Danielle - posted on 08/10/2010 ( 3 moms have responded )
I have 2 step daughters, 1 is 14 and the other is 17. The 17 year old is in her senior year and is behind 25 credits to graduate and doesn't seem to think its that big of a deal. She also has a boyfriend who my husband and I really like. He's a good kid and he seems to come from a good family. He works and is doing well in school. If only we could say the same for her. She thinks just because she is going with him she doesn't need to tell us when she is leaving or let us know where she is going.
She is allowed to have him in her room, but only with the door open, but thinks it is OK for her to lay in her bed with him and have her leg wrapped around him. Her dad told her hell no and it stopped for a while and just the other day I went back there and she was laying with him so I yelled at her it was inappropriate and this crap is not going to fly and she proceeds to argue with me so I made her boyfriend leave.. she thinks it's OK to have a pair of his boxers in her drawers and wear them to bed. I found them and instead of flipping out I put them with his things, thinking they would get the "hint" and he would take them home. I then see her wearing them and that's when I told her its inappropriate and told her to go over to his house and put a pair of your underwear in his drawer and see what his mom thinks and she responds it's different because they are boxers and I don't think that at all. It's the same thing, I told her.
She doesn't do anything besides sit around the house and wait for him. The whole summer I told her she needed to get a part time job and start helping more (she does help me around the house and keeps her room really clean) with things she wants. We can't keep paying for everything when she is capable of doing for herself now, she really needs to do something. She was never involved in anything at school and she has no motivation.
I will admit I spoiled the kids rotten because I am their step mom and their mom is not around. I loved doing it and I think it has really backfired and now that I have stopped it doesn't even seem to bother her because she finds a way to get around it and she wanted a car at 16, but she didn't do well in school or get a job and when I told her she will have to give up time with her boyfriend and weekends and sacrifice some for a car, but in the end it will be worth it she told me you know I really don't want a car anymore. I don't know what to do??!! I have tried loving and caring talks with motivation, I've taken things, I've yelled and screamed and nothing is working. If I don't give her a ride to school, she doesn't care her boyfriend will. If I don't buy her a new outfit, she doesn't care her boyfriend took her shopping over the summer and took her to the movies and lunch and dinner. So what does she care??!! I have a strong feeling she is betting on him to get her what she wants and out of the house!!! I can't believe it! At 17 to already think like that. Is she really like that? I spent the last 7 years telling her how important an education is and how she needs to work on doing for herself because there are no guarantees in life. I have lead by example. I went to college, work everyday as a Controller, come home and cook, clean my own house, do my own laundry and yard work.
She doesn't want to work at anything and she will be 18 in 9 months.. Am I supposed to support her till she feels like doing something with her life? She has no plans for college or a further education. I have been talking to her and telling her what she needs to do because she hasn't a clue. I'm so scared for her and scared for me and my husband. What this will do to us in the future?