Should I go for child support?

Dawn - posted on 03/25/2010 ( 65 moms have responded )

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I had my son when I was 17. I never got any child support for him. That was ok then. My parents helped me out and besides, the fater was a drug dealer and moved 5 states away. My son is now 18. My daughter on the other hand is 6. She was concieved on a 1 night stand with a guy that was a friend. I was affraid to tell him I was pregnant. But I wrote him a letter. A week after I sent it I got a nasty unsigned " mom to be" card in the mail. I don't know if it was from him, but the timing was right. After I had my beautiful little girl I called him and asked if he would like to see his daughter. he told me he was busy, he would call me tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. I have a good job, I own my own home, have a nice vehicle. I do fine for my 2 kids. But, i think i could do more. I was thinking about going for child support. He is now married with 2 children with his wife. i'm sure she doesn't know about his 1st child. What should I do?

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Teresa - posted on 04/26/2010

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Go after him for child support. Although your financially stable, that could change in the future. Your daughter deserves to be supported financially by both parents. If he doesn't want a relationship with her, that's on him, his loss, but he definitely owes her financial support.

Jane - posted on 03/25/2010

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Wow....I'm going to give you my honest opinion. He obviously doesn't want to have anything to do with the situation because he has a family. While it would be nice if he would recognize his daughter, that doesn't seem likely. The law will allow you to get child support but at what cost to you and your daughter...and quite honestly, the father and his family. You could potentially break up his marriage, he may not want to have anything to do with your daughter anyway, it will probably cause you a lot of hurt and anger and a multitude of other things. I would say this. If you NEED the money to help raise your daughter, it is within your right to ask for child support. However, if you don't NEED it, I'd just move on.

Kriss84 - posted on 07/01/2013

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Hello everyone, I just need some advice on a burning question I have. Do you think it is fair I have to ask my son's father to do anything for him? (i.e. buy pampers, wipes, and basic necessities)? I would like to add that he rarely even sees his son, maybe once every two or three weeks. I want my son to have relationship with his father, but at this point, I see that is not going to happen. Another thing... Does anyone feel that I should sue him for child support instead? I have asked this same question to couple of people and they replied that "Why should I ask him for anything for the child"? "Does he not know he has a son that's been born"? I am so tied of asking and one day to say "No".What should I do about this?

Nina - posted on 04/29/2010

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Hi.... he obviously doesnt want to be a DAD to your precious daughter. It isnt worth it....I thought I was doing right by my child forcing him on his dad and he has never been a dad..gave his rights up and doesnt pay child support and is still hurting him worse now as a teen and there isnt a thing i can do...i think....i mean what can i do?...my son is 17 and his dad acts 17 too...so welcome to my hell....it will not be worth it.....find a man who will accept u and your daughter and move on.....he isnt and his money isnt worth it.....to your daughter later on....

Kathlyn - posted on 04/28/2010

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I think you should go for child support i am trying to get child support for my twins off their dad they are 7 now he hasent paid a penny since they were born but i think he should support the children

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Adrienne - posted on 02/03/2012

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at times i wanted to so bad but now i dont care cause hes already older that doesnt need child support in a way.

Krystal - posted on 02/02/2012

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Well for one im not sure why so many women dont want their kids to know their bio father..im not sayin a deadbeat is best either but u contacted him..once?..and obviously hes not same guy rummimg around havn one night stands..hes married n has kids..he may have been waiting for way to tell his,wife..etc..point is that u need to keep door open..my sister didnt barely know her dad cuz when she was a baby her dad said he didnt want her..so my mom kept him away n didnt pursue support...years later hes a diff person and wants to see her..ya know who she resents...our mom..for keepimg him away.and child support shouldnt be something u need,but should def pursue anyways,its not money for u anyways,support is meant to help out...careful though you could end up paying him if he gets visitation rights and you make more than him..also family example there,but point is youre the mom n keeping the dad away isnt what u want,its not your decision to make,petition for paternity test n let courts work it out,and be prepared for him to air your dirty laundry too,assuming u have any,child support court is no joke,but if down the line the dad decides he wants to be a dad,and u even say as much as no,you can lose your rights too,even if nothing is set in stone,courts are getting more strict on moms and not letting them dictate kids lives. And if u were messin with his bad self than,what makes you above him now?i wouldnt worry bout his wife n kids,duno why u care I mean seriously so they have another sibling?and besides ya wana do it while theyre young and impressionableso its easier,best of luck,and keep doors open youll regret it if ya dont

Chris - posted on 04/27/2010

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This is a tricky question, but I have to agree with a lot of the questions raised. (1) Do you want him in your daughters life if he wants. (2) Has his life changed any & what consences would it have on his life. (3) Whos going to pay for your daughtrers college education or schooling after high school. You can afford to raise her now, but with a $20000 college bill can you do it. (4) What would happen if you loose your job, your son is 18 & can get a job, but a 6 year old can't & support will help fill in the blanks on things she would need. My son is paying child support & trying to see his daughter, but the mom doesn't want him to. Quite a different situation, but at the same time simular. If it does break up his marriage, well then he wasn't honest in the beginning or didn't believe you that she is his. Did you have a pertinity test done to prove he's the father? If you do then the courts will make him pay back support. I think that would be the way to go. Ask a lawyer to petition for a pertinity test then you really aren't the "bad guy" asking for the support.

Luann - posted on 04/05/2010

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My first suggestion is to be proud of yourself for going it alone. My son is 17, I have received $150. in the last 13 years.
If you feel you need to do more, do it then so you will never have a doubt you should have done more. My big suggestion is to let the state take care it, by doing so you will be giving him rights that are required by law.
And a very small suggestion is do not assume anything (like his wife does not know), that is not your responsibility and actually is a waste of energy wondering about it.
Good Luck to you.

Gretchen - posted on 04/05/2010

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Absolutely. That child is entitled to it. Don't do it for you or the other kids, do it for your 17yr old son. That boy can go and get the back child support w interest and use it towards college! Get er done! Aslo go after the little girl's dad!

Celynne - posted on 04/05/2010

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Contact him with the ultimatum that he own up to his responsibility of being her biological father. Tell him his wife will be finding out and it is his call how it happens, either from him or from you. Do this through a lawyer though to make sure all your bases are covered. Honestly, if I found out my husband had a child prior to our marriage I would make him own up and pay the support. Too many 'fathers' are allowed to walk away leaving the moms to do everything.

Tracy - posted on 04/05/2010

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Dawn, child support is exactly that; financial support for your child. If you never use the money for household expenses and save every dime for your shared daughter is of no consequence. The fact remains that he IS a father even if he has neglected to exercise his visitation rights.
Find a family law lawyer you can trust and start by sending certified letters requestion his participation in a DNA test to determine paternity, and request mediation once the test returns positive. Listen to your attorney and follow instructions.
Regarless of all else remember this fact: sex is pleasurable but its primary purpose is procreation.

Tracey-Lee - posted on 04/05/2010

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I understand as I had my first son when I was 16. He is now 17 himself I have had no end of trouble with his father who has never had any employment, well nothing I could trace anyway. I have a beautiful family of 5 children with my partner of 16yrs. We do well for our family. It is hard when you are a teen but you always manage to get through it and I always say "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger" I'm sure you are a strong and loving mother my advice to you is leave the past behind you, concentrate on what is in your now. Your family needs you to be happy and 100% devoted to them. It is his loss not to know his own child but don't think of that as a bad thing for your little girl she will grow up knowing love and the feeling of being wanted because of the love you provide for her is enough for both of you. Nothing good ever came from dragging up the past. Good luck and I hope your children know just how much you love them don't forget to tell them all the time even at 18 they still want to hear it.

Dee - posted on 04/04/2010

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Your child is entitled to know who her father is and you are entitled to have financial help from him in raising her. If he chooses to not be in her life, that is his choice, however, he has an obligation financially to her unless you decide its best to leave things the way they are. Even if you don't financially NEED the money, put into a savings account for your daughter for future needs.

Lynda - posted on 04/03/2010

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I agree with some of these posts. If you go down that road you may open doors that you're not going to like. Right now you're doing ok, and you're raising your kids the way you want. If you go after him for child support, he could go after visitation rights or more. You also need to be ready for battles in court. You need to be prepared for him to be in your life forever. It doesn't sound like he's the greatest of guys, and you might not like how he tries to be involved. Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to deal with my ex-husband. He's not a nice person, and is always disrepecting me in front of my children. As a result my children often feel like their in the middle of a battle that I never intended for them to be in.
On the other hand, your daughter has the right to know her father. You don't want her to think the in those lovely teenage years that you kept her father from her on purpose.
It's such a hard decision, but I gues the best advice I can give you is to keep the door open for him, and her in the future, to be involved with each other. But right now, if you don't need the money, maybe your family would be better off not going down that road. Good Luck!

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I agree with the previous posts. After this much time, let it go. I never got support from my exhusand ever and my kids are now 34 and 35. He also stepped right out of our lives which was the best thing that ever happened to me and our 2 kids.
I have been married again for 33 years now to the best man in the world and he has raised my children as his own.

Sure the extra money would have helped a lot during the growing up years but at what expense? I'm glad he was never in the picture .

I say......let sleeping dogs lie.

Tawanna - posted on 04/01/2010

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FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. NOT TO BE VENDICTIVE. IT IS HIS DUTY TO HELP SUPPORT HIS CHILD RATHER HE IS APART OF HER LIFE OR NOT. YOU CAN SAVE THE MONEY TO HELP WITH COLLEGE EXSPENSES.

Evie - posted on 04/01/2010

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You didnt create children by yourself!!! Why are there so many mothers just letting deadbeats get away with it??!! Im happy for you that you are not struggling,but you need to go after sopport.Why are you so worried about his marriage,or his feelings?Obviously he doesnt care about yours or your daughters!! He was just as big of a part of her conception as you were! Men need to stop making babies and having no responsibility for their actions. He needs to take responsibility for HIS child too!!!Put the sopport money in a college fund for your daughter if you dont "need"it,she deserves it.I dont know why you never tried to get sopport for your son either-I had my daughter when I was 16,and I made dang sure her father was held financially responsible! My parents helped me too,but that didnt make it ok for her father to walk away with no consenquences!!

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Just remember that if he starts paying child support, he has rights. He may push for visitations and rights as far as decision making on her part goes. Be sure that you want that part of it too. He is already losing out. You may consider leaving it at that if the financial support is no needed.

[deleted account]

I think you should go for the support for two reasons. The first is that the money isn't for you, it's for your child. That's how the courts view it. If you don't need it then put it aside for college or her first car, etc. The second reason is that you never know what the future holds. Jobs are lost, people are hurt, etc. The money could come in really handy one day. I was in your boat with a good job and didn't need the extra money...then the recession came and I had to find another lower paying job, the child maintenance now comes in really handy.

Jennifer - posted on 04/01/2010

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you should definitly go for child support. It takes two to tango and you have worked hard and sacrificed for your children. Your daughter could benefit from that money, even if you just put it in a savings account for her college. She deserves that money and so do you. If he hasn't been honest and told his wife then he will have to deal with that. He should have stepped up and offered you help when you told him you were pregnant. Good Luck and do whats best for you and your children.

GRETA - posted on 03/31/2010

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I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE HIM FOR CHILD SUPPORT BECAUSE YOU THE ONE GIVING YOUR CHILD A ROOF OVER THERE HEAD AND THEY HAVE A WARM PLACE TO SLEEP AND YOU WORK TO SUPPORT THEM ITS HIS TURN TO GIVE YOU SOME HELP YOU DIDN'T LAYED BY YOURSELF TO HAVE THEM SO MY ANSWER TO YOU DON'T WAIT DO IT KNOW BEFORE YOUR KIDS GET OLDER AND SAY SOMETHING TO HIM AND GUESS WHAT HE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE IT BECAUSE HE HURTING THERE MOM SO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK AND REMEMBER YOUR THE MOM AND THE DAD WITH OUT MOM OUR CHILDREN WOULDN'T BE NOTHING IN LIFE MOM IS THE STRONGER THING IN OUR KIDS LIFE .

Tammy - posted on 03/31/2010

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It may be hard on your daughter to have to go to her Father's house, but you have the right to get him for child support and it is his responsiblity to help you financially raise this child. Many father's get away with not paying child support by doing just with this man is doing, don't let him get away with it. If you don't need the money for yourself go after it for your daughter and put the money in a savings account for her to use to go to college with. Good luck

Amy - posted on 03/31/2010

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I believe everyone should take responsibility for their children. If you need the support, fight for it. Be prepared for it to take awhile and they will do a paternity test to establish that he is the father. He should be honest with his current wife and tell her the truth. If my kids had another sibling I would want to know!

[deleted account]

You most certainly should! No matter what he thinks or feels he has an obligation to that little girl and needs to man up and do the responsible thing.

Geraldine - posted on 03/31/2010

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That must have been so hurtful to you that he turned his back on your 2 beautiful kids. I reckon you should go and get what your entitled to girl. Because at the end of the day he was willing to lay down with you now its time he was willing to pay for them too. yes go for child support yopu owe it to your daughter and yourself.... good luck

Kara - posted on 03/30/2010

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its easy to say leave it alone but child support is not for you it is for your daughter, and if you dont need it then put it in a trust or her future. look at it this way, you are one person and heaven forbid if you get ill and need help caring for her, what then? her needs are to be met and it is his responsibility to do so. my ex owes me over 20 k in child support and never saw that it was never about us and always about them...

Christina - posted on 03/30/2010

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If his wife doesn't know about your daughter then he started this relationship with her on the wrong foot. Your daughter does have the right to know her father or at least who he is. It is very good that you are able to support yourself and your children, but who knows if there will come a time when your daughter is going to want dance lessons, to play in sports or even be able to go camping. These are things that we went without because my mom did not really have steady child support. Who knows also if he will have a change of heart once he gets to know her. Your daughter also have siblings she should have the right to know. I do think it would be a good idea for your daughter. Things that are kept in the dark will be brought to light. Hope this helps.

Patricia - posted on 03/30/2010

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Most everybody here can agree that any time two people decided to have sex, could also result in the possibility of becoming pregnant. And that no matter what the situation, "BOTH" parents should take responsibility for their actions. But it sounds as if most everybody here are attacking the father as if it's "ALL" his fault...when in reality, as soon as Dawn heard the words.."I'm busy." she should have gotten busy herself and gone after him for the child support. But 6 years have past since, and I'm not sure if her daughter is the one truly being thought of in this situation.
Had the child support been dealt with from the start, it would not be a question today. It doesn't matter that he is now married with two other children, and that his wife may or may not be aware of him having another child by another woman. If someone didn't contact me or inform me of any child support after 6 years, I guess I would be thinking that I wasn't going to have to be a part of any of it. (that's how a man would think anyways) But 6 years have passed, and unless he is willing to give you child support without any contact with your daughter, I would rethink the situation. If you go after him for child support, and his new wife gets him to than fight for visitation, are you willing to put your daughter's emotions on the line? Six years is a long time and you don't know if the father still deals drugs....you don't know anything about him. I agree, that both parties should take responsibility for their actions, but now that 6 years have past, and both parties have gotten on with their lives, I personally feel that the only one here at risk of losing anything, is the daughter. Dawn knew what type of guy he was before she had sex, and by her stating that she was afraid to tell him that she was pregnant says a lot about the fact that she knew he probably wasn't going to be responsible. Bottom line, BOTH parties are to blame for not going about things the right way. But truth be told, Dawn is the one that has come out ahead...she has a beautiful daughter...and seems to have a good head on her shoulder with a great job etc....so, why not embrace what she has, and not put her daughter through the emotions that she may go through if she decides to go after the father for support? There are so many things that could go wrong if she does...His wife could get angry and start harassing her, it could lead to the couple divorcing which would make one or both of them very angry....and that anger could be taken out on Dawn and or her daughter..remember, you do not know if the father is still dealing drugs etc.... I agree that both parties should take responsibility, and as much as I agree with that statement, I also agree that things were not handled correctly from the start and without fully knowing what type of life the father leads, this is a situation that I feel is better left alone...especially for the daughter's sake.

Connie - posted on 03/29/2010

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Dam right you should go for child support, your children have a right to that money as do you. When I left my ex I got the bare minimal my children are 21 and 17 and that sob has 2 other children with the new woman and they are spoiled rotten. Anything the want they get.......but does he help out with our daughters college fees NO. She even has asked her dad to help by putting $20.00 in her bank account so that she could buy milk and bread and he told her NO.
So I am telling you to take that ASS to court and get all that is rightfully yours and your childrens dont let what happened to me and my kids happen to you.

Lashawn - posted on 03/29/2010

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At any rate, the child still deserves to be cared for by both parents, mentally, spiritually, physically and especially financially. Just because he moved on and got married still does not mean he should not have to take care of his responsibility.

Steffanie - posted on 03/29/2010

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It doesn't matter how the child was conceived! He is the biological father to your daughter and needs to take at least financial responsibility. The child support can help with extra things your daughter might need. I am sure your child care is expensive, and he will have to dish out for half of it. Also, your teaching your children about being responsible, and taking responsibility for your actions. By letting her father get off of paying for her, in a nut shell your sending the message of that guys should get away with that type of behavior. It is not okay to go around getting a girl pregnant, and than not take responsibility for it! If you don't need the money put it into an account for her to go to college, or use it on a mother daughter get away when she is older.

My ex left me with two little boys, and I sought child support. He owes me a lot of money, but in doing so, I made it clear to my kids that I was going to make him be responsible. He now owes me 70,000 in back child support, but eventually I will get it. He has ruined his credit, and now monthly that piles up.

If your daughter's sperm donor didn't tell his wife about his child with you, than that is his fault! You have nothing to do with his marriage. He should have been honest with his wife. So, if his marriage has issues, it is of his own making. Do the right thing by your daughter and make him be at least financially responsible for her. At least than he will be reminded every month when they take support out of his check, that he has another child he should have stepped up and taken responsibility for instead of being a giant jerk.

Jen - posted on 03/29/2010

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If you do it, of course I am sure you will do it for her. Go for it but what will you do if he wants to see her? Will you trust him? I feel your pain and confusion.

LaShonda - posted on 03/29/2010

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I had my daughter when I was 18 years old and in my 1st year of college. Her father was my high school sweetheart. We were together since I was 16. When we split, he decided if he couldn't have me and her as a package deal, he wouldn't be in her life. I also did not seek child support. I've since had 3 more children, I've been a NJ corrections officer for 6 years and I've been with my husband for 15 years. My life is not perfect but it is stable and happy for me and my family. I say good riddence to bad rubbish. I didn't miss any of my daughter's 1st's. I have all of the memories, all of the love and respect. Some things are better left up to GOD. You'll continue to receive your blessings by just doing your part in taking care of your daughter.

Angela - posted on 03/29/2010

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make him man up and take care of his responsibilities!!! so he's married with children now? too bad for him if he's not been man enough to admit he's a deadbeat who's never stepped up and taken care of his daughter. if it takes going to court, then by all means, go to court. your daughter deserves to be taken care of by both parents. if you're financially stable already, put the child support in an account for future use.......helping with college for example. my two children have different fathers also. like you, i had my first one at 17. her father was just someone who felt that since we weren't together his responsibilities had ended and it was all up to me. it took me 5 years to get anything done, but they finally garnished his checks. my youngest's father was the typical deadbeat. hell, he still is. he can't keep a job because he can't stay out of prison long enough. oh, the mistakes we make when we're young. i've never gotten a dime from him and though we live 15 minutes apart when he's 'out' we have not seen that man since my daughter was 2 years old. she's 16 now.

Patricia - posted on 03/29/2010

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I agree with a lot that's being said here, however there is more talk about the father and his responsibilities, (Which by the way I totally agree with) But than where does the mother's responsability come in as to going after him right away for child support. Why is there a six year null in the whole thing? The minute he told you he was busy, was your time to get busy and go after him for that child support especially if you knew where he was at the time. And since there has been a six year void and no contact with your daughter, how will all this affect her?

Kimberly - posted on 03/29/2010

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Go for the child support! These guys nowadays seem to find it so easy to walk away from their responsibilities. Hold him accountable. If he doesn't pay after the judge orders it, then let him deal w/ the consequence of facing jail and loosing his driver's license till he pays. Once you loose your license, you have to go to court & pay towards the support that day to get the license back. They only get 3 chances. That's what is happening to my ex right now. Your child deserves the support. You're right, even though you are managing on your own, you could give her a little more. I doubt he'll run being as he has a wife & other children. serve him papers! These guys just can't run from their children. It isn't fair to the child or the mother who has to take all the weight for supporting the child. Good luck to you! :) If he chooses not to be a part of her life, that's ok too as long as the check comes every week or month.

Toni - posted on 03/29/2010

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I have to agree with the last two ladies....if you don't need the money. Let it go. It is nothing but heartache and aggravation. Let your child decide one day if she wants to meet up with him. His attitude may have changed by then, hopefullly.

I have four kids with my ex and I had to get the state to go after him and garnish his wages. If I didn't need the money, I would never have done it. It's not worth it. All it does is build up a lot of resentment and bitterness towards him. Although the children deserve his support, if he doesn't want to give it, it's just not worth it. Good luck.

Diana - posted on 03/29/2010

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Coming from experience you first need to figure out if the father is\would be a good father...every child needs both a good mother\father but a bad parent could have detrimental effects on a person's well being as they get older. If the concern is that this person would not be a responsible & good father then dont bother...it will hurt her more in the long run if he rejects her. You may be able to support your children now and give them everything they need at this time...but can you afford college or university? If not think long and hard about asking for support....even 20.00 a week starting now until she is ready to go off to school would be a great start for a dorm\tuition\books. Just dont open Pandora's box unless you are ready for the consequences.

Louise - posted on 03/29/2010

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I totally agree with Jane McNally, If you do not need the money then don't bother if you are struggling then it will be a difficult decision to make. Was this man married when you conceived your daughter if he was you are opening a whole new can of worms. Your daughter will not have a daughter father relationship with this man and if you force him to be involved then he will resent her and you. I stongly suggest you get on with your life and find a fella that is willing to raise your daughter as his own. I am sure you will all be happier this way.

Ruth - posted on 03/29/2010

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Personally i think it best for you to sit down quietly with pen and paper and weigh up the for and againsts in this situation. While you may wnat to give more to your child money wise i'm sure the mental anguish will do more harm than good. Love is much better to give your children than money. I feel that if you take this man for child support his reaction will be to demand interaction in her life casuing all sorts of problems for you both. Psychologically you are better off (and so is she) if you do not take this path. One day your daughter will want to know about her father and at this point you can talk to her and let her make the choice to have contact with him, until this time continue doing the best job you can by supporting her emotionally and giving her the love you have been. Money isn't everything and it can create more trouble than it is worth to persue the child support.. especially for your relationship with your daughter. Think about what is best for both of you and listen to your instincts...you have already made your decision.

Christine - posted on 03/29/2010

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I would love to have some great advice for you, however, I can't even wrap my mind around what you did or are saying.

I think, part of the responsiblity of mothering is picking a good father. To me it doesn't seem like you even thought about it. Regardless...if you didn't care enough to pick a good father, why care enough now, to do right by your children. It seems to me, you have made all the choices for your children all this time, why even bring the father up now?

Sorry, I am so confused, as to what you really want? Is it really about the money, now? I am so lost. I think I hurt my brain?

Michelle - posted on 03/28/2010

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Dawn,



I would suggest just let it go. I get child support from my children's father even though he doesn't have much to do with them. I wish he wasn't even paying that. I wish he would just sign over his rights and be done with them completely. It would save my CHILDREN the heartache of knowing they have a father who doesn't really want to be around them except when it is convienient. Or in the case now, because his new girlfriend is threatening to break up with him if he doesn't take responsibility. You stated you are doing well for yourself and your children. You don't need the money, so let it go. It isn't worth the pain it will put your daughter through if she has a father that will all of a sudder appear a few times a year. That does way more damage than a couple hunderd dollars a month could do good.

Joan - posted on 03/28/2010

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in some states you could find yourself charged with neglect if you don't file .that support is for the child but you are responsible for making sure they recieve it.

Gloria - posted on 03/28/2010

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you are right to go after child support , if he can take care of the children that him and his wife have then he needs to take care of the child you 2 have together . I am kind of in the same situation also. But his 2 kids with his wife are already 20 and21 and our kid is 15 , he told me he would help me raise our son , now he is trying to avoid me.... BUT, I have already opened a case with the attorney generals office....

Melissa - posted on 03/28/2010

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Go for the child support. Although you have a good job and are financially stable, dad is also responsible for taking care of your daughter. Why should he provide for the 2 that he has with his wife and not yours? It isn't fair to you. I don't know what state you're in but in Ohio, just because you pay child support doesn't mean that you have visitation rights and vice versa. Good luck with your decision.

Tara - posted on 03/28/2010

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Whether you need the money or not is irrelevent! He has a responsibility to his child, even if he does not wish to see her. Go for the child support and put it in a Registered Education Savings Plan for your daughter. Good Luck!

Victoria - posted on 03/28/2010

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SOMETIMES WE MUST DO WHATS RIGHT FOR THE CHILD AND NOT OURSELVES. IF YOU NEED CHILD SUPPORT I SUGGEST YOU FILE FOR IT. SHE HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW HER FATHER BUT IF HE DONT WANT TO KNOW HER YOU CANT FORCE HIM BUT YOU CAN SEEK CHILD SUPPORT.

[deleted account]

I divorced my child's father when she was 9.

I refused child support. He was about to go to prison, and I saw no reason to create a court order causing a debt for him upon his release that would prevent him from being able to re-establish himself in a life. There is already another child support order from his first marriage, and he was in arrears on that when I made this decision. He also had taken all of our common debt in the divorce, and had racked up another $10,000.00 in hospital bills due to a bout of kidney stones after our separation. I saw no reason to pile it deeper.

Your child's father was a one night stand. You neglected to involve him in a discussion of the pregnancy while options were available for the two of you to decide TOGETHER. You chose all by yourself to have this child on your own. You only told the father once options were no longer viable. You own your own home, have a good job, have a nice car, and have done well for your children. LEAVE HIM ALONE. Why would you, over your own past indescretions & inability to communicate in a timely fashion, want to attempt to destroy the family and joy he has found in his life ? Let him go, let your bitterness towards him go, and please forgive yourself for your own indescretions that caused your child to have an absentee father.

Tracy - posted on 03/28/2010

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I would absolutely get child support whether he wants to be in the childs life or Not that will bite him in the arse in the end ...... But its your right and your daughters right to claim child support and now with all the new laws if he doesnt pay ...... he will pay . No taxes back no drivers license No anything until it is all payed and up to date IF you go thru the state to get it they WILL take it back to birth ! not just from the day you asked for it so technically he is already 6 yrs behind .

Nikki - posted on 03/27/2010

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Dawn, file for child support. He is "responsible" for monthly child support and usually has to pay half of insurance , medical bills, clothing, extra curricular activities etc. NO MATTER where he is in his life "now" he is still the biological father and he can choose to be absent in her life BUT he owes HER. SHe did not get here by just you alone. My sons father is a absent parent and surely always will be BUT I filed through DHS for them to go after him for child support. Our relationship was only 3 years together but I have paid for everything for my son and it gets quite expensive and it's not FAIR to YOU either. I feel he should definately pay support. We have a breakdown in the system as it is and there are thousands of dead beat dads walking around buying new homes, cars, motorcycles etc and it's ridiculous to me. Even though you are fortunate enough to be able to provide for her , he still owes and with that support she can have more of the things she needs and deserves :) Plus kids only get more expensive as they get older ! i have a 21, 16 and 3 year old so I know !! Especially little girls (in my opinion) are more expensive once they hit their teen years. Good LUck to you :) God Bless :)

MRS DARLENE - posted on 03/27/2010

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IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU OR THE FATHER IT IS ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTER AND I WOULD GO FOR CHILD SUPPORT, IT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. ALSO IT'S HIS LOST FOR NOT BEING IN YOUR DAUGHTERS LIFE SHE MAY BE THE ONE TO HAVE TO SAVE HIM ONE DAY. JUST MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR DAUGHTER KNOW THAT SHE IS BEAUTIFUL AND YOU NEVER REGRET HAVING HER.AND GO FOR THE SUPPORT,

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