pregnant 17 year old daughter

Angela - posted on 09/06/2010 ( 36 moms have responded )

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So despite having her on birth control for 2 years, my 17 year old daughter is pregnant. She will b 18 in January and will be moving in with her boyfriend who is also 17 and his Mom. What I need help with is this. She is in her senior year in high school and I would like to see her graduate. (the baby is due in April) My husband (her step-dad) and her use to be really close and since we found out she is pregnant the two of them won't even talk to each other. And I am stuck right in the middle of the two of them being angry at one another all the time and it hurts my feelings. She wants to move out now, because we won't bend our rules so that she can spend all of her time with the baby's father. She has curfew still and if her grades get below a c she can't go out during the week, and she says hateful things to me about not wanting to live here and how we suck as parents. I don't know what to do. Should I let her go and live with her boyfriend at his mother's house and give up on my daughter? Or do I stick to my guns and keep her home until she is 18 and try my hardest to prepare her for motherhood the best I can and ignore all the hateful words and feelings going on? I realize being pregnant brings out lots of emotions. I went through it obviously. But I am having such a hard time being to middle person between her and my husband. And None of this is fair to my 12 year old son who has to also listen to all the negativity going on. HELP!!! I am at my wits end!!!!!

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Sheila - posted on 10/06/2010

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Bless your heart. My daughter was 15 turning 16 in January when we found out she was pregnant. She did the samething pulling that with us, and my mistake was letting her move in with his family because we were sick of all the BS she was pulling and saying etc. So please learn a hard lesson from me. She is 17 years old and whether she realizes it now or yet she needs her mom right now more then anything. It may not seem that way because of her behviour, but I would stick to my guns because when she turns 18 trust me she will have her stuff packed the night before and moving out the day she is 18. Make her follow your rules remind her that she is only 17 and that is your home and the rules will apply to her as long as she lives in your home no matter what age she is period!! I know it is living hell their right now I could write a book on what happened with my daughter in this situation that would blow your mind on what we were put through. Hang in their and stick to your guns. You are responsible for her until she is 18, then if she wants to go help her pack her stuff and send her on her way gladly. Eventually she will look back and feel bad about how she treated you all..:( I am not always on here but if you need a friend by all means shoot me an email..smcoleman05@yahoo.com.
Take care
Sheila

Angela - posted on 09/19/2010

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i was 17 and in my senior year of high school when i got pregnant. my mother 'made' me continue living at home and complete my education. at the time, i thought she was the most hateful mother in the world.......no way did she understand what i was going through..........i was plenty old enough to be on my own.............i didn't have to graduate to get a decent job..............all she cared about was controlling me............and so forth and so on. it took about a week after i had the baby to be grateful for what she had done.........not to me, but for me. i'm now 39 and i still am so grateful to her for all she sacrificed to make sure a hard situation a little bit easier for me. i would not trade those 4 months after the baby was born and we still lived at home for anything. she taught me so much................me!!! who at 17 was absolutely convinced i knew everything and mama didn't have a lick of sense. lol.

i know how hard things are for all of you right now.........i've traveled that road. (and frankly, your husband is only making a bad situation worse. right now, she needs his support, love and understanding) stick to your guns i'm sure, in time, she will appreciate what you've done and will be thankful

Cari - posted on 09/08/2010

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DO NOT LET HER LEAVE! My opinion, I'm sure some will oppose it but here's the deal from experience. I had my first child when I was 14, moved out of my parents house when I was 15, back and forth until I was 21. A lot of growing up needs to happen, and when you allow your child to leave your home, you lose all say so on what she does and what her boyfriend and his family do to your daughter, emotionally.
I do not know the whole story with their relationship, and it's wonderful that he wants to be a part of it but as a mother, trust your gut instinct, don't let her hateful words change your decision. I know at her age I was still talking to my mother in a way i shouldn't have been and I had 2 children by then, as far as your husband, he's probably pretty hurt by the situation and you three should talk, in a way that will get things and feeling straightened out. She is probably feeling a little guilty about being pregnant too. Be strong, and don't allow yourself to be stuck in the middle, lock them in a room until they get back to communicating again.
I feel for you Angela, my daughter will be 15 in a week, and I sure don't want to be a grandma at 29.

Heather - posted on 09/08/2010

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I was a mom at 17, with no mom....my mom left me for alcohol when I was 15.....
At 17, I really could have used a mom. Do not go against her. She will fight all the way, Just tell her you will be there for her. The more you push her away the more she will want nothing to do with you. I know. I still dont talk to my mom. She still dont like my husband.Im now 36, with 3 teens and still very happy with my hubby after 20 years. I wish my mom could have seen the last 20 years of my life.

OH, make sure the 12y/o does not get pushed to the side and the pregnancy takes center stage. Involve him with his sister.

Jennifer - posted on 09/06/2010

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I was a 17 year old mother once ... not only is 17 extremely emotional, on top of being pregnant, understand there may be some shame and embarrassment and shame she is dealing with and possibly step-dad too. I did graduate from high school, that was super important to me.

I needed my mom to support me, to love me and my children. There is so much I know today that she never told me.

Be there for your daughter, keep guiding her down the right path. She and step-dad need to talk but he probably has to make the first move, she is too emotional to handle the stress of doing it.

Best of luck to all of you.

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Ouch. This hits home. I did the same things to my parents. I was pregnant at 17 and said many nasty thinsg to my parents because they wouldn't let me spend every waking moment with my boyfriend. My parents actually gave up on me and let me move out, which led to me dropping out of school and losing a lot of friends. I know that it is a little late now, but I wish that my parents have put their foot down and kept me in school etc. I believe that you are doing the right thing, and hopefully your daughter will see that eventually. I know for me, I realized when it was too late. Now it is too hard for me to get a job because I didn't even finish school. I feel that having a baby has made me open my eyes to a lot more and understand my parents more. Nowadays I am getting along better with my mother. As for my father, well he had an accident last year and suffers TBI, causing him to not remember anything. I cannot even apologize to him anymore and I wish I was a better daughter to him. I hope that your daughter will realize the importance of education and family before she does what I did. If I could go back in time I would slap myself and tell myself to stop being such a b****.

Hang in there Angela!!!

Janet - posted on 10/06/2010

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I feel that letting her go will give her a taste of the real world, and we both know that this world is hard to live in as adults but it will be even harder as a pregnant teen. They have to learn from there mistakes and in hopes that everything you taught her she will use it out there in the world. I don't have a girl but I don have a 17 year old boy that has a girlfriend for over a year now.
I think once she realize that its not easy out there she will be running home to mom and saying I should have listened to you. Good luck and congratulation on being a grandmother. Babies are a blessing from God.

Patricia - posted on 10/05/2010

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I to was a teenage parent .I had my son at 15 and believe me it was not easy..I wish to this day my mom would have pushed me to finish school. I know i would have put up a fight but I think I would have thanked her in the long run. I think your daughter thinks that because she is pregnant she is an adult that can make her own decisions and you know that the decisions she will make will hurt her in the end. Sit down with her over dinner and expain to her about what will happen if she doesnt finish school. Believe me she is listening she may not look like she is , but she is. I am now 30 and barly going back to school because of my children. I dont regret having my children , I regret having them so young and not finishing school..you are a wonderful mother that only want the best for your daughter and grandchild.I hope everything works out for you and her.Remember she needs you now more then ever , what ever the decision she makes, be there to support her..God Bless

Terri - posted on 10/04/2010

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Well first of all if you are supporting her, you need to sit down with her and your husband and tell them they need to stop. Then explain to her that as long as you support her financially she is going to obey the rules, grades especially. But you need to include the baby's father and like it or not accept that he is now part of your life. Your husband is disappointed, your daughter feels guilty and no matter there is a baby coming and that baby is your grandchild. So man up MOM.....sit em down and get it straight. Nip it in the Bud!!!!!! Hopefully she will not just graduate but go on to college. Good Luck and no more middle person!!!!!!

Jennifer - posted on 10/01/2010

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I was a 16yo Mom and didnt have any parental support as my mother was on drugs. I say you should definitely keep her home n help her to make the right choiced that will better her life later on. She is still to young to deal with being a teen , a student, and a mom on her own. No matter what she might think. She will thank you for it later...good luck....also, she will understand more when her child is a teen..

Angie - posted on 09/30/2010

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i also had a child at 18 and my step dad was NOT a happy camper. Being a teenager is an emotional roller coaster as it is and being pregnant on top of is a crazy ride. I had many complication during my pregnancy but my family was there to support me. In fact my step dad was the first person besides the dr to hold my daughter! Be there for her lt her know she is loved and that life will be a challenge but it can be done. And can be done successfully!!! So far as your husband i understand his disappointment but acting like a child him self and withholding any and all contact with her is ignorant! He needs to grow up and realize that she will always be his little girl in his heart but she is having a child and needs him now more than she ever will! Good luck and maybe you should gt your daughter on circle of moms as well!

Bonnie - posted on 09/30/2010

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Keep her home and in school until she can decide. You have a limited amount of time to prepare her for her life and how to be a mother.

Shayne - posted on 09/28/2010

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This is a hard time for both you and her, I was 16 when I had my 1st daughter, who is now 21, And my advice to you is stick to guns, be there for support, she may think you are horrible now but after she has the baby she is going to want and need you, My parents made me stay with them and I finished off my school certificate thru Sydney correspondence School as I only had a few months left of school and needed to finish the year enrolled at a school, With the help of my school and my parents I got my education and had my baby and if my parents where not there to push me in the right direction and give me that support I would hate to think where I would have ended up, My parents where there every step of the way reguardless if I wanted their help or not and they made me take responsiblity for myself and the baby,And thanks to my parents I have no regrets of what if's cause they made me finish my schooling and also learn to be a parent with their support, I remember hating my parents for a while, but I also remember being scared and I must have been a real cow towards them. I later married my baby's father, that lasted 10years, We grew apart cause we were too young and had different ideas where we wanted our lives to head, But we are still friends for the sake of our children and learnt from our mistakes, And both pray we are never in the situation that we put our parents thru. So Stick to your guns, she may hate you now but she will thank you later when she realises you did it cause you love her and want whats best for her... But it will be trying at times.

Kennetha - posted on 09/26/2010

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I WOULDNT LET HER LEAVE NOW, I THINK THAT A FIRST PREGNANCY IS BEST HELPED BY HER MOM! WE ARE GOING THRU THE SAME THING MY 17 YR OLD STEP DAUGHTER IS ALSO PREGNANT , SHE'S DUE IN OCTOBER( YIKES!) HER RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DAD ( MY HUSBAND ) IS IN THE TOILET!! THEY DO NOT SPEAK AT ALL. ITS ONLY BECAUSE HE'S HURT THAT SHE'S HAVING A BABY! I HOPE THAT WHEN HE SEE'S THE BABY HE'LL BE OK .I'M SURE THAT YOUR DAUGHTER AND YOUR HUSBAND WILL MEND THEIR RELATIONSHIP , IT WILL TAKE TIME THO. AS FAR AS YOU BEING IN THE MIDDLE , MY ADVICE IS TO ALLOW THEM TO WORK ON IT WITHOUT YOU TRYING TO BE THE MIDDLE MAN. HE'S PROBABLY HURT AND DISAPPOINTED LIKE MY HUSBAND. AND YES BEING PREGNANT BRINGS OUT EMOTUION BUT YOU SHOULD NEVER ALLOW HER TO BE DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU , YOU ARE STILL HER PARENT AND YOU DESERVE TO BE TREATED AS SUCH! GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY .

Christina - posted on 09/21/2010

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All these people posting to let her go, please don't listen to them! I too was a mom at 17. I hated my mom for interfering in my life, and blamed her for everything I did because I didn't agree with her religious choices for me so I deliberately did 'sinful' things to get at her. BUT now I am 35, divorced and remarried, have 4 kids, 2 of them teenage girls and guess what.... I didn't know that much when I was 17, even tho I thought I knew it all, and I have turned into a small version of my mother all the same things she told me, I tell my daughters. I didn't graduate high school when I was a teen because I got married to the baby daddy and figured he would take care of me forever. That so did not happen. 8 years and 2 kids only turned him into an alcoholic and drug addict. I did get a GED later, but that definitely doesn't make life easier. Make her stay as long as you can, and if family counseling is an option for your family, I say DO IT! It can help your son as well to be able to express himself. AND last but not least, have her join us! Obviously there is a TON of teen moms in the circle, if she won't listen to you... maybe she can hear our stories and believe that we know, because we have been there already.

Shirley - posted on 09/21/2010

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Angela, I also was a pregnant 17yr old, now 37 and I dont think there is always the right answer I do know that as a teenager we do not want rules but as women we realize that disipline is LOVE! I'm sure you love her so protect her the best way you can, let her know that you are doing it out of love even if she seems to hate you now she WILL appreciate the fact that you were willing to be hated, uncomfortable...whatever it took to do what you thought was best out of love! We as parents can not make all their choices for them but you can lead and prepare them for real life which sometimes you have to remind them you have a little more experience in...even if they dont believe you LOL! Try hard to keep the lines of communication open more often than not kids just want to be heard and validated! In this complicated situation talking is a must, maybe even consider a mediator if this is too difficult to do without help. Good counsel is under rated I'm not talking about any Joe Schmo but someone who really can help! But Please keep talking, praying and whatever it takes, in this situation emotions run high for everyone involved but remember this situation is your soon to be Grandchild and is a blessing, just as your children were so, hug her kiss her tell her how much you love her and ignore all the hurtful words...retaliation will get you nowhere but farther apart, in fact try to get her alone and be real with her on how hurtful her words are when people are scared and hurt and mad at themselves they tend to lash out at whoever is closest, she thinks she means it now but I promise she wont later! Be strong, dont leave God out...he is the best source for strength, guidence and the right answer to lifes mysteries! God Bless you Angela, your daughter and Your Grandbaby! And tell your daughter she is not alone, I have been there, it was tough but my daughter is now 20yrs old and a wonderful young lady making better decisions than I did..Going into the Army National Gaurd to be a firefighter,graduated HS and Med school I couldnt be prouder! It is possible! I was straight with her apologized for my mistakes and tough with her when I saw her heading in the wrong direction! I did not let her use my ymistakes to get away with ruining her own life...kids will do this... I just reminded her that I knew my past and I loved her too much to let my mistakes ruin her future and please believe me when I say i had to at times take drastic measures to protect her! Please give your daughter a hug and kiss from me and tell her everything is going to be ok. and for your husband the best thing he can do is the same as her has always done except step it up LOVE her more with words and actions, get as close as she'll let you pull her in when shes screaming and pushing you away...she wants him to fight for her, its proof of how much he loves her, she needs a strong man to stand up and be her hero! Tell him to ignore the words remember the good time and hold on because if he doesnt give up on her now...the good times will be back again soon! She NEEDS him and especially needs his words of kindness, encouragement and lots and lots of his love, I cannot stress how important and how DESPERATLEY us girls NEED our Daddys love and attention! Which by the way is usually why we seek so hard to please men, sometimes in the wrong way...which is how I also ended up pregnant at 17! Anyone who would love me was good enough! Sad but true! I'm not saying its his fault or that he failed I'm saying KEEP LOVING her she still needs you, now more than ever Grandpa :) Let her and the thought of the woman she will become to raise your grandchild melt your heart a little and show her that this can truly be the blessing god intended it to be, along with the work LOL May God richly Bless your family, I will pray for you all! Much Love XOXOXO'S coming your way :)

Debbie - posted on 09/17/2010

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sorry just read all the posts and i dont understand how ppl can say MAKE HER STAY AT HOME how can you make her stay you cant shes 17 you have to make her relise that the grass isnt always greener on the other side but at the end of the day shes only gunna do what she wants

Debbie - posted on 09/17/2010

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shes 17 and at the moment she thinks she knows best she wont understand how you are feeling or why you do what you do untill her baby is born it takes someone to be a mum to understand a mothers actions i think its a bit late for curfews and limiting the time spent with her boyfriend he also needs to go through the prehnancy with her and while there under your roof you know shes well looked after and maybe that will show in her studies let him move in with you that way you are kept in the loop and when she needs her mum your on hand cos she will im 35 with 4 kids and needed my mum with all of them and wish she was still here now as my mum told me when i wasnt pleased with finding out i was expecting my 3rd child when my second was only 8 months old "for god sake you could have cancer and be dying your not your pregnant" its so true things could be worse as for your husband he will snap out of it the day the baby arrives right now theres nothing you can do to change his feelings all you can do is look farward to the birth of your grandchild cos theres nothing you can do to change things

Audrey - posted on 09/16/2010

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Your first responsibility is to your daughter and if your husband doesn't understand then he should hit the bricks. I was 17 and pregnant. My mom and dad was going through a divorce and they ended moving back in together for us kids. I had my beautiful daughter and she passed away at a week old of crib death. It devastated our whole family. You do what you have to for your daughter and that beautiful grandchild that she is carrying. Alot of the hateful words are hormones and emotions that she doesn't understand yet. When she holds that beautiful child it will all come to her and what doesn't come to her, she will need you for. It is your responsibility not her boyfriends mom. If you don't step up to the plate for her and that baby, she will never forgive you. What is going on with her stepdad will all work out on its own. I hope this helps.

Tracy - posted on 09/13/2010

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It sounds like she still needs to mature quite a bit - maybe this situation hasn't really become real to her yet either. I had my son at 17 and I can tell you it wasn't extremely real until I left the hospital with him. I matured a lot during the pregnancy but it still was very surreal. As much as I think you should keep her at home with you, maybe a "compromise" might be to tell her that you are willing to HEAR her. Maybe that's all she needs. Ask her to sit down and list the benefits that would come to HER *and* the baby if she were to move in with her boyfriend. What would the cons be? What would be the benefits of staying at your house longer? The cons? Maybe explain to her that the few extra months she spends at your house and really cracking down on school work will demonstrate that she is ready and mature to move out and then she will have your blessing.

Just some thoughts of what I would have loved to see out of my parents when I was younger and in the same situation. :)

Susan - posted on 09/13/2010

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Let her know you only want what's best for her.You can only offer your opinion. Pray and encourage her to do the same. God will provide the answer. Love her unconditionally and welcome the thought of becoming a grandmother. Focus on your husband and 12 year old. If she stays or goes your not going to give up on her.

Lenisa Wayne - posted on 09/11/2010

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Until she is 18, you are the mother....End of story...She either listens to you, or ONCE she is 18, she can leave...At that point (18 ) she is grown...but until then...You are doing what you see right and stick to it...Sorry her step dad has decided not to be a dad but you are mom and will always be...Maybe her real dad should say something to her...IF HE CAN BE TRUSTED TO SAY THE RIGHT THING!!! Good luck,,,it can be hard...

Marielba - posted on 09/11/2010

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I totally understand wanting to keep her home, but this all depends on how you and her and her step father are getting along. The more tense it is, the more she will hate living there. You need to talk to your husband and make him understand nothing he says or does is going to change her mind, or the fact that she is having a baby. She is having a baby no matter what happens and your husband fighting will only make things worse. From personal experience, I am saying this because I went through it. I had my daughter when I was 15 years old, (I am 30 now) My daugther's father (now my husband) got an apartment for us to live in, paied all the bills and wanted me to finish school and go to college- which I did end up doing. My mother and step-father on the other hand, were always breathing down my throat, making me want to raise the baby their way, telling me where to go, what to do and how to do it and making me feel that I was incompetent, irresponsible for having a baby that young. It doesn't help that being a teen mom, society looks at you that way even if you are doing good for yourself. Your daughter might be doing all she can to hide her feelings of guilt, resentsment, inadequacy, etc. YES, I do understnd I was only 15, but when the tension became unbearable, I left with my daughter. She was 6 months old, I left home, moved in with my husband anyway, and didn't talk to my mother for 2 years.
What I am trying to say is that the fights between your daughter and step-father don't get better, it is going to drive her away and then it will be worse. Sit down with them both. Give her reasonable rules nd expectations. It is her baby, and I agree with a previous poster that if she wants her boyfriend to spend time with the baby she is allowed to do so! My mother would let my husband come over for one hour and that was devastating to me.
As for your son, you need to explain to him also that the family is going through a very difficult time right now and you are going to do the best you can to fix it. My sister was 12 when I got pregnant and it was terrible for her.

Louise - posted on 09/10/2010

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I know it would be best for her to finish school but at the end of the day you can not force her to study. Could she not complete her education the following year. I would ring the school and ask for there advice. If she is causing a problem at home I think I would let her go and live with the boyfriend I bet you she will be back within a month when things are not a rosy as she thinks they will be. Lets face it when we are pregnant and things are not going our way who do we all turn to MUM. I think if you force her to stay at school she will come out with some half hearted results. She will come to her sences as the pregnancy continues and she will be back with her tail between her legs. Sometimes letting kids make there own mistakes is the only way they learn. Phone the school today to see what they can do for you.

Ali - posted on 09/09/2010

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Look you people make me so mad!! I was pregnant at 17 and had my daughter at 18! I live in england and we leave school at 16 here but my stepdad hated me when he found out i fell pregnant and you know what we dont get on to this day! Your daughter has every right to see the father of HER babys dad! if you keep on holding on to her and telling her what to do she will rebel and her grades WILL drop. so whats going to happen is she gets below Cs? you will keep your pregnant daughter in? Even though you know for a fact most of her teenage life is gone the second she has that baby? Your husband has to lay off she is pregnant and she has to move out they are in eachothers hair all the time! You lot may diss agree but i was her just a year ago i know how it is you lot don't! shes aout to be a mum at a young age give her some space let her have these last few months as a normal teenager!

Diana - posted on 09/09/2010

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As a former teen mom myself, I would stick to your guns. One day she will see how lucky she was to have a mom who is willing to be there for her and support her. Staying in school and trying to go to college is the best she can do for herself and her baby.I wish my mom was there for me. I managed to finish high school and now am taking nursing classes, but it was harder because I didn't have the support you are giving your daughter. I hate when people say that all teen moms are doomed to fail and have kids who fail. They are not, but it takes a lot of hard work and helps with a supportive family. My son I had at 17 is now an honor student at the school I graduated from the year after he was born. Good luck to you and your family. I hope your daughter understands that you are trying to do what's best for her. (Boyfriends always don't stick around and keep helping after the baby comes either, but you are always her mom.)

Talea - posted on 09/08/2010

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Keep her home to finish school. My mom did when I was in that situation and she even gave the choice of a senior ring (the one I wanted was 20k gold, opals EXPENSIVE) or to go to night school so I could graduate with my class. I chose night school ontop of going to school during the day. (I was behind in my grades because of my to he** with you attitude.) I graduated month late, 2 months later Dustin was born, and a month after that I was 18. I stayed home a little longer and faced my issues. I never married the birth father, and life has not been easy, BUT I married a man who loves my son as is own, we've had 3 other children born, and while money is certainly tight, we are happy and enjoy our family. ALL our family. :)

Pepsi - posted on 09/07/2010

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Not only am I a mother of two teenage GIRLS 18 and 16 years old. I was a teenage mother of two at the age of 17, married to my wonderful husband at 17, owned our own home at the age of 18, and now the proud grandparents of a wonderful 1 year old granddaughter. My oldest daughter got pregnant at 17 I made her stay home follow my rules and be respectful. We did have our ups and downs (we being my husband, daughters, and I). She turned 18 in April and would have graduated in June. She dropped out with less then 2 months of her senior year left and is now paying the price of not being able to find a job without her education and has now returned to school to finally graduate. Children do not always do as we the parents tell them, but in the end they have to learn on their own. Sometimes it's not always in their best interest, but sometimes we as parents just have to let them take the road of hard knocks and stand by their sides no matter what.

Louise - posted on 09/07/2010

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thats bull any1 can get a good job if your a teen mum,i had my son young and managed just fine,i have a good job have since i found out i was pregant and i graduated with aaaa and surport my son very well considering in 21,but keepsing her home is good because if she lives with her bf then u can not supervise her and the baby,i think ur husband is just disapointed in her geting pregnant i rember my step dad being like that towards me but once it blow over he was fine more excited now he loves my son cant get enough of him treats him like a son,but you no it will be hard for her you have to sacurfise alot for a baby you cant go out all the time and party,drink,and things u have to be with that baby 24-7 non stop but thats what i like about being MUM u have to grow up fast and learn to look after sme1 that depends on u so much id never change having my so but i wish id wait till i was a little older to have him...good luck

Kim - posted on 09/07/2010

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Please dont let her go live with her boyfriend and dont give up on her, if for some reason it dont work out between them and she dont finish school she will always blame you, trust me she loves both of you she is just going though all of the emoitions right now, and please tell your husband this is the time she needs him the most as a father and a friend oh she might say she dont but she really does, talk to him and let him know how hard it must be for her and tell him if he is feeling so bad about all of this then just think how she must feel, im sure she love him very much and feels like she lost a close friend and maybe even a part of her and maybe she even feels ashamed. The mean things she says maybe she feels so bad about what she has done she is really angery at herself and dont know how to talk it out or to tell you both how she really feels. Please dont give up on her the reason i know all of this is because i was once her and i pray that someone would have came to my rescue i really needed someone but i pushed everyone away. Im 46 today and have 4 children all together and i have been a pretty good mom i think, but god dont give us nothing we cant handle so be the mom i know you can be and the dad or step dad you can be and god knows you can be and tough it out she will thank you.( I promise) God bless you and your family!

Sherrie - posted on 09/06/2010

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As difficult of a situation you are in, I would make her stay at home until she graduates! As far as your husband, I would tell him to put on his big boy underware (boxers) or else he is going to lose her as a "daughter" and a friend, not to mention a grandchild. She made a mistake, stuff happens. What done is done but at least its not death. It's understandable for him to be upset but think about this. How would he like to be cut off from a parent figure/mentor due to a mistake he made? Is it fair? She needs all the support she can get right now from all her loved ones, including step-dad!! She was on birth control so she didn't make an on purpose choice to get pregnant. This wasn't done intentionally. I feel for the position you are in but stand your ground to both your husband and your daughter; your daughter regarding living at home and your husband regarding his immature behavior. Your 12 yr old son should not have to listen to the negativity or witness it but life is life and he may learn something from it. Reassure your son things are going to be ok and also discuss how this is affecting him to your husband!! Good luck and I hope this helps!!! :)

Steffanie - posted on 09/06/2010

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Your husband need to start acting like an adult, and a role model. Being angry and hostile towards your daughter is making an already heartbreaking situation worse. I understand that you both are heart broken at your daughter's having a child. She has no idea how much harder she has made her life, and how hard it will be to make her career choices come true. Your child living in a hostile environment is hardly the best for your future grandchild! She is an already over emotional teenager, and upset also. My parents, when I got pregnant young, made my living situation hard on me. I had realized that I had made a huge mistake. My ex boyfriend was abusive, and between my parent's hostility, and his abuse, my pregnancy was a living nightmare! I spent most of my pregnancy under greats amount of stress, which added to my morning sickness, and other pregnancy symptoms!

It sounds to me, and everyone involved, it would be better if you allowed your daughter to live with her boyfriend and his mom. She will soon learn how hard it is having a child, working, maintaining a relationship, and trying to go to college. If not, I urge you to make an appointment with a family counselor, and try and work this out with someone that isn't intimately involved with this situation. Maybe some of the restrictions you are putting on your daughter is your own anger at her for becoming pregnant. Just let her go and live her own life, because sooner or later she will have to be a grown up. Let me tell you, it took me many years to forgive my parents for the way they treated me! I resented the hell out of them for many years. Something to think about, the more stress you add to her life, the child can suffer from different problems. My advice, try and make the best of a bad situation. Realize that the more the both you push her away, she can decide not to let you see your grand child, after she/he is born!

Let her know you love her, and are their for her. Give her the support she will need. Offer to babysit when she works/attends school. (Not just if she wants to go and party with her friends.) Encourage her to work, go to college, finish high school. Good luck... Hope everything works out!

I would be heartbroken, if my children had a child at a young age. I know how hard all their lives would be. I would, be as supportive as I could be, because I know what it is like to have a hostile living situation.

Cheyenne - posted on 09/06/2010

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you know, i was barley 18 when i first got pregnant. i had somewhat moved out at 17 because my brother abused me. so i stayed at a friends house most of the time when her father was away. so when i got pregnant my dad found out and kicked me out. i was very hurt. i didnt have nowhere to go. then my boyfriend(who was the father) asked his mom and she took me in. i didn't talk to my dad for almost 3 months. i was so hurt. and the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 4 months. sometimes i wonder what it would've been like living with my family and having a baby, and im glad i didn't. my baby didn't need to be around that kind of environment. i knew what was best for me. i didnt need to move in with my boyfriend but i did because it was better for me and him. let your daughter make her own decision. if she thinks it will be better to live with her boyfriend then let her. im sure she wouldn't shut you out completely. she still needs someone to teach her everything. i got all my info from a book. i didnt have my mom here to teach me anything. good luck

Deb - posted on 09/06/2010

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I have been in that same situation only it was my son. When him and his then gfriend were pregnant...yes there was birth control used but I told them not to insult my intelligence I know that this was on purpose. I said that I would support their decision but please continue after your dreams. finish school and go to college. my son left and went to move in with her and her mom after he turned 18 also. But I did make him stick to our rules under our roof until then. He didnt like it, but he did stay until then. So he finished high school while living with his soon to be mom in law....and guess what. he learned real quick that she was not his favorite person. All you can do is be there for her. My son since he graduated from high school, married his gfriend, bought a house and they have a 2nd child now too...BUT...he is working at a great job goes to college and bought a house when he was 19 yrs old. so for my son it has worked out. I have babysat, been there and will continue to be. I wont tell you that it was easy, cause it wasnt and still isnt at times....but I am extremely proud of him. You have to let them learn on their owns after awhile. It sounds easy but we had our arguments. Still do at times. but...he is doing everything I ever asked by getting his education. His wife also went back to college this semester and changed her major to fit her schedule better. She also has gone back to work nights and they are happy. I could not be prouder. Children are a blessing and your daughter will do the right thing. Its hard on us mom's...but...lean on your husband, cry when your daughter is not around....and be there. I wish you the best!!! And congrats on becoming a grandma...it really is a blessing!

Ruth - posted on 09/06/2010

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If I were you I would make her stay. She will appreciate it later. Also, dads tend to take longer to accept this situation than moms. If she stays in the home it will be easier for the step-dad/daughter relationship to mend. I don't know why pregnant under aged girls think they are grown all of the sudden. I believe she should have the same rules as before...and just as much affection too...if not a little more. Hang in there! Little brother will probably be a big help when the baby arrives. Keep him involved. Boys that age seem to really do well with babies. Also, if she starts acting like she doesn't want to finish her senior year...DONT LET HER!!!! It doesn't matter than she is going to be a mom...you are still hers and you still know what is best for her. Sounds like you are doing a good job with this situation :)

Angie - posted on 09/06/2010

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I think you're wise to keep her home and helping her finish school. Even if she finishes high school her chances of getting a good job are slim. She needs to go to college and get a degree. You are doing the right thing to continue to support her. And by the way, congrats on being a grandma soon!

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