Son is devasted... girlfriend pregnant!!

Lisa - posted on 05/21/2009 ( 59 moms have responded )

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My son is beside himself. He is really angry all the time and is crying at the drop of a hat. His girlfriend has told him she is pregnant and he has said he doesn't want it and told her all the reasons why she should terminate but even though she is only 7 weeks along she has decided she wants to keep it. I don't know how to help him. He just says no one knows how he feels. He feels that his freedom of choice has been taken away and his whole life has come to an end. Anyone any ideas what I can say to him. It is tearing me apart as well and I just end up in tears all the time too.

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Damita - posted on 07/16/2009

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just be there for him let him know you still love him and things will get better his life doesnt end he is not the first

Kristina - posted on 05/24/2009

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As the mother of sons, I can sympathize. As one who got pregnant at a young age and the father left, I understand being scared. As the mother of a teenage girl who is currently praying every night that she doesn't come to me and say she is pregnant, I feel your pain. It is not just the girls choice. But they both are scared and now are faced with the result of the choice they made. It all seems so simple when they are having sex and the hormones are raging. I told my oldest son if he ever got his girlfriend pregnant, he was just as responsible. It is sad that anyone would say that he could just walk away if he did not want the baby. Of course as a teenager no boy wants a baby. It is beyond scary. Don't be afraid to call the girl's parents. They are scared too. Has anyone thought adoption? Just a thought. And just remember as you go through this you are not alone. Others have gone through it too. You are not a bad parent and he is not a bad kid and neither is she. Also a beautiful new life is being created. I agree with the last post from Tammy..it is not the end of his life. Just a new beginning. You can get through this. Maybe this will make him stronger. Good luck and God Bless.

[deleted account]

I agree with those that say he needs to grow up. His saying that his "freedom of choice was taken away" makes him sound spoiled and selfish. Kids need to stop blaming external sources for their problems and learn that we as individuals makes choices with consequences. If it were my child I would sit him down and talk to him about his options at this point. He made the choice to have sex and now it is time to deal with the consequences. Telling him to grow up isn't wrong, it is exactly what he must do. You can still support him and help in many ways while assuring he acts maturely and responsibly. The only reason he wants the girl to have an abortion is to rid himself of the responsibility. Not fair to the girl at all. Maybe you can encourage him to think about others besides himself at this point. There are two other people involved in this (the girl and his baby). Whatever actions and decisions he makes now will define who he is and how he's viewed by his child and the mother of his child the rest of his life. He should think about that.

Shelly - posted on 05/23/2009

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Lisa,

No his freedom of chioce was not taken away!!! He made the chioce when he desided to have sex with her!!! He made the dession to become a father when he chose not to protect himself...He needs to suck it up and make the dession to take care of the child for the rest of his life. He may not want to stay with the mother but he does need to take the responcibility to that child!!! I get so tired of listening to these young boys saying they have no chioce when they made the chioce when they decided to get in to bed and have sex...I hope he has a game plan on taking care of the baby and I agree that you need to get together with the other parents b/c it's going to take all of you to raise this baby!!! Yes I know it's harsh but it's time that we as parents take some responsibility for our children and thier it's all about me attitude yes we did it to them well now they get to know what it really means for it to be about someone else and that he no longer matters!!!!!! I hope he can find some one in your area that has been were he is so he has someone to talk to and you need to keep a close eye on him right now until he can come to turms with what he has done..I seen on here were they have teen fathers support group if I were you I would be looking into it for him!!! Good Luck

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Cathy - posted on 11/14/2013

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I am so sorry for your pain. My son is 16 and his son will be born next April. He loves his girlfriend. They will get support from her family and our family. But it is hard to accept the reality. I think my son and his girlfriend are somewhat in Lala land not realizing the reality of their choices. I am way more worried about the future than they are. I worry that my son won't finish high school and get a decent job. It's nice to read about other moms
experiencing the same painful situation.
How are things progressing for you and your son?

Brandy - posted on 03/07/2013

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I can completely understand that he is beside himself at the thought of being a father. I am also kind of shocked that he did not think that his girlfriend could get preganant if they are having sex. One thing I have always shared with my children is that there is always a possibility of pregnancy anytime you choose to have sex, that is why you wait and live your life first and get an education. All children make their own decisions when they become a certain age, but as parents we still need to help them choose the right path. I love my children, but I would never encourage them to not take the consequences of their actions. It is difficult and I am glad that his girlsfriend has decided not to have an abortion. I made that mistake when I was really young and for the last 17 years it has haunted me, I think about it everyday and have went through a lot emotionally, physically and mentally because of it. Best of luck to your son, but he needs to realize that he was a part of this process as well and he helped make that baby, it does not mean your life is over, it means that you have to now live and work around a child. GOD bless

Justine - posted on 03/06/2013

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My son is 14 and his 17 old girlfriend is 7 wks pregnant ! She wants to keep it and my son doesn't. He's so upset I don't know what to do. I could press charges against her but I know I would never see the baby if I did. Any ideas ? So upset :(

C - posted on 01/29/2013

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My son too, just told me that his girlfriend thinks she is pregnant. All of the conversations, threats, preparation did not help. They made adult choices and now will have to deal with the consequences. This is my third son, my youngest, my baby and he is certainly as she is not, ready for the 24/7 responsiblity of raising a child. I love and support him and will be there no matter what> No amount of saying I told you so , or man up is going to erase the fact that life is going change drastically. I am sad and trying to put on a smile but all I feel is sadness.

User - posted on 09/13/2012

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Having had my son at 17 I always asked him to promise to not let history repeat. Having struggled for many years as a single mother & my sons father being not worthy of the title I hoped my son would have taken a leaf from the mother tree, sadly he didn't!!!

Tonight I was informed by my 19 year old son that his 21y old EX girlfriend was pregnant as she forgot to take her pill.

Being only 36 now with my youngest being 3, I was in 2 words "stunned & shocked" & hope that it's some sick joke his ex girlfriend is playing!

Wendy - posted on 07/24/2009

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I will give you more to think about.
I am a product of a teenager and a teenager.
My mother was 14 and my father was 16 when they had me.

I have always known that my father's father wanted an abortion. My father was a man and has always been by my side. He is the one person in my life that I have always been able to say this about.

He was 16 when his life changed. He is a good man and I can respect him because of it. Your son made the descision to have intercourse. As I have always instilled in my son, you are the choices you make. There are no right or wrong choices. They are all just choices. The result is what you are left with. This is the result God has given to him. We are only given as much as what God knows we can handle.

Once your son decides to be responsible for his choices, then he too will be a respected person. Not only by his child for the rest of his life, but he will RESPECT HIMSELF. Right now he is concerned because things will be difficult for the rest of his life. Yes, they will be difficult. HOWEVER, they can also be beautiful, enjoyable, loving and beyond anything he can ever dream of.

"Life is 10 percent what you make it and 90 percent how you take it."
I don't recal the author of that phrase but if you hang that in his room, it will give him plenty of food for thought.

I firmly believe the only thing you can say to him to help him feel more comfortable with this is that God does things for a reason and we will work together as a family to make the life of this child, your child, the best we possibly can. Because we mothers know it takes a lot to raise a child. He has the best thing that he could have in his reach - you. You are experienced and who knows how much time you have left on this earth. Just take it and enjoy it as much as is humanly possible!

I wish you all the best!
Wendy

Shelly - posted on 07/24/2009

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Lisa,

What a sad statement you made about having an abortion your self and you have no regrets...Either you are very cold harded or your lying to your self....I believe in the freedom of choice even as a Christian...But for you to sit there and say that you have no regets about either decition you made it's no wonder your son has the spoiled rotten attitude b/c his mother has the same attitude....As you said HE CHOSE NOT TO USE A CONDOM...I don't care if it was at her urging or not he chose to go unpretected so he is responcible for his choice it's not all on her like you are trying to make it sound...The best thing you could do for your son is put away your spoiled attitude and let him be responcible for his actions...

Tina - posted on 07/23/2009

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WOW...Good for her and going through with what is going to be a hard road...but good for her...as far as your boy...I am so sorry that he is beside himself...but that is what happens when you have sex...LIFE...can be birthed in the womb of the woman...as far as the end...this is only the beginning...and I hope he realizes that he needs to step up and be a father to the seed he planted into this girl...it is his flesh and blood...and yours too...encouarge and support him to do the right thing...dont feel sorry for him that he thinks this is the end...and don't feel bad for him that he has no freedom of choice...HE HAD A CHOICE TO HAVE SEX KNOWING THAT YOU CAN PREGNANT...That was his choice and he used it...maybe not to wisely...he must pay the price...I hope he does the right thing and steps up...there are so many fatherless children in the world...because of thinking like your sons...Very sad...this world and the single moms...no dads...I see it everywhere and it is heart breaking...

Lanette - posted on 07/23/2009

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I wish I could say something helpful and wonderful, but I've only gone through this with the girl. You need to only say a few things. #1 while pregnant the female has all the choices, it's that simple. #2 if he doesn't want anything to do with it after it is born either sign away parental rights (if allowed in your state) or have him step up financially but stay away from the girl and child. But, ultimately remind him (as I remind my son who is only 15) ... pregnancy is the result of sperm getting in a girl's vagina. Since that wasn't prevented, he has to do what's best...for the child...before himself. I wish you tons of luck and I hope you find him a good therapist to work things through. If you force any decisions on him he will only end up angry at you which will make things worse.

Gloria - posted on 07/17/2009

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It is a difficult time to find yourself in a situation you never thought you would find yourself or your children in, but such is life and sometime's sad to say that these things do in fact happen. The situation at hand involves 2 people and their family and friends and everyone is affected by it. My heart goes out to everyone. It's so easy for us to say do this or that but we all know too well that what's good for one household is not for the other. Obviously the decision the girl has made is not the decision your son has made. Some girls maternal instincts are just naturaly there in an instant and their life changes as well in that instant ! I can see how this would have your son feeling like the world will never be the same. And it's not going to be. We have to accept change and open our hearts and minds and know that we are not alone in this. Your son may need someone else to help him get through his feelings about the whole thing. You too may need some kind of support to help you and your son through this. Please tell your son that he should remember that while he has the chance to cry and be angry there are some that don't live long enough to ever get that chance.

Rita - posted on 07/16/2009

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Hello Lisa, nad may I say hello everybody.
I just want to say that I never meant to criticize either your son or his girlfriend. no moralisms. Just believe every baby is a blessing even if we don't seem to understand this. kisses and hugs

Lisa - posted on 07/15/2009

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Just be there for him. Love him & listen to him and support him the best you can. I was a young mother myself and now my daughter is also going to be a teenage mother. I have 2 brothers who became fathers at a VERY early age. They of course did not want to be dads and didn't think they were ready at the time either. That was years ago.....now they both have teenage sons that love more than anything in the world and could not be more proud of! Your son is young and hasn't had a chance to reach his full maturity level and now he has himself in a very adult situation, like my daughter, his emotions are probly going to be all over the place. All you can do as his mother is be there for him to give him guidance, let him lean on you & learn from you & most of all just love him & let him know it's going to be OK!!! Try to take things one day at a time rather than figure out evrything in a day. My heart goes out to you and your son and I wish you both the best!

Stasi - posted on 07/14/2009

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I am a mother of a 18 year old boy who at 17 last year gave me a grandson and he was still in high school.The mother was 19 now 20 and trying to work and go to college.The shock of this was very frightning to all of us not just him. That I made sure to tell him. He used a condom thatbroke. As far as everyone saying man up sometimes its better if they dont want to be there, to let them go on. He should of course finacially take care of the baby though.He had also aked her to get a abortion or seek out adoption but she found that she wanted to keep him. That was her decision and I supported her all the way and wouldve if she would of chose either way.. Unfortuntly my son walked away when my grandson was just 3 months old.He has since came back into Carstens life and is a excellent father. I stayed in her life though and helped her threw it, her parents who believe you must be married has since outcast her from her family. I would say you just support her the best you can and he will come around i suspect. If not you will be there and believe me you will enjoy every minute of being a grandma.Good luck and think positive you get a chance to care and love a part of your son and you through the baby.Just try to be there for her and him and I sure that that grandbaby will be loved very much.

Debbie - posted on 07/14/2009

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If after all of this does not work & he still says he still does not want the baby then he should sign over his rights & let the baby go. I also agree that he was old enough to have sex he needs to grow up.

Chianti - posted on 07/14/2009

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i was a teenage mother myself..which i do not recommened but everything turned out fantastic(my son is now 15)...personally its time for some tough love, he knew the consequences of sex and choose to ignore them,that being said he needs to get the tears out of his system and act like an adult...and even tho it is unfortunate timing there is a new life to celebrate and him stressing out everyone around him(including his girlfriend) is very unhealthy.....good luck to all of you!

Lisa - posted on 07/13/2009

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Hi Geoff - you said you have sent me a private message but I don't know how to find it

Lisa - posted on 07/13/2009

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Thanks Dee, by far the most appropriate post. You are quite right, the contraception being used failed. So neither of them were being irresponsible. My question was how can I help him, I didn't expect to get a shed load of criticism about what he should or shouldn't do. Naturally, I am his mother and I am protective towards him. He is only 17 and he is moving 200 miles away from home on 1st August so that is a wrench in itself without the pregnancy issue. As for the issue about Abortion being the wrong thing, it is not necessarily always the wrong thing. I had an abortion myself before I had my boy and then my second pregnancy after a split condom resulted in my beautiful boy that is now in so much turmoil. So people telling me what it is like, I know what it is like to both have an abortion and to bring a child into this world alone when the father has walked away. I can tell you all, I do not regret either decision and knowing my sons father I would not want him in mine or my sons life ever. I have done a pretty good job of bringing him up by myself and on the whole he has become a very sensitive, generous and caring person. If he wasn't he wouldnt be going to hell and back with the situation he now finds himself in - he would just walk away with no question - like his own father!! But he is still trying to come to terms with things.

The problem is that his girlfriend did not want him to move away and has been going on about not pursuing his goals so he could stay at home and be with her. He feels that although they were using the contraceptive pill (not condoms like he wanted to) that she has done this on purpose.

In Summary, I'm sure as most have said if he is present at the birth it may all sort itself out then. In the meantime, however wrong you all might think it - I will stand by and support my son whatever he decides to do.

Dee - posted on 07/11/2009

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Wow ! some really crazy replys here, first of all as far as I remember it took two and being responsible meant both people when it came to having sex! On top of that we don't even know who or what kind of birth control measures were being used so, its kinda crazy with twisting up the blame game now, the fact of the matter here is birth control may of failed, now we are pg and in a panic it happens when we are young and caught off guard, So in reading some of these posts I would have to say alittle harsh. I don't think in reading the intial post do we know all the details involved so I would like to try to stay on the positive side of this as much as possible. We all know that there is a high rate of young pregnancy in the US and I would like to think that these two will get love and support , are they destine to live the rest of there lifes together happily ever after I don't know but what I do know is that that baby deserves all the best so with that being said my wish would be that everyone would be able to take a big deep breath and try to put things in some kind of managable order maybe step by step, life throws curve balls and sometimes we are taken off the road a bit but we get right back on with love and support and friends and family who have our best interest at heart and who are not judging us but guiding us along the way. I to was pregaunt at 18 and my longtime boyfriend 19 now husband it was a life lesson we were using birthcontrol and had plans of getting married and having children just not then, then things changed next thing we new we were planning a funeral service for our first born child , if you think the birth of a child makes you grow up fast the death of your child makes you grow up even faster! I say love and support is what they need.

Alisa - posted on 07/10/2009

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Quoting Shelly:



Quoting REBECCA:




Quoting Rachel:

im a young mum 19yrs got a 5month old daugtha. i fell pregnant wen i was 18. and my now known husdband was only 19. i understand why his worried. & why he thinks its de end of de world. i had to give up soo much for my daugtha. no more partying no more work. no more studying. and i must admit my husdband was very worried in deed. jst like yur son. he was worried financialy. bt i blive. dat your son needs to grow and learn dat his in de real world now. & i also blive dat he shud jst accept de fact dat he has a baby dats coming. his own blood. his shudnt be worried about it.. cus in de end everything will work out. jst tlk to him. giv him support
let him no de positive thing and negative thing
.. and dat you'l always be by his side. thru her pregnancy . labor. eveything..








While I may agree with your post, let me say this; you sound ignorant by the way you talk hun.  Please don't take that as me saying you're ignorant.  You SOUNDING and BEING is to different things.  Now that you have a child, is that how you want your daughter to learn how to speak?









Rebecca,






  Did ya ever stop to think that she's not from here and english is her second language???  NO all you can do is point your finger at her for something you don't understand...Now thats being ignorant and yes that is me calling you ignorant...Maybe you should stop and think about what your saying before you ingage your mouth/thoughts...



 



I agree with Rebecca! This is not a ESL problem, This is how most of the young kids talk! Look at any young persons txt,facebook,myspace and you will see the same type of talk.





 

Alicia - posted on 07/10/2009

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Frankly, there should be no reason for himself to be so down. Not only is a baby a blessing from God, but it sure does make these kids grow up quickly! Sometimes that may be a good thing. How old is your son and his GF? Are you being supportive both ways, because they both need a good support system in order to make this work, and have a nice outcome. Being 7 weeks along, she shouldn't be stressed out about him wanting her to have an Abortion. His pressuring her may cause her to run from him, and he may never see his child, nor your grandbaby! He had a freedom of choice, and he decided not to pursue it...Shame on them for not using sufficient BIRTH CONTROL. He needs to grow up, take responsibility, move on and love his baby. Sorry if this sounded rude, but in no way at all did I want to portray that at all, just trying to be factual. God Bless, Alicia

Kalei - posted on 07/09/2009

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what this boy didnt know that having sex is the leading cause of pregnancy? tell him life is rough, and then you have to get a job to support this baby. if you play you pay. Welcome to the real world.

Eliane - posted on 07/09/2009

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Have you talked to him about it? Was there any kind of open conversation between the two of you before this happen? What her parents think? Did all have a conversation about it? This does not involve only a child to come and the teens but all the families. I agree give him time and have a great chat, go to the visits let him go as well. Get involved because the consequences of his behavior is showing. And if she decides to have the baby what she is expecting from him? get married? All the circumstances and
consequences need to be settle now. Communication and lot of love will help ... good luck

Ronni - posted on 07/09/2009

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I feel for you but the reality is he is responsible for his actions and he should have thought about this before having sex. His freedom of choice has been confirmed not taken away. He CHOSE to have sex and pregnancy is a possible consequence. This is one of those "deal with it" moments now - he chose to engage in grown up activities, now he has to act like a grown up. He has no one to blame but himself. I certainly would not coddle him about this - time to grow up whether he wants to or not because he chose this path.

Carrie - posted on 07/09/2009

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Wow! I'm so surprised by all the "opinions" of the other mothers, yet, none addressing your direct question of how can you help him... Lisa, I'd first like to say that I'm glad you're trying to help your son deal with the situation and not just be biased towards what he wanted regarding the situation. I was a teenage mother, and from that aspect, I understand how afraid he may feel. Especially for thinking his whole life is coming to an end. However, boys are difficult. They don't like to listen, particularly to us mothers. Encourage him, to set out the goals that he had for himself prior to this predicament. He can accomplish anything he is determined to regardless of having a child. Yes, finanically, things will be altered. However, my main suggestion to you is to encourage him. Exhort him in the area of being a man first, then a father. Men have great responsibility and if he's not ready to be a man, he'll have a harder time being a father. You can't just expect someone to "man up" if their clueless as to how. Support groups are great - but you are his greatest support. Of course, as a Christian, I say pray for him. However, not knowing your beliefs - that's hard. Encourage him to draw strength from this circumstance and persevere. I wish him the best - and truly hope that his life will be fulfilled with joy and with success.

Rita - posted on 07/09/2009

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Dear Lisa

Congratulations! You are going to be a grandmother!

Almost two months have passed, I hope things are less stressful.
Your grandchild mom is a brave woman, your son was - in May - obviously and may I say legitimataly scared about being a father. This shows, by one hand, that he is immature but by the other that he nwos that being a father is a big reponsibility. I've read some of the answers o recieved in a rapid way, but it seems to me you've had good advices. I sincerely hope that these almost two months have made things a bit less scaring.
One of the reasons - perhaps the main reason - of this scareness is the "prochoice" idea, or mentality. A son is somethig that ruins your life??? No way! A son, whenever it comes, is always a mean of enrichment for anyone. I have no doubt. I was an early mother too, and today I thank every day for having decided to keep my son. I have other two daughters and they all know that it's better to plan things when it comes to a family but that a baby is always someone to welcome. They bring lots of joy besides the responsibility, loose of some freedom to do things such as being out late at night, feeding, etc etc. All smaller things than a new life.
I hope your son and your daughter in law (even if they don't get married, right? the mother of your grandson!) get the liberty to love their baby above all things. That is really whta matters and that is really what the child needs. As a mom you must know that milk, diapers, clothes, etc aren't the most difficult thing.

Good luck for you all. Please give me some news about you.

Yours sincerely

Rita

Julieanne - posted on 07/09/2009

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He should have been more responsible in the first place. Unfortunately, it is not his decision to keep or terminate. My daughter became pregnant at age 15. His parents reminded me of all the ways my daughter ruined his life. But, the baby actually helped him. Please remember that this is hard on the mother to be, more so than the father to be. She has to be the one showing, giving birth, and responsible for the child.

Please let your son know that he will live through this, and that he should not consider the new life a death sentence. He can still support a child and go to school. It just means that play time is over. Good luck.

Charnel - posted on 07/09/2009

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i am by no means conservative and also had an unplanned pregnancy but i was older and was gainfully employed so i could raise my daughter on my own. My mother was keen for me to have an abortion or adopt, or at least wanted me to consider those options. But i knew that i could not live with those options... I am proud that my daughter who is now 16 has made the choice to remain a virgin till she gets married. Teenage sex is rife if i believe what i hear from her circle of friends and i am grateful for her decision. Even if it changes as she gets older, i am fine with that because i know she will not be irresponsible. More girls should have this attitude and there will be less boys in your son's predicament. I believe that he should take responsibility for his actions and if he doesn't want the child or does not feel ready to be a father (which he clearly is too young for!) then he should at the very least assist financially and that burden falls on you, i'm afraid. Your son should also rethink his sexual habits and use protection and perhaps this will make him think before just jumping into bed with a girl again. The girls parents also need to take responsibility and guide her in her decision making. If he was arrested for a DUI or stole something while being under age, then it would be your problem, so is this!

Cecilia - posted on 07/08/2009

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I agree with laura. if you were the mother of the daughter what would you expect from him as the father? my mom had me at 15, it was rough but we turned out okay lol. I was pregnant at 17 with a boyfriend that demanded i terminate or he would leave. His catholic father also demanded that my father make me terminate because "this is my son's life we are talking about" (kinda crappy hu?) well needless to say she is 15 now and the light of my life :) along with my other kids of course. I married a man that was a father at 15. all 3 of us were different situations and were forced to make choices. but he needs to look at the glass as half full not half empty. it will be okay. it seems like he has a great mom who is trying to help him in anyway. Just don't let him forget where his responsibility is. it will be ok! promise! :)

Mona - posted on 07/08/2009

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Lisa,
I have sons too. Please don't let these respones get you down.... it is some really good advice. Although I'm not in the same situation, I have prepared myself & my boys with what would/could happen. The painful reality. We've gone into detail.. on more than one occasion.

They know I would want to hear the news from them - not the town. They also know I would not let them walk away or push the girl into any situation but to be supportive of the final desision whatever that may be. I would expect them to be scared yes but to also be involved. I too would extend myself to the girls' family to let them know we are ALL in this together.

How would you want YOUR daughter's boyfriend to behave if she were in that situation? I don't have any daughters but this thought would set me straight. The "golden rule" you know.

Be loving, supportive but don't forget there are MANY people involved... including a baby that deserves their own love and support.

Donna - posted on 07/08/2009

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Lisa,

No his freedom of chioce was not taken away!!! He made the chioce when he desided to have sex with her!!! He made the dession to become a father when he chose not to protect himself...He needs to suck it up and make the dession to take care of the child for the rest of his life. He may not want to stay with the mother but he does need to take the responcibility to that child!!! I get so tired of listening to these young boys saying they have no chioce when they made the chioce when they decided to get in to bed and have sex...I hope he has a game plan on taking care of the baby and I agree that you need to get together with the other parents b/c it's going to take all of you to raise this baby!!! Yes I know it's harsh but it's time that we as parents take some responsibility for our children and thier it's all about me attitude yes we did it to them well now they get to know what it really means for it to be about someone else and that he no longer matters!!!!!! I hope he can find some one in your area that has been were he is so he has someone to talk to and you need to keep a close eye on him right now until he can come to turms with what he has done..I seen on here were they have teen fathers support group if I were you I would be looking into it for him!!! Good Luck







IM with Shelly Burton she said it perfect

Sharon - posted on 07/08/2009

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My advice: Be supportive. He needs someone to talk to and count on for advice. Highly recommend he goes to any Dr appt he can. I am a grandmother to a beautiful 11 month old girl. Wasn't planned. The parents had only known each other a month when my son's girlfriend got pregnant. My son complained alot about the whole situation but as soon as his daughter was born (he was in the delivery room) he was hooked! Him and the girlfriend are no longer together but he gets his daughter 2 days a week and pays the Mom every week. I have to admit my son probably would not make a very good full-time Dad. He still has not learned responsiblity and likes to party so I am glad they are no longer together. Luckily the girl is very resposible and makes a great Mom. I do agree with other comments here. Until the baby is born it does not feel real for the guys. Once he sees it on an Ultrasound screen this may help. Wishing to turn back the clock, or for this to just go away is NOT going to happen. It time to think about what is coming. Good Luck Grandma.

Shelly - posted on 07/07/2009

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Quoting REBECCA:



Quoting Rachel:

im a young mum 19yrs got a 5month old daugtha. i fell pregnant wen i was 18. and my now known husdband was only 19. i understand why his worried. & why he thinks its de end of de world. i had to give up soo much for my daugtha. no more partying no more work. no more studying. and i must admit my husdband was very worried in deed. jst like yur son. he was worried financialy. bt i blive. dat your son needs to grow and learn dat his in de real world now. & i also blive dat he shud jst accept de fact dat he has a baby dats coming. his own blood. his shudnt be worried about it.. cus in de end everything will work out. jst tlk to him. giv him support
let him no de positive thing and negative thing
.. and dat you'l always be by his side. thru her pregnancy . labor. eveything..






While I may agree with your post, let me say this; you sound ignorant by the way you talk hun.  Please don't take that as me saying you're ignorant.  You SOUNDING and BEING is to different things.  Now that you have a child, is that how you want your daughter to learn how to speak?





Rebecca,



  Did ya ever stop to think that she's not from here and english is her second language???  NO all you can do is point your finger at her for something you don't understand...Now thats being ignorant and yes that is me calling you ignorant...Maybe you should stop and think about what your saying before you ingage your mouth/thoughts...

Emily - posted on 07/06/2009

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Have you talked to both of them with her parents and hear them both out and see what her plans are to support this baby? My daughter was 17 1/2 yrs old when she told me she was pregnant I told her the truth as a sngle mother preparing her that she will be the father and mother at times because her boyfriend is still young in the head and she as my child had to still do what I expected like graduate from high school and that she is going to college it is possible to still accomplish you goals just as long they have parents to back them up not saying to raise their baby but helping your kid get ahead to be a supported parent. My daughter graduated on stage and she is going to college and the babys daddy is helping as long there are parents working together of the teen parents to-be. Good Luck

Denise - posted on 06/02/2009

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My heart goes out to you ALL! I'm the mother of a 16yo who now has a 3month old. She never babysat a day in her life, but now she has one! Her boyfriend said "I'm going to be the father, MY father wasn't" and has tired to stick to it.



Sad to say HE quit school to work full time. I didn't give her the option.



They live with us. As good of parents they are trying to be, they are STILL teenagers, and want everything that teenages want,and act like teenagers. They fight over who's going to do everything for him.

I finally had to tell them, "Look you wanted this child, stop fighting over him. Maybe you should think about adoption, because there' s LOTS of people who would fight TO get up with him." That helped a little

It's a tough one, but they'll get though it. And so will your son

Hang in there Grandma! I almost sure it get's easier!

REBECCA - posted on 06/02/2009

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Quoting Rachel:

im a young mum 19yrs got a 5month old daugtha. i fell pregnant wen i was 18. and my now known husdband was only 19. i understand why his worried. & why he thinks its de end of de world. i had to give up soo much for my daugtha. no more partying no more work. no more studying. and i must admit my husdband was very worried in deed. jst like yur son. he was worried financialy. bt i blive. dat your son needs to grow and learn dat his in de real world now. & i also blive dat he shud jst accept de fact dat he has a baby dats coming. his own blood. his shudnt be worried about it.. cus in de end everything will work out. jst tlk to him. giv him support
let him no de positive thing and negative thing
.. and dat you'l always be by his side. thru her pregnancy . labor. eveything..



While I may agree with your post, let me say this; you sound ignorant by the way you talk hun.  Please don't take that as me saying you're ignorant.  You SOUNDING and BEING is to different things.  Now that you have a child, is that how you want your daughter to learn how to speak?

Shelly - posted on 06/01/2009

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Yvonne,

Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that it will help to put things in prospective for this mother and her son....A baby is not the end of the world it's the beginning of a new page in your journey of life...And one of the most beautiful things in life!!! I hope that all of you encourage your DL to follow thru with her schooling b/c so many times we get so caught up in being mom that we put things off until we decide that it's no longer important...Once again thanks for your story

Yvonne - posted on 06/01/2009

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3and half years ago my sons girlfriend was pregnant, they were both in college and both thought their lives were over as in regard to carreers etc. both sets of parents and kids got together , we discussed what they wanted and gave them support, my son completed college, he had to do an extra year, and his girlfriend completed her course , taking time out to have their daughter. during this time they lived in their separate family homes with their daughter spending time between them. not ideal but it worked for them, my son got a place in university and all three have moved to rented accomadation together, my son is just completing his first year of university, following his ambition to be a music teacher. his girlfriend is waiting to continue with her career when their daughter starts school, she is enjoying the time with their daughter. they have had to do a lot of growing up but they seem strong together. and both sets of parents are there to support them when needed. our first thoughts were that their hopes and plans for the future were ruined but with support and some changes it did not have to be. you need to give both of them your support, tell your son his life is does not have to be over , its just taking a little detour, there is no reason he can follow his dreams and ambitions, but it now must include others.whether as a family unit or in a supportive role to the child. at the end of the day if they were adult enough to have sex , they should have thought of the consequences involved. how are his girlfriends parents coping with this, get together as a group, talk it out, it may not be all bad. we now have a delightful beautiful grandaughter whom we have close contact with and love dearly. her parents are happy and are continuing with their ambitions in life.

Rachel - posted on 05/30/2009

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im a young mum 19yrs got a 5month old daugtha. i fell pregnant wen i was 18. and my now known husdband was only 19. i understand why his worried. & why he thinks its de end of de world. i had to give up soo much for my daugtha. no more partying no more work. no more studying. and i must admit my husdband was very worried in deed. jst like yur son. he was worried financialy. bt i blive. dat your son needs to grow and learn dat his in de real world now. & i also blive dat he shud jst accept de fact dat he has a baby dats coming. his own blood. his shudnt be worried about it.. cus in de end everything will work out. jst tlk to him. giv him support
let him no de positive thing and negative thing
.. and dat you'l always be by his side. thru her pregnancy . labor. eveything..

REBECCA - posted on 05/29/2009

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I've read through the replies and can't really add much to it if anything. I agree your son sounds very very selfish by saying his freedom of choice has been taken. What happened to birth control of some sort and/or multiple forms? I feel for the mom and your son but hon, he really does need to grow up. It's to late to back out now, unless he wants a nasty reputation and trust me he'll end up with one. My daughter is 12, and I hope and pray that her dad and I never have to hear those words of 'I'm pregnant". Abortion will not be the first thing we mention to her. We would support 100% in whatever she chose to do. I would also talk to him, he needs to understand. There is a song by Kenny Chesney about this very thing. Beautiful video to go along with it.



I cry everytime I see this video, bc in the beginning you see the guy with tears running down his face and of course reminds me of a bit skinnier version of my son. I think of my son. He's only 14, but I swear it's like they used my son for this video. Only my son hasn't gotten anyone pregnant.





Video:


http://www.mtv.com/videos/kenny-chesney/...

Mimi - posted on 05/24/2009

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my heart goes out to you. There are all the dreams that you had for him to consider when thinking about how I would feel. I think that I would let him live with the consequences, but continue to support positive descisions like school and college. Babysit for classes, help pay for school so he can pursue his dreams for his child. Insist he be a father not necessary to marry her. Listen to his fears let him know that a parent is always there.

Tammy - posted on 05/24/2009

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The last thing he needs to hear is "Be a man and own up to what you have done" he is devastated right now and just needs support and understanding, he will need to get over the anger and fear or it will reflect on the child when she has it, There is time before the baby is born to man up but right now he is scared and needs his MOM! Let him know you are there for him. Either way it goes he could end up with regrets but if she ends the pregnancy that is something he will never be able to take back. After he calms down you'll have to talk about the what ifs and take it one day at a time. Right now you just need to be his mom and be there for him, getting him into a group where he can talk about his real feelings would help him to see that his situation isn't the end of the world. The video from Kenny Chesney "There goes my life" is the best and he should see or at least hear it. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it. Remember, there is a reason for everything that happens. Good luck to both you and your son.

Helene - posted on 05/24/2009

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I agree. Too many times we want to fix our kids messes instead of them learning from the consequences...I'm guilty of wanting to do that too. But it is a part of growing up and developing character. Each choice has a consequence, even when you don't make a choice.

Meg - posted on 05/22/2009

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When I was younger I don't think I always fully had a grasp on the consequences of my actions so it is unsuprising to me that your son is now in shock. I think you need to be strong for him, I know that you're upset but he needs you to be calm, he needs to be able to talk to you, he needs a listening ear and a broad shoulder to lean on, he needs you to be his mum.

The fact is that this is not his decision to make because he is not the one carrying the baby, he is going to have to accept his girlfriend's decision and he is going to have to live with it, he can be angry and cry as much as he likes but at some point he will have to accept her decision. Sadly his childhood stops here.

Have you spoken to his girlfriend's parents ? I think the prospective grandparents need to get together and work out how they can best help the prospective parents because they're going to need a lot of support.

I wish you all the very best.

Chris - posted on 05/22/2009

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i was a teen mum ( now 35 with a 18 yr old son the father walked away)

yes it is hard going to be hard for him to get his head around the sistuation its a life changing event, and yes as a father he does have rights, but so does the mother of his baby. they will both be on an emotional rollercoaster. his girlfriend and himself needs time to really think about the situation and the consequences of any actions. 1 could they live with the decision of killing their child (this i think would be harder for the mother to deal with) 2 would they make good loving parents, do they have the support of family?

as you say it is only 7 weeks and a lot of desicions have to be made in a very short time. its no use saying he should of thought of this when having sex, because its happening now! and dont encourage him to walk away from it . he now has to step up and learn to be a man to support his girlfriend whatever her desiscion, he is supposed to love her after all. of course people now how he feels hes not the first kid to get their girlfriend pregnant. where is his father? i think a man to man talk is in order here.

it is frightening even when you plan to have a child you still feel scared!

it isnt easy but hopefully he will calm down when hes had time to get used to the idea. and if family support them then they can still continue their studies so they can get a decent job to support the child.

Angie - posted on 05/22/2009

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Quoting Lori:

i would recommend telling him to grow up. well all i can say is that he should have thought about these things before he decided he was responsible enough to have sex. when kids decide they are mature and responsible enough to have sex then they need to be mature and responsible for the consequences for their actions.
ya sure it is easy for boys to say have an abortion.....they are not the ones who have to go through it. the baby is not real to a guy until they hold it in their arms but to a girl that baby is real the day she finds out she is pregnant.
and if he is so set on not wanting the baby then he can walk away. all he will have to do is pay support. no one is going to force him to be a father. if the mother decides to have the baby then the baby is her responsibility for the rest of her life. your son can choose to walk away from the child.



Thank you for saying what I was thinking but didn't have the guts to say!

Ann - posted on 05/22/2009

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What a trial in the life of a teenager. He is very young and probably did'nt think through the consequences of having sex before he was able to be responsable for a baby. Now is the time to encourage him to do the right thing. To "man" up and support the girl that he probably has told that he really cared for her. One thing I can say...no one I have ever talked to regreted having the baby. All that I have talked to have regreted having an abortion. It is very truamatic for the girl,and can affect the father as well. I am sure your son is just like other boys out there and is just very scared of the thought of losing his future. But it is not a loss of future, just a change. He has the oppurtunity to shape someone elses future and to be part of a bigger picture. I will keep you and your son in my prayers.

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