

Charlotte - posted on 06/30/2009

4

9

0

your reply is a good pack of info and let me say that will work to .i finnally got a call and he wont to come home for the weekend so it does work and so does pray

[deleted account]

Give him some "space" but don't let a week go by without calling him to tell him you love him in your own special way that he will understand. Even if right now he makes you feel like you are being a weird mom for doing that or acts embarassed, do it anyway. It will be later on when he's older that he will remember all the times you were "there" for him, even when you were somewhere else. Lay the path of love infront of him now and when he's older, he will walk on it.

Charlotte - posted on 06/27/2009

4

9

0

Quoting Rosie:

my teenage son won't call me!

My son is at his dad's for his 1/2 summer vacation and he nevers calls me when he's overthere. I'm already used to that but I can't help myself to wonder why. I won't call him either... i figured I'm giving him some space. He'll come back and be with us for the rest of his summer vacation but I do miss him and wish he called from time to time!



hay dont feel bad i havea kid like that and thay will think about it when u dont call them and if he has a facebook or my space just go on there and tell and say how much u miss and love him but dont put his name put it to some one he knows and will see it . that what i did to my son and now he calls and even e-mail about everyday or so try it .andhe always tells me love you so i think i made my point

Sheila - posted on 06/25/2009

3

24

0

I can't get my kids to call me for anything. I even bought my teenager a GoPhone for Christmas and made sure he had minutes. He called for a little while then he just quit! They live with their dad. My oldest got in trouble for taking his phone to school so they grounded him from it. I had to throw a fit over that and then he just started turning it off. He kept getting calls and text msgs from strangers so that didn't help the cost, either. We've let the phone expire because it was just a waste of money. They have a home phone, they just don't use it! I refuse to bribe them. I call them at least 2 times a week, sometimes more, but that doesn't mean they answer the phone.

[deleted account]

I agree with both of you Shelly and Jude. My son is with me all the time so I do try to give him some space when he's at his dad. but I also agreed about teaching him about relationships(family ties). We do need to compromise a lil so we can feel love and respected at all times.

Shelly - posted on 06/18/2009

1,605

20

230

Rosie,

This is just his way of having a little independance. And as long as he's not getting into trouble over there then just relax...They all want to beable to have that time to spread thier wings and if you decide to call him that is telling him you don't trust him and you have to check up on him...Yes it's hard b/c we always want to be there and know what thier doing trust me I have a 22 yr old and if he doesn't call me every day I'm wondering what I did...But I have to resist the urge to call him. You know he'll be home driving you crazy soon enough!!!

If you see this, leave this form field blank.
Powered by RESPECT not THUMPS

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms