Son lies all the time!

Cindy - posted on 02/11/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

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I have a 17 year old son that seems to feel it is necessary to lie constantly. It is to the point where I never know if he is telling me the truth or not. He lies about the smallest things even when it is not necessary. I have tried to explain that if he just tells me the truth, the chances of him getting in trouble are less than when I find out he is lying. And if I take the car away from him, life is good and he turns back into the "perfect" child! Not sure what I can do to make him realize that lying is not the way to go! HELP!

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Joan - posted on 02/12/2010

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he does not seem to respect you. you said if you take the car away he becomes the perfect child . i would explain that the car is a priviledge not a right and if you can't trust him about small things you certainly can't trust him with such a dangerous machine. i would take it away indef. don't give it back for a month or longer and if he is caught in a lie tell him it will go away twice as long next time. just make sure to follow thru or else he can't trust you.

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Stacey - posted on 02/14/2010

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Please don't listen to the person who said to lie to him also. We need to be a model to our children. They do what they see their parents do. It will only make the situation worse.
My advice is to not give him the attention you have been when he lies. Just tell him calmly that you do not appreciate liars and that his privileges ( like the car) are being taken away for a short time. When he lies to you don't explode. He may enjoy pushing your buttons.
Sounds like he is going through a phase if this is a newer trait. He will grow out of it. Sometimes kids seek out negative attention because that is the easiest kind of attention to get.
Also, try giving him some positive feedback daily... it helps!! Tell him that you are proud of him for something.This can be hard to do when we have teens because they do a lot of negative stuff! Just try though.

Anne - posted on 02/12/2010

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Lie right back to him - and let him see how frustrating and irritating it is!
It has to be done very obviously. eg
'Can I borrow the car?' - 'No its been stolen' - Its in the driveway mum' - 'Oh the thieves must have brought it back' - 'Mum your lying' - Oh am I ?
A few more blatant examples of this and he will soon recognize the futility of lies.

GAYLE - posted on 02/11/2010

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If I were you I would tell him the story about the boy who cried wolf. Explain that if he carries on lying then he will end up being sorry...just like the boy. Also tell him that his lies will result in him not having any friends at all as they won't trust him with all the lies he tells. Keep taking the car away but make it for longer each time he tells a lie. Eventually he may realise that he needs help and maybe a counsellor could also help if the lies are getting that bad. Why does he feel that he needs to lie all the time? Have you tried talking to him about getting help? Good luck.

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