should my teen do chores and work?

Yvonda - posted on 06/29/2010 ( 213 moms have responded )

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my son will be 17 in August, he works with my husband in the summer, and it's construction work so I know it's hard on him, but he and my 11 year old daughter have days that they have to wash dishes and dust the living room, this is their only chores besides keeping their bedrooms clean, my problem is my son thinks it's unfair for him to have to work and then come home to do more work, if I let him skip a turn, my daughter says it's unfair. what do you other moms think of this?

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Terri Lynn - posted on 03/08/2011

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What will he do when he is living on his own? He will then get to do ALL of his job and ALL of his cooking and housework. Our family started out with the idea that everyone has responsibilities in the home. We are homeschoolers and have kept it like this all along. I have a 17 year old also who does vacuums, swiffers the linoeum, makes her own bed, feeds all of the pets, bathes the dogs, and does a lot of the cooking. Your son is in trouble when he goes out on his own. My daughter is also my assistant (I am a writer and working on a book with a deadline attached) and is doing college level work. A lot of teens (younger kids too) are lazy and will do as little as they can get by with, but for their own good, we cannot let them get by with this. Sloppy schoolwork and not working around the house would never be acceptable to me. Explain this to him and post his chores on the wall. Tell him that if he does not do them, then he will just have to give up his work with your husband since he thinks he can only do a certain amount of work per day. My husband and I have always both been responsible for everything from housework, cooking, banking, child care, etc. Is your husband showing you this respect? Your son will take cues from Dad.

Shelly - posted on 10/18/2010

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Jennifer,
You should read the entire chapter before spouting off about it...Because in verses 16 & 17
She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17- she is energetic and strong,a hard worker...So you really should know your Bible before you try to refer to it...

Shelly - posted on 10/18/2010

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Yvonda,
If he soes not pay you room & board during the summer then he needs to be doing chores around the house...And when he starts complaining just smile and say " Welcome to the real worlsd son"!!! That should be the end of the discussion!!!

Soo - posted on 10/17/2010

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He must realise it is FAIR to share housework with family members even if he has a "job" outside. This is essential training for when he sets up his own family, and may have a working wife with whom he must share household chores too. Maybe the amount of chores can be negotiated, but share he must!

Janet - posted on 10/12/2010

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that's great! now she'll learn how to deal with the real world when she gets out there as my son is still learning. he's made many good decisions, but i've had to intervine last year to have him work each monday afterschool with his geometry teacher and also with a tutor on thursdays, that earned him just 1-3 points off of advanced on the state tests mcas and he passed in biology as well as language arts one of his strengths! am so proud of him and we hope to be able to celebrate when school ends in june by going we hope back up to old orchard beach in maine to another motel rather than the one we stayed at this pats time.

Beth - posted on 10/12/2010

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Absolutely! I worked starting in kindergarten helping my mom fold newspapers on her paper route which I later took over until I was 20. I also held a second job besides the route all thru high school and after I moved out. I always did chores to help out. It helps you to be prepared for the real world! My kid doesn't like it, but yes she has chores(dishes, folding laundry, taking out garbage, and cleaning her room)

Janet - posted on 10/12/2010

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i say yes to chores and they should at least try to get some work to earn their own money. i've been unable to pay him any money due to finances myself which have been extra tight the past 7 years due to no child support, but now he's got his perspective on what he has to do to earn extra money and between myself/him, we've told and have asked numerous neighbors if they have anything at all they want or need to have done, please call or come to see him. he's had scattered work from 3 neighbors on/off again since late last spring mowing, raking leaves, cleaning up things. he's also applied for his first christmas help job and i've told him he's got to get out and do the same for other stores too. he has things around here he's got to do, keep his room clean, vacuume the house, wipe dishes, help get some of the meals, cleaning up the yard and walking my parents aussie pepper as well as other things whenever asked to do them like raking leaves amongst other things or helping me to finish cleaning the attic!

Wendy - posted on 10/11/2010

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I understand your reasoning, but if you let him skip out on what is expected of him because he works hard, how is he going to respond to his wife when she needs help, but he has worked hard all day?

Tammy - posted on 10/11/2010

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i think everyone should have chores i have nerophathy i am suposed to stay in bed not pick anything heaver than a gallon of milk up i have 3 kids 2 girls and 1 son all old enough to do chores my youngest will do them on weekends i have a 18 yr old she stays home with me my 20 ye old stays home also they think they should only clean what they dirty i dont think its fair for my 14 year old to do it if they dont have to but the point is im having to clean when im not suposed to im in a mobility wheelchair so what do i do if i complain to there dad then he get mad and he does it for them i dont know what to say no more lol

Christina - posted on 07/22/2010

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What will happen when he goes away to collage if he is. This is a good opportunity to restructure SOME of the work load. But just like you do, woring is no excuse for not helping around the house.

Angie - posted on 07/21/2010

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Kids want to grow up too fast. But when they get a taste of what it's like to really be a grown up it's not fair. My oldest daughter went through that when she was that age, until she turned 18 and moved out on her own. Now she sees just how easy she has it at home. I would always tell her "You get paid to work and you live here and chores are part of it". Now she has to do it all....Not so fun now. Stick to your guns, there's not a thing wrong with having to do both!

Cara - posted on 07/21/2010

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Sherree - he says he feels like family, he does eat up the groceries, and helps make the messes, so he might as well help with all the clean up :) and I figure it will either help grow him up... or run him off :)

Sherree - posted on 07/21/2010

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Yvonda,

I think it is really cool that your children were willing to read the many responses to your question!

And how wonderful that it resulted in communication. I imagine that this will also enhance the relationship between your children :-)

Sherree

Cara - posted on 07/21/2010

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If you are part of the family, then there is work that must be done for the family.

Most moms and dads work all day and come home and have more to do.

I think raising kids should prepare them for the real world, and the real world is ... working and coming home and working. Lol.

I am a full time stay at home, homeschooling mom, and I have my kids do a lot. They sometimes work for pay elsewhere. That doesn't mean that they don't come home and clean, cook, do laundry, take care of pets, or work in the yard.

My husband works, and the outside work at home is also his to do. He also does a lot of cooking and cleaning inside, when he is here.

That's just life. When my daughter's boy friend is around here, he gets put to work as well.

That just goes with being part of the family.

Margaret - posted on 07/20/2010

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I think so, It is preparing them for what life brings on and it will be easier for him to learn how to do many things with you to help him rather than later on in life when he is "out" in the world.

Susie - posted on 07/19/2010

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Bull. I was a stay at home Mom. My son worked a full time job and went to school. He decided not to do chores, so I charged him to do his chores for him. In the real world he will have to do these things for himself your just teaching him how to balance himself. Good luck. I was lucky my son agreed with out a fight. He's 28 now and on his own. His house is a mess. But he is happy.

Yvonda - posted on 07/16/2010

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I'd like to thank everyone for all the feedback and advise I received on this matter. I'm proud to say that once I let my son and daughter read most of the responses they have both decided that life around her isn't as bad as they had thought..lol but they have both decided to help out with even more and our son has decided to add to the allowance that his sister receives and pays her if he needs help with his duties.
Also I have realized that by responsibilities around the house it is actually preparing them for life as adults, not just in a way that they would have to do it if it were there house alone but also to use their time wisely and to plan and be prepared for what has to be done and by him offering to help out with her allowance they are both getting a little help with money management..so once again thanks to all you moms that gave us the well meaning advise! God bless you all and have a good day! :)

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Yes he should do chores. It is unfair for him not to. He is working and earning money. That's great but as adults we still have chores when we get home from work so he should get used to that now, and yes it would be unfair to your daughter if she got stuck with his all the time too.

Karleen - posted on 07/15/2010

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I go through the same thing . on the day my 17 yr old daughter works she thinks she shouldn't have to do anything. I am trying to work this out as well. But I think in my house we all work. I work around 40 hrs a week.My hubby does the same or more. my daughter works three full days and my son helps three to four nights a week a few hrs a night , with our cleaning business
so I think we all should do a bit to help.but take different things in turn.or my be have set jobs that he must do each week.like my sons jobs are feeding the cat every night,empting the bins when needed,and taking out the bins each week for collection. it's not much and it gets done. good luck

Shelly - posted on 07/15/2010

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Is he paying you rent on his space or paying for the food he eats??? If the answer is NO then yes he should still have to do chores around the house.

Darcy - posted on 07/14/2010

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Well my 17 year old daughter works and what I do is have her keep her room clean do her laundry and clean the dishes she uses Tha way she is not contributing to the chores the others have to do I have 2 13 years old twins boys and they do do chores As long as he cleans his stuff and it doesn't add to the household mess I feel he will be doing his part like my daughter does

Rebecca - posted on 07/14/2010

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It's part of life. Yes, he should have to do chores. You're preparing him for adult life. Now....if only I could be consistant in doing it with my own children!!! :-)

Angela - posted on 07/14/2010

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Wow how can you all judge each other when every one has different was they do things as family. what ever works best is fine right so why tell some one they are wrong! i make my kids work around the house and im a stay at home mom. this works for us so you shouldnt judge me for that

Susan - posted on 07/13/2010

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Yes!!! Most parents work and then still have to do "chores" at home. He needs to learn now and someday his wife will thank you!

Connie - posted on 07/13/2010

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Fair Is What You And Your Husband Decides Is Fair - Your Son Wants To Work To Have Things In Life Then He Has To Learn At Home Before Going Out Into The Real World And For Your Daughter, The Next Time She Complains Add An Additional Chore And Keep Adding Until She Hushes

Beverly - posted on 07/13/2010

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It's called doing your part of being part of the family. One should contribute something towards living in the home wheither it be chores or rent.

Beverly - posted on 07/13/2010

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So training him to be what it will be like on his own bothers him.
Real life is like that. I'm sure he doesn't see it a problem that his parents do that everyday yourselves. That is what life is so just deal with it. BRING ON THE TOUGH LOVE THEORY.

Diana - posted on 07/13/2010

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I had to smile when I saw this post. Just last night my son, who is 14 just got into this discussion. He is working this summer and he also doesn't think he should have chores. As I explained to him last night I work all day and I still have to come home and do chores. Thats just life and thats how it will be when he gets older. I want him to make sure he knows what responsibilities at work and at home.

Crystal - posted on 07/13/2010

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I work a 40 hour week job to provide the basic necessities that my 16 year old needs. I in turn ask that he do his part around the house by doing dishes, taking out the trash, his own laundry, clean the bathroom 2x a month. Now, that is his contribution to the household, since he does not pay rent. Now if your 17 year old would like to start paying you rent, then sure... he can not do chores. But everyone in our household has a roll to play and contributions to make. My friends don't understand how I can get my teenager to help around the house without paying him an allowance, well... I don't get paid for cooking him dinner do I?

Vicki - posted on 07/13/2010

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I would say yes that he should still do his work at home as well. Because this is home and he still has responsibilities there as well. After all, what will he do when he moves out of your home. He will have to work AND keep his house as well. This is just life and after all, isn't that what a parent is supposed to do....prepare our kids for LIFE. It is not like you are asking him to do ALL of the house work alone, he is only doing a small amount. Our son complains as well but I tell him that I am making him more valuable to woman, they like a man who knows his way around the house as well as keeping a job....lol

Marlene - posted on 07/13/2010

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My son is 16 and works and comes homes and does chores, nothing wrong with having cool down time when he gets home but I've told mine these are the things you are responsible for doing by a designated time(ussually before he goes to bed).. mine does minor things like garbage etc.He has always been a hard worker and I feel be a better adult employee and husband for this.Then anything like cutting grass I give him the option on when to do it in the evening or on the weekend he ussualy decides to go ahead and do it through the week so he has his weekend free.

Janet - posted on 07/13/2010

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yes, he should be working and doing chores, that's what my 16 year old son natty does due that it's the only way he earns $$ or extra time on his game systems! he's got work backed up here and is just waiting for cooler temps and weather and isn't ready to help out in the garden either. but he knows if things don't get done then no extra playing time or $$ to buy more video games or cards to buy things for the games! he's learned and is also struggling to save towards $$ for his learners permit which he is supposed to take this summer, but looks like now won't happen! i offered to help, but he wants to do everything on his own, very independent stage and is starting to mellow out too and be more respectful as well as helpful around the house as we live with my parents!

Cheryl - posted on 07/12/2010

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Personally...YES...Both kids need to work, & do chores. In todays world, as many know both parents usually have to work in order just to keep alittle ahead. It is better to begin early teaching our young men that just because they work, doesn't give them a free pass against household chores. Yes, it is unfair for your daughter to have to take up the slack so to speak. One of the arguements that I hear quite a bit from my friends is that their Boyfriends/Husbands don't take care of their share of the housework. Now your son probably won't want to add me to his christmas card list, but I believe he should also be learning how to prepare meals, and wash clothing. One of the biggest mistakes that we can do with our children is to do too much. Part of our job as parents is to teach them the skills they will need to stand on their own 2 feet, and to bring positive home building skills to a marriage. Think back...if you had to make a list of things that you would want a husband to be able to do when you got married...what would they be, then encourage your son to assist you in the kitchen, or help with clothes. There is no reason whatsoever why men cannot perform household tasks. Like I said thats just me personally.

Melinda - posted on 07/12/2010

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I am in the same boat as some. I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old. They both have chores that hardly ever get done without tons of whining, complaining, or I will in a minute! I am a school teacher and am off for the summer however I am working daily in our family photography business ( even though most days it is from home doing computer work). Both boys are home with me unless they have something planned. Husband works a 7:30-4:30 job. I would love to have them help more and get on an organized cycle before summer ends to get us running smoothly for a new school year. Any ideas on which chores for who and how much is too much? Also, allowance ideas would be a plus. I am a list freak so any online printable things would be great as well. What do you guys use to keep your houses running smoothly?

Heather - posted on 07/12/2010

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I have read thru some of these posts & all I can say is WOW!!! I don't care who you are, if you live in this house then you can help clean it...if you help dirty it you can help clean it. It didn't matter if I was a SAHM or working...EVERY member of the family needs to help out. Dads or Moms who work outside the home..work from 9-5 (roughly) Moms or Dads that stay at home...NEVER get to stop working..after everyone comes home there is still dinner, EC activities, dishes, baths...why is it ok for SAHP to work from morning to night but someone who works outside of the home not have to do anything when they clock out at work?
It's simple:
You dirty it, you clean it
You drop it, you pick it up
You wear it, you wash it
You get out, you put it up

end of story

Peggy - posted on 07/12/2010

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I think the question is does your husband do chores. If not, then you have set up a stereotypical pattern that woman do the housework and men don't. At 17 that will be hard to break. If your husband does do chores then you could point out that basic chores need to be done whether you work or not. The choice we have when working is we can choose to pay someone to do it for us. If he is too tired to do his chores he could pay someone else in the house willing to do them for him.

Tammy - posted on 07/12/2010

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well the only unfair thing about it is it needs to be done... as life goes outside work is in addition to our first job our living quarters. If you could afford maids then they can do the household chores with pay of course, if not then there are no maids and we have to pick up after ourselves, thus we share the household duties so we can enjoy all the loot we made for not having to pay somebody else to do the home chores. Maybe you have a job that pays you enough to pay someone to do your part with the household chores... just saying.
A royal~T~hug xoxoxo

Joni - posted on 07/12/2010

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i have a son that is 18 now but he has worked in constuction with his dad in the summers since he was 13 he has always had chores to do!

Nicola - posted on 07/12/2010

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I don't think its unfair.. its actually preparing him for the real world where he will be responsible for himself. He will not only have make a living he will be responsible for keeping his home tidy, especially if he is single. If he doesn't learn to do both from now, he may find it harder to cope with later.

Lois - posted on 07/12/2010

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Most women and adult men work outside the home and also do chores at home. Since they only have to do either dishes or the living room once in a while, he should still do it. After all, he's not paying you room and board. Besides, who does he think will clean up after him when he gets his own place? I have four sons, the youngest is 17. He works 35 + hours at his job year round, does his school and his chores at home. Do we argue about it sometimes? Sure, but that's part of life and growing up.

Alanna - posted on 07/11/2010

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well in our household all 4 of my sons are expected to do a chore everyday. It is 1 chore that takes five minutes. I tell them that since we all use the house and create part of the mess, we all help out and that is just part of being a family unit. Since we do it this way the house is always clean and we don't spend the weekends cleaning. This leaves us time for fun family outings : ) Oh and the chores are generally expected to be done before they sit down for dinner.

Christine - posted on 07/11/2010

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well we got through the same thing with our boys, we just tell them you live here as well, as cold as that sounds, and just is the part of it, it shows them what it it will be like when they are on their own, that this is what people have to do, part of living, sets the pace for their future.
they say the same thing, it is unfair if one is doing it or not, our youngest boy works, and the other does not, but again we just say, it is the part of them living here, smetimes we will give either one a break, but we keep them both on that path, some days it is hard.

Marilyn - posted on 07/11/2010

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Your son needs to do the chores at home as well. My son had to do both; he had to work and do chores at home. He hated it but he is 23 now and appreciates the lessons I taught him.

Sherree - posted on 07/11/2010

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Hi Diana,

I am with you. I never used or liked the word "chores".

My husband "brought the word in" - but I don't like it for the same reasons as you. It is not representative of the necessary home activities. Stuff to be done is all part of taking care of the home, and it should be a collaborative effort of the family.

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