Not a morning kid

Molly - posted on 07/22/2009 ( 2 moms have responded )

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How do I get my 15 year old up on time for school? She is usually pretty good, but is a bear in the mornings. To get to school on time we have to leave the house by 6:45. She has 3 alarms that go off on different sides of the room, but I still have to go in and drag her up, literally kicking and screaming... not fun for either of us . I can't just let her deal with the natural consequences of being late because it makes me and the other kids late too. School starts again on Monday and I am dredding the morning routine! Help!!!

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Hi, I know this is going to be hard to learn, but you are in the enabling model now and you are not raising a five year old. It is time, a perfect time with a new year starting, that you tell your teen that you are now in the adult training model with her, NOT A CHILD MODEL, and therefore will not saving her from her choices any longer. Start with list of rules printed out and posted in the hallway (poster sized and numbered) for your home and your expectations. Have a family meeting that explains these rules and the consequences and then stick to them strongly. "Children will get one notice to get up and one five minute notice (use timer) that you are leaving" At the end of that notice, calmly load the other kids up without further contact with your 15 year old and leave. Tell your teen that it is her responsibility to get herself ready for work ("school is your job dear") in the morning as all adults do and that these two things are the way you are supporting her. After that you will respect her right to fail as she is no longer a child. Be sure before you do that to book a session with the guidance counselor or principal and be present with her when they explain the consequences of her lateness and tardiness. Ask her if she understands and has any questions.



I swear to you, that after the few times she tests you on this, and she will test you, and you do exactly what you say, without changing your calm voice tone (Five minutes to the car kids, timer set now), she will get herself up. She will test you and you have to shrug your shoulders and let her fail. Less talk at that time is important- "you said you understood the rules so there is nothing for us to discuss." Remember you are training her for a work ethic and respect in working with a team and deadlines. DON'T BE AN ENABLER! Reward her efforts with more respect for other decisions too. Give her the freedom she wants when she is acting like the adult.



If you would like more suggestions from parents who have raised sucessful troubled teens, join our circle group "We Survived Our Teens!"- just look at communities on the circle website. Good luck with your "you can't make me" teen- Jude

Shelly - posted on 07/22/2009

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Molly,

Sounds to me like she needs to go to bed earlier even if that means 8:00 pm...If she's not getting up then she's not getting enough sleep!!! So take the TV, Cell phone, and computer out of her room on school nights...Make her go to bed on time and don't fight with her as far as making the rest of you late you need to leave her a couple of times and don't excuse her absents she needs to responcible for her own actions...Why should you and your other children pay for her choices??? Good luck and let us know how it's going!!

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