skipping School

Jen - posted on 12/01/2010

I would look to the other parts of your daughter's life to see if there are other issues that are causing her to not go to class. Is she skipping with other kids? Is she smoking/doing other things instead of going to class? Is she struggling with stress/depression/ADHD?

We have been to truancy court for our now 17-year-old. Luckily for us the judge realized that this is a kid who is refusing to go to school and not parents who don't make an effort or care. The laws in the US do say that the parent can be fined of go to jail for a child missing school. Our son is 6'4" and weighs 170 pounds, short of physical force, how do we get him to follow this rule? We've taken his phone, other privileges but nothing works. This is a kid who is bright and could get A's with little effort. That said, I have finally come the point where I realize (from hearing it from many many experts) that I cannot control his decision in this. The more we try to "force" him to go, the more obstinate he becomes. We have moved from threatening him to trying to be supportive by offering alternatives such as getting a GED instead. My biggest fear for him is failure. I don't want to see him end up doing something he doesn't like and living like several other drop out kids he knows. He has the capability of being a success but what I firmly believe is that it's up to him. We can't choose for him. He has to want it and he has to be the one to succeed or fail. We can try to be supportive and love him but we can't control him and we didn't cause his inability to get to school - HE chooses.

With your daughter being younger, I hope you can head this off. We've been dealing with it for three years. I would work with the school to set up an attendance plan and try to nip this now. Instead of grounding, are there incentives you can offer for her to attend and get decent grades rather than punishments. Maybe rewarding her for going will be a solution. Good luck.

Mandy - posted on 11/29/2010

Have you thought about home schooling her? If you have the means please think about it.. We home school our sophomore and love it! Her attitude has improved, I don't have to worry so much about peer pressure, her grades are great and making straight A's for the first time in years and it's a grt bonding exp. Just don't check out on your daughter, not that you have. Don't give up, when there's a will, there's a way. Good Luck and will keep you both in my prayers.

Terri-Lynn - posted on 11/28/2010

Shelly I have been fighting for a year in a half,and tried to incourage her and try to explain how important your high school is,she is seeing help at school,so I just hope that they can knock some sence into her,the sad thing is once she is 16 which is in 2 months there is nothing a parent can do which is sad...............I just have to hope and pray that she comes out of this mess and comes to relize that facts of live... thanks to all

Terri-Lynn - posted on 11/28/2010

We don't have that here in Canada...Tammy
Its sad that the parent has to got to jail,should be the kid

Tammy - posted on 11/28/2010

Also in the US, Terri, if the kid misses too many days of school, the parent goes to jail!

Rosie - posted on 11/27/2010

Terri, a GED is an equivlant to a high school diploma in the US. It is something you usually get when you "drop out" of high school.

Shellyann - posted on 11/27/2010

Hi Terri your very welcome.
Let me ask you this apart from us moms here dose any of your family members know about her not going to class and I asked this because with my daughter I told just about everyone that she sees on a daily bases. Her teachers from junior high,her aunts&uncles, gandparents, her friends in church and reason for doing that is because is she not going accept it coming from me at least she might listen to someone other than you. You know that saying "it takes a village to raise a child" if you haven't reach out to anyone else other than us moms here online then you need too. We are here to keep you incouraged and to help lift your sprits but you have to get those around to step in.
Remember what is said b4 she hear all what your saying she is taking it all in and she knows it's wrong but it's just something that she is CHOSING to do, becasue as much as your talking to her everyday and getting everyone to help at the end of it all she as to make the change. But remember STAND STRONG and KEEP FIGHTING.

Terri-Lynn - posted on 11/26/2010

what is a GED?

Terri-Lynn - posted on 11/26/2010

thank-you so much shellyanne...
I have been to the school 2 times for apts,and enrolled her in summer school but the courses she needed they didnt offer,I will try to stay strong but I am telling you its tearing me apart,she is also seeing a counselor,but I read me emails for her VP today she has missed classes again.I dont know.... I sure cant go to school with her everyday now...man I just wish she would understand,and the thing is she is a good girl at home for the most part

Angie - posted on 11/26/2010

Take her to class yourself. Sit outside the door for the class to end and then follow her to the next class. I'm not sure how else to assure that she is in class. Maybe she'll decided it's easier to go to class than to have her mom follow her around school. As an alternative, maybe she needs to study for her GED. School is not for everyone and at least with the GED she will have more opportunities than if she drops out.

Shellyann - posted on 11/26/2010

First let me say that I know it is very stressful and makes you tired having to say the same thing over and over but DON'T GIVE UP. Beleave me she hears eveything that you are saying to her but it's just something in them that they have to try to see how much they could get away with or are you going to give up. My husband & I have been there with our daughter last year she was going to school she never left the building but she just wasn't going to some of her classes, when we asked her why all she said was she didn't know why,an yes ( I spanked her myself) we grounded her took her phone an the computer away and she still went to school and not go to class. Her dad & I both went the school to speak with her counselor to see what we can do, she was put on probation she also had to have her teachers sgin the probation sheet to show that she has been to class well that lasted about 2 weeks. On one of my check in call to the counselor I was told that she was still cutting that day I got dress put on my crazyness( can I say I was pissed) an went to the school and demanded that speak to someone other than her counselor. Right away I was taken to the AP and told her what was going on she then send for my daughter to come down to her office and let me tell you when she came in and saw me sitting there the look on her face was priceless. The AP & I spoke to her about how important it is for her to have an education and for her to graduate on time, so she had to go to summer school and at first she had that don't care attuide but then summer came and when her friends were going to the mall, the park and she had to be in school I could see something slowly changing cause she wasn't having a fun summer. Now things have change she's going to all her classes but I still call or send emails to her school to make sure.
At the end of it all our kids are going to do things they know of themselives that they know is wrong we can only guide them in the right direction. These kids hear everthing that we are telling them about sex, drugs, school etc... they are taking it all in and holding a on to it. And with all that they know they are the ones that would wake up one day and decide that they want to see or feel the grass on the other side as we say sometimes, sadly for some they pay a price with their life. We just have to keep praying and talking to our kids and I'm not just talking about my own kids because they are the ones that is making these choices for themself we just have to show them which is the rigth or the wrong one and hope they pick the right one.
My daughter was 15 at the time now she's 16 and i'm thankful that even though she's going to class now it is still a work in progress, I'm not just going to sit back and think all is well I'm still checking in to make sure and she knows it too.
Stand strong, don't give up, and pray and every once in a while put on some crazyness. Your in my prayer.

Terri-Lynn - posted on 11/26/2010

thank-you ladies for taking the time to respond,I do get phone calls every period that she has missed,so I know when she has not attended plus emails everyday on how her day has been...
For the first yr of high School, I was on her steady,then I thought ok you life your world kinda way,well lets face it as parents we want the best for them...So I have to keep on this,2 months she will be 16 and sad to say we cant seem to do to much.I have grounded her over and over no phone no pretty much anything! she has the I don't care attitude,as far as spanking as much as I would love to give her a kick in the but it's against the law....so I am lost!

Aunt Glenna An Mom(kanoe) - posted on 11/26/2010

have you tried spanking her

Louise - posted on 11/26/2010

In England kids that do not turn up to class get put on report where the teacher has to sign the card to say they have attended and if they do not turn up a phone call to the parents is the next step. Sit her down and tell her that if she does not go to class there will be consequences like grounding or phone confiscations. I had a tough time with my youngest son he just did not want to go to school he thought he was old enough to do what he likes sort of attitude. I had him put on report and it made a huge difference I knew where he was every day. I think most kids bunk at some point but if this is getting a serious problem then it needs dealing with. Just a few words of wisdom from somebody who has been there do not nag at her about school work and studying as it just makes them dig there heels in even more. My son did much better when I backed off and let him make his own mind up to study.