Teen Pregnancy - Not boyfriend/girlfriend

Roxanna - posted on 08/04/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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I don't know what else to do. My 16 yr old son is going to be a father. The only difference is that she is not or was not a girl friend. She is just a girl he "hooked up with" at a party. He is also on edge all the time and angry. It doesn't help that she texts him and makes derogatory comments about him on facebook all the time and tells him how worthless and uncaring he is. His problem is that he does not think the baby is his because she was supposedly with another boy about the same time. Having been in her shoes I have explained to him that he needs to man up and take responsibility. He has submitted to the fact that it is possibly his and is trying to accept it. He has purchased a couple of things for the baby and he even went to an OB appt with her because she said there was going to be a person there to explain to them what to expect (This was not the case though). He went with no resistance and left the appt let down because of it and she ignored him the whole time and played her video game. He has seen the ultrasounds and has now heard the babies heartbeat. When I asked him how that made him feel. He thought it was cool but the reality of it is scary.

Sorry, I'm rambling. My issue is how to get this girl to stop harrassing him. It is only pushing him further away. It is not helping the situation and making him dislike her. I have tried to sympathize with her and let her know that I know what she is going through since I had been there in her situation. I have asked her nicely to back off a little and stop posting derogatory things online and texting. As a result her latest post was that no one in the family would be able to see the baby except him. I am lost now and not sure how to proceed. Should I just let it go until the baby is born and paternity is proven and be prepared just in case or let it go? I refuse to argue "who knows what" with a teenage girl on a hormone roller coaster.

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Lyndal - posted on 08/06/2009

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Here, here to the post above on all points.

You do need a definite on whether your son is the father. For him to act as father from the outset, then further down the track find out he's not the real father - wouldn't be a good senario - then he'd have to go thru the let down. Plus, if he has to pay her child support at some stage; there again he'd want to be certain he is the father. Sure does sound like a hormone roller coaster when she says he doesn't care, yet attends appt with her while she doesn't give him the time of day. I'm presuming this is early stages which means a long ride till the birth. If she continues being nasty, son might try giving her plenty of room for now; esp. if she's already "pushing him further away". Of course she shouldn't blame it all on your son; it takes two to tango. This sort of thing is every parents worst nightmare. Sorry you are going thru it.

Mona - posted on 08/04/2009

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Can you talk to her mom? Maybe having a conversation with all of you will bring you all to the same page. At that point you can let it be known that her behavior is unexceptable. If you can't come to an agreement maybe it's best to wait until tests prove your son is the dad. It may not be a popular answer but I would not want to force that kind of crazy on your son if you really don't know for sure.

I think it's great that you have prepared him for fatherhood (just in case) and he is willing to accept the responsibility.

Although it may be a rough road ahead it seems you have not forgotten there is a baby who didn't ask for the drama. I wish the best for you all.

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LalaBoom - posted on 12/05/2013

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I'm curious to know the outcome....

Can we say, "[enter name here] you ARE the father?" !

Kimberly - posted on 08/08/2009

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I was a teenage mother. I was pregnant at 16 and had a son at age 17. The girl sounds like she either is spoiled or is from a broken home. I would try to have a sit down with everyone involved, you,your son, her, and her parent/parents. I would encourage your son to be there throughout the pregnancy that way he doesn't miss out. But I would explain to him to not build a relationship with here during so. He is young and if anything he would learn from this situation. I would buy only a few things for the baby. Because it may not be his. Girls these ages will lay down with anyone that shows them attention. I would demand a blood test for sure that way your son doesn't lose half his life raising a child that isn't his. My son is now 13 and thats what I would do if it were him. If he stays around during pregnancy then he would not feel bad if the child is his. If it is not his then he might just mature some from it and be taught to wear condoms. Right!!

[deleted account]

for everyone's sake I'd wait for the paternity test. a baby is easier to take care of during pregnancy. once the baby is born the mom will need help, and that is where your family can take part, if indeed your son is the father.

Sherry - posted on 08/07/2009

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If she "hooked up" with him at a party, who is to say she han't hooked up several other times. I would for sure get a DNA test done when the baby is born. You could try taking to her and her parents. Explain that you are trying to be supportive, but she is making it difficult with the way she is acting. Good Luck!!

Debbie - posted on 08/07/2009

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Quoting Roxanna:
I have my other grandchildren for a couple of weeks at a time in the summer and try to take them at least one weekend a month so mom can take a break. For now I guess I will try not to think of that until we find out the results. I guess that would probably be best. The lord will guide us through this.



This is off topic but you sound like a great grandmother and mother!

Tangila - posted on 08/07/2009

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Good Luck to your family also and if it turns out to be your son's baby... that baby will have a great father, take care and God Bless!

Roxanna - posted on 08/06/2009

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Yes, I understand what you are saying. I did ask her to stop harassing him once but I have since bitten my tongue. Like you said this is his battle and I have always taught them to stand up for themselves, just be respectful doing it and he has so far. I think I will just step back until the baby is born and take it one step at a time. I am glad to hear that your situation has calmed down. I hope it stays that way after the baby is born. Good luck to you and your family.

Tangila - posted on 08/06/2009

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I thought I was the only Mom going through a similiar situation. My daughter is 18 with a baby on the way. She moved her boyfriend from MI to TN. His family has been attacking my daughter for his descision. Also he has another baby on the way! His Mom and sister has been calling my daughter all kinds of names and saying god awful things to my daughter on Facebook.Let me tell how I defused the situation. First of all she deleted the mom and sister off her Facebook page. Next I got down to the source of the problem and realized the problem was my daughter... I gave my child everything she needed to help her in life so when she had gotten pregnant ... it was her choice so she knew exactly what she was doing. Sometimes as parents we need to sit back and let our kids skin their knee so to speak because how else will they learn. I will support her in whatever choice she makes but I am not going to fight her battles. She's gotten herself in a mess, she has to find her way out but I will be there for her. As far as his family, I called the more calmer person which is his sister and I explained that my only reason for getting involved was for the disrespect my daughter was receiving but as far as the situation I will let my daughter and her boyfriend figure it out and they need to do the same. What do you know... his Mom called two days later and apologized and we had a wonderful conversation and realized we are both parents wanting our kids to succeed in life but you can raise them to the best of your ability but when they get their own mind we have to sit back and let them deal with the hand they dealt for themselves. Its going to hurt but I think it will help in the end. As far as the young lady, your son needs to tell her that since she is so disrespectful and dont appreciate him then he will do for the baby but as far she is concerned it is a done deal also inform him to erase her off his friends list because he does not deserve that kind of treatment (especially since he doesnt know if its his for sure) then maybe he can periodically call a member of her family to check on her and the baby. Mom you may have to take a step back and let him fight his battles because if you dont... that young lady will run all over him once the baby is here! I hope I dont sound too agressive to you but it seems you are raising a good reponsible young man and I'd hate to see him having to take full responsibility for a problem that the both of them created.

Roxanna - posted on 08/06/2009

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Thank you for your encouragement and advice. She is due in October, only a couple of months away. If the baby is his, I worry about him missing out on the pregnancy and the connection it creates with the baby. However, as Lyndal said, if she is not his (the baby is a girl) then he will possibly have to go through the let down. Not to mention the fact that I am trying not to get too excited about another grandchild, especially because its a girl. All 4 of my grandchildren are boys so far from my older children. Also, with all of this animosity I worry about the relationship we will have with her and how much contact the mother will allow. I have my other grandchildren for a couple of weeks at a time in the summer and try to take them at least one weekend a month so mom can take a break. For now I guess I will try not to think of that until we find out the results. I guess that would probably be best. The lord will guide us through this.

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