Take her on all-inclusive Cancun vacation or Not? Your advice please?!

[deleted account] ( 13 moms have responded )

I have already booked an all-inclusive vacation to Cancun for Memorial Day weekend. My 16 year old daughter hates me and has verbalized this over and over. She is currently residing at my ex and his wife's house as she is completely disruptive to my household. She does want to reside there. I have provided this girl w/ a cell phone, desk-top computer (shared w/ her 2 other sisters) pretty much anything- that she needs such as make-up and shampoo that is anything but Suave..... She recently got into a fight at school and is now on a 10 day out-of-school suspension. She has a probation officer and I have seriously grounded her (which is being followed at my ex's house, too) No cell, no computer, No Facebook. Last Saturday I learned that she was still using a hidden land-line phone and her younger sister gave her her Itouch to get on the internet. So she was using Facebook. I locked her out of her facebook which angered her so much she left me a voicemail and I quote " You have messed w/ my life you F****** Bit**, I am going to come over there and punch you in the face. You can shove that up your fat a**, Bit**" This morning I have now learned that she contacted Facebook and told them her account had been hacked and she created a whole new Facebook. So she is still breaking the no computer rules. I learned that she created a whole new FB because I read a post on her friends walls. "I hate my mom....she doesn't want me talking to you.....I hate that bitch......" (BTW this is the girl she fought with at school)-that was Thursday at 1 a.m. Her stepmom had on idea she was on the computer. Regardless she is still breaking the rules, hates me and calls me names. Should I not let her go on our family vacation to Cancun?

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Victoria - posted on 04/11/2010

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I wouldnt take herf ass nowhere. I would call the police and ask them to meet me because im about to wupe im sorry beat my daughter ass.one for saying she will punch me in the face and second because she is the damn child. Ill beat that azz like she old me child support. Her father under no reason should let her talk to you like that because you are stilll her mother. my daughter wouldnt try to roll her eyes,neck,talk back, or anything. Im from old school i brought you into this world ill take your azz out. I either go to hell or jail before I let a child I gave birth to disrespect me.

Angie - posted on 04/11/2010

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DON'T TAKE HER!!!!!!! Contact facebook and explain the problems..I'm sure they won't let her open another account. You don't have to take that abuse from her.Don't buy her anything. If she lives with her dad let him do it. If the other kids are helping her take all these things away from them too. These thing are not a right they are a privilege. make them earn them.

Michelle - posted on 04/11/2010

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sounds like this girl need serious help! Councillor is needed i am afraid, and not through the school either! i WOULD NOT let her go on vacation with you, thats saying i don't care how you act or what names you call me, i will do anything for you. your love is unconditional but you don't have to let her treat you this way.

Laura - posted on 04/10/2010

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No No No sounds like you need to call her probation officer. Look, straight up I know it's hard but I have been there. If she doesn't learn boundries now how will it be when she is an adult. Girl sounds like you need the vacation take a friend and go relax. You can't reward her for disrespecting you.

Angie - posted on 04/10/2010

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God bless you. I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I have to agree with the other moms - she hasn't earned the right to go on a vacation. I have to wonder, what is the punishment that your other daughter is getting since she helped your daughter break her grounding.

Lori - posted on 04/10/2010

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Personally, I think you are getting nothing but disrespect and attitude from her - from what you've posted. I would NOT reward it by including her on your family trip - for two reasons. One, because she does not DESERVE it, and two, because she would wreck it for YOU. Instead I would make every effort to find an Outward-Bound type camp that coincided with those same dates - and send her THERE.

You love her - and she loves you, regardless what she says now. But love is a VERB - she needs to learn to show it again, and that begins with taking responsibility for her actions. If she doesn't earn it, she shouldn't have it. Period.

It sounds like this hurts you very much. I know what that feels like, and I am sorry for you. Hope you hang in there strong as she grows through this - believe me, if you can just keep from killing her, she WILL outgrow this!! ♥

Amanda - posted on 04/09/2010

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No no and no! I would not allow it. Not after being treated that way. You go on your vacation, you deserve it. Even mom's get vacations sometimes. There is nothing wrong with taking a vacation without your child especially if they have a place to stay with adult supervision. Your daughter needs help, and takeing her on vacation with you won't do it. It will only ruin things for you and the time you need away. She needs counciling in a major way. You need to find out what is caseing her behavior.

Diana - posted on 04/09/2010

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Does she want to go? If she "hates" you so much, then she shouldn't want to go and be "forced" to spend that time with you. I understand the negative impact of discluding her, but if she doesn't even want to go, or be around you for that long, then you can use that for your reasoning. I think it would be a little different if she lived with you and you were leaving her home. That would be worse.

[deleted account]

You seriously need to put her in a girls camp for troubled teens. Obviously she needs help. You and your ex-husband along with the new spouses need to get counseling on how to deal with this and how to have the same rules at each house. You need to cancel the trip or see if you can rebook the trip. You need to use that money to help your daughter. I understand you need a break, but she needs help and some much needed love. Obviously she is hanging around the wrong group of kids and will revert back to them the harder you try to keep her away from them. GET HELP NOW!!! Stop thinking of yourself, start thinking of your daughter's. If one of them is this way, the other will start doing the same things eventually.

Genifer - posted on 04/06/2010

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The WORST thing you can do is DISCLUDE her from a FAMILY vacation. She doesn't go, you all don't go. I learned that the hard way. She obvisouly has some problems to the point that she needs serious counseling along with parenting classes for you and your ex. I am not saying that you are bad parents so please do not take this the wrong way. All the information you can get about how your child is really feeling inside will help you through this. But I beg you NOT to disclude her from a family vacation. I know it seems like rewarding her but what you would really do is hurt your family dynamics and that would be detrimental to all of your relationships between her and the whole family.

Shelly - posted on 04/06/2010

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Amy,

Well lets see she hates you and doesn't want to follow any rules you have set up for her at your home and her fathers home and now you want to know if you should reward this behavior??? DID I MISS SOMETHING? Oh yea & she has a safe place to stay while you are in Mexico!!! Need I say more?

Tracy - posted on 04/05/2010

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Why reward her for this kind of behavior? Absolutely do not let her go unless she honestly and repentantly comes to you, begging for your forgiveness and changes her ways. And even then, you should still be hesitant to let her go out of concern that she is just manipulating you to get to go on the trip! I don't see how your ex and his wife are upholding your "no computer" rules if your daughter is still finding ways to get on. They need to be as vigilant with her as you are. If that means disabling and hiding their modem, then that's what it needs to be. Since she has threatened to punch you in the face, you might want to call the police and talk to them about speaking with her about her fighting at school and about threatening violence. They can tell her what it's like in juvenile detention and that she will want to avoid it. You also need to contact Facebook and have her new account blown up. I don't know if they can block her from having an account, but you can ask. Lastly, I would get you and your daughter in some kind of counseling soon. The two of you are on track for destruction, and it happens very fast! It would be a good idea to get your ex in on it too so that you two can be on the same page with parenting her. I pray that you and your ex-husband can get your daughter back on track! God bless!

Julia - posted on 04/04/2010

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NO. She will use your desire to enjoy the vaca as a free pass to act like a fool knowing you will not want to ruin the entire trip. She has obviously chosen to prove she has no problem disrespecting you in a public way so why risk it in a foreign country and possibly ruin the whole trip.

If you really want her to go make her prove she wants to go and promise she will behave. Otherwise leave her home with her dad and enjoy your vacation.

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