self harm

Jenni - posted on 06/26/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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hi everyone my teenage daughters friend has started to cut herself and is severly depressed she has been admited to hospital,,, my concern is my daughter aged 15 is really worried about her friend and has asked about self harm and depression but i find these things really hard to talk about as im bi polar myself ehat sort of advice do you think i should give my daughter they used to be really close but now my child is afraid to spend time with her friend in case she harms herself whilst she is there

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Kristi - posted on 06/28/2012

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I would be very surprised if your daughter's friend cut in front of her. In my experience, it is a private thing that is done when emotions are too overwhelming and it feels like you are going to explode or sometimes you feel like you deserve it. (the pain) Usually though, it feels like the weight of the world is lifted from your shoulders for just a little bit, then the pain and frustration and shame sets in. That is about the last thing you want to share with someone else. If your daughter has questions for her friend, she can tell her she is worried about her and she doesn't understand what happens or what she feels like when she decides to hurt herself. Then ask her if she would be ok to talk about it a little. Of course, your daughter would have to reassure her friend that she is not judging, and that if her friend is not ready to talk she has an out. There are plenty of books about cutting available you and/or your daughter could read to understand what her friend is going through a little bit better. And if your daughter does not want to get involved because it is too stressful for her, that is understandable. It is a lot to ask of a person, especially of a teen, to handle that kind of "responsibility." That doesn't mean they have to stop being friends all together, it just means there are new boundries. I started self harming at 15 also, if you want to ask me any other questions feel to leave me a note. My thoughts and prayers will be with all of you.

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Elizabeth - posted on 06/28/2012

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There are groups and counselors that can answer her questions. Just call the school counselor or your local hospital and they will tell you how to get in touch with someone.

Cherish - posted on 06/26/2012

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Hi,
I am also bad at talking about stuff that makes me uncomfortable...Maybe you can let her read info about it and call a hotline that deals with self harm,she can ask them awkward questions about her friend.
This web site is for teens and has info at the bottom of who to call
http://www.gosh.nhs.uk/teenagers/general...

Louise - posted on 06/26/2012

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Emily is right most slef harmers do it on their own. It is not something they want to draw attention do and are quite embarrassed about their scars. Harming is a release to them, it makes them feel better to do it. To you and I it seems absurd to want to hurt yourself but it becomes addictive. Tell your daughter what you know about the subject. The only way to inform your daughter about these things is to talk about them and she is intelligent enough to approach you about the subject. Do your best to explain and then if she is still worried about it get a book from the library.

Emily - posted on 06/26/2012

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Most people who self harm don't do it around others, for fear of being critisised, told their attention seeking and not really depressed, or for fear of someone admitting them to hospital again - they prefer to do it alone, behind a locked door. Tell your daughter that all she can do is listen, and give lots of hugs. But also tell her that if she feels that this is way too much pressure that she can take a time out. It will not be her fault if anything happens in that time. Let her google advice sites for how to help, or how to de stress herself if the friend is making her stressful....I would be happy to talk to your daughter about self harm and depression seeing as I'm going through that myself, and all you need to do Jenni is be there for your girl, if she is upset or worried or feeling like her friend's problems is too much. You don't need to worry her by talking about your bi-polar :) it's okay not to tell her some things. hugs to you and your daughter, and inbox me if she wants to talk :) x

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