Struggling with estranged childern

Jareen - posted on 08/08/2011

Charlotte, you need to put all your trust in God, and if your family don't want anything to do with you, then pray for them, Jesus has told us that no one love is promise to us but the love of the Father. In July of 1975 I left my place of birth to live in the US because my Mom refused to tell me who my Father was, and my Step-Dad tried to molest me, but being the fighter that I was I refuse to let him touch me, I would go to bed with butcher knives under my pillow and stayed up most of the night. With the abuse from him and also my Mother I couldn't take it anymore, and I left with five jars of baby food, and two cans of powder milk and no money in my hand, my eldest son was 17 months old, he's now 38 years old and he's serving in the Army now in Iraq, my youngest, Father passed away on June of this year, and this man was mean and hateful to me never give me child support or anything, but I prayed for him and heard about him slowly suffering before he left the world, as you see God is not sleep and he is not dead. In 2003 I traveled to the Bahamas and brought my Mom back to the US and cared for her until she passed away on May 11th 2009, before she became ill she treated me so badly in my home, but I prayed for her as well and finally the Lord took her out of my life. I too am on SS & SSI and my eldest son in Iraq is the only one that is helping me, my younger son has no respect for me and he calls himself Muslim, but I am hearing that he's going through so much his childen Mom wouldn't allow him to be with the Children, I have been praying for him as well. Notice the pattern Charlotte when you take all your burden to the cross and leave them there and allow the Lord to deal with the people who hurt you, then you will better yourself in terms of them not taking your joy. Pray for your daughter tell Jesus all about it, and He will deliver them away from you. Only for my son who is in Iraq I have no one, my abuse begin at the age of 02 and I am now 57 years old, I have no family and no friends, because of what I had to go through in life I don't trust anyone. You have to remain strong and if it means getting away from them then you do that move on and trust in God for all of your needs and he will see you through it all. I did I live in a country where I have no one, but the Lord, my peace you cannot buy so don't you stay there and allow these people to cause you to live short of the glory of God, if you trust in Him in time doors will open and you will be happy.

Charlotte Sherry - posted on 06/03/2009

Quoting Cheryl:

I fell so sad for you. Look everyone is responsible for their own lives. You have done your mothering the best way you knew how. They are grown now. You cannot change things. But remember nothing stays the same. Don't beat yourself up life is much too short. Have faith in yourself, you are a good person and so are your kids but they needed guidance and now they will have to find their own paths. They will realise a lot of things one day, just sit aside and wait and you will be rewarded.
If it doesn't happen just enjoy what you do in your life and be a giver and you will get back 10 fold, it is true.
Regards and Best Wishes
Cheryl from Australia Melbourne.

Cheryl - posted on 06/02/2009

I fell so sad for you. Look everyone is responsible for their own lives. You have done your mothering the best way you knew how. They are grown now. You cannot change things. But remember nothing stays the same. Don't beat yourself up life is much too short. Have faith in yourself, you are a good person and so are your kids but they needed guidance and now they will have to find their own paths. They will realise a lot of things one day, just sit aside and wait and you will be rewarded.

If it doesn't happen just enjoy what you do in your life and be a giver and you will get back 10 fold, it is true.

Regards and Best Wishes

Cheryl from Australia Melbourne.

Charlotte Sherry - posted on 06/02/2009

Hello

I have 3 children. 25 son, 20yr old daughter and 18 yr old daughter. I was married for 23 yrs. The last 15 were very dysfunctional. My ex became very abusive verbally mentally and emotionally. I tried to leave 3 times. The last time was successful and I have been divorced for 4 yrs.The girls lived with me for the first 2 yrs. I received no support and was on disability for 3 yrs due to a broken back.I purchased a home and struggled for 4 yrs. I was drowning financially. My oldest daughter became very controlling and stepped all over me. I wasn't strong enough mentally to be the mom I should have. Both girls were abusived physically and mentally by their father. My son was hit with pipes and kicked with steal toes boots and strapped with a belts where it left welts on him. My son went off to collage 2 yrs before I left the matrimonial home. The girls begged me to leave. So I got up enough courage to do so. My oldest daughter was not adjusting to our life style. The expensive clothes, anything she wanted etc.. It became very tense and frustrating handling two teenage girls on my own. I suffered depression for 3 yrs. I finally got up the strength to tell my oldest that she was not going to use me any more. She left hating me. The youngest stayed for a few more months until her father brother and sister convinced her to get away from her crazy mother. The youngest was 15 at the time and staying out all hrs of the night. I told her it wasn't going to happen anymore and she left as well. 5 months later I find out she is in a hospital cutting herself. Her father never went to the family counseling, he made our oldest daughter go. I was banished from the hospital or even knowing what she was going through. She contacted me and wanted to come home. I have since moved to another town and she is doing awesome. Both my daughters told the family, friends and the town of how badly their father treated them while we lived as a family. My ex went to jail for hitting me and my son has not spoke to me in 4 yrs because of it. Now my oldest daughter blames me for everything and I haven't spoke to her in 2 yrs. The youngest is still with me and doing very well. I am happy and dating a very nice man and have a new live now.

My ex comes into my town and drives around constantly looking for us. My parents and my family have taking my ex`s side and told me I shouldn't have called the police and should have just walked away. My parents see my ex on a regular basis with his girlfriend. They both go to all the family functions. I have estranged myself from my family. I do not think this is right. I am their own daughter.

They have basically told my children I am no good. Sometimes I ache so bad inside because I cant see my kids. However I wont let them treat me the way their father did. My son is abusive towards me and has many times raised his fist and called me very nasty names. My oldest daughter is only there because he can give her the material things that I wasn't able to. They both have allot of influence from mine and his family. This is so sad because children need both parents no matter what.

My ex was never around while the kids were growing up. I did all the raising. He got the fun part(being a buddy to them). I had to be the parent and the disciplinary.They see me as the monster.

I nursed thier hearts, their wounds , dried their tears, comforted their pain, and did all that a mother could do.

Now I am just cast aside like I never existed. How does one cope with this pain? I am very happy and have a very good career now but still have that void. I have accepted not having my parents in my life but my children are different.

Thanks for listening