Rebellious Teenage Boy

Kendra - posted on 04/21/2009 ( 6 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old son is so defiant and rebellious. No matter how much he is punished or I take away his privileges, he always seems to do the same things over and over again. I am a single mother of 6 children and it gets so frustrating at times. I don't want to give upon my son, but that's the way that I feel sometimes. I refuse to give my son to the streets, though. Somedays he is so cool, then others it's his way or nothing. I have asked male family members to talk to him and spend time with him, but everybody has their own lives, so I am raising him all by myself. I have even called the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program and was told that they were only accepting boys up to ages 11, because they don't have enough mentors for boys my son's age. I don't know what to do anymore. I get so frustrated and stressed, which isn't good at all. Will someone please give me some good advice? I love my son dearly and don't want him going down the wrong path. Thanks!!

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Cristie - posted on 10/18/2012

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Hello All

I am knew and so grateful that this website is here. Well I have 5 kids, and my trouble is Joseph who will be 16 this Monday. Lord, where do I start. Joseph is on Probation now for 2 years. He has been in juvenile hall for a month ( I thought I was going to die), he has stolen my car, repeat curfew violations, theft, abuse especially drug and alcohol. My heart is still in pieces and will be until I know he is safe. I am married but not to his father so it is like I am a single mom, and not to mention I was a single mom with 3 for 12 years. So the age gap in my kids is crazy, anyhow. Moms we must unite! Our boys/girls especially teenagers do not have it like we had it. I mean the peer pressure is 10 times worse and the drugs etc. This is not an excuse just something to ponder and oh boy the hormones! They do not know where to place them and then if they have real psychological issues theres that issue .My son was an straight A+ student in 8th grade, all star football and baseball, he had college scouts looking at him already and all of a sudden (well to me) he was smoking weed, cocaine, and a major drinking problem! This is my baby, my little boy that used to throw his arms around me and tell me he was going to take care of me when he made it into the NFL, now he acts as if he HATES me I mean hates everyone. Of course hes been diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, which I think every teenager has and depression. However these are not crutches. He is not on meds cuz we are trying other alternatives first plus he wouldnt take them anyhow. He leaves whenever he wants, no matter what we say, cusses at me, finally when I react after hours of him pushing he calls me psycho this is why no one likes me etc. Pure abuse and I too just like you want to say and have said THATS IT!!!!!! Ive taken things away, evrything, grounded him, he just laughs, we have even gotten very close to physical because he can be rough with my other two kids 9 and 5, who watch this horrible behavior. And here we are moms, in the middle of the wreck! My husband pulling me one way, Jo pulling me the other and my other kids looking at me like why is he still here. I am so confused and hurt! The court bills are rediculous! Why are we punished right? Well after all that, I am saying this moms. We have a responsibility to see our babies through. We have a God given responsibility to hold our ground! To reaffirm them that God loves them and theyre not alone. My son has major dad issues and his step mom was physically abusive to him, I mean hes hurt. Hurt is the first emotion, anger the second and hes a boy hes never going to show me hes hurt, so he vomitts his pain, on the closest one to him,.,,,, mom! Ladies you are not punching bags, BOUNDARIES......BOUNDARIES...BOUNDARIES... do you know how many I have set and NEVER enforced???? Hahaha I do try though and I am in counseling to learn coping skills and to literally vent about the pain he causes me, because moms we get hurt by our kids too. But stand your ground!!!! ALWAYS reminding them, you will not talk to me like this, and doing your very best to not lose it. If you are like me you react, Oh lord this is my biggest challenge. Remember, God entrusted us with them, not to play a cruel joke on us, our children have a call on their lives, a deep purpose that only God can see or if you have been blessed like me GOd has given me vision to see my sons, purpose and destiny. Why did my son suffer for so long while my hands per court were tied, well I hope to find out soon. I will NEVER give up, I will NEVER back down from him and I will ALWAYS remind him who he really is, a good, descent, smart young man that GOd loves VERY much and one day beyond the pain he will see his purpose and fulfill it. Ladies, Lets just continue to encourage each other and you will see one day soon, your little boy/girl turn into this beautiful man and woman with purpose and you will get a thank you mom!

Cindy - posted on 04/22/2009

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I feel for you and I know what you are talking about. I have a 15 year old soon to be 16 next month. I have been a single mom since he was 2. His father loves him but is not much help as he lives several states away! I'm learning that he has lots of issues with not having his dad in his life more. I have taken him to counseling twice now. The last time he realized it was easier to be nice than to have to keep coming back to counseling. I first started off with the diversion officer and even a trip to jdc for a tour. I have had to file a police report twice on him for stealing from me. When none of that worked I went to the proc attorneys office and filed charges against him. He ended up with 40 hours of community service and probation. He was released before school started back up. I have since only had to call the cops once on him for his behavior. As a single mother it is very hard to raise teenage boys. I don't regret anything I have done, this has made him a better person. He still has his moments but I'm finding out that if I ask him to do things he is more willing to do what ever I asked. If I tell him to do something then his stubborn side comes out and he refuses. I get so upset that I have to walk away and then within a half hour normally he is doing what ever I told him to do and more. He really is a good kid and you would never know any of this about him by looking at him. I will do what ever I need to do to make sure he doesn't go down the wrong path either. I hope this helps you and if you need more info please let me know. I only have 2 boys the youngest being 2 and couldn't imagine how busy your life must be with 6 kids. You sound like a very loving mother :) I also agree with the other post. my son is involved with church youth group as well as the FFA at school and that has helped him a lot too. He needs to be able to get away from home away from you and his siblings. A place where there is adult supervision with other kids his own age.

Liz - posted on 04/22/2009

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the only advice I guess I have as I have a son the same age is if he starts some type of sport football? basketball?..I found that to be a way of keeping my son in check and off the streets.. Hope it helps

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Dionne - posted on 04/22/2009

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hi i'm also a single mum to 6 kids my oldest 2 are girls aged 16 and 14.they are never listening to me and if i ground them they just walk out anyway.they have both been in trouble with the police and have ended up in court.both promised to change but haven't and like always i go to court an support them and the courts punish me with a fine.which ain't fair on me as i'm on benefits so my other 4 children have to suffer an go with out.i can't give you any advice as am looking for answers myself but just wanted you to know your not alone.

Kendra - posted on 04/22/2009

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Cindy,what you have described is sort of the things that my son is doing. I have had to call the police on him twice, for his behavior and leaving out the house past curfew. Also, his dad is in the Army and lives several states away, as well. He calls and checks up on my son every new blue moon, and my son is to the point to where when he does call, he doesn't want to talk to him half of the time. He has a lot of anger towards his dad, because he never really has been there for him. He gets counseling as well, it helps for a little while and then he gets back into his moods. I also think that it is the environment that we live in too, that affects him as well. There are so many teenagers where we stay that don't really have any type of guidance and they get to do what they want, when they want. My son isn't allowed to do that and it makes him mad. He is a good child, but needs a little work. I am going to look into getting him into some type of sport, because I know that being a part of a team teaches kids discipline, respect, team work, and a lot of other things. I thank you so much for sharing your story and for your advice. God bless you and your family.

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