Passwords

Hope - posted on 02/12/2010 ( 34 moms have responded )

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Should I feel guilty for wanting to know my 12 yr olds passwords for facebook and ipod?

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American - posted on 08/06/2014

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I do phone and online pop checks. I just say time to check what your up to and take the device while they are logged on.

Liz - posted on 08/03/2014

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I really think everyone has their preferred method on what makes them feel more adequate as a parent in their circumstances because not one child is alike. No one is right or wrong in what they feel is "the right thing" to do. As a mother to a 13 year old daughter she has experienced both extremes of parenting between her father and I. Her father is overwhelming to the point of stalker and crossing boundaries In his parenting approach. I pay close attention to her reaction and actions to his approach and handle my parenting from there. If you make a child feel like they must earn trust when they have never done anything to be mistrusted you are setting yourself up for failure. Children are more cleaver then anyone has ever imagined. While some parents have passwords and feel comfortable with that chances are your child already has duplicate accounts with information you don't have. In my opinion that is worse then giving them a little privacy and checking information while they are present and unannounced. Kids can delete and create alias making it difficult for parents to track and creating conflict. My daughter and I have an "honest policy" and anything she is honest about she won't get in trouble for but we talk about ways to make better and healthier decisions going forward. So far my daughter has shared more things I care to know about including things her friends are doing that their parents don't know about. Moral of the story trust yourself as parents because deep down inside you know the answer.....

Mekaila - posted on 07/30/2014

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i agree with you about telling them why you are doing it because there will come a time when you cant check there computers anymore and you still want them to make wise decisions on their own...in my opinion you're doing a great job

Maria - posted on 07/28/2014

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NO reasons to feel guilty! Social networks could be dangerous, so it is better you check children computer activity. I have all the passwords and my husband set restricted accounts for my daughters so we can know almost everything they made online. However I think it's useful for them to know which are the internet dangers and to explain why you are checking their accounts.

DANICA - posted on 07/28/2014

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No, you shouldn't. He/she is too young to realise world is ful of mad people and dangerous situations.Do not feel guilty!!! That's my opinion.

Mekaila - posted on 07/28/2014

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hello im not a mom just a teenager but i think if you do that you will just let your kids get really sneaky...and i remember i had a lock on my phone just because i enjoyed swiping the pattern and my mom made a big deal saying i was hiding something and that she didnt trust me when i was hiding anything and i started to not trust myself after a while even though i was hiding ntn ......but my low scores on flappy bird

Kristi - posted on 01/21/2013

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My daughter is 13. She has had FB since she was 11 because she and I moved across the country from her other side of her family. At that point, she was only allowed to have family members and her old classmates (there were only 11) as friends on FB.

I have passwords and user names for any kind of account she wants to have, FB, iPod, email, Instagram, etc. I check them regularly. I check them thorouly. If she wants to add a new friend, she has to ask me first and them i check that person out. If I ever find something I don't approve of, whether she posted it or a friend did, it gets removed. We talk about it and why it was inappropriate and depending on what it was I take further action from there, if need be.

My daughter, so far, has not objected or tried to be sneaky about her accounts. She never knows when I'm going to check. We have a great relationship. We talk about the big things, she's not always excited about the sex talks... ; ) and we talk about most of the little things. I know she has things she only talks to her friends about. But, that's quite normal.

I trust my daughter 99% of the time. We all tell little white lies sometimes, those of you who say you NEVER lie...are lying. Plus, she's a teenager, she's going to do something she's not supposed and try to get away with it. The main reason I demand all account information is to protect her from the people I might only trust 1% of the time. I would feel guilty if I did not have that information and I ignored her sites then something bad happened to her. You can't be everywhere and you can't prevent everything but we can be proactive in doing our best to try. NO GUILT!

Carmen - posted on 01/14/2013

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Not at all! In this day of technology, you, as a parent, have the responsibility of doing the best to keep your child safe. My daughter is 20 & when I explained why I wanted her passwords, she didn't argue. This was 9 years ago. She still offers me her passwords. (She lives @ home while going to college and thinks it's respectful.

Nicole - posted on 01/08/2013

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Kids should not be on facebook at 12, and having their passwords is responsible parenting. Once they are 13 of course. My daughter has a friend whose parents didn't monitor her online social media. There are now about 20 topless photos of her online, and she has had her first abortion. At 12 years of age. Good on you for at least asking the question, so many parents just don't give a damn.

Barbra - posted on 01/01/2013

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I would only want the passwords for my daughter if she proves to me I need it and I didn't trust her. Teenagers will find a way to do what they want. My 17 yr. old daughter are very close and have a lot of trust. She also knows if she breaks my trust things will be a lot dufferentz because if that trust she asks me about sex, friend issues and much more. She even told me her friends ...who are having sex...treat her like a baby. When I asked why, she told me she asked one of them how to give a blow job. After I fell to the fall and get up I explained I wasn't going to teach her but when she finds someone who cares about her and she cares about him they will teach eachother. If he isn't willing to do that he isn't worth it😜
She listened. Give her your trust unless she proves otherwise...you might be surprised !!

Patience - posted on 12/24/2012

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NO DO NOT FEEL GUILTY. You are the parent act as such and know this information. I trust my kids but I still know the info and I am their parent not their friend. I know my kids passwords for all their devices, accounts, and so on. I know what my kids are doing at all times. When they are 18 and no longer in school then they can start having their privacy. but while they are under 18 and i pay their bills then they can just deal with it.

Elizabeth - posted on 12/24/2012

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Nope. This is the only way I would allow my son to have facebook, email, and the like. If he changes them on me all electronics go away.

Deanna - posted on 12/17/2012

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No. You should not feel guilty. With all the creeps out in this world, having his/her password is a safe way of giving them a bit of freedom while protecting them.

Patricia - posted on 12/14/2012

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No. My kids have to give me their passwords. They are underage and that makes you ultimately responsible for their actions. That means their FB and text messages. They also have to friend me on FB.

Nelly - posted on 07/26/2012

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Both my husband and I know our childrens passwords for their i pods, phones, and our 2 oldest kids have facebook accounts and we know their passwords.

Emily - posted on 07/25/2012

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Hey Lizzie - I'm not sure if you have kids - but considering what kids send these days? I had my boyfriend (he was 15 and I was barely 18) asking me for sex; I would have loved my parents to intervene. So when I have kids? You can bet everything that if I pay for it I will be looking at it :) and if they say no then it'll be "whoops, sorry while you were at school your laptop/phone accidentally fell in the bath/oven/trash". But on the other hand they will not be getting phone/laptop/privelages without knowing this first :)

Lizzielucas - posted on 07/25/2012

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yes! Facebook is a way to communicate with friends, at a fragile age of 12 your child is just starting to develop the friends he/she will rely on in later life. if your worried about your child encourage them to tell you more, just don't be to harsh when they do something wrong. you don't need to invade their privacy, its THEIR Facebook account not yours, just ask about what their friends are up to and how their day way, if its one word answers just tell them aspects in your personal like, it will encourage sharing. without invading privacy

Melissa - posted on 07/22/2012

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Not at all. I have a 14 year old daughter who lost her facebook page last year when she was responding to a boy asking her bra size. I also just took her phone and password protected it...she had to come to me to get it unlocked. When she decided she could be a bit more responsible, we decided together what the password would be...and that I would always know what it was, or she would lose it all together.

Lisa - posted on 07/15/2012

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I have a 13 yr old and two 12 yr olds and they all know as long as their father and I pay the bills we have access to everything. If they don't like it then they can give us their phones, Ipods and lap tops. We don't look at their stuff on a daily basis but we do go into it and check. We have told them we can and will check anytime we want. We have not gotten any complaint from them as of yet. My oldest goes to high school in september I'm sure he will start to complain soon.

Tracy - posted on 07/15/2012

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I require my son (now 15) to tell me any password if I should ask. Sometimes I am right on top of all of it and know passwords to everything and other times I slack and only ask when I think there is a reason. The point is, he knows that I could check any time I want to and if he refuses to share then there will be major consequences. I think it tends to keep him on better behavior when it comes to online life. I also have my own facebook and check his public stuff regularly. As far as "owning" something... I guess I don't give a major hoot WHAT the law says about his official ownership of items. Never even crossed my mind. There are things that he owns - gifts from us or others, things he saved and bought himself, etc... But that does NOT entitle him to 100% privacy either. If I *ever* think there MIGHT be a reason for me to check in on him, he knows I will not hesitate to tear his room apart. On that note however, he has never given me reason to go farther than to ask to check his text messages (I've done that maybe 5 times in the 5 years he's had a phone) or to superficially check his room over. But probably 80+% of those times was just to keep him on his toes more than it was that I doubted what he was up to. Now my 2 year old daughter on the other hand... I can only hope she will be as responsible and mature as her brother but signs aren't pointing that way so far! That girl might be a whole different story with nothing but a mattress and a bedspread if I can't trust her behavior as she ages... :)

Angie - posted on 07/13/2012

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wow Emily...makes me somewhat glad we don't live in Australia as I could definitely see my 15yo reporting me for stealing...lol. Thankfully Australia has certain restrictions on what children can technically buy...I know I'm not the only parent that has a defiant teenager thinking he has "so-called" rights to internet privacy. I wish more parents would get on their teenager's social networking pages ~ think it would be an eye-opener of what their children are putting out there. We just had a 12yo & 15yo girl run away from home to meet some guy they met on facebook...it's a much scarier world out there that I do believe we, as parents, need to stay on top of.

Emily - posted on 07/12/2012

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Oh okay Angie, in Australia once somebody owns something, they own it. Children can't buy phones/certain video games without a valid drivers license so parents do have some control. But a child can report their parents for 'stealing' something they bought. Not that i know anyone who would start that battle :P

Angie - posted on 07/12/2012

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Emily...if the child/teen is under 18, in my state they cannot legally own anything....sure they can use their saved up birthday money or babysitting money and buy something, but that doesn't remove our rights as parents to monitor or even ground them from it. My 14yo tried that one with his ipod telling me he bought it, I had no right to take it away because it was "his". When he finally conceded to the grounding, he passworded it so I couldn't access any of his info....I eventually found out he had hacked my internet router to retrieve the password, was using the ipod to sneak out, make drug deals, and was breaking into vehicles....Mind you, my son might lean towards the extreme of defiant teenagers, it is soooooo important as parents that these children/teenagers social activity is monitored and parents keep their role as parents during this technology challenging time.

Nikki - posted on 07/10/2012

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When my teens were young and still with my daughter. i used to know passwords, now i just make them sit down and login to their msn, or facebook or any other type of account they may have, i then go through their friends lists with them.. I look at the name if i do not know it, i ask who is this person and how do you know them.. If they say they met them on fb, or in a game i delete them... i did this monthly when they were younger. my boys i do not do it with anymore as they are 18 and 20... But my daughter i still randomly check her accounts... But i also let my kids know ... just because i know their password does not mean i will keep snooping. I never hide it from them and most times i have them sitting with me. Its still a trust thing right... Even now because of the trust thing, i can ask my older boys what their info is to login to fb etc... and they will not even hesitate to give it to me. You need to know what your young ones are doing. and be able to guide and teach them what is safe and not safe on the big world wide web!!! I applaud you for having concern and caring... i know a lot of parents that don't monitor even the young ones online and that scares me!!

Emily - posted on 07/10/2012

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What if the child/teen has paid for the ipod/laptop/phone themselves then? do different rules apply?

Gail - posted on 02/14/2010

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No, it is not like going through their room or diary. These children have no idea how dangerous the internet can be. They are so naive!!

You need to reassure your child that just because you have the password does not mean you are going to be checking on them everyday.

Cudos to you for being a concerned mom!! More parents should see what their children are up to!

I worked at a middle school and parents had no idea what their children were doing! BJ parties, girls with vibrators, boys asking for rubbers, the way the girls dressed and said. Its a fine line, be discreet, listen to your kids and their friends. Get involved with the school. Stop in for lunch with them one day, take them lunch. Don't be a parent at the school, save that for home. Try to be a friend.

Rebecca - posted on 02/14/2010

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You have that right as long as they are in your house!!! Who's computer is it? Who bought the ipod? The internet is a scarey place for pre-teens and teens. You need to know. Freedom will come for them when they are 18 and not with you. Rebecca

BillieSue - posted on 02/13/2010

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Absolutley not ! my children arent allowed anything on the net without giving me passwords you have a right to check up on your children. its better they be mad at you then them doing something you need to know about and cant because of no password acsess

Joan - posted on 02/12/2010

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absolutely not. when my kids were young teens i had to know their passwords or they did not use the comp.the comp and ipod are priviledges not rights. if your 12 year old wants to use them they will provide you with that info.you need to watch their activity. that's your job. once you feel that they can make good sound judgements then you can provide them with more privacy.

Jane - posted on 02/12/2010

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Nope. That was my rule ALWAYS! My husband and I work in Information Technology so my kids kinda knew that it didn't really matter whether I had their passwords or not because I could get them BUT it was just the way it was. If they wanted access to the internet, have a computer, etc., the rule was I have passwords to all accounts (email, facebook, myspace, etc.) and I could access them any time I wanted. They also knew that I would check history on what kind of sites they were going to. You can NOT be too careful with this kind of stuff and that should be your rule until they are 18.

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