SWEARING

SARAH - posted on 10/11/2009 ( 10 moms have responded )

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HOW CAN I HELP MY TEEN TO UNDERSTAND THAT IT IS NOT OK!!!

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Kerry - posted on 10/14/2009

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My 15 yr old started swearing at the tender age of 7. She could string together words that would make a sailor blush and at first i would yell at her and threaten. It didn't work, just made her do it more. She was doing it to get a reaction. I searched online for anything i could find about a young kid picking up swearing - we never used the words she was saying and she told me her friend taught her. The advice that I found online was that the only reason a young kid would swear is to get attention and usually from the parent they feel that they aren't getting enough attention from. In my case it was her daddy who was having more fun with our youngest, who at the time was 2 and another boy. The advice was to ignore it. If you don't react then its not fun to use it. Took forever for me to get everyone around us to ignore her; my mom had a field day but finally i got them all to ignore her and it stopped.

I use damn and shit all the time and the older 2 never talked like that. My 17 yr old still doesn't use bad language and she gets on her 20 yr old brother and the 15 yr old when they do. My 15 yr old has continue to swear when she is frustrated and I still ignore her and she will stop. I won't even answer her unless she can talk to me in a different way and so she will stop and think and readdress things.

I think that many teens who start swearing all of a sudden do so as a way to show independence. Its cool at school and as they get older, especially if they don't have a lot of freedoms, they will do things that a parent can't control. A parent can't tape a mouth closed so they talk in a way that gets a reaction while at the same time proving to themselves that they can be independent. Another way that teens do this is with eating. A parent can't force a teen to eat so when they feel other things are out of their control they choose to control the one thing they can, their own body.

You should have a talk and let him know that while it might be the "thing" to talk that way with friends or at parties but there are certain places where that language is looked down upon. If you really don't want to ignore it then you should tell him that the home is an unacceptable place to use it as well as work places and interacting with others in a professional manner; towards your teachers in high school - but remember in college this rule sometimes goes out the window because professors can be just as bad as the kids. Give him boundaries as to where it is acceptable and not acceptable to use those words.

Darlene - posted on 10/14/2009

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If my kids swore around me I would remind them that it's not allowed and if they continued I would make them leave the room and if it because a serious issue then they would begin to loose items that are important to them like phones, games, etc.

Darlene - posted on 10/14/2009

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I have two teenage boys 15 and 18, I have never allowed them to swear around me or adults out of respect. I myself unfortunately have a pretty bad mouth so they have always been exposed to bad language. I know that they swear around their friends, it's to be expected at this age. I would simply sit them down like adults and tell them that it's not acceptable and you won't allow it - there is a time and a place for everything, you could also remind them that they look stupid in adults eyes so keep it to themselves. Good luck!

Deneale - posted on 10/14/2009

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Good luck with that. Mine know it bothers me, and yet they still do it. They do do it less while around me, but they still do it. They know its wrong, but they need to "express" themselves I guess. This is a different era then when we were raised. I got soap for cussing. Child Welfare is much more stricter now.

Wendy - posted on 10/14/2009

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hya, well try this one out everytime you hear a curse word they have to feed the curse jar some money lol we did that and it worked for awhile. tell them that how they present themselves is how people will see them and it also reflects on the parents, I asked them to come up with another word thats similar to the curse like what the fabreesy instead of what the ...... lol they do get creative and its not cursing.well hope this helped a little, good luck and take care ,wendy

Angie - posted on 10/12/2009

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We don't use foul language in our home. When my children first came home from school saying that they heard these words, I told them that swearing is a sign of a person who can't articulate well. If they were better speakers, they would find better words to use.

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I've never had trouble with bad language from any of my kids. I have told them that kind of language makes them sound stupid and trashy. My youngest said the s-word once in front of me as we swerved to miss a skunk on the road. I just laughed and told him that pretty much summed it up. I know he does swear with his friends and I've never made an issue out of that but he does understand that language in front of me will not be tolerated and for some strange reason none of my kids have ever used that language with me. I get flippin' marshmallows and shiatsu instead.

Angela - posted on 10/12/2009

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OK this is what we have done in my house. Everytime they cursed they had to put a quarter in a jar. When they dont get an allowence cause it all went there maybe they will stop, my kids did.

Michelle - posted on 10/12/2009

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my kids do and the get a very loud excuse me and i ussally get a sorry mum they know its not on and it doesnt happen all the time in my house just some times make sure she knows how you feel

Dionna - posted on 10/11/2009

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Hello there. New to this but your topic caught my eye. My daughter has just recently started saying, hXll, Dxxm or Sxxt. My opinion is not to react, treat it as a normal part of the conversation. Bring it up later in a seperate conversation that you would prefer them not to talk like that. But honestly, you can't control it. Good luck!

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