All Communities > Moms of Teenagers > Single mom of 13 year old boy

Single mom of 13 year old boy

Amy - posted on 07/08/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

2

0

Hello, I am a mom of a 13 year old boy so I guess you can say I am newbie to the teen years but honestly I think it starts at 12, It has always been me and my son for all his life, His dad was in his life very little and my son only remembers him a little, its tuff being a single mom, his dad and I almost got married when our son was 3 but i caught him doing crack in my car at midnight a month before our wedding and kicked his butt out that night, did not even give him the chance to come in the house and grab his stuff. well when my son turned 5 we moved to KY and have been here ever since but two months after my son turned 6 his dad passed away, his family say heart attack but I know the real reason. they have even admittied it to me but then changed thier minds.
it breaks my heart and now I start to second guess myself what if I have done things diffrent maybe my sons dad would still be here, my son would have his dad. I feel sad and blame myself Because he has never know what its like to have a father in his life a dad that spends time with him and teaches him stuff. hear I am trying to be both and I feel I am a faliure as a mom little loan a dad, I want to set bounderies, and rules but still give him his freedom. I let him go to bed at 10:00 pm and I wake him up at 5:00 am for school. I try to tell him that room needs to be cleaned before he watches tv and plays video games and most times goes in one ear and out the other, most people tell me do not take his games or things away cause it won't work you need to just talk and work it out but talking is like talking to a wall it goes in but theres a block. He say's I nagg to much well I tell him if you do what I ask you in the first place I would not nagg, one time he told me he wished I was dead and not his dad talk about stabing my heart. I just do not know what to do anymore. I love him with all my heart but he is becoming so lazy what do I do he wants me to do everything for him and most times I do Because its easyier then dealing with the arguing and fighting because we live with my parents and then they get on my case about yelling at him and being tough on him. thier ones to talk when they were much more worse then I am, trying so hard not to be like them.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms

1 Comment

View replies by

Elizabeth - posted on 07/09/2012

99

6

Mama, he knows your buttons and he is mashing on them for all he is worth. Recognize that. As soon as you do, you will be able to face this a bit calmer. this is what I told my children..,,I make you do chores etc because you need to understand that with freedom comes responsibility. You CAN NOT have one without the other. If you want to enjoy your freedoms, you must own up to your responsibility or you will be a crappy and useless adult.....Yes i said it just like that. Then I told them what consisted of a crappy and useless adult. ie drugs , alcohol, jail, not able to hold a job, don't care of their kids, never have any money...essentially, a bum. And if they became one, not to come crying to me to bail them out because I pointed out the right path and tried to guide them down it. Try to make him understand that there is a method to your madness so to speak. You don't have him do things just for spite or because you CAN.

As for the father....hunnie, I would have done the same put in your situation. You recognized it for what it was..TOXIC. You could not have changed his father...his father chose the drugs, not his family. That truth bore out to his death. My mother remarried when I was young, and my stepfather adopted me and my sister. And you know what? That man was more of a father to me then my biological one could ever have been. Mama put up a picture she crosstitched not long after our adoption....it said, Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy. I believe that with all my heart....you should too.

I re read your post. Your parents...you need to have a talk with them there, and clearly and definitely state that he is your child and they are to butt out. If he is hearing them get on you about getting on his case then they are only sabotaging what you are trying to do with him...they either stay united with you or they stay quiet. End of story.

Want to find out the opinions of this community?

Add Poll