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Teen Bullying and Suicide: Phoebe's Legacy

Colleen - posted on 03/30/2010 ( 4 moms have responded )

12

68

The utter despair that the parents of Phoebe Prince must feel, makes me weak in the knees. Phoebe was a 15 year-old teen girl who was so viciously harassed by a group of her high school classmates at South Hadley High School in Northampton, Massachusetts that she hanged herself on January 14. The harassment had been going on since September, and took place at school and online. The faculty and many students at the school were witnesses and aware that Phoebe was being bullied. Unfortunately, there was nothing effectively done to stop it.

Phoebe left a legacy which I hope will not go unnoticed, but rather, expose the danger which our children are in, and highlight our responsibility of parenting in the most visceral, important way. What have the parents of these children, been busy doing? Teaching them? Taking every opportunity to make them understand that we, as human beings, are compelled to not only be caring, and compassionate to one another, but that we are actually responsible for one another? I wonder how much time these parents spent actually exhibiting the behavior they wished for their children, like helping those less fortunate, possibly the people who may seem a bit weaker, a bit helpless. I wonder if they did things to cultivate a spirit of generosity like stopping on the side of the road to unload the car of blankets for the homeless people sleeping in the streets...or bringing unwed teen mothers home after they had been put out by their families? I wonder if they stopped at the grocery store and found a family with little blond, malnourished children with no home and no food and brought them home to live with them? I wonder how many prayers they said for people in dire straights, bringing attention to the problems that exist in the everyday lives of family members and friends? I wonder if they brought anyone home, on the brink of suicide and made her a part of their family? I wonder if they had nightly family dinners, endless discussions of social welfare and reform, or if they had family expectation of civil service? I wonder if they attended mass every Sunday, to listen, learn and experience the discipline of giving God an hour of devoted time per week? I wonder these things because the idea that I or any member of my family would ever, ever watch someone being bullied and literally stand by is unimaginable to me. My parents did each and everyone one of these acts of kindness, and countless more. They taught us, consistently and constantly about serving others. They didn't just show up for appearances, ever. They sacrificed themselves, their time, their money, their home and much more. They gave of themselves, they showed compassion, and they taught us to do the same.

The legacy of Phoebe goes directly to the heart of what is needed, what is required as a parent; your children are in danger. Just to give your check to a charity every year, go to church once a month, and even volunteer at a soup kitchen once a year are not enough. Not now. Now in the age of competition for your kid's attention from a pop society that misses the point of the movie "Mean Girls". Getting your children to understand that we are ultimately responsible for everyone around us will be our country's greatest achievement or our greatest failure. It takes every day, every hour of reminding, teaching and showing your children how we should treat others when we are with them, and how we consider them when we are away from them. Parenting takes commitment that I believe, when done right, rivals Olympic athletes.

The parents of the nine teens who are now facing serious criminal charges will have significant time to ponder their own responsibility in Phoebe's death. I hope that Phoebe's legacy will conjure serious change, and compel parents to connect with their children, and give them Olympian-like teaching of humanity, love and compassion for others.

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4 Comments

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Rebekkah - posted on 04/01/2010

25

7

Thank you for sharing this story. My son James is visally and hearing impared. He is always be bullied and picked. I was always on the phone with the school reporting the students, called the bus and reported the students. It got so bad I had to have the poilce dept go to the bus stop at 3 15 to make sure nothing would happen to James. Last year James took a whole bottle of pills he wanted to die. He was in a coma for 4 days. He said he hated school and didnt want me to take care of him for the rest of his life because he was visally and hearing impared. I told him I loved him no matter what I moved my kids to another stated and a new school. James is doing wonderful. He has friends and plans on going to college this year.

Diane - posted on 04/01/2010

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13

Thanks for bringing this more out in the open. My 14 year old daughter and I just finished the book, "Before I fall" (Lauren Oliver) and it relates to this subject and what one bullier learned as she relives a day over and over until she gets it right. My daughter and I talk a lot about this as she had a hard time relating to the victims as she has not experienced a lot of bullying herself. There are obviously hard core bullies as in "Mean Girls" and then there are the girls who don't even realize the impact of their words and actions - what they may feel is just hanging out with their friends can be major exclusion to another person. I think every teen should read this book and get another perspective. Parenting now has to take a lot of time. Kids need to be (forced at times) to be present in reality. They are consumed with so many influences that throw off their barometer. Limiting time from all of this is really important so the kids can see clearly again. We are all so busy but our children must take top priority so we can teach them right. "Lose your cool" by Zack Hunter is also a great (it's faith based) book that helps the kids focus on their personal strength and away from influences in society. My daughter really got a lot out of it.

Valerie - posted on 04/01/2010

901

29

You make a good point to the parents here and now how about the school and law enforcements responsibility too...the schools is hugely liable and responsible here and need to face legal consequences for failure to protect a chld. Parents do have a responsibilty to teach their chldren and so do schools. I doubt that any of those parents would have allowed this to go on in their homes and yet the school (teachers and administration did nothing) giving those kids a huge GO AHEAD with their behavior...everyone involved needs to be held accountable by the law...just like
Columbine...first they blamed the parents and Ithought WRONG...after years of investigation they now see the respnsibility of the rest of the community involved...and by the way those boys were relentlessly bullied through grade school because they were Jewish...and look how they resolved it...I do not blame them or their parents...their rights and safety were repeatedly violated and created the horrible consequences...YES PARENTS NEED TO CULTIVATE THE GIFTS OF CHARACTER IN THEIR CHILDREN AND THEY NEED TO BE ABLE TO TRUST THAT THE INSTITUTIONS IN THEIR SOCIETY DO THE SAME..

Nikki - posted on 04/01/2010

265

68

Well said , I cried while reading this as I could visualize the horror of what Phoebe's parents had to see and experience. God be with them . I hope for the same , in the changes we all need in raising children today. I was often proud of my oldest daughter (who is grown now) for always stepping in to "take up for someone" she witnessed being harassed in any way. I was grateful she had learned "compassion". My younger daughter is in high school now and she has dealt with many "rumors" being spread about her etc., however I can only hope I have made her strong enough to handle such things even though she hurts deeply . This problem is unreal and frightening as a parent. I can't understand how even the school's staff turned their heads during Phoebe's experience of bullying . All schools should implement a course for the faculty on what to do in these situations . I pray for Phoebe's family . I pray for change. I don't know what happened to escape some parents in simply teaching your children to "treat others as you wish to be treated" It is God's word. God Bless .............

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