Talking to 13 year old boy about the facts of life.

Karen - posted on 11/19/2009

Okay... here's the tuff love solution......Find a new mother or one with toddler aged kids. Go visit with them for a few hours. Let him see how hard it is for that mom to get thru her day with her kids at her feet. Then I would tell your kid that you and she are going out to lunch while he babysits. Leave him standing there while you 2 leave with crying children at his feet. If you dare, leave him for an hour or so and upon your return, ask him if he wants a life before children or if he wants to jump right in for the next 18+ years and not have life. I'm willing to bet, that he will really think before sticking his wee wee in any girl anytime soon.

Vickie - posted on 11/13/2009

i have a 13 yr old son and we are pretty open around the house as far as joking but when it got serious finding stuff on the internet realy upset me i don't want my son to find stuff on the internet it's to open and he might get the wrong ideal about things but i talked to him about basic stuff and his Step Farther talked to him also and i did find some great info on the internet about puberity in boys and things changing and what i thought was good for him to read i ran it off and gave it to him and told him this might help him in some things , maybe you can find some info that he can read on his on that might help some ,

Donna - posted on 11/13/2009

I have three kids myself. The oldest two are girls, and the youngest a boy. He is 17 now, but I had to talk to him since he was younger, and I agree, it was harder than with my girls. How is he with his sisters? I ask because my daughters have consistantly talked to him about the way some girls are, and characteristics in the way of personality that sometimes go along with that. I talk to him all the time, too, and it gets easier and easier. I have to admit, the oldest is 23, the one closest in age to him is 19, but he has learned from them how to discern who to be around and who to stay away from. I always ask him, if a girl is calling all the time or hanging around, what he thinks of her personality wise? It generally concludes with him stopping and really thinking about how she acts around other people, as well. One thing I learned a long time ago: I never say "I don't like her (or him)", it leads to a defense of their friend on their part. You sound like you have done everything "right" with communicating with him, right down to being curious is normal.

If you are looking for something that is up front and honest, I would suggest a Pam Stenzel video. I taught sex ed for 8 years to 12-18 year olds, and her video was one of the most talked about and remembered by all of the kids. She has them from the prespective of religion or not, depending on what you prefer. I had the oppertunity to have her come to my schools twice in 8 years, and she is very effective. She has a website if you are interested in that.

Carol - posted on 11/13/2009

I have custody of my 14 year-old grandson and am having the same problem. I don't remember it being so hard with my son and 2 daughters. But, with them, I started answering their questions and talking about sex gradually from the time they were very young. My grandson has been living with me for only 5 years. I am divorced and I have not been in a relationship for a very long time - he has never seen me even go out on a date. I know that being his grandmother makes it harder. I think that he is amazed that I know anything about sex, much less have done it. Neither my son nor son-in-law live closeby and he does not see them often enough for them to help with this. My grandson also had sex ed at school, but there is so much more to sex than what he learned in that class. During parent-teacher conferences, I did mention my concern. One of his teachers said that he would be willing to talk with him if the opportunity presented itself. But I really doubt that Nicolas will ever bring up the topic. So, for now, I am hoping and praying that he eventually will be willing to talk to me or God will show me another way to handle this.

Bonnie - posted on 11/12/2009

My son at that age wasn't interested (to embarrising) Maybe get his dad to talk to him if possible.

I left it to the sex ed' at the highschool....they're pretty infomative.

Also, when he turned 15, I just popped a packet of condoms in his drawer (so he'd just find them) You don't like to think that they would be sexually active at that age...but better to be safe!!

Also reminded him (when he was 16) that boys that got girls pregnant would have to pay for it for the next 18 years (that scared him!!)

Crystal - posted on 11/11/2009

I had the same issue. The best that I can advise you is (make dad do it! LOL) If thats not a possibility -it wasn't here- Than just remind him of what he wants in life. Does he think a child -now-will prevent him in his endevors? Talk openly to him about pictures and porn sites (lets face it they do go) remember that boy's are visual creatures and see things differently. You just need to make sure he understands that that is not how life really is its just a movie (or whatever) and it is to hold the same as any movie like Godzilla, not real! DON'T scorn him for looking though (I found this out the hard way) but be honest, is it ok or not for this stuff to be in your home? If not tell him. Make sure you are giving him his privacy too, KNOCK when you enter!!! or you may see more than you are ready for! It really sucks, I know but that is the bast you can do. Also Tell him where the closest "free clinic" is or set it up with his doctor to get checked if he does have sex. When you go to the doctor tell him in private that you are going to leave during the visit for a bit so he can talk to yur son abotu "whatever- sex" and actually do it. Its a hard thing to do but if he wants to have sex early the best you can do for him is have him prepaired!! Good luck-- this is probally harder than potty training for you as a mom- we don't understand (as much as we want to think we do) and they deffently DO NOT want to talk about it. Remember boys see thing differently than girls do. Boys solve, they are Mr. Fix It; girls talk and work thing out for themselves -emotions or ok. Boys are visual creatures, what are youok with him having??? Oh yes I would block all the porn sites. They will cost money and he wont even know he did it REALLY- they will charge your provider and you'll get the bill and have no choice but to pay!

Kim - posted on 11/06/2009

i do home daycare,and one day i found a condum in my sons room he was about 13. i asked about it .he sead it was for show around his friends. i told him sex is more then show and tell, you have to realy care for her,and know what will happen if you play.i reminded of all the girls i work for, and all the daddies are no were too be found. it take a man, are you that kind of man yet?