teenage boy - total lack of respect

Raeleen - posted on 09/16/2009

Hi, I have 2 boys. One of my boys just turned 21 and thank gooodness. My youngest son is 15. I thought I'd never get through the teenage years with my oldest and now going through it again. YUK! Teenagers feel that they know more than parents. Teenagers think that we never experienced what they have, etc. My trouble is that my son is very intelligent. He skipped 8th grade and at the age of 15, he is in 11th grade. He spends too much time playing on facebook, text messaging and doing video games and when it is time for homework, he says he has not time. He is always late for the bus and I have to drive him to school. I don't want to take things away from him but need suggestions on how to get him to do his homework. Like I said before, he skipped 8th grade but homework is a big part of their grades.

Leigh-Ann - posted on 09/16/2009

Hi there from sunny South Africa. I hope and pray that the Lord gives you wisdom and strength to deal with your family on a daily basis. I have a daughter of 21 and a son of 17, and am truly blessed. You are doing a great job, just keep it together. Bless you

Linda - posted on 09/14/2009

I know how you feel. My 16 year old stepson is having issues as well. No respect. We've taken away his cell phone, tv, video games, you name it and it doesn't seem to phase him. It's as if he doesn't care about anyone or even himself for that matter. Frustrating! We're not quitting either, but it sure is a challenge.

Marcie - posted on 09/14/2009

Shaz,



Hang in there and DON'T GIVE IN that's what he wants. I have a soon to be 15 yr. old and he is just now starting to calm down. The attitude started for him in 6th grade and the I don't care also started than. I agree with Shelly a MAN may be needed for him, my husband is in the military and gone a lot. I have an awesome neighbor who steps in when Dad is gone and my son "respects" him and listens to him when Dad is gone. My neighbor's are a friend to him. Sports is what helps also, he will do good in order to have the privilege of playing in the game. It's a privilege not a right! I always tell him "you are not a bad kid so stop trying to be bad" it's my job to guide you through your childhood. He cares he is just trying to see what he can get away with, so don't give in to him stand you ground. Pick your battles, you will get through this. I love my sons and I have one coming into hormones.... Good Luck

Leesa - posted on 09/12/2009

Yep, they all seem to go through that attitude phase. Some last longer than others. Hang in there. If the moment is ever right, try talking to him. Let him know that it hurts you when he acts like that. If all else fails, you might try taking the things he likes or even loves and holding them for ransom (paid with good attitude!)

Sandra - posted on 09/12/2009

I have a 15 year old and I have picked my battles one at a time... I confronted the attitude problem first. I get on his face and I told him we are a team it's just the two of us, and that I hate living this way. I don't want to live with a stranger and none less a mean one. I give him some freedoms and I negotiate one issue at a time, let him feel in control, let him make a choice and enforce the natural consequenses. 6th grade was a battle, so I took all the video games put it on a luggage cables to the tv and put it on my car. You want your stuff back there cannot be any grade below a C. he spent most of the year with out his stuff. He love that I make a big birthday party for him and his friends, so you want me to spent money on you then we got room to negotiate... they will let you know how bad they want it... He still gets frustrated with me and I tell him I don't like to do this but being your parent is my job and if you don't mind I'm trying to do my job. I had threaten to throw him out and I told him it's a one way ticket dude. All you will take is the close you are wearing... and I weigh his options. I said you got no money, no where to go, and noone is going to want you. who is going to want to give you a place to stay, feed you, cloth you - man the way I see it, we are stuck together, and yes it's my house, my way. We had a few battles, and have showed him that I care and I told him don't get mad at me I'm trying to do my job. It's my job, so you need to let me do my job. I didn't buy any video games and yes the grades were a roller coaster, but he manage to pass with C's. I signed up at the school website, and printed the grades daily and gave it to him. No fighting just hey have you seen your grades dude you need to really look at it. I just walk away. Now he is in 10th grade and he want's to get straight A's cause he wants me buy him a list of video games... He said yeah I'm going to make you broke, so I said really how is that he said i'm going to get straight A's and you have to buy me this list of video games. I was oh! no but I caught myself and told him straight A's or nothing. You need to find what he likes. He also likes to go to the movies and the mall in the week end, so no fighting are your grades up to par? no, oh well you aren't doing your job sorry... I'm shocked to see the change in him, so let's see how determined to take me to the cleaners. Will see, one battle at a time. He is a teenager, and I have to remind him, so I don't care I may get on his face or I let him slide. I figure that he isn't going to drive me crazy I tell him you are the child and I am the parent so let's get it right. I don't tolerate the bad language so he slips and I call him on it. I tell him it's the one thing that I'm proud so don't ruin it for me. You got to figure out what makes him react. Do not let him feel that you are afraid of him... remind him who is the boss even if you are. I tell him I don't care, but If I got to tie you to the chair you are going to graduate and you are going to college even if I got to sit next to ya in class. He smiles and tells me woman you are crazy and we laugh, but now he has called my bluff will see if he manages straight A's... the war isn't over and I just keep tellling him it's my job let me do it. I also tell him I'm all you got cause none of your friends will be there for you like me. I'm your only choice. He gets mad, frustrated, but I just keep pushing him. He is a great kid and I tell him. I even have embarrased him when his friends are there specially if he's being mad a me. One time I hugged him in front of 4 of his friends and told him I won't let go till you hug me back. His friends were on the floor laughing and telling him come on get over with just hug her. Yeap, I won that one. He knows better now... You have the right attitude, just find what works for you. It's a long battle of give and take. I wish you the best...

Dawn - posted on 09/12/2009

Hang in there, I agree that I think it's a faze...I have a 14yr old boy...he doesn't show me disrespect or attitude, but I notice he does it to his friends ALOT. As teenage boys I think it's a cool thing to do for them, and I think it starts around 11 or 12 - atleast it did for mine. As soon as I saw it, I nipped it in the bud and started giving him "Come to Jesus talks". My grandpa used to give them when I was little and when my mom and my aunts and uncles were growing up. They are a talk that noone wants to get. He does slip up every now and then , trying to be funny..but it gets stopped real quick. Like I said, hang in there..it's a great thing that you're not giving up. It's something he'll grow out of; we'll all did stuff as teens that may have taken a minute to get over, but eventually we did. Just have faith and patience and everything will be fine. God bless..

Sheila - posted on 09/12/2009

The point that you said your not going to quit is good. Maybe if he have someone close to him that you trust that can be your go to person to talk to him and give a side that's not you...Good Luck

Sonya - posted on 09/08/2009

We have a 14year old boy going on 15 that doesn't understand why he should makhis bed and clean his room. If we have told him once; we have told him a million times why he needs to keep it clean amd neat that way you learn to take care of your self and know where everything is when you need it. On the other hand we also have a 13 year old boy that keeps everything neat and it show in his handwriting and the fact he can fine anything he needs in his bedroom. Keep up the good work single moms. I don't know what I would go with out my husband.

Tina - posted on 09/05/2009

u never give up how do u deal with him? do u take waay his favorite things he likes?

Wanda - posted on 09/05/2009

I have 4 children, one of which is a Teen! Do you have a home church that you both attend. If you are not attending church;find a church that you both can get involved. Most churches have christian youth groups where he can attend regularly and be around other teens his age. There he will be able to receive spiritual support on how to live a righteous life and continue to hear how much he is love by God and parent. There's a book that you can order through Focus on the Family.com(this website has a lot of information/topics that will be a blessing to you)you can sign up for this webs. and you will receive weekly newsletters sent directly to your email)has been a blessing to me. They also sell a book that will be of some encouragement/insight called(Raising Respectful Children in this Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby or you can find it is a Family Christian Bookstore in your area. Cannot imagine living as a single mom but know that God loves you and he wants you to seek him. He will help you through it all. Blessings+

Kathy - posted on 09/05/2009

I thought I was going to go mad when my eldest, now nearly 18 was 13/14. I too was on my own..My Mum bought me a book that changed my life, It's called 'He'll be Ok' by Celia Lashlie and is written specifically for single mums of teenage boys. Although, It didn't change my sons behaviour, it taught me a different way to approach him and how to cope. All the best. He is now the beautiful boy he was before puberty again (now my other s on has started - what fun!) Good Luck

Nicole - posted on 09/04/2009

I ama single mom of 4 teenage boys, 17, 15, 16, & 13 I work full time and every day Its apparent that they do not appreciate me! My 13 yr old is on probation???? Omg it never ends he does not care about curfew, will not get up on his own for school> I am not saying that I am giving up but have also lett them know that the disrespect wont be put up with and there is somewhere they can go if they get out of hand> have never been so stressed in my ife

Renee - posted on 09/03/2009

Hi, I was a single mother of four boys for quite a long time. My boys ages are 22, 19, 12 and 12 (no they are not twins). It was very hard for a long time to make them understand that I was in control, and quite frankly they couldn't stand me sometimes, but through the trials and tribulations I must say that all of them are pretty good. Now, yes I may be prejudice, but they aren't in trouble with the law and they are doing pretty well....my point to all of this is, don't let go of your values mom, you are right, and eventually they will get it....maybe not right this instant, but they will. Trust your instincts!

Kathryn - posted on 09/02/2009

I also have three sons aged 19, 17 and 14. The 14 year old is just starting to become horrible. It really hurts me to see this as he is my baby and has always been such a beautiful caring boy. I know this is a phase as my oldest son is starting to show glimpses of the nice boy he once was but i really feel a sense of grief over losing my nice little boy. Stay strong, good male role models are a real help at this time.

Shannon - posted on 09/01/2009

I am a divorced mother of 4 boys, 15,14,13,and 11. For a long time we were on our own with me working day and night jobs. Needless to say they started getting a little wild with independence. For the past year we have been with a very good and generous man. I am going back to school and working part time. My oldest is going through the same problems only with out the school issues. The very reason I am on this site tonight. There is no respect at all for anyone in the household. Has no care to help around the house or even to do simple nice things to help his brothers or me out. Tells me I am wrong in everything i do. Says that us giving rules and chores is pointless and we are only trying to be controlling. He is a very intellegent young man but i get so frustrated because he has no common sense! I refuse to just let him get away with it all but find it hard to argue with his way of thinking sometimes. I know i should just say this is the way it is but it is heartbreaking when he says he doesnt need or want to be here and i am just making it worse. I'm thinking counseling would help but not sure he would even try. I keep praying and hope for the best. It is comforting to know i'm not alone. lol

Lisa - posted on 09/01/2009

It is so nice to see I am not the only one. I too am a single mother, trying to raise my son with dignity, respect and compassion for what he does have in life. But Shaz in today’s society we have raised these kids to think they are owed everything. We don’t let them work for things like we did when we were kids. I know as a mother I over compensated so much, of course out of love and thinking I was doing the right thing, but nevertheless, too much. I too am going through a thing right now with my boy Bradley, who has had ADD since he was in 3rd grade and let me tell you at 14 almost 15 it is not right to force the medication down his mouth, I cant so now I am trying to figure out when is it right to discipline or let him find out on his own. I never want him to think I don’t care but as a mom, I need to back off and let him pay the consequences for his actions. Probably the hardest thing I have ever done. I adore him, he is my best friend but I can’t stand here and be stepped on anymore. So I have placed boundaries which he likes and doesn’t like but I am hoping it will help us both grow and move forward. Hope this helps, as I struggle also. Thanks for listening. Lisa

Myriam - posted on 09/01/2009

Yeah I totally know what you mean. I have a 14 yr old son and he is nothing like the boy I raised. He's still a good kid underneath ( still respects others that aren't in the immediate family ) but the attitude towards me! Oh my gosh! You have described my boy exactly! I spoke to his school and they said that this happens to all of them at this age. It's definitely to do with the hormones and they growth spurt etc. Also he is turning into a man and they need to gain independance & develop as thier own person seperate from thier mum. As others have said - hang in there. Just keep telling them that you love them and that you just want to guide them the best you can - remind him that some boys don't have parents that care about them. I have just had to build a shell around myself so that I don't take it personally. I have also admitted to myself that teens need to do this as part of thier development and that it will end one day. I've been told that they always come back to you in the end. All the best and know that we are all feeling a bit helpless about our own situations - remember to keep talking to friends about it for the support.

Chantel - posted on 08/30/2009

I hope I can help...my son is 16 almost 17 and his attitude was the worst plus he's even been in trouble with the local police, but that's another story. Anyway, I finally got him diagnosed last year with A.D.D and he's on adderall now. WOW! What a change! He'll be a fifth year senior, but, he now knows what he needs to do and can concentrate at school and actually (sometimes!) helps out around the house. Don't give up, even though they hate it, remind them that you love them (even when you think you hate them!) and that your proud of something they did that day/week that was thoughtful. I wish you the best! Oh, and by the way...my timing was awful...when he turns 20....my other kids (all boys..my own and step) will be just turning 13, 13 and 12!!

Nicole A. - posted on 08/30/2009

you aren't alone. me and the grandparents are dealing with the smart mouthed 14 year old too. Dont quit on him, he's testing you and as the people in the South call it 'he's smelling himself'.. basically he's trying to find his identity and see just how far he can go with things. Although I have raised my son to have good manners and all, there is very little of my teachings showing. No apologies when wrong. Mumbling. Eye rolling. Teeth sucking. Lying. Snotty attitude. I know we've done the best we could and it's all part of growing up- the hormones, what he's exposed to, etc. I say, repeat that golden rule: treat others the way you want them to treat you.. and see how that goes.

Donna - posted on 08/30/2009

No Need to quit. I have a 13 yr. old boy too. It's tough u raising him alone. My advice is keep trying to talk to him. Show him tough love. Family therapy does work sometimes. With school he was being bullied & no one would help me so I took him out of school & he nows does home schooling on the internet. Just show him u love him & keep up the good work. Good Luck!!!

Catherine - posted on 08/30/2009

Teens have to test their boundaries. Just stay firm to your rules and trust that you've taught him good values. Deep down, he wants you to stay firm with him. Try to stay involved with his life. Know his friends and keep in touch with his teachers. Let him feel that you won't give up on him. Its going to be a tough few years but, he will thank you one day.

Jennifer - posted on 08/29/2009

don't give up. we all want to and it's hard but don't. i have a 14 year old girl. she shows me disrespect quite bit. i no ignore it as much as i can. fortunately, my daughter loves school and does well with her education so i don't have to worry about that. i work nights as a bartener and so she's home alone alot and i feel guilty but not receiving child support it's he best job for me right now. don't let him see that his attitude effects you, just be like "oh ok", teenagers are lost souls trying to find their way. they can be annoying but what i try to do is be there and be her mom when she lets me. hope i have helped.

Paddy - posted on 08/29/2009

I have a teenage daughter who has no respect at all also.... Worse, her father my ex husband doesnt correct her behavior ever. He just lets her speak or do as she wishes.. Drives me nuts!!!

Stephany - posted on 08/28/2009

Hi, I have 3 teenage boys, 14, 16 and 18 yrs. old. I have found that boys find it very hard to be respectful of their moms, as they seem to just get 'used' to us. Anyway, it is sooo hard, and I relate to you. One thing that truly helped me immensely was getting a book called "Parenting with Love and Logic." by Foster Cline and Jim Fay. It actually addressed my parenting style and gave me some great insight and comments to apply to more effectively communicate with my boys. And they are never too old for this. It actually is effective with others around you as well. Honestly, by applying a lot of the principles (which are really common sense), helped me and them a lot. Also, if his dad is around, and if you are unified, have him back you up more when he sees your son being disrespectful.. I am fighting the same battle with my 14 yr. old now, and the Love and Logic I learned has helped me through it somewhat...but it aint over yet. Best of Luck...and your right...never give up! They are worth it! :)

Lysa - posted on 08/28/2009

Poor thing...I agree with these moms, hang in ther it'll be okay..Just always be a couple of steps ahead, stay strong, and remember 'you are the parent'.. Hes got a good moma who loves him, even thou he doesn't see that now give it time, he will..I have 2 boys 17 and 18, they may be the cause of my headaches at times, but I'm always one step head..Good Luck

AMBER - posted on 08/28/2009

Teenagers are easy just start to get involved with what is actually bothering him/her and never stop stalking with them. I should know my eldest is also 14 going on 80 and sometimes its hard and sometimes its easy going. I also work and go to school and the more I get my eldest to get involved into being responsible and rewarding her for her good deeds she is more likly to step up . My advice talk to him first, get to the root of things and always keep him talking to u because once he stops and starts to do his own thing without asking u its bad also have the men in your life to help out. dont let him run over u or its all over.

Kristin - posted on 08/28/2009

hi, im going through the same with my 14yr old boy,at first i just thought it was a teenager thing but now i no thats its teenagers of today!!lack of respect,communication,wants everything but does nothing in return..i am a single mum too 3 kids and it is hard trying to deal with his attitude and raise the other too..i am at my witts end i dont want to give up either but i dont no wat else to do,,

Kim - posted on 08/27/2009

You are right, never give up! I have had 2 boys go through this. One developed the attitude, but was somewhat more reasonable. He would assure me that I did a good job once he got through the worst part. The other one fought everything we did to help him. He tells me that I don't handle things right. They all go through it, but each handles it differently. It does make it difficult for us, as parents, to know what to do. I understand the hormone changes and how difficult it is for them to learn to be independent, but I don't tolerate the disrespectfulness very well. I think that Brook is right in the "entitlement" aspect. This generation expects that things will be handed to them (even when they haven't had a lot handed to them) and they don't want to work for things. Brook is also right in her final statement----Love them, pray, and take one day at a time. 14 isn't always the worst part. Be prepared for their last year in high school when they are trying to be independent. It was the worst time for both of my boys. I figure that it is God's way of preparing parents for letting go. By that time, you are ready for them to go off to college, or whatever they decide to do with their lives, so that they can grow! Even mother birds push their "babies" out of the nest to allow them how to fly. A friend of mine reminded me of that when I was struggling with letting my son go. Now I have a teen-aged daughter and a pre-teen daughter. It will be interesting to see the difference from the boys. Yikes! I am hanging on for the ride.

Wishing you endurance, patience, and good luck! Hang in there!!!

Brook - posted on 08/27/2009

I have three kids and thankfully don't have the challenges of being a single parent, but I wonder if all 14 yr old boys don't have the same attitude. Entitlement I think plays a big part, somewhere they got the idea that they are owed something just for showing up. Rules don't apply to them. I feel for you, and wish I had more answers. I'm not quitting on my boy either, but when talking doesn't help, and discipline (grounding, etc.) doesn't have any affect it's hard to know what to do next. Love, and taking one day at a time is all I can think of to do.

Amy - posted on 08/27/2009

Just so you know, you are not alone! My son is 14 also, and you seemed to sum him up. I am no push over either, but somehow kids these days feel they can run their parents. I'm just trying consistency and alot of love. I truly believe that it's the age. They'll come around...hopefully while we are still sane!!!!!!!!

Catherine - posted on 08/27/2009

Hang in there. It seems to be a phase. I think it is all the hormones.

Jo - posted on 08/27/2009

No real good mum would give up!!! You obviously love your son. It's hard when they won't listen or they won't do school work. We had the same issue with our son at that age. We had him tested because he said he was bored with what tey were teaching him at school, which in turn frustrated him. Hense, the attitude factor. Once he was tested, we found out his IQ was well over the average for kids his age, and the school placed him in advance classes and he's now doing his work and is carrying an B C average in school. His attitude and the lack of respect has almost disappeared. Do not expect it to disappear overnight, as that will not happen! Zach is now going on 16 and we had him tested at 13. Work with your son, not against him. That is where the attitude will appear. Get with the school and see if in fact he is bored and have him tested. Who knows what will come out of it, but it does not hurt to give your son a fighting chance!!!!

Caroline - posted on 08/27/2009

Hang in there. Is he involved in church or after school sports? That can have a very positive effect on a teenager's behavior. My thirteen year old gives me attitude and started when he was ten! I try to remind him every day that I love him (but I don't love the attitude). When his feelings start to get overwhelming to divert him from a huge blowup I tell him to go be by himself for a while, calm down, and think about all I have done for him. When he comes back he has realized he was acting ridiculous and doesn't want to fight anymore.

Shelly - posted on 08/27/2009

Shaz,

Praise God that you are fighting for your son. I can't handle parents that thinks thier children are through aways. Do you have a strong man in your life like your father or a brother or uncle that could spend some time with him?? I have three boys and having thier dad in thier life makes a big differance in them. Thier dad travels for work and when he's gone for any length of time the boys would get out of hand. So if you have someone that can spend time with him and talk to him so he has that strong male role modle that can help him understand what he's going through can be very helpful...

Carol - posted on 08/27/2009

I have 3 teenage boys, (19, 17 and 15) i have found that they have all been through that stage. About the only thing i can suggest is grit your teeth and wait till it passes. I honestly don't know how i have managed to get this far with my boys but i now have 3 kind and loving children that are finally starting to appreciate what i have done for them over the years. They know that i love them and will always be there for them, no matter how much they disappoint me (and they will disappoint - its human nature) I think the main thing is to be honest with them and to try and have fun (money not always necessary) and HANG IN THERE - IT DOES GET BETTER. sorry if thats not the helpful answer you were wanting.