sick teenager

Shellie - posted on 12/28/2009

Sounds like you are talking about my daughter, Caila (18, almost 19), she had a dvt at the age of 17, and has to take coumadin daily, but now she is pregnant, she takes Fragmin injections, tonight was the first night to administer it in the butt. She still is kinda upset. Her fiance' gives her the shots, she wishes that she wasn't sick on a daily basis. We were told she had a 80% chance of her Lupus Anti-coagulants becomming active and causing Lupus. But she was part of the 20% thankfully, and right now is about 10-11 weeks. We homeschooled by choice. Like Caila has said, it is better to know about the health probs and can do more about it, then not knowing and getting really sick, possibly dieing because of it. This way when pain occurs, you know to seek medical attention rather than just say, it is normal...blah blah.. How old is your daughter now? My daughter was also diagnosed with a pain disorder, and is a germaphobe, so maybe she can help your daughter in some small way. Let me know ok. Best of luck, Shellie

Jude - posted on 12/27/2009

You can't help her if you are not well yourself. I suggest you find and keep a method of stress reduction for her and for you such as tai chi or yoga. Stress is often the underliner of a lot of medical problems. A good tai chi teacher can teach your daughter meditations that help her with the OCD, and sleep, and stress. On the demanding thing, remember we teach people how to treat us, so if she continues to be demanding, it is because you have taught her that it works by your reaction to it. Set boundaries with house rules and consequences for breaking the rules and then stick to them without drama or yelling. I don't know the problem with your marriage but i would bet it is because your husband disagrees with your parental choices. Your daughter needs you and your husband to be together on your parental style. The two of you need counseling to set that style, and your house rules and the consequences for them. You need to back eachother up and stop letting this child run the show- sick or not. Good luck- check back with me in the "We Survived Our Teenagers" community (check communities). Jude

Ann - posted on 12/27/2009

I too have a daughter with some huge medical issues. Luckly, I've not had the issues with OCD. I have 2 older daughters. I am assuming you have a medical advocate thru the hospital/Dr.? Please speak to them about the issues you are facing and look for a support group for people in the same situation you are in. A support group made a HUGE difference for me.

Your daughter has to start taking some responsibility for her own care and how she feels. At her age, make sure she is communication with the Dr. HONESTLY about her discomfort and her habits/activities to make shure he/she can help as much as possible. Maybe finding another Dr is possible if she is unable to get some relief.
It is difficult. My daughter suffers from a rare blood disorder also. She si 12, and we have long road ahead of us. Hugs to you.
You are a wonderful mom!

Dona - posted on 12/26/2009

I did some research on the blood disorder. I know this can be scary as a mother to have a daughter that has to deal with health issues, it sounds like you have done a lot to help her and be there for her and make her life continue with school even if it is at home. It is so hard these days for any young person especially if they have to deal with a medical issue. I am curious as to the continued stomach problems, is she not eating the "right" things as most teenagers do? I ask only because the gallbladder helps with the fatty foods and breaking it down and with that gone if she eats things that are not appropriate for her system she will not feel good ever. The clotting disorder from all the research I did should be managed with her blood thinners, how is that going? Does your daughter take any ownership of her health or does she want you to manage it for her? Does your daughter feel she is the only one out there with this? I only ask because maybe she needs to meet others in the community (or online) with the same condition and see how they are managing life after diagnosis. Oh I wish there was an easy answer for you. Keep posting, I would really like to keep talking...which may be what your "help" request really is, someone else to talk to that isn't too close so you can "let your hair down". One last thought, you said your marriage and your sanity have taken essentially the brunt of the stress from your daughters illness....it is so important for mothers with any child of any age in any situation to take time for themselves, whether it is a half hour of quiet reading at 5 am before the hecktic day starts or at 10pm as your day may end, you won't be able to help your daughter or anyone else unless you help yourself first. There is no guilt for this, we are allowed to take time for ourselves and rejuvenate, recharge, breathe, relax. Make a sign for the door, post it, no disturbing for 30 minutes to start with, get a cup of tea/coffee and a pleasureful book, or magazine or a CD that calms you. Sit quietly, close your eyes if it helps, breathe deeply and slowly and remind yourself that you are a GREAT mom and you are doing a GREAT job. Because you are.