sending teen to boarding school

Lindy - posted on 08/18/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I have a 17 1/2 year old daughter who is in a downward spiral. She started dating a boy 7 months ago and it has been turmoil ever since. It has come to my attention (by her 22 year old brother) that she told him that she has been sexually active with this boy and another one, (without protection) she has been drinking almost every day(she has type 1 diabetes). He is worried that she has such low self-esteem and when she gets upset over this boy, who breaks up with her every other day, that she might hurt herself. This boy has brought her self-esteem to an all-time low. He verbally abuses her, makes her drive when they have been drinking, and basically just makes her life a living hell. None of us can figure out why she keeps wanting to see this guy. My son called me at 2:30am because he is so worried. He thinks she needs to go to some type of boarding school where she can receive counseling and to get away from this boy and this town. It seems extreme, but I agree. What do you think?

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Lindy - posted on 08/18/2012

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Thank you, Francine. I appreciate your advise. It's so hard to know what to do. The school that we are looking into is a Christian-based therapeutic school for troubled teens. It looks and sounds like just what she needs, but you never know just by looking on the internet. She has a group of friends that she has been friends with since elementary school. There are 4 of them and there is always drama, which is another source of unhappiness and frustration for her. It's something different almost every day. All of these girls have been good girls until this past year at school. They all started dating Senior boys and they were Sophomores. Her boyfriend seemed like such a nice kid up until a couple of months ago. He is a good kid and so is she. They are not good together and certainly think that he is the cause of her behavior as far as the sex and alcohol and has contributed to her depression, which I think she has been since being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes 2 years ago. Plus she has always been a very emotional child since Day 1. I think she could really benefit from counseling if we can just find the right fit for her. God bless you too! And please pray for our daughter and our situation.

Francine956 - posted on 08/18/2012

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Tough situation, it is nice that her brother cares enough to let you in on what has been happening. I don't know if boarding school is the solution. I do not know much about them, but think they are schools with stiffer rules but do to provide counseling? Because she is almost 18, at which point you may not be able to have any control over her actions, perhaps you should try an intervention and then a rehabilitation center that specializes in this area. Although this may be costly, it would be the route I would take if this were one of my four children. As far as this being "extreme" I don't think as a caring parent that is what I would call it. Her actions and the consequences of them are "extreme." She needs to know that you and her brother (and everyone else in the family) love her and want to see her become a successful young adult who will make something of her life.
As far as her being sexually active, I would explain that if she is going to do it, then you want to help her be safe. Get her on the pill or the shot, have her get some sex education from her doctor about the risks of not using protection. And get her tested for STD's. Although there is the patient confidentiality and her doctor can't tell you anything, I believe if you reach out to them and explain the situation they will do what they can to help her. This is a difficult age for girls who are trying to figure out who they are and how they can be accepted. If she has friends perhaps you can take an more active role in having her bring them around so you know what they are doing. Get to know what your daughter's interests are and help her develop those. My daughter loves animals so she started volunteering at the zoo. As a parent you have to be able to help them choose the right path, without it looking like your pushing them. However, it may be in your case that she is beyond this and needs the intervention. At any rate, I don't know all of the specifics but hope that this helps you and your family in someway. May God bless you all and keep your daughter safe.

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