Parents in my complex are allowing their children to run amok, unsupervised and disruptive.

Ray - posted on 05/26/2013 ( 24 moms have responded )

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My kid is a teenager, so of course I don't have these types of problems with him, I do however have other major issues with him. I'm reaching out for suggestins on what to do about all this noise I'm dealing with. We have many kids in our complex, often times the parent are walking down the hall while their child is running and its disruptive in my apartment. I go outside my door to confront the situation and ALWAYS find a child running down the hall. Often times a parent is with them and could care less. So I confront the parent and say, excuse me, your not just going to allow your child to run wild in the hall and be disruptive to the others that live here are you? The most common and repeated response I get is, shes only four, what do you expect me to do? I have taken this to my manager with little comfort. She may possibly adopt a new policy that forces the offending parent to have to take a parenting class. IMO if the parent can't handle their child at the age of four, they sure in the heck wont be able to when they are 10 or a teen. We have quiet hours here from 9p to 8a and on a rare occasion can hear kids tromping through the halls past acceptable hours. I can tell my manager wants to help, but to some degree her hands are tied. I don't have any problem with kids being disruptive, thats what the playground out in back is for. But here inside the building, parents are blowing off their responsabilitys and leaving me to deal with the repercussions. It's not fair to me, I'm not the one that is suppose to have to raise and deal with their kids because they have some lame excuse not to. We have cameras in the halls but they are limited on what they can see, and there is no audio. I'm actually thinking of just starting to keep a log book of the dates and times that I hear kids running down the hall and letting the manager look it up on video and dealing with it, rather than me having to be confrontational with parents. Its actually more than one parent that has told me that they actually believe that the specific age is reason why they are allowing their kids to be disruptive. What a crock.

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Jodi - posted on 05/26/2013

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No, I haven't missed the point. You are making a massive fuss over something someone else's child is doing that is clearly not happening 24/7, but occasionally (i.e. when the mother and daughter are coming and going from the apartment).

Jodi - posted on 05/29/2013

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So move to an apartment complex where small children aren't allowed. And if you move far enough away, your son won't be able to visit his friends so easily. Two birds, one stone :)

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2013

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Ray, that was really rude and totally unnecessary. I didn't say it was OKAY for the child to be running in the hall, I said that children WILL do this. There is a difference between whether I am okay with my kids doing it and making a God almighty fuss when someone else's child is doing it.

I'm trying to understand why it is so disruptive to you that you need to make such an enormous fuss about it.

Jodi - posted on 05/26/2013

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Uh, yeah, she's 4. She will run. It's just running down the hall, how disruptive can it be? I'm assuming this isn't happening late at night or anything? I'm also assuming they are just walking (or running) past to get to their apartment. You don't think you are being too anal about it? What you are describing doesn't seem that big a deal. It's not like they are PLAYING in the hallways at all hours of the night, right?

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Never ever confront another parent about their child unless they are causing physical harm (in which case you should just call the police). You won't get anywhere and you'll likely damage their ego and make them not accept your confrontation in a positive way. People are going to parent their children however they want. And even though you may not agree with it, it is not your place to have an opinion. I can't stand when people have unruly children in stores. But you don't know why they are behaving that way. To the children, the hallway of the apartment is basically their home. They aren't going to know the difference. Children like to run around and play. It's highly likely that those children aren't even like that out and public. I think you need to relax and just let it go. Living in apartments comes with invading noise. Maybe you should find a new complex and ask about whether or not there are families with younger kids there. It's a price you pay with apartment living. Most likely you will make things worse if you keep confronting parents. If my kid ran down the hallway to my door in an apartment and someone came out and commented on my parenting skills. It's likely I would smile and say okay. Then every single time I passed your door, I would tell my kid to run and stomp.

Ray - posted on 05/31/2013

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I would prefer it if they were actually playing in the halls because at least then they wouldn't be running. This is low income housing, its also subsidized so there is no more help that I can get. There is however oher places I can move to. I just don't think its fair that they are the ones being disruptive and I get punished and have to move.

Shawnn - posted on 05/30/2013

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But, I will say that I don't agree with doctors prescribing meds and then allowing a 13 yo to "decide" whether or not they're going to take them! That opens your son up to trouble. I do wish that there were a better way for you to handle that, but the government ties your hands.

Shawnn - posted on 05/30/2013

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Ray, if you're on SSI, and truly unable to bring in any other income, why haven't you checked into rent assistance if your situation is so horrible?

Even with your last post, you are still describing normal apartment noise level. And actually, you're even more "curmudgeonly" now, because you act like it should be no problem in the world for these families to take a "time out" in the playground area so their kids will "calm down" enough to tiptoe through the hallway to their home. When they probably need to load in groceries, get their evenings started, much the same as you do.

And, yes, again, apartment living equals what you term to be "mass traffic" at certain times. Furthermore, according to what you state are the complex regulations, quiet time BEGINS at 9 pm.

My recommendation is to look into low income housing assistance. If you are receiving SSI, there are many benefit programs that you can check into for income and housing assistance that will get you out of the "ghetto". But, seriously, you need to get a grip. No where have I seen any reason for the complex manager to get bitchy with the other tenants.

If the other tenants had set up a play area, and were actively encouraging the kids to play in the halls, it would be different. They haven't. This is normal traffic for an apartment complex.

Ray - posted on 05/30/2013

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Thats where you would be wrong. It's not just a few little feet as you put it. Between the hours of 6p and 730p, the hallway lights up with mass traffic. On the average you can hear stomping of feet about every 10-15 minutes. The other problem is that the back of my apartment is right next to the back door, which is on a hydrolic that slams the door each time. No biggie, I'm used to it. My main hall to the bedrooms and bathroom run along side the main hall where all of the buildings traffic comes and goes. Then to top it off, the kitchen end of my apartment is next to the 3rd level stairs. So if someone comes in the back door and is headed upstairs, I get a tripple whammy. Keep in mind again, its only children. When adults walk through the hallway, they don't stomp, despite them possibly being 250 lbs.

Ray - posted on 05/30/2013

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It doesn't matter, either way you slice it, the parents are being lazy and not taking care of their kids. My son is special needs for sure. He needs to be on medication but since he is over the age of 13, our counseling system leaves that decision up to regardless of what I say.

What I do know, is while he was on meds, he went to school regularly and got good grades. He drooled a little bit but it seemed like a fair trade off. My son is thought to be an idol child by other parents, friends, and school, despite how many days he has missed.

So when you speak of throwing stones in glass houses, it doesn't apply. The place he is failing is on the home front with me personally.

Ray - posted on 05/30/2013

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BTW Jodi, the keeping of log books and video was my managers idea to help figure out who the offenders were.

Shawnn - posted on 05/29/2013

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So, you'd rather listen to a screaming temper tantrum than a 30 second to 1 minute span of a kid pattering down the hallway?

****Note to self: Shawnn, your kids are grown, and even you are more patient than this person***

I just want to point out again...people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...and by saying that your teen has problems, you obviously aren't the picture perfect parent either. How would you feel if someone told you that your teen's problems stem from the fact that you're a lazy parent who is too obsessed with being the curmudgeon in the building to properly parent your own teen?

Please.

Ray - posted on 05/29/2013

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I can't move, I'm on SSI and of course living on $400 a month doesn't allow me to buy or even rent a home. Basically what this all comes down to, is I live in the ghetto, and the parents of the kids here lack the basic parenting skills to keep thier kids in line. My manager is telling me there isn't a damn thing I can do about it other than move.

Ray - posted on 05/29/2013

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Sure if your lazy.

There is an easy solution to all of these problems. If children are left alone to run wild in the hallway, that is the parents fault and there should be accountability for it. If the child tends to run ahead of the parent, then the parent needs to hold their hand untill they get to the door. Honestly, why do I need to hear the noise. My manager claims that the problem is that most children would throw a temper tantrum if you tried to hold their hand, well I guess we are finding out who the boss is here.

Shawnn - posted on 05/29/2013

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Gee, Ray, you don't think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, those of us saying that there is a certain expected level of noise, that apartment living DOES HAVE ISSUES about noise, etc, means that we have lived in an apartment or two ourselves?

You have options. If you live in the US, no one forces you to live any where. So, unless you're being strongarmed into staying in that apartment complex that so distresses you, look into your options. As I said, find a house, not an apartment, not a duplex, but a single family dwelling. I also recommend that you get a few acres of land to put around it. Then you can have the perfect silence that your lifestyle seems to demand.

The noise that you are bitching about is normal apartment complex noise. Just be thankful you aren't dealing with drunk, drugged, obstinate and belligerent college students...it's only a few little feet. Sheesh

Ray - posted on 05/29/2013

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It's not one specific person, its a handfull of different people. Children are being allowed to run wild in the hallway, and often times unsupervised. The parents I confront about this take the side that their child is only 4 years old, therefore they have no control of their kid.

I think its a cop out, I think the parents are being lazy and not wanting to deal with their own kids. As far as how I was, I was never out of line because if it did dare happen, I would get backhanded. Of course things have changed today, parents don't believe in parenting their children. It's not MY lawn, its a shared lawn, and they could show a little more respect.

Of course Jodi just thinks I'm being anal about this, shes not that one having to deal with it.

Shawnn - posted on 05/29/2013

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Sounds like a case of “I’m a curmudgeon, and YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN” here...

You are singling out ONE tenant who apparently has caused you multiple counts of distress because you couldn’t hear a TV commercial.

You are attacking Jodi for trying to point out that the noise you are harping about is generally the “usual” level of noise in an apartment complex. You want to not hear someone else’s kid in the hallway of your crackerbox apartment, then the solution is simple. YOU BUY A HOUSE or rent one. Then you don’t have to worry about those horrible 4 year olds who may have a scintilla too much energy for an indoor environment.

Next, I’d like you to (if you can) ask your parents how perfect YOU were at the age of 4, and how harsh they were on you.

But, as Jodi says, it seems as if you have a lot of parenting problems of your own, so you really shouldn’t be criticizing others, especially those you have never met. Instead of jumping on those whose opinions differ from yours, perhaps you should be reinforcing your “glass house”...


I agree with Jodi and Roxanne, with the addition of I'm so glad you weren't my neighbor when my kids were a little rambunctious

ETA: I seriously doubt there is a conspiracy against you, and I seriously doubt that these parents are "allowing" disruptive behaviour. Life in an apartment complex requires many, many adjustments. Noise level is only one of them.

Enna - posted on 05/29/2013

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I agree with Jodi, you're acting a little crazy. If the noise bothers you so much, then move.

Ray - posted on 05/28/2013

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The halls are being used as a means to be disruptive. I haven't seen any of them playing in the halls, just running. I can't even vouch for the idea that they are going somewhere. In talking with a close friend, we have both come to the conclusion that there is no way I would ever be able to get the parents to parent their children as they don't have the skills to do so.

I would love to focus more time on my son, he refuses to spend any time here at home and makes every attempt to go out and be with friends so how do you suggest I do that?

Jodi - posted on 05/27/2013

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Whatever, I asked a simple question, are they actually using the halls as a play space, or are they just going to and from their apartments and being a bit noisy doing that. Keeping log books? Finding video footage? It is all a bit extreme.

Maybe you should focus your time and efforts on your son, who sounds like he needs some serious parenting, rather than on how other people parent their children?

Ray - posted on 05/27/2013

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Well I wouldn't know as I don't visit with them in their private time. I don't associate with anyone in my building and like it that way. I'm failing to see what your not getting about this. It's almost as though disruptive behavior in your eyes is an acceptable occurance because your dealing with children. Children are influenced by other kids and thier paren'ts. When the parent refuses to step up and keep the child in line, it leaves people like me sitting back just having to suck it up. They arne't my kids and its not my responsibility to raise them. They are so loud when they stomp down the hall that things fall off my wall and its louder then my TV or Phone calls that I'm on. Now I understand that from your point of view, it sounds like you bow to children and give them the right of way, but when I was a child if I was out of line I got back handed or picked up and thrown against a wall. Now I'm not saying that these kids or any for that matter need that type of abuse but you can bet your left pinky I was never out of line. This is all about lazy parents that yeild to their children even when its disruptive to others, and even when others like myself have complained about it. Have some respect for yourself as an adult and recognize that parents that yeild to children are not only headed for serious trouble but I'm thinking of a couple here that are probably going to be asked to move because they refuse to take control of thier child. Parents that are not in control of thier kids, are out of control, its that simple.

Jodi - posted on 05/27/2013

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Is the child being CONSTANTLY disruptive, or is it only when they are going to and from their home? From what you have said it has sounded like the latter. If they are playing in the hallways, that is different, but just going to and from their apartment at certain times of day, I don't see the issue.

Ray - posted on 05/27/2013

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I dont understand what you are saying. It's almost like your saying that it's ok for them to be disruptive as long as I have a quiet period to sleep. Which is pretty much what I'm faced with right now. With the exception that, that also gets invaded from time to time by the pidder padder of small feet while we are in our quiet hours.

The bottom line is, if kids are being disruptive in the hallway, there is no excuse for it aside from the fact that the paren't claims they are young and they can't do anything about it.

So please explain to me why it is that some parents, the good parents do actually do something about it? What it boils down to on a rare occasion I have had things fall off my wall from kids running down the hall, they disrupt whatever I'm doing at the time as I can hear them over the tv or phone I'm on. You failed to notice that I never once complained about them talking loud, or screaming in the hall which they also do. It's just the romping through the hall that is most damaging. I understand kids will be kids, they will be noisy, and we have a beautiful playground out in the back that is meant just for them to use for that reason. But while in the building a different attituide needs to be observed. What if one of these kids runs into an older person and knocks them down while they are carrying their oxygen tank, and gets sued over it? What if my neighbor is carrying his baby, and a disruptive child knocks him and the baby over? It's never to early to teach kids manners, but you seem to be taking the stance that manners is not the issue here. It's about me and that I'm suppose to suck it up. They arne't my kids and its not my responsibility to raise them.

Ray - posted on 05/26/2013

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I guess you missed the point, it wasn't that kids will sometimes be out of line, it was that the paren't obviously could care less to try to correct it, in other words they don't care. It's disruptive because I can hear the back door close after someone enters, and I'm sitting way over in the living room across the complete other end of my apartment, I have gotten used to that, and I know nothing can be done about it, its the 4 dozen foot stomps that follow, are so loud that I can hear them over my TV. In addition I play the TV loud because I'm hard of hearing and have to take medication for my hearing. It's obviously disruptive to other people that live here. Paren't need to step and and be a parent.

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