Teenage Boys

Sarah - posted on 06/10/2009 ( 11 moms have responded )

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My 13 year old son spends alot of time in his room playing his XBox!!
Although i know where he is and he is not out roaming the streets, i would like him to find other hobbies and join in more with family things. He has sufferd bullying at school and has been in a bit of trouble for re-acting in a violent way towards the bullies.
How can i get him off his games & out of his room more?

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Talk with him about his games. It will bore the stew out of you, but try to follow his interest in them and his scores. Play with him if you can for a short time. Get involved with the games some and know what he is playing. My 16 almost 17 yr old is gaming a lot too and I have stayed on top of his games as well as his older brothers. Some of it really grosses me out and I will not allow some of the older step sons' games in the house, but my 16 yr old is really good at talking to me about the different games and what is in then, what the scoring and so forth are so that I know what he is doing and he feels like I am involved. I drag him out to help in the yard and in the house. I also insist on schooling first, but we home school. His free time is his, but most of his time is accounted for and we eat together in the evenings.

Make sure he is spending enough time interacting with family, and has a good attitude, but respect his free time if it is 30 minutes or 3 hours.

If bullying is an issue get him involved in an after school activity like karate to help him with enough confidence that he can laugh at these bullies. As parents we need to intervene to a degree in building their confidence to a point that they can handle bullies. bullies are there the rest of life, he needs the confidence to resist their torment and be able to call them on their threats. I have found that karate gives a special confidence that sometimes is hard to do as a parent, that is why I recommend it as a possibility.

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11 Comments

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Shelly - posted on 06/16/2009

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Sarah,

You need to give him a schedule for his games and for when it is time to spend with the family. It wont kill him to not be on the xbox for one day a week so you can plan a fun family day what our foster daughter has done with her kids is each week one of the kids get to choose what they want to do you just have to give them an amount for the fun time...They had to go to forced family fun night b/c her hubby is in the Navy and not always home alot so when he's home thats thier time of no friends. Try it and let me know how it goes

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Oh, other thought. Women do not realize this more often than not, but young men have a real testosterone rush in the ages of 12 to 25 and need an outlet for all this adrenaline they have. That is one reason the XBox calls so strongly to our boys. Another reason why a physical outlet is really good at this age too. It is why sports are such a big deal to the guys as well. All that competition. One reason why there are bullies is they do not have the outlet they need either so they take it out on weaker or gentler people around them. Unfortunately it becomes a habit pattern and they like the power so they keep it up. That is why punching back is not bad. It establishes respect with other guys if not the bully.

Sorry, I am tired so my brain is not keeping up with me, or this would have been in one post.

Amanda - posted on 06/16/2009

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I would ask him if there was no such things as video games what else might you be interested in???? My husband not a very social person, enjoys video games as do a majority of my male friends and my 22 year old brother ( they don't grow out of it sorry) But My husband does enjoy hiking. My brother was in too snow boarding and now has bought himself a fishing rod. See if he would be interested in getting into an organized sport like baseball? or even if he is a big guitar hero fan see if he would be interested in playing a real guitar. I know it is hard.... it seems like you almost have to motivate them into something else. good luck

Lou - posted on 06/16/2009

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I also set a time limit on video game playing -- especially over the summer . Once

my boys have used up their " given " time they must do other things such as read, to

earn extra time .

I try and suggest things I know they will find fun -- such as hiking, biking, playing putt-

putt and let them invite a friend along .

Another idea, which is not really getting him away from the video games, but it will

get him off the sofa -- if you don't already have one -- get a Wii -- the Wii fit is especially cool , as is the bowling and most of the sports one . And if he doesn't have friends to

play along -- you can always join him .



As for the bullying -- I wish I could offer advice . We are blessed to be in a school

district which has zero tolerance policy in regards to bullies -- and they actually do

follow through on it which is nice .

sorry I couldn't be of more help .

Stephanie - posted on 06/15/2009

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I agree that time should be limited on the game, there are also games that the entire family can play like on the video games now....like monopoly or even american idol. it's fun and a way to get the entire family involved.

Renee - posted on 06/14/2009

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Hi Sarah, I feel for you. My oldest was bullied alot when he was younger and he started spending more and more time on his x box. He went thru about 3 years of being picked on before I finally took him out and homeschooled him. He was using the xbox to escape. We have had many talks about his self esteem and who he really is not what people "think" he is. He is almost 18 now and he still struggles with his self esteem. The only thing I did was put a time limit on him and always encouraged him to talk to me when he felt down. If your son feels anything like my son did...What they do to him at school is how he thinks everybody feels about him including his family. There are so many different ways to handle this...it depends on the child but I hope my 2 cents help some. Good luck that is a tough situation to be in.

Diana - posted on 06/14/2009

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I have a 15 year old and 13 year old, and that is all they do. I agree that there should be a time limit. We sometimes have to threaten to shut it off for an unspecified amount of time, and that usually works. I think the other suggestions are great, though. We did, however, have the Xbox set up in our living room, but that got annoying. Our living room is right next to our bedroom.
As far as my boys are concerned, they would stay in their room and never come out, if given the chance! I had to sign them up for sports to force them out of the house. I asked them first what they would be interested in, so I gave them a choice. They signed up for karate classes, and my 15 year old wants to continue with it, so I think that worked for us.

Tammy - posted on 06/13/2009

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Maybe you should think about setting him up an area in the living area to play the games and you all join in. At least he will be in the same room. Also, you can set a limit on time, let him pick the time so he doesn't feel like it is punishment.

Rebecca - posted on 06/11/2009

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You might want to set a time limit on the games. Also, the group games bring other kids to the house (like rock band). Even a 2 person game gets another friend over and then set a time limit and get them to do other stuff like hang out outside.

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