sex talk

Karen - posted on 08/21/2017 ( 4 moms have responded )

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K I'm a stepmom to a 13-year-old little girl will be 14 in January she's 15-year-old boyfriend and he's been sexually active for a while and guessing because I was Facebook stalking him and I seen that one of his ex's were commenting on the status cuz he was trying to apologize to my step-daughter when she broke it off with him because he went back to an ex for sex and I don't know if her mother is worried but she didn't seem like it she didn't seem worried when her other two teenage daughters got pregnant, one at 16 and one at 13. but should i talk to to him about my feelings towards what he wants out of my SD??? Im very sure she is scared she will loose him if she doesnt have sex with him...

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Michelle - posted on 08/23/2017

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Dove: My 16yo son agrees with you about scaring the crap out of them. He's still a virgin and knows that he doesn't want to be a Father or have some horrible disease. I know because he just told me.
To the OP: I agree, these 2 need the sex talk and in detail!!!! Not just "when 2 people love each other" crap. It's not just pregnancy that they need to worry about and if he is sleeping around, who knows what he has caught!
She is far too young to be dating though, especially someone who is of legal age.
Maybe also explain to her that he can go to jail if they have sex. He will then be labelled a child molester and be on the sex offender register (or the equivalent where you are).
Maybe even let him know that if he has sex with her, you will have him charged.

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Etta - posted on 08/24/2017

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That is a job for her father to sit the boy down and tell him about physical boundaries and treating his daughter with respect. He can also talk to his daughter and tell her how boys view sex, which is not an emotional connection. If she has enough self-respect and confidence she can tell him to get lost if he cannot respect her wishes and is pressuring her. You have your standards, so don't go by what some other mom allows. Protect her emotions and her body. Exclusive dating at a young age sets kids up for early sexual activity. Perhaps raise the age to 16 for dating when she is more mature and stress group activities. This boy is on his way to being a womanizer. Make sure her father gives her the love and affection she needs so she does not go looking for it from hormonally charged boys.

Anne - posted on 08/24/2017

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Teens are faced with so much sexual pressure these days...it's hard on the entire family. I honestly remember feeling the same way as your SD when I was a teen...give in to sex to keep him around. Unfortunately, I chose to give in and have suffered with unhealthy sexual issues as an adult. It taints your whole view of sex and begins an unhealthy (and possibly destructive) pattern of seeing sex as "no big deal." I would hate for your SD to fall into that trap. My husband and I have found these 3 resources that deal with teens, sex, boundaries, dating, etc. helpful in preparing ourselves and our daughter (she's 15 and my SD) for future dating (she has no interest yet). I hope you will find them helpful as well. Here they are:

http://bit.ly/2sgCioQ
http://bit.ly/2xvKcua
http://bit.ly/2g8mroC

Dove - posted on 08/21/2017

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Sounds like both of these kids need the crap scared out of them w/ STD and pregnancy stats asap. Neither one of them have any business dating in the first place (too young), but this is a job for the parents to be addressing... It sounds like mom of your stepdaughter is not actually interested in parenting, so I'd be making SURE this child knows that dating at her age and sex at her age are extremely inappropriate. What is life like for her two sisters being mom's so young? Have her look up pictures and facts of STDs and figure out how much it costs to raise a child for 18 years and let her know that no matter how 'careful' you are... the only 100% fool proof birth control is abstinence. Condoms and pills and everything else has a failure rate and being involved w/ this boy could potentially derail her entire life. Try to get her involved in other activities that do not revolve around having a boyfriend.

Of course, once kids start dating a lot of this is kind of 'too little, too late' which is why it's better to start out w/ a lot of restrictions and education when they are little and loosen the reins as their age and maturity allows. It's really hard to go backwards and breeds rebellion. Good luck!

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