Pre-teen daughter crying ALL the time

Genevieve - posted on 02/09/2010 ( 15 moms have responded )

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Ok. So, my daughter isn't a teenager yet but I am hoping somebody has gone thru this and has some advise. She is 10 yrs old. She's pretty mature for her age. I am sure she's getting ready to start her period like any minute now. All 4 of my sisters and I started when we were 10. So I know this is probably a hormonal thing. I jsut don't know what to do to help her. She is crying herself to sleep almost every night. She says that she doesn't know why she's crying she jsut can't stop. She says she doesn't know how to put her feelings into words to tell me what's wrong. I've asked her if somethings going on at school or anywhere else in her life. She says no, there's nothing that's making her cry. She's just sad and can't stop crying. I hold her. I've had her take a hot shower with a candle going trying to get her calmed down. I've tried making her a nice warm cup of tea. These things seem to make her feel good for the moment but she just can't stop crying. I want to be there for her and try to make it better but I don't want to give in to the drama queen side of it either. Cuz let's be real, we can all be drama quenns from time to time. Especially young girls!! But it's really heartbreaking! Any advice??

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Christena - posted on 01/17/2013

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Wow this is EXACTLY what I'm dealing with with my 12 yr old....She is Happy and NOT DEPRESSED at all but has the Crying spurts that she can't handle or stop and don't know why??? I have tried everything to help and it is breaking my heart bc I don't know what to do...I am setting up councilling for her and a horomone test and I hope we can figure this thing out SOON! I know there is Alot of changes going on on our planet and its affecting everyone so I'm thinking this is alot of it! For anyone who wants to know what im talking about Google Earth changes in the human body for more info!!! Hope all gets through this in peace and our babies are well!!!

Joanne - posted on 05/09/2011

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hi gen, my daughter is exactly the same. i have taken her to the dr where we were fobbed off and told it was to soon to diagnose, just watch the food that she eats and make sure she sleeps enough..... this just gives her more time to dwell in bed!!!! would really appreciate if you could let me know how you have got on, as i hate to see her like this.



cheers Jo x

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I have a 15 soon to be 16 year old daughter that is still very emotional. I even had her put on birth control pills thinking it may be hormonal, but that didnt help. she was a very emotional child as well. Just might be something we will have to deal with til they grow out of it. I have been told from friends that have older children, that they went through the same thing. it is normal :)

Jane - posted on 02/12/2010

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Honestly, I'd talk to her pediatrician. While this could be hormonal, typical pre-teen behavior or, as you said "drama queen" type behavior, it could also be some form of depression. I'm certainly no expert except I have a 20 year old daughter, but I can say, while hormones, pre-teen stuff and drama queen things occurred in my home, it wasn't all the time. Crying all the time would be concerning to me. Take her to the doctor!!!!!!

Karen - posted on 11/18/2010

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So glad I came across this post. My daughter (age 11) has been going through this crying thing off and on for a year now. Just last night she had another. She got up out of bed and came to me crying saying "I don't know what's wrong with me I just feel like something is wrong and can't stop crying." She swears everything is fine at school and with her friends. Her grades are great, she just made the cheerleading winter squad, and is making more friends. Everything should be perfect! I hope that this is hormones and Pre PMS. I'm afraid that she is going to be bi-polar 2 like me. She is very dramatic and I don't want to get her freaking out about me being bi-polar. How do I just comfort her into believing that it IS just hormones, that other girls have the same issues, and get her through this stage?

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Megan - posted on 01/16/2013

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Mine has the same problem! She does have depression, but we have tried everything! Today she started crying when she had to redo her essay on a fiction story she had to make up.

Tara - posted on 02/16/2010

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I tend to agree to Jane McNally, her pediatrition, would be my first move. If the crying isn't discused then she may feel that it's not okay, or if too much attention is given to the "Drama Queen" type she may keep this behaviour up. Along with the doctor, I may? also bring her into a counseling pre-session, where she is evaluated for everything including depression, or any other psychatric problems. Hopefully it is hormones. Just to be safe you will need to exclude all other possibilities. Good luck to you, my daughter had the same problems, and unfortunately @ 15 she did try to commit suicide...Was it drama, yes and no. She is currently receiveing intense outpatient treatment through the state. It has helped tremendously.

Debbie - posted on 02/15/2010

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1. Encourage her to write in a journal. Just putting it down visually helps her realize how big or little her woes are at her age. Also, by writing her changes, she can see that things get better. By all means, let her know you won't be reading it unless she wants you too. Keep her trust by keeping your promises and don't read unless she says its okay.



2. Be there. Let her know that she may not have words now, but she will. Let her know through a card or note, or verbally that when she is ready to use those words, you will be there to listen and not judge.



My daughter had a really hard time her middle school years. This is a time when everyone that was your friend or classmate now decides who they "like" for whatever reason they decide. She went from being a best friend to a "left out" because she had a boyfriend, and the others stopped hanging around her to keep from being "in the way". Problem was, she was alone. I didn't hear about it until it was over, but she cried every night then too.



If you think it may be hormonal, take her to the doctor and see if there is something that can help her become more stable while her body is changing.



Good luck, Debbie

Lezlie - posted on 02/15/2010

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Hi Genevieve, I have a 13 year old and she would go through spikes in her emotions that started when she was 10 and became so regular that I could time them by the weeks and time of the month. I had her start a journal and I also had her speak with a therapist for a year or so when it became very difficult. I wanted to make sure she was not suffering from depression due to the life changes that we were going through as a family. (Her father and I divorced when she was 2 and then I remarried, then we moved..) When the mood swings became very regular I started having her take some Midol with her daily vitamin during that week (she still had not started her monthly cycle yet). She just started her monthly cycle in Jan and like clock work it is happening at the same time as her mood swings were. She now asks me for the Midol because she understands more now how it helps. If your daughter is crying nightly then I would take her in to speak with your pediatrician or if you have the insurance for it seak out a therapist or counselor that specializes in children's behavior. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

Angel - posted on 02/13/2010

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ya know what, I have an 11 year old son who will be 12 very soon and he recently started going through the same things. He would be sad, depressed or even cry for no apparent reason and it was really bothering him. We talked to his pediatrician and the doc said it is a hormonal thing that all kids go through about this age and to just do our best to be there for him. We also informed the counselor and teachers at school and they talk to him to make sure he's ok. A lot of it had to do with, we think at least, the kids at his school are getting ready to move into jr high and its a big change and transition. He also doesnt have the same friends cause some have moved away or went to different schools within the district. I would suggest letting her know its normal and you totally understand and ask her if there's anything she can think of that you can do to help her. That way she feels a part of the process and she is trying to help herself with it. Good Luck, I hope this helps.

Allie - posted on 02/12/2010

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when my 12 yr old was around 10 she started her period and I knew it was coming because she started getting headaches all the time. it is a hormonal thing and you may want to see a doctor just to make sure if you like. give her a journal and this way she can drawl or write what she feels.

Nicole - posted on 02/11/2010

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Wow sound really familiar, what I had my daughter do and also my god daughter who is 7 yrs old do is write it on paper. I am not sure why but for some strange reason it is easier to write your feelings than to speak out loud ,have her write it and reassure her that you won't judge. Let her know that you will love her no matter what. Believe me it works now my daughter and god daughter talks me to death.

Julie - posted on 02/10/2010

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give her lots of time with just the 2 of you without asking questions. sometimes just being quite doing something simple can make the other person feel they have to fill the silence and she may just choose to talk about what is on her mind. if nothing comes of this then maybe you need to explain that you are worried ask her what you can do to help and say that you are thinking of talking to the school and her doctor if things don't improve, if she is just being a bit of a 'drama queen' then this might be enough to shock her out of it. if not then it will give you chance to ask school how she is there and get some advice from the GP.
i hope things get better, good luck

Lisa - posted on 02/09/2010

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That's a tough one. Teen girls can be all about the drama and it does seem to start as soon as they hit double digits. Have there been any changes in your daughters life? How long has this been going on? When did it start? Sometimes it is difficult for any child to be able to talk to their parent if there is something that is making her sad and cry. They dont think that we can relate. Like we havent already been through being a teenage girl. It may be a good idea to talk to her pediatrician if there is no improvement.

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