Should I force my kids to call him Dad?

Andrea - posted on 01/16/2010

no never if they respect him they will do it off their own back but at the end of the day they only get 1 dad (he might not be worth alot but to them they have to find out for themselves ) the name dad doesnt mean any thing unless they deserve to be called it . gd luck

Andrea - posted on 01/16/2010

no never if they respect him they will do it off their own back but at the end of the day they only get 1 dad (he might not be worth alot but to them they have to find out for themselves ) the name dad doesnt mean any thing unless they deserve to be called it . gd luck

Sheri - posted on 01/16/2010

Absolutely not. They will call him dad when they are ready. I agree with Becky, if you or he forces them to call him dad then you both will be on the outs with your kids. I do feel however they should refer to him as dad only when they are talking to the child you had together. for instance "go see dad" or "dad is calling you" You don't want the child you had together refering to him by his first name and that will happen. My daughter was 12 years old when I married my husband and she didn't call him dad until he adopted her. That was 2 years after we were married. Good luck.

Amanda - posted on 01/16/2010

I would say absolutly not. When he marries you , he is making a commitment to them also. Maybe this is also how you hold your wedding. Because he is not only marrying you but your girls too. When you marry me, you are making a commitment to me and my girls. I would never force them to call him dad even, after you marry. However, I think they would be more willing once this commitment is made.

Rosalind - posted on 01/16/2010

I have been with my man since my youngest, age 16, was 4 years old. I do not force them to call him dad and they dont readily call him dad. They call him by his name, but the do it with respect and love. He is the only dad they know. When push comes to shove, they call him dad, which lets him know that they do consider him dad even when they don't call him dad. What's really going on with him? If they love and respect him, what's the big deal. Me and my man aren't married after all this time. I don't know if we ever will, but I don't put stipulations on any of them calling him dad. They know he loves them and that HE IS DAD!

Diana - posted on 01/16/2010

no I wouldn't force them that has to come from there heart if they feel as if he treats and loves them like there dad that will come, is there natural dad still living? and your not married and they are old enough to make that decision , i have a son that will be 13 and my boy friend has been living with us for about 6 years and my son thinks of him as a dad but he calls him by his first name but his father is still alive,

Isa - posted on 01/16/2010

Absolutley NO! they will do it when they are ready

Courtney - posted on 01/16/2010

NO!!!! They will call him Dad when and if they are comfortable to do so. He should realize the harder he pushes the more of an issue he makes of it, so its never going to feel natural to them. They will probably always feel like he is waiting for it, ready to clap for their "first words". And at 12 and 16 they already are so self aware of everything they do say wear, and what their friends do, they don't need pressures at home. Not that I'm perfect and can preach. I just have a blended home and I know how very hard it can be. I wish you so much luck and prayers.........especially with teens :)

Marcelle - posted on 01/16/2010

Definitely NO! He is your choice, not theirs. Sounds like you need to listen to your children. He has already enjoyed the benefits of marriage with you without having to make the commitment to you.

Rebecca - posted on 01/16/2010

NO, you should not force them to call him dad. That is a spiecal relationship and has to be something done willingly or it is meaningless. Surely he can understand that. Would he really want them to "fake" that?

Stacy - posted on 01/15/2010

I have 4 kids and none of them are from the man i have been with for 10 years. None of them call him dad even though my youngest has been in his life since he was 4 and now almost 15, i strongly believe that it is up to the children, i don't plan on marrying again. This man i'm with is wonderful and doesn't expect them to call him dad, even if we were married things wouldn't change unless there was an adoption. He has done more for my children than their own father! Ur boyfriend shouldn't force something like that on the children, they have enough to deal with and i think what goes on between my boyfriend and i is good enough and not add confusion to the children.

Lisa - posted on 01/15/2010

Of course not. He's not their dad and they're of an age where they will assert their will. U will only alienate yourself from your children.

Danielle - posted on 01/15/2010

No, don't force them at all. Like most of the others have said, I agree that it should be their decision to call him dad. I've been through this and I made the decision to call my step-father dad. I call my step-mother by her first name because that's what I wanted to do. My step-sisters called my dad by his first name as well, but some where along the line they started calling him dad, but it was totally their decision. I would also never make my son call anyone I was engaged/married to dad. I'd let the decision be up to him as well.



Good luck with this.

Iesha - posted on 01/15/2010

hi im just new to this and i wouldnt dare let anyone force any of my children to call them dad and the guy your with if he had any respect for you and your children he wouldnt force it upon them they will if and when they are ready and forcing them will make them hate him and feel like that is how it is suppose to be in life being forced to do things they dont wont to and its not ok for children to feel that way i should know i was bought up that way two of my sibblings called out stepfather dad and myself and younger sibbling stood our ground and the relationship didnt work out in the long run anyways so i am glad i didnt waste my time ....

Michele - posted on 01/15/2010

No, you should not force the 2 older ones to call your boyfriend Dad, if and when they are ready they will do it on their own.

Bobby - posted on 01/15/2010

no if you do you will cause them a lot of resentment towards you, they will do it on there own if and when they are comfortable. my boyfriend has two girls and they slip and call me mommy from time to time and we let it go,but i will never try to make them call me mommy. i just enjoy the fact that are comfortable enough with me to call me that without thinking and in time if that's what they want to call me that is fine with me. i will never make them though and neither will he cause it causes too much tention. my boyfriend's ex has them call her boyfriend their step dad and that hurts him badly cause they aren't married, but how do you explain to a 4 and 8 year old that he isn't their step dad and is simply their mom's boyfriend. it all gets tough and confusing, but with the age of your children i wouldn't push the issue at all. this is just my opinion of course but i hope it helps you out. good luck with things.

Lucynda - posted on 01/14/2010

I have been step-mom twice and I'm with a man that is a step-dad to my daughters....

I don't believe in forcing them to call the step-parent mom or dad married or not. Would we like to hear it from them? Sure...it would be amazing that they felt that way and that's how they wanted to address us...but if they don't feel that way....then that's their feelings and they shouldn't be told their wrong for it. In our situation we have gone to the kids with this attitude....we love you and think of you as our own daughter or son....but we in no way are trying to replace the other parent.....and we don't "expect" you to feel the same way. If we have a relationship and can at the very least be friends then we are tickled pink! It is your decision how you feel about our relationship and your decision if you want to call us mom or dad......and they made their choice...I'm Lucy he's Dino but it doesn't mean they love us any less...it's just what they are comfortable with.

Hope that helps.

Lucynda - posted on 01/14/2010

I have been step-mom twice and I'm with a man that is a step-dad to my daughters....

I don't believe in forcing them to call the step-parent mom or dad married or not. Would we like to hear it from them? Sure...it would be amazing that they felt that way and that's how they wanted to address us...but if they don't feel that way....then that's their feelings and they shouldn't be told their wrong for it. In our situation we have gone to the kids with this attitude....we love you and think of you as our own daughter or son....but we in no way are trying to replace the other parent.....and we don't "expect" you to feel the same way. If we have a relationship and can at the very least be friends then we are tickled pink! It is your decision how you feel about our relationship and your decision if you want to call us mom or dad......and they made their choice...I'm Lucy he's Dino but it doesn't mean they love us any less...it's just what they are comfortable with.

Hope that helps.

Angela - posted on 01/14/2010

If he treats them as HIs daughters then one day when they feel comfortable they will call him Dad. If not. Maybe you should look into the reason why they won't. talk with your daughters and find out how they feel about the man that would like them to call him Dad.

Jayne - posted on 01/13/2010

Quoting Dorothy:

I'm curious about what your boyfriend REALLY wants from being called "dad"? He's yearning for something, that's clear. While being called "dad" isn't going to get whatever that is, it might be good to find out what he wants. I hear some control issues as well as some insecurity about something. Excavating this could bring you all closer.

I am in complete agreement with Dorothy's post, there needs to be one hell of a discussion here. It seems your partner wants to wear the word 'Dad' like some sort of trophy. He does need to earn it and to be honest even if he does earn it and your girls love him to bits, they still might not feel comfortable with the word. I hope this works out for you, my oldest 3 boys don't call my partner Dad, he would never expect it, but they do refer to him as step dad. Our youngest obviously calls him Daddy and he has never queried why his elder brothers call him Darren! (even though he is 8) - he knows they have a Dad (although a very rare sight, but don't get me started on that!!!)

Pattie - posted on 01/13/2010

I agree with these other moms, No absolutley not!....... when and IF you get married they can decide if they want to do that.

Janifer - posted on 01/13/2010

NO, U SHOULDN'T. THAT'S NOT THEIR BIOLOGICAL FATHER. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT HE WANTS. THEY SHOULD CALL HIM MR.AND WHATEVER HIS NAME IS. NOW IF HE MARRIES U, AND WANT 2 ADOPT YOUR CHILDREN AND THEY WANT TO CALL HIM DAD, THEN THAT'S FINE. NEVER FORCE YOUR CHILDREN TO DO ANYTHING!

Michelle - posted on 01/12/2010

No way!

Tammy - posted on 01/12/2010

Hell NO! Would you want your ex's girlfriend to make them call her mom? Is there father passed away? Do they want him replaced? Better yet do you want to be replaced? I'm a Mom and a step-mom. My now husband and I have had custody of his kids for 5-6 years now. Even though i'm Tammy and they go see mom whenever they want and can. We don't always make the right choices in life but when it comes to your children there can be no wrong choice! They are the choice! Even if you do get married I dont beleive your children should call him dad. My husband provides for my children as well as his since there dad passed 2 years ago. No Way will he replace there dad! I could be a total loser but my children are still gonna call me mom. My advise to you is NO and respect your children, your boyfriend would too if he loved them. Tammy

Kristie - posted on 01/12/2010

No you should not.God forbid if you don't get married and possibily break up what happens to your kids....It is your kids decision and they will resent you for forcing the issue,

Sherry - posted on 01/12/2010

No no and no forcing kids causes all sorts of trouble. Let him know that you don't mean for it to hurt his feelings, but he should put himself in the kids shoes. Even if you do get married they should not have to call him dad. Let them call him what feels comfortable.

Mary - posted on 01/12/2010

NO! He is NOT their DAD. They have 1 DAD!

I am separated and have 2 boys..ages 11&15... IF and WHEN I get involved with someone, they will NOT call him DAD. How do you KNOW he will marry you if you say he hasn`t asked you yet...you already have a child together..PLUS if he LOVES you he should not make you FORCE your kids to do anything they are not comfortable with.

Olivia - posted on 01/12/2010

Hi Marybeth, I don't think you should force the issue, neither should "your" boyfriend. I also believe that if he indeed wants to be a father to them that being called "dad" shouldn't matter. Good Luck

Brenna - posted on 01/11/2010

Absolutley not!....... That should be their decision especially at the age they are, they have the right to choose!

Teresa - posted on 01/11/2010

It sounds like you have 2 strong-willed kids with good heads on their shoulders. Plus they are old enough to express what they want and how they want to go about doing it. YOU (as their mother) put the ball in THEIR court, now HE wants it hit back to him??? Your boyfriend should not feel resentful towards you nor should he force something on them that they are opposed to. First off, they are YOUR KIDS, NOT HIS!!!! Yeah he asked them to be his kids, but unless he legally adopted them, THEY ARE YOUR KIDS!!!! If he's feeling resentment towards you, then your kids are going to resent HIM for being that way towards you, THEIR MOTHER!!!! Then you have to question do you want to be with someone like that. He needs to respect you and your kids' decisions on this and if he doesn't then you need to reconsider being with him or even MARRYING him!!!! AND YOU HAVE TO ASK YOURSELF WHY HE HASN'T ASKED YOU TO MARRY HIM.... is it because of the kids' decision to NOT call him dad until you're married??? Hmmmmmm

Melissa - posted on 01/11/2010

No, they should not be forced to call him 'dad'. I was a single mom of 2 kids and their biological father was not involved in their lives (his choice). When I married my husband now we gave them the choice.

MJ - posted on 01/10/2010

NO

Allie - posted on 01/10/2010

no because then they will be mad at you for it. sit down as a family and talk with them and your husband about this. they may feel that if you split up because you are not married then it can be harder on them. i never called my step father my dad until i hit my 20's and my mom and him have been married sense i was a preteen. now my 12 yr old has been calling my husband daddy before we got married but we let her make that decision.

Kerry - posted on 01/10/2010

He's not their dad, so no, they shouldn't call him "dad", unless he legally adopts them.

Amy - posted on 01/10/2010

why shoudl she ? They are not married and only been 2gether FEW YRS . No u will only confuse them .If they want to call him ANYTHING BUT HIS NAME they will do it /

Amy - posted on 01/10/2010

U know what Im not going to even rd the rest ..Should u force ur kids to call another man Dad ? No if they wanna they will dont even bring it up ..WOW He wants u to make them ..why ? He is insecure thats why .If i wasnt with my kids father and I was dating another man and he sd that ..I would say ..UMM For one They have a dad already , 2 we are not married and even if we where then that is their choise not mine or yours .For him wanting you to force them what will he want u to force them later to do . No ,Dont do it ..What does thier dad fell about this .My brothers daughters mom made her call her boyfriend dad and that hurt my brother alot ..He is not ur kids dad

Carrie - posted on 01/10/2010

Never make a child call someone, dad, mom, grandma, grandpa. If you do this on their terms then they feel more in control of a situation they may feel awkward about. My husband and I have been together almost 5 years and my 13yr old will not call him dad all the time, he has said that he would like her to call him that someday, but he said he will no push it. Even now as I am almost 31yrs old my mom has forced me and my kids to call her husband dad or grandpa, makes a person feel like someone's being shoved down their throat. The kids call him grandpa which I hate because I don't like him, and I refuse to call him dad, it's just the thought, you know? I don't think it's okay, I think it will only worsen things. Him insisting on them calling him dad doesn't seem right either, teenagers are in their own little worlds and many have bad attitudes, if their being forced to do something they may rebel against it, this is just my opinion.

Debbie - posted on 01/09/2010

I meet my husband now when I had 2 kids and divorced, they where 2 and 6months the dad is still in the picture my oldest loves her dad but her stepdad is a dad to and the other one doesn't have a good relationship with her dad but they don't call my husband now dad and that is their choice but they consider him as a dad and love him just the same we've been married for 16 years and have 2 kids of our own. I think it should be up to the kids.

Tracey - posted on 01/09/2010

Could you compromise and think a special name they can call him that no-one else does.

Tina - posted on 01/09/2010

No, my husband and I have been together for about 8yrs. and none of my kids are his .My kids don't call him Dad,but the still look up to him as a Dad all the same. And it's nothing personal,we just never put that question at them,they know who is and they know is the only man in their life.They love him like a father.So, what I'm saying is that's a title as long as the love and respect is there they'lle add the Dad title there but, don't force it.

Caroline - posted on 01/08/2010

let your kids decide..If they feel the love that you both give then one day I believe it'll happen. Don't force them to do something like that especially when your not married, listen! to what you are saying "my kids do not want to call him Dad until we get married" you should be happy about that. some would just say I WILL NEVER!!! GOD BLESS you and may you and your family find understanding thru him our Lord.....Amen

Laura - posted on 01/08/2010

my best friend and her husband have been married for 11 years...her girls were 2 and 3 when they married. They called him by his first name until they were about 6 and 7....now he is dad, it was a natural progression and something that they were ready for. It was never forced on them. To all that meet them now that they are in the teens he is there dad. To force the situation could cause unneccessary resentment. It is not that they don't respect him, but they are probably worried about disrespecting their biological father. Blended families take time to come together, listen to eachother and support eachother and you will make it through this in tact!
best wishes to you

Michelle - posted on 01/08/2010

I agree with everyone else... nope, not at all, don't force names. You're dealing with much more than whether the boyfriend is called "dad" or not. One, he is NOT their dad, nor their step-dad, unless he wants to step up to the plate and take that responsibility by being a husband. A husband comes before a dad. Two, it's got to be what the kids feel comfortable calling him. And it has nothing to do with whether he's being a dad or not, or whether the paternal dad is in the picture or not.

When my 4 year old met my boyfriend, it was by his given name. Couple years after he became my husband, she just started calling him dad. In later elem school years, she called him dad, but often referred to him as "my step-dad" with friends to differentiate between the two when talking. Now that she's 14, it's back to the given name, sometimes... just because of going through so many issues as a teen. (And for information... the paternal dad hasn't even been in the picture for over 6 years, and my husband and I have been married for 7.)

Your children are dealing with much more than whether the boyfriend is acting like a dad, or deserves to be called dad, or is a dad. You gotta think about them first. At this point, "family" isn't important. Hanging with their friends is!

Your boyfriend needs to form a skin and realize that whatever they call him, shouldn't affect how he treats them or what he does for them. Our society is really shaky... many kids don't understand relationships very well anymore with all the divorces, steps, remarries, and so-called "uncles". They need stability, dependability, and security. If he is satisfying those needs, the name makes no difference.

Good luck and many prayers for you.

Bobbi - posted on 01/07/2010

No, I dont think that you should. In fact that should be a decision that your children ulitmately want to make. You can give them reasons why they should or should not call him dad but if they don't feel comfortable doing so, I would not push the issue. In the long run all that will do is cause alot of resentment for your children towards you or your boyfriend. Let it come naturally, if it is going to happen then it will.

Crystal - posted on 01/06/2010

No you should not, they have a dad and they are old enough that they don't need to do this for any reason unless they have a good relationship with him and want to do this, because what if you never got married and something happened to the two of you, then what? Would they have to call the next guy dad? My son was 3 years old when I got married and he is now 13 and I would never let him call my husband dad unless he wanted to.

Rachel - posted on 01/05/2010

No Way!!! when my dad married my step mom i remember her coming to me and saying "i would appreciate it if you called me mom". I was infuriated because she was NOT my mom. I called her "mom" cause, to be honest, i was afraid my dad would beat me if i didnt. But i resented the whole idea. It took many years for me to willingly accept her as my " MOM", but it did happen because she was a very loving woman and i knew she truly WANTED to be my "mom". You may be able to force the kids to call him "dad" but it will simply be a meaningless title until THEY are ready to accept him as their father.

April - posted on 01/05/2010

I agree def. no. That's one decision that your children should make on their own.

Dorothy - posted on 01/05/2010

I'm curious about what your boyfriend REALLY wants from being called "dad"? He's yearning for something, that's clear. While being called "dad" isn't going to get whatever that is, it might be good to find out what he wants. I hear some control issues as well as some insecurity about something. Excavating this could bring you all closer.

Jennifer - posted on 01/05/2010

NO! I'm 38 years old and I refuse to call my mother's husband DAD. My daughter does call her step father dad but that diffrent.

Maria - posted on 01/04/2010

They will do it when they're ready and out of respect. Respect comes both ways. Once your boyfriend earns their respect, it'll come easier for them to call him dad.