out of control 18 year old daughter

Susan - posted on 08/07/2012

yes you can talk till you are ill and she stills knows everything. the verbal abuse is non stop. she is 18 now and she is a adult by law but mental she is a 12 year old child. is suffering a major injury to her brain caused by resperidal 3mg. she had been taking for years. she is no longer on it. but now i and her father have no control over her. she stole my truck and recked it. i still dont have it back yet. her boyfreind is in jail for herion. and there is no help out there for the parents. these kids can say anything they want and get you in some sort of trouble with the law if you touch them tring to restrain them. and the best part is is our wonderful police and social services brain wash them and tell them that we cannot discipline them involving any physcial contact. so tell me how do you discipline a child who is mentally instable and is going to put themselves or others in danger? YOU CANNOT! just like with school. its the law to go to school. if the child skips they tell the child in front of, or not, their parents will be fined or even jailed if you dont attend!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!! nothing like giving the kids more power to abuse us HUH? you know what my child had said to me? I WONT GO TO SCHOOL SO THEY CAN ARREST YOU AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT THAN. nice ! HUH? . so there is no more talking i am throwing her out of my home with only the clothes on her back. she thinks she knows it all and thinks outside rules are better than home rules. she will soon find out how better it would have been to follow our rules.

Michelle - posted on 11/06/2009

Quote from Carol......Trying to prevent her leaving will make it harder for her to come home when she eventually realizes that she belongs there.
That is the most powerful advice I've seen yet! Also the reason I didn't come home even when I was at my lowest. I have had endless conversations with one of my daughters about responsibilities and how life is once she is out of the house but I always get... its not like that for everyone.
I'm stuck on what to do myself. I've tried so many things and I'm to the point of giving up.

Carol - posted on 11/04/2009

I have 3 grown kids and now am raising my 14 year-old grandson. I have been through exactly the same thing and will probably have to face it again. Kids think that, just because they are 18 and legally an adult, that they can do whatever they want. They need to be reminded that whatever we do affects other people and that noone can do exactly what they want to do all the time. There are laws, bosses, landlords, taxes and bills to be paid, social obligations and there are always consequences - good and bad ones. Having your daughter face reality may help. Let her know that you support her desire to be an independent adult and that you are willing to help her figure out a realistic budget and find another place to live. But also let her know that you cannot support 2 households and she will have to be completely on her own - something that most teenagers cannot do. Once she realizes how expensive just rent and utilities will be and realizes everything that she won't be able to afford and won't have any longer (phone, cable, internet, money for movies or any of the other things that she wants, a car and everything that goes along with having a car - gasoline, maintenance, repairs and insurance - even a nice home in a safe neighborhood. I am sure that you can add to this list.) she may settle down. Be firm about not helping her financially. If she does decide, and she probably will, that she wants to stay in YOUR home, let her know that she will have to follow your rules. And, if she does decide to leave, she is 18 and you really can't stop her anyhow. Trying to prevent her leaving will make it harder for her to come home when she eventually realizes that she belongs there. Good luck. I've been there and know how hard it is. And I don't look forward to doing it again. My prayers are with you.

Melinda - posted on 11/04/2009

Did u say she is 18? Then she is probably assuming that she is legally an adult and can make her own decisions. I would just try and talk with her and find out her thoughts and what she is thinking before I get to upset or worried. Just a thought