PLEASE HELP ME ASAPPP. Unruly SOn

Barbara - posted on 08/20/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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PLEASE HELP ME ASAPPP. My son has been stealing his entire life since he was 5. Ive always told him it was wrong but he still has been doing it. Hes never stopped and ive cried about it, ive prayed about it, ive even made him talk to cops so he knew wat would happen if he didnt stop. he still persists to steal and lie about it. He sometimes even steals food from the house and eats it upstair. i dont mind him taking food but he steals it as if hes not allowed to have it. i know this because i end up finding the wrappers under his bed or between the couch in places that they shouldnt be. He has 2 brothers and a sister and i know hes a bad influence on them and i feel so bad that they have to grow up to see me bitter because my son just cant behave himself. hes done it all from call me the B word on his facebook page to even getting me arrested because i lost it and bleached his clothes as he tried to throw them all outside to retrieve later. my sisters all tell me to let him go but he's my first born son and i dont really know what to do can someone please help me. He just got caught stealing from walmart yesterday and he has to go to court. Oh and did i mention HE's 18 NOW still doing the things that got himm in trouble when he was 5. Im at a loss and dont know what to do. i wish i had done more when he was younger but i always felt the need to protect him and shelter him which is wrong. now i feel like he can't change and its too late. he told me he spoke with a psychologist who believes he has ADHD and its his impulsiveness that makes him steal but he's lied so much i dont know what to believe. my husband has been with him since he was 2 since his real father hasn't been around and my husband just wants him out of our life and yesterday we reached the point where we packed his stuff and dropped him off at his dorm and told him not to contact us unless we contact him. I dont know what to say or do. Please help me

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Francine956 - posted on 08/20/2012

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My prayers are with you Barbara. This situation sounds very serious for everyone in your family. Just from reading your post, I believe he may have a deeper problem than just ADHD. If he has been doing this since the age of 5 and feels like he has to steal food from his own refrigerator this would cause alarms to go off in my head as a parent. I don't know if your need to protect and shelter him is the main reason why he has these tendencies, but I am sure that they did not help. Now that he is an adult, he will have to face the consequences of his actions. If he continues down this path and continues to get caught, I believe there is not much you can do as he is an adult. If you really want to help him the only option I see is having an intervention and finding some type of rehabilitation center that treats this kind of problem. You and your husband have to keep the communication open and agree together on if this is something that you can do for him. Regardless of the outcome, your husband is the one who has been by your side and helped deal with this situation over the years. As a wife, as hard as it may be for me to let one of my children "sink or swim" as an adult, I would not want to create distance between me and my husband.

In the unfortunate event that your son does end up in prison, I think as a parent I would support him and let him know I still love him and will be there for him when he gets out, IF he has changed. Sometimes it takes something as drastic as this to help young adults learn their lesson and decide to change and make something of their life.

Your decision to take him back to school and leave is probably the best situation as you have other children in the house and need to focus on keeping them on the right path. As a parent even though I feel bitter and full of resentment, I would not let that affect my relationship with my other children. They need me as their parent to be strong and able to guide them and love with the best intentions. I would also explain to them(if they are old enough) what has happened. They should learn what happens when you break the law (go to court, have a consequence). You should explain how it hurts you because you still love him, but sometimes young adults make decisions without thinking of of anyone else but themselves.

My heart goes out to you all. I hope my words help in some way, from one parent to another. God bless......

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