Rules for 15 year old hanging out with boy that she likes?

Mary - posted on 06/12/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a daughter who just turned 15 and will be entering her sophomore year of high school. She is very busy with sports and school and has never had time for boys...she normally just does fun activities with her girl-friends. She has been to one school dance with a boy as friends but has never had a boyfriend. There have been boys that have liked her but she never liked them -- which is good that she is particular about who she spends time with. She belongs to a Christian youth group affiliated with her school and has recently been spending time in groups with a boy who was in one of her school classes and also in the Christian youth group. I've met the parents through other school events and my husband knows the boy's father through Boy Scouts. I knew that the boy liked her and she decided within the past week that she also likes him. She invited him and one of her girl-friends to our house yesterday, however, her girl-friend couldn't come so the boy came. He was at our house for 5 hours and I was home the entire time and chatted a bit with the boy to get to know him a little. He is about to turn 16 and is also going to be a sophomore. He's not allowed to get his license right away which is good! He's very intelligent and athletic and seems to be very mature and friendly. The ate pizza with my 18 year old son, played football outside, pool, video games and watched a movie. We have a first floor tv/teen room and she closed the doors so they could watch the movie. I spoke to her about this after he left and told her we need to have an open-door policy when male friends are over. She reluctantly agreed. I do not know if they kissed...she said they did not but I can tell that they are definitely fond of each other. This is a whole new territory for me because our 18 year old son is a late bloomer and just beginning to be interested in girls so he never dated or had girls over to our house. My daughter is going to a Christian summer camp next week for 6 days...the boy is also going. My son will be there as well as the boy's 18 year old sister. I can ask my son to keep an eye out for what is going on but I'm concerned about this friendship developing into something deeper than what I think sophomores need to be involved in. I had my first real boyfriend when I was 15 and had my heart broken. My hope was that at her age she would be with boys and girls in groups -- not one-on-one so this kind of blindsided me. Any advice on what kind of rules are appropriate for a 15 year old girl spending time with a 16 year old boy? I want to keep an open line of communication with her and set reasonable limits that we can both agree on because i know when I was her age (even when I was 13 or 14), I would sneak around to do what I wanted if my Mom didn't let me do something. I would rather her be honest with me and for me to be able to monitor the situation than to have her meet with him behind my back.

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Kristin - posted on 06/12/2012

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I think the only thing you can do is to trust your daughter, keep the lines of communication open and be supportive. Explain to her that you think she is too young to be serious about a boy and all the consequences her actions may have. Unfortunately, our kids grow up and will get their heart broken, defy us rebel, and we as parents need to guide them and support them. I agree with you that 15 is young to be in a serious relationship, but I dont think it is wrong for her to spend time with him. Your daughter and this boy sounud like they have good heads on their shoulders and it could be just a friend thing. I do not think they will rush into having an intimate relationship, but just be open and honest with your daughter. Good luck

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Mellissa - posted on 06/12/2012

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I have a almost 15 year old daughter who also is very athletic. Keeping them busy in sports is great as it keeps them out of trouble. She also had a first boyfriend. He comes over to our place to watch movies ect. As well. I totally agree with the open door rule! There hormones are going crazy at this age and they are courious so I need to know what is going on! I am in the same boat as you and am thinking of having the sex talk with her & perhaps take her to the Drs and get her on the pill for piece of mind. I would rather be safe then sorry. I also make sure that when she goes to his house for a few hours that one of his parents are home. I have a 16 month old as well and don't want another baby. I know she hasn't had sex yet but I want to keep the communication open! Not sure this helps you but I wanted to let you know your not alone! ;)

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