Teenage Daughter Breakup - Feeling her pain

Gina - posted on 08/27/2011 ( 200 moms have responded )

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A week ago, my 17 year old daughter's boyfriend broke up with her. He has been away at college the past year and she is still in high school. There were new experiences that he was having - drinking, parties, clubs (etc.). He was a shy, studious guy back home and seemed to her that he was changing into a different person at college. It didn't help that Facebook pictures kept popping up of him at clubs, him drunk, him with a bunch of girls. She sort of had to witness this but he never talked about his life there. (FB can be such a problem that way). I think his behaviour is typical and I tried to gently warn her before he went away that changes would happen. He did come home every couple of weeks as the college is not far. But he never invited her to visit. Anyway, when he was home, everything was wonderful for her and he was back to his old self. I know he is just finding himself and I don't fault him for anything. I feel he broke up with her so that he could experience college fully so to speak, and not have to worry about a girlfriend getting mad at him. Totally understandable. But of course he didn't say that to her. He said he was doing this for her...he wanted to stop "hurting" her. She doesn't understand this and is of course hurt but seems to be handling it ok. We talk about it often and I'm just being supportive, keeping her busy, etc. So here is the problem...I am devastated. What is up with that? What is wrong with me? This kid has been in our life for three years. I am friends with his parents. Why should this breakup be affecting me? I'm trying to figure out why this response is happening to me? Am I taking on my childs hurt so she wont be so hurt? It is almost like her getting an injury but the pain transfers to me. When she was a small child and fell down or something, I actually felt kind of a uterine contraction. This is so weird. Anybody else ever experience this sort of transferrance of pain? Any advise for a nutcase mom who seems to live vicariously through her daughter? Thanks.

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Kim - posted on 07/13/2013

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I'm struggling just now with my daughters broken heart , she was dumped by her 1st boyfriend after 7 months , although I was not exactly happy at the start of the relationship with her being so young , but agreed to it so that she wouldn't hide it from us. She is an amazing daughter and we have a fantastic relationship and confides in me . Her boyfriend was her first and now she is lost & lonely . Her friends have abandoned her so she's stuck in her bedroom hoping for an occasional message from her ex.
My main problem is that I'm utterly devastated for her it's as if her heart is breaking in mine . I feel every pain with her. I want to just wrap her up and run away with her so no one can hurt her. I know that's impossible . I think that this is the 1st time in her whole life that I have not been able to help her, and it's incredibly painful unbearably painful. I had a total breakdown today , I feel as if my heart has been ripped out , I don't think that the way I feel is normal , it's a little bit strange. If she's happy then I'm happy & when she hurts I feel it also . I don't want her to see me in distress , I don't want her to stop coming & speaking to me . I just don't know how to cope with this .

Elke - posted on 09/10/2013

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It is so helpful to read this! Thank you for posting. My daughter's boyfriend of 11 months just broke their relationship, and my heart is utterly broken for her. I literally feel her pain, and can't stop crying for her. He was such a major part of her life, and I can remember going through those agonizing feelings as a teen. He was a wonderful boyfriend for 10 months, the sun rose and set around her, celebrated every month and said he couldn't wait for their year anniversary....and bam this last month something in him changed. He was totally showing signs of withdrawal and I sensed this day was coming. I feel like I've held her hand thru this relationship, and seeing him abandon her kills me. The crazy thing is I know in the long run he's really not good for her, so I don't know why it pains me so -- you'd think i'd be happy. I understand this is a process of life, breaking up with different people. Yes, he's a teen boy...so there you go. He's always going to be that first one she'll always remember, and to say goodbye to that is painfully sad. We're two days into this breakup, and I pray she gets stronger each day...going to school right now is horrible for her -- he completely ignores her. Thanks for post...as I'm am terribly awake with insomnia.

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2012

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Tami,

I read your story with sadness for you, feeling your pain. It sounds like your daughter is doing a little better, but you are still struggling. Having gone through this recently, I know how frustrated you are. Please be assured you are not crazy. Emotions are very powerful things, and where our daughters are concerned, they are more intense than even our own lives. I think it is because we ant the best for our girls, no pain, no sorrow. We want them to be happy. So don't feel crazy about how you feel.

Some things I have tried to recover from this:

-- don't read texts, Facebook posts etc. This is difficult, but you have to distance yourself from this. It helps a lot.

--don't ask your daughter for updates...wait until she approaches you. Your relationship with her is more important than anything...you don't want to drive her away by obsessing about her relationship. This is difficult also, but is very helpful.

--find something else to focus your mental energy on. I started following world politics, which makes relationship problems pale in comparison. haha

--focus on your daughter's strength.Praise her strengths and good choices.

--think about her future, and the experience she is getting in these relationships.

This is what worked for me, through an on again off again relationship that lasted over 4 months.By the third time they began getting back together, I was able to successfully stay detached, only discussing things when she wanted to. He is with another girl now, and my daughter is fine with it, and I am glad I stayed out of the last part of the relationship.

I hope this helps some....just know there are many out there that feel the same type of emotions, and have managed to make it through!

Michelle

Alecia - posted on 09/11/2013

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Gina - I remember the first days after my daughters breakup. She texted me constantly from school saying she couldn't do it, she couldn't be there and I just kept saying "You have to, it will never be as bad a s today is. Every day gets better." And everyday does get better. Yes, her ex ignored her as well. He put on a happy face and flirted with every girl he saw. It killed her. But she got through it. I know how bad this is hurting both you and your daughter. I am here if you need to talk it through. I slept in my daughter's bed with her for a straight month and held her while she cried all night. It was devastating to see her in that much pain. I too had insomnia for months. Crazy, right? But it was awful. She lost 22 pounds through it all, I lost 16!

She was at a baseball game with her new boyfriend last night and she seems really happy. I am happy for her. But I have to say, I don't see the same twinkle in her eye for this new boy as she had for the last one. It could be that she is protecting herself, I don't know.

What I do know is that this breakup was almost as hard on me as it was for her. I still miss that boy, I miss talking to him. When he wanted her back, he came over and talked with me, we talked on the phone, and he would cry about his mistakes but it was too late for her. The damage was done. It was almost as if I had to help him through the breakup in the end, as if I had to experience their break up all over again. I still wish they could find their way back to each other but they have both moved on, I guess it's time for this crazy mom to as well. :)

Breaking up is hard to do, isn't that a song? But who knew it would be harder on the moms :)

Gina - posted on 03/03/2012

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Hi Susan,



It is really bizarre how these things are affecting us as mothers as much (and sometimes more) than they affect our daughters. Thank you for posting. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in my reaction to this sort of thing. So here is an update and perhaps some advice for what its worth:



It has been just over 6 months since my original post and not a single word, text, email or any contact with my daughter whatsoever from him. She sent Christmas cards to his family (knowing that he was home for the holidays) but with no response. No contact from him. Keep this in mind, I'll come back to it shortly.



There must be a club or secret society or something since your daughters ex is using the exact same language and "break-up techniques" that my daughter's ex used on her. His tears, the "pause", the "I don't know", the text after 3 days to ask if it is too early to talk yet, the not wanting to meet face to face then finally agreeing to it, the possible regret. So many things in your post are identical to the texts that were sent back and forth between my daughter and her ex it is almost as if it was taken from a secret boys book called "how to break up".



After many tears and a lot of thinking and talking with my daughter, here is what we think happened and perhaps is happening in your daughter's case. All conjecture of course but this is what my daughter and I think happened.



Boyfriend wanted to move on for whatever reasons - he met a new person, wanted new experiences, was remaking himself, fell out of love - we can only guess. He knew it would hurt girlfriend if he broke up, so used the "lets be friends" and "its just a pause" and "I really don't know what I want" and the "we will always be in each other's lives" bs that he thought would ease the pain and not make him the "bad-guy". He truly didn't want to hurt girlfriend and probably did love her, but didn't want to be with her either. He also didn't want to be seen as a jerk among her and her family/friends. Lets face it, being in someones life for over two years (like both our daughters) creates a lot of connections with other people.



In your case, as far as BF's mom goes, I think she has been given a different story to make it seem like your daughter is at fault. Again, he doesn't want mom thinking he's a jerk either so uses the "I want to break up with her because she's smothering me" instead of "I want to break up with her so I can hook-up with a bunch of different girls like all my friends are doing" or whatever the reason is.



Back to what I said in the second paragraph. Since my daughter hasn't heard a single word from him (since the 3-day after-break-up text), I know that all of the stuff he said to her at the time was BS. If he really did care and really did want to be part of her life and really did think that she would always be in his life then wouldn't he have contacted her by now? Wouldn't he have even asked mutual friends about her or something? A Christmas card or email thanking her for the card? There has been absolutely nothing. If I had known that would happen, I think I would have handled the whole thing differently in terms of helping my daughter get through it. Rather than letting her (and me too) cling to false hope for months - waiting for the text saying he was sorry and wanted her back since he said she would always be in his life and he just needed a bit of a break, I could have told my daughter not to get her hopes up. To move on. She declined dates with other guys stayed in a lot and didn't socialize - all with hope that he was coming back like he said he would. True she probably wasn't ready to date again but she missed out on a lot of fun to help her get through that tough time.



So I guess what I am trying to say is this: don't believe his BS and allow your daughter to cling to false hope. I'm not saying to hate him or that he is maliciously making up BS. Just know that most of that break-up rhetoric is self-preservation on his part (or at least it was in my daughters case). I think that boys are under the mistaken belief that if they don't make the break-up sound so "final" that it won't hurt her as much. It also keeps their options open and her waiting in the wings if the guy doesn't find what he was looking for. Don't let your daughter be that girl.



Only lately has my daughter been able to say that she wished she hadn't believed all that stuff about always being in each other's lives. She feels she wasted the last 6 months waiting for him to come back or at the very least check in to see how she was doing. Clearly he didn't want her "always in his life". He moved on. She waited.



The good thing is, she is pretty much over it now. What was devastating to the both of us at the time (both of us crying, not eating, etc. as is happening for you now) is now just a distant memory. No tears anymore. She is even at the point where she can see pictures of him on facebook and and see how much he has changed and think - wow, "I can do so much better." So please know that it does get better. For both of you. Thank you again for posting. You can get through this. :)



Gina

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Sarah - posted 5 days ago

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I am so glad I found this site. My daughter broke up with her boyfriend of over 2 years last week. They both recently graduated from high school. She is going to be leaving for college and he is staying home and going to school. He doesn't want her to leave because he was afraid she would be around other guys and he wouldn't get to see her as much. He wants her to stay in town and go to college. He really couldn't imagine her being gone from home for 4 years. He wanted to settle down and marry her before then. He is such a good guy, always wants to take care of her and never pressured her to have sex. She told him she was waiting and he waited too. Until a few months ago, he had always been an absolutely wonderful boyfriend. Since then, they argue all the time and he tells her she doesn't care about him like he does her. I read her text messages at times and found out that they were constantly fussing. I always told her it was up to her but I think I might've unintentionally convinced her to break up with him. I was just upset by some of the things he had said to her and I commented about them to her and I think maybe that's why she did it. She has been miserable and crying a lot. She won't text him because she says he won't compromise on anything and I'm sure he hasn't texted her because she broke up with him and he's embarrassed and hurt. We raised her to be a strong woman but sometimes I'm afraid we raised her too strong, like maybe she can't put herself in his shoes and understand his feelings. I know they love each other so much and I know they are both hurting a lot. I feel like I am mostly to blame. I have been almost physically sick over this. I constantly think about it. I have probably talked to her about it more than I ever should have but it's driving me crazy. I feel so responsible and I know they love each other so much. I don't want to feel this way. I feel like I shouldn't be so involved but I am just so sad over this. It's not that I want her to change her college plans or get married soon. That's not it at all. I just think, what if he's the one and I ruined her life? When I think about it, I just cry. I don't know if I should keep talking to her and convince her to text him. But then I think, what if he's moved on and don't want to get back together and I've just made it worse and hurt her more? Then I think what if they both want to be together but neither will contact the other? I know this boy is a great catch and my daughter is too. They both make good decisions and are really just two of a kind. I love the fact that she had found someone like her in those regards. I don't want him to go buck wild and do things he'd regret and then she could never forgive. She is such a one of a kind teenager and really is super close to us and wants to please us. I'm afraid this was all for me and not her. When I talk, I think she takes on my viewpoints. I wish I could go back and change what I did but I can't. I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice and encouragement.

Kenneth - posted on 07/20/2014

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After been in relationship with a guy for 3 years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr, Aduwawa and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: (aduwawaspiritualtemple1@gmail.com) or you can call him on +2348112019701, you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR.

JAIME - posted on 07/19/2014

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My name is Elizabeth Taylor from UK. I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa on a business summit. I meant a man who’s name is Dr iayaryi (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com) he is really powerful and could help cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 4years. I really loved him, but his family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this spell caster, i told Dr iayaryi what happened and explained the situation of things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married. I didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do. Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His email is (driayaryi2012@hotmail.com)

Sharon - posted on 06/30/2014

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Gina. You are not a nutcase mom. Lol. I've learned that since Finding this site this weekend. Thank heavens because I really didn't know what to do anymore. What I find soothing (I think) is that my therapist just went through something similar with her 17 year old son. So I guess we are not alone. It just stinks. As a mom you rationalize that we shouldn't be feeling like this. It's not normal. But beginning to believe it's more normal than we thought. That it is a real issue. What that says about us? I have no idea.
I too feel a sort of pain connection with my daughter. Our menstural cycles are almost to the day and I get mild cramps as well.

Tiffany - posted on 06/30/2014

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I can relate to so many of these stories and am so happy to have found this website and realize that I am not alone. I wish there was a 12 step program for us moms out there! lol Has anyone had any success in overcoming their anxiety and obsession with their daughters relationship or perhaps sought a therapist that helped? Please let me know … any advice would be helpful. :)

Sharon - posted on 06/29/2014

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So glad I found this site. Going through a similar situation with my daughter. She and her boyfriend are having difficulties. Who is an emotional wreck? Me. Can't seem to shake it either. They are both great kids and are taking a little space from each other. They aren't even broken up and I'm the one acting like a love sick teenager. I'm driving my daughter crazy. Thankfully she is a wonderful child and hasn't booted me out of her life yet. Rationally, I know what to do. Let them live their own lives. They will figure it out on their own and grow from this experience. Stay off social media. I'm obsessed with that one. Can't stay off. Although, I have curbed it today. Make no contact with the young man or his family. I get all that. It's just so hard to see her sad. I want to fix things and make it better. It hurts. Deep inside it hurts. Probably me more than her. THAT'S SAD! I've read the comments and appreciate what I've read. I'm glad I am not the only mom out there that has felt this way. I just wish there was a way to stop what I'm feeling and go on with my life and let my daughter go on with hers.

Hellen - posted on 06/21/2014

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Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2014

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To add to my first post; I find myself feeling sick to my stomach when she sends me texts about what she is upset about. Like if they are getting along I don't hear from her and I always think no news is good but then she will text me something he said or she is sad about and im like oh no.............its just been stressful because he graduated last month, went to the beach for senior week, she was very sad but survived. I even took her to visit him. But I just think he feels overwhelmed sometimes knowing he is going to leave and not sure how she is going to handle it. Even though he is staying in the same state it still will never be the same :(

Jennifer - posted on 06/18/2014

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So glad I found this. I thought I was crazy becoming so involved but I cannot help it. My teen has not broke up yet but sometimes they have little arguments and I think he is stressed out because he leaves for College in August and he thinks she is having a hard time with it. She is totally in love with him and wants to be with him every day. He says and seems to love her but works and is very busy,etc. He just doesn't have the need to be with her 24/7 so that is mostly what they fight about. I dread what august is going to be like and I want to back off but it is so hard. I see how she looks at him. She is in total love with him, I mean just crazy about him. I just hate to see her sad but I don't know how to detach myself.

Liz - posted on 06/16/2014

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That's where I am right now. On one hand I want to lash out at this young man and shake him or slap him in the face for hurting my little girl. (Shes 17) then on the other hand i want to sit him down and talk to him and explain the situation from a different perspective until he sees that his reasons are not logical... that he doesn't have to be unhappy and make my daughter unhappy because he's leaving (marines in august) but he has in his head that ending it now will be easier for them both. So he can focus in boot camp and she can focus on her senior year. On some level I get that and maybe even agree a little but seeing the sadness in my daughter's eyes where there used to be a sparkle is just destroying me. I just want her to feel better and see that she is worth more than the pain he's putting her through. And maybe I want to see him hurting too... which I believe he is...just hiding it better than she is.

Another - posted on 06/14/2014

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So impressed that you could actually hug your daughter's ex. Perhaps it depends on the circumstances or that you are just so kind and forgiving. I oscillate between wanting to rant at him and wanting to sit him down and calmly explain where I think things went wrong and how he could have pulled things back, though I know he didn't want to. :(

Dianna - posted on 06/14/2014

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I remember when my daughter was little, ..sitting in a group of moms, at a picnic. ..Feeling stunned to hear the mother of an older daughter describe how completely devastating it was for her when her daughters boyfriend broke up with her. I knew this mom and thought her to be very rational, and somewhat stoic. To see her, so completely undone. ...was startling. Honestly ,I had absolutely no understanding of what she was experiencing. ...but now. ...Some ten years later, ...I get it. We share holidays and birthdays, funerals and Proms with these young men, watch them adore our daughters, and really. ...we
love them. ...As if we'll get to ...keep them. ..lol! . So to speak
But, as is the case ..With young love, the time comes to say goodbye. ..and it is a loss. I have tears in my eyes as I write these words because I just hugged my daughter's ex boyfriend goodbye and made him promise. ..to, not be a stranger. This is the second break up. .for my daughter. ..She is 18..so this is a second boyfriend and I still miss the first. ..and now I will miss this one also.

Vivian - posted on 06/12/2014

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Liz - posted on 05/30/2014

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My 17 year old daughter and her boyfriend broke up again just last night. The first time was about two weeks ago and then last week he flaked out again saying he had to think about everything. He is 18 and is leaving for marine boot camp at the end of August and his first reason for ending the relationship now was so they had time to get over the break up...mainly him so he could be focused in boot camp. After 2 days he said he couldn't breath without her and he just wanted to be with her. The'flake out' from last week he said he thought he had changed and had to sort things out in his mind. After 2 days again he said he loved her and was so sorry. She told him to stop saying it and just hold onto her for as long as they had before he leaves and he said not to worry he would. They spent the afternoon together on Tuesday and had a good time and he promised to make time to see her this summer as he just started a job as a summer cop until he leaves. Things were good...holding hands and hugging her and kissing her. Fast forward to last night...he says its over. She asks why and he gives her a bunch of nonsense answers. Says he wants a carefree 'last' summer. But tells her its not easy for him to walk out of her life plus leave all of his friends in a few months. The last two weeks have been such a roller coaster ride for her emotionally and it is absolutely killing me that I can't do what Moms are supposed to do... make everything okay. I am very fond if this young man and his parents have told my daughter that they feel the same way about her and that they've never seen him smile so much ever since he met her...that she makes him happy and is good for him. My heart is breaking for her and for me. I feel like I was just dumped too!! I am very close to my daughter and have first hand knowledge of heartbreak so I know what she's feeling...and I am living it with her every step of the way. My husband thinks I've lost my mind for obsessing over our daughter's break up saying it was her relationship not mine. Problem is I don't disagree with him but my head just can't seem to get thru to my heart. I try to tell her and myself that when it happened to me at her age...I met my husband 3 months later and before that I had a blast reconnecting with my friends. I guess its still too raw right now. His mom said she almost called me last time to see what was happening since he was so obviously upset so I reached out to her and she didn't know yet. She wants to talk to me and is very upset and sorry. I'm glad to know my feelings are shared by other moms and that I am not twisted or sick for feeling so sad at the loss of this boy. Maybe his mom will be able to shed some light on the situation so my daughter... and I...can have some closure. Thanks for listening.

Bridget - posted on 05/21/2014

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Vicki - posted on 05/20/2014

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I can't begin to tell you how much it helped me to find this site and these posts. For the past three days I've been certain I was either going completely crazy or the worst helicopter parent on the planet or some combination of the two. My 17 year old daughter and her boyfriend of two years broke up three days ago and I feel like I'm struggling with the break up as much as she is. I have to fight the urge (not always successfully) to read her text messages and obsess over social media postings from both of them.

Things between them have been rocky on and off for the past couple months. He has a lot of stress at home, works full time, has a lot of pressure to get good grades and plays three sports. By contrast my daughter is getting ready to graduate and other than her core classes has pretty much had an easy senior year. She has complained off and on for the past couple weeks of feeling neglected. So on Friday she told him she wanted to talk, but because he was in the car with his family he couldn't talk and said he knew she just wanted to break up with him. She said she didn't want to break up, but was thinking a break might do them good. He was hurt and unhappy about it, but lost cell service before they could actually figure anything out. Over the weekend and while he was gone camping my daughter decided she didn't really want a break and wanted to try to work together to resolve their issues. She called to talk to him when he got back and long story short he's decided he does want the break. So here we are.... They've continued to text and their relationship status on FB hasn't changed, but in every other way they are "on a break."

Last night after she'd gone to bed she text me and asked me "if I thought they were going to get back together?". It broke my heart. I didn't know what to tell her and to be honest I'm not sure what I really think or even what I really hope happens. Not that it even matters. I don't want to give her false hope and keep her from moving on, but sometimes I do think this is just a break and they will get back together. But I don't even know what I'm basing that thought on and I worry because the truth is I do miss this kid being at the house. He was over so much because of his complicated family dynamics that he really became just another member of the family and I think we all grew to care about him. I just really wish there was a way to fast forward past all the heartache, hurt, insecurity and second guessing to the place where my daughter was happy and doing "okay" with or without him.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. I've found some fantastic suggestions to help with my "craziness" and it's been so nice to find out that I'm not the only one out there who feels the way I do. I just wish there was a way to speed up the process and get my daughter (and myself) back to the land of emotional stability.

Another - posted on 05/12/2014

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In desperation I googled for something to do with daughter's breakups and found this community. Thank God!!! I truly believed I was losing my mind and that I was really being weird. My daughter is just out of her teens and went out with her boyfriend for over 3 1/2 years – thru school and uni. Over time he seemed increasingly disloyal, told lies and it because obvious that she had become simply a familiar prop, a thing of convenience and essentially a trophy girlfriend. Over the years he had gained much from us, with presents, family outings, meals etc. I included him and believed that was the decent way to behave. However, we started getting signals that his mother was against the relationship and wanted her son to be free for other experiences. We tried to ignore it and hoped things would improve but inevitably the mother's disapproval had an affect. My daughter began to feel awkward and unwelcome at their house. She stopped being invited for meals or was hardly acknowledged when she went there and the lack of reciprocity started to rankle with us. The mother was increasingly encouraging her son to break up with my daughter and it seemed the idea grew in him and he began to care less and less. My daughter eventually couldn't take the negativity and the futility of it all and in a moment of strength said they should end, knowing that this is what he wanted. I think she secretly hoped that he would have the freedom he (and his mother) clearly wanted, mature, and then find each other again. However, she was shocked and saddened at how accurate she had been about his lack of feelings for her. He made absolutely NO attempt to get back with her. No email, flowers, or a desire to meet or speak to her. He went crazy partying. He would post cryptic nasty comments on social media that obviously related to her. He then took things to the extreme and started sleeping with a girl they have both known for years in the same friendship group. She has now become his girlfriend.

It is now many months after the initial split and it torments me so much. I keep analysing things over and over, worrying about my part in the split since I did point out his disloyalties and disapproved of his/his family’s behaviour at times. I wake at night wondering how a boy we cared for and welcomed into our home could wholeheartedly turn his back in an instant and with so little respect. My daughter has been pretty much cut off from the friendship group because he and this new girl somehow have the approval of the rest of the group and my daughter receives few invites to events. I think he has managed to twist his version of events such that she is the 'bad guy' and people just don’t care. I feel physically sick to think of my daughter having to confront social media evidence of the new relationship and worse still having to see them together as a couple in a bar or somewhere. There seems to be no escape. Indeed they are both pretty brazen in their new found love!
My husband can't understand why I am "obsessed" with it all. I am just so mortified that someone I cared for and believed once thoughtful and kind could turn so quickly and swap my daughter for someone else (presumably with the mother's approval this time) without a backwards glance. Considering his mother wanted him to be free it seems ironic that he is back in the same town and not only already in another relationship but with a girl from the same group!! I am distraught at my daughter's pain and as a parent I also feel foolish and used by him and his family. I am also distraught too, just as if it was my relationship, and this feels really weird and inexplicable. However, I take comfort in that it seems that I am not alone in feeling like this and may be I don't have to think I am weird after all. Thank you for having posted your experiences. If anyone has any words of comfort I would love to hear them as I worry my daughter (and I) will feel like this for years!.

Patricia - posted on 05/12/2014

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Hi there:
I just read your post and get how you are feeling. As I said, my daughter, now 15, has had 3 boyfriends at school that I knew their parents, other family members and I trusted these boys because I knew their families. Now, because she was so young there was no car dating or one on one dating allowed, but they managed to snuggle at lunch, kiss here and there when they were out in school groups and connect mentally with lots of Skype calls and FaceTime calls - she enjoyed the friendships with these boys and got hurt when she inevitably broke up with all three of them because they were showing their selfish sides and she noticed it and got out before it hurt too much.
But I also thought "why didn't I test these guys more? Why was I ok with my young daughter "having a boyfriend"? What was wrong with me to allow her FaceTime calls, Skyping calls, hanging out with the boys at lunch at school, texting constantly, etc?
I think in the back of my mind I was also a little hurt when these selfish teenage boys started to pull away, post pictures of themselves kissing someone else that was just "a friend" and doing other hurtful teenage boy acts that only reminded me how my daughter needs to not be in any exclusive relationship until she is much older and can really know herself a lot better and be more mature in knowing what SHE needs from a young man. Believe me, young girls and young men are seldom ready to handle the emotional connection from an exclusive relationship and the inevitable breakup, and we parents feel their hurt and pain for months afterwards. Just be very aware for the "next time" - remind your girls about what happened the last time she put her young heart on the chopping block - not fun. And we mothers should NOT allow these young men to have the power to hurt our girls. Be very, very, very careful who you let into your homes and into your hearts, Moms. We need to be our daughter's gatekeepers and help them grow into strong, smart, independent women who should be focusing on grades, school and their own self worth. We need to be their support system and guide them on this rocky road called life. Good luck - be good to yourselves in the process.

Patricia - posted on 05/11/2014

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Dear TeeDee:

Your last sentence says it all "why even date in high school?"
My daughter is 15 and looks 18 without makeup bc she is very tall and thin, and after 3 boyfriends at school, where they lunch together, hang out and go to Starbucks at break, go to school dances as a big group and post pictures of themselves together on Instagram, Kik and Facebook, and then eventually someone looks at someone else the wrong way, and bam, the breakup happens.
They are all waaaay too young and too busy with a tough
academic schedule to waste their precious time in these
immature relationships. All girls want is to say "I have a boyfriend" and all the boys generally want is someone cute to show off to their buddies and then brag about having sex with the girl, even when they haven't - the girls also are very brazen chasing boys, texting them, trying to pin them down to be "their boyfriend."
It's hurtful to their young hearts, both boys and girls.
Groups going to the movies, beach, school dances, plays,
sporting events is fun but once the one on one starts, parents --
sit them down and lay down the rules - grades come first,
after-school activities come next, family time, sleep, putting phones away by 9 PM - rules like that have really helped my family take back our lives so our kids don't live in a bubble of cell phone usage, computer postings of God knows what, and also running up to go to their rooms to hide out from their families and the people that truly love them. I vote for no serious teenage relationships bc it can really hurt their hearts permanently - be careful parents when you allow someone else into your home and your child's heart. It probably will end badly for both of them. I have seen it happen to sooooo many of my daughter's friends - sad but they are just too immature for adult-type relationships.
Good luck with your hormonal teens - ask them if you can read their text messages - you will find out what is REALLY going on in their lives. If you are paying the bill, you have every right to know what and who is going on with them.

Joan - posted on 05/10/2014

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TESTIMONY
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thanks mrs Joan parker

Del - posted on 05/07/2014

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After reading all the posts, I have decided that I am not crazy after all. Other moms are actually going through the same thing I am. My daughter dated her boyfriend for almost 2 years and then bam, he broke up with her right before prom and his high school graduation. It has been almost a month now since the breakup andI I still hear her crying every night. She doesn't have an appetite, she can't sleep, she is constantly checking social media for his posts, and as much as I try to encourage her to get rid of his memories in her room, she can't. Worst part, he has been hanging around with one of her good friends. Nothing I say is helping so I pray and pray everyday. The thing is, I couldn't understand why I was feeling the breakup right along with her. Her pain has been my pain to the point where I can't even look at her ex boyfriend in the face. I feel betrayed because he spent so much time at my house, always with us, and he constantly told me how much he loved my daughter. Go figure, I actually miss the kid. I am hopeful though that once he graduates, things will get better. Peace!

TeeDee - posted on 04/29/2014

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This is not my first post here. I am so tired of dealing with my daughter and her boyfriend's breakups and reconciliations. She is doing the breaking up at this time, and he is pursuing, but when they are on good terms, it's not even good! They both are so stubborn, and hard headed, vindictive and harsh. Kids these days use such harsh language; as a teen I'd have been crushed with the language they use. My daughter has eaten very little in 3 days, and they've signed a lease together on an apartment for a year beginning in June for her first year and his second year of college, so there is a financial obligation they are tied to. I believe she's been asking him to get another roommate, .... I know that they love each other, they just don't know how to act.

And as an aside, but a big part of this latest breakup. I have been so respectful to this boy, treated him like a son, love him like a son. Not so for his mother concerning my daughter; Saturday she visited at his house at his insistence with his family and as soon as she walks in the door, his mother says, "what's wrong with your face?!" She tried to tell his mother, well, her makeup is done as it usually is, and the woman kept badgering her then finally, rolled her eyes and looked away. This behavior of belittling my daughter has been getting more frequent, and the boy just said it's his mother's job to give her a hard time. Hard time doesn't even describe it! She is rude and mean and harsh! I told my daughter that it is not her; my daughter doesn't even respond rudely, she tries to remain polite after all the woman is an adult! Told my daughter that his mother is competing for his attention with his girlfriend, and it seems lately, that my daughter is not winning this battle. He will be so ugly about things like this telling her she takes things wrong, or she's crazy, instead of comforting her pain from his mother's insults.

I just don't know. I hope they either figure this out, or are done with it very soon. I have a bit of baggage myself from high school / college relationships, I don't wish it on anyone. Why even date in high school.

Donna - posted on 03/22/2014

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You are not in least bit nuts! You r a mother and from what it sounds like an excellent one. I always feel my sons pain even though he's 19 and has been making our lives hell. I love him unconditionally. If he was a serial killer I would still bust him and love him. That's a mothers bond. It's like no other. Only those of us who have carried this other human bring inside of us for 9 months can relate. Well most of us anyway. You seem very intelligent and understanding. You r absolutely right on everything you said about her boyfriend and why he's doing what he's doing. Your daughter will live through this. Hurt and struggles r what build character. Tell her this is in no way her last love. There will be plenty. She will probably break hearts too along the way. Just keep telling her she's a beautiful person inside and out with so much to offer the world and so many wonderful experiences ahead of her. Hold her when she cries. Which I'm sure you already do. You were probably close to this young man also and any kind of loss we experience is sad. I cried too when my son and his girlfriend first broke up. She was like a daughter to me. Well they've gotten back together and broken up a few times since then and now their back on. I always miss her when she's not around though. The mom goes through the breakup too. Anyway keep a close eye on her. Make sure not falling into depression. But I believe with a mom like you she will be fine.

Colleen - posted on 03/19/2014

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TeeDee

It was nice to read your response. I have a similar relationship. I think the reason your daughter isn't telling you as much is because she's probably embarrassed to have you know certain things. For example my daughters first love went to college too and it broke her heart to let him go. Last year he started to pursue her again and she was overjoyed. She would tell me some things and I could see happiness in her again. But it quickly became frustration and pain. After when she couldn't handle the pain she'd open up a bit. When they both decided to stop trying is when she went through a complete melt down. But she told me things that were hard for me to hear. After hearing facts about what was happening it was obvious to me (an adult) he was trying to manipulate her to give in sexually. When they stopped trying he was very honest and admitted he lies all the time to get what he wants from a girl. If he's in college trust me he's getting it. They are 100% selfish at this age. I don't want to go into too many details about it all. But I'd say to trust your daughter about this. Maybe it's a good thing for her to break it off and have some fun in college and find herself. If they are meant to be they will both have to do more growing up so they treat each other respect and dignity. Hugs to you as you try to be loving and supportive. I always tell myself she's the one I bore and my loyalty is to her and her ultimate happiness. And I pray a lot!! Good luck and hang in there. Sorry for typos I'm typing on phone and I'm horrible at it.

TeeDee - posted on 03/19/2014

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I can relate so much to these posts. My daughter is dating for 2 1/2 years her first love, and my son dating again after a 3 year separation his first love. My daughter was crying around midnight Monday night, a couple nights ago, after such a beautiful weekend with her boyfriend when she was so happy, and I heard her say "WTF!" And then later "we ARE DONE." These things get my heart to racing, I hurt for them both, can't sleep. I know it's because I remember the devastation of losing my first love in high school/college. I hate to see them hurt that much; it was even worse pain for me than my eventual divorce from my 1st husband many years later. I have been very close to my daughter, where she would tell me just about everything; to now, where she says very little. I've been close to her boyfriend too, that's part of my problem, I just really love this boy. I think he being in college and her in high school, sometimes they just don't trust. If either has heard that either of them so much as spoke to another girl/guy, they overreact, freak out, break up once again. IT isn't usually even something tangible that happened wrong; like some girl "liked" one of his posts, and so my daughter gets angry, and vice versa, he will get angry if some guy who means nothing to my daughter "likes" her beautiful senior pictures on facebook. Even though these things in and of themselves aren't direct offenses to the other! I hate to see such a beautiful relationship destroyed over nonsense like that, because they seem so perfect. It's such a rollercoaster for me too! I love them both so much, but I hate this roller coaster ride. So prom tux was supposed to be ordered this Friday, and the boyfriend says well, she broke up with me, so I'm not going. But I'd asked her yesterday, and she said they were going to get it Friday. They were supposed to look for an apartment for college together next year on Saturday! Oh God, please help them to communicate better, and to know when something is just irritating to them as opposed to being something that should destroy the relationship. Peace Moms.

Colleen - posted on 03/18/2014

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I think you are all very normal, and eventually after she's gone through either more break-up's or enough disappointments from current one she's interested in, you will start to feel less engaged. I think the first love and heartbreak takes us with our daughters as we want to protect them, and we want them to be loved as much as we think they deserve. Don't judge yourself about it, because it won't help. You'll find in the natural course of things the separation between the two of you happens, and eventually you draw back together when there's less emotional drama that affects you. Also, to Gina you are living proof that life goes on, and no you're not a bad person or Mom. Yes, I think they will learn and it's normal that you kind of feel like she gets what she deserves. You did raise her well, but she's going to do what she wants, so when she gets hurt you'll have a lot less sympathy for her, which proves my point to all you, that it's all going to be OK. You just love your daughters and are going through a process. All of you hang in there, you are great Moms and are not WEIRD or ABNORMAL. You're great!

Colleen - posted on 03/18/2014

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AHHHH I sure hope I can help someone out there. YES, I went through this when my daughter had her first "love" experience and he broke her heart by going off to college. But, then he came back and really played and manipulated her, and it was VERY obvious to me this time he was saying certain "romantic" things trying to get her to sleep with him. She was smart enough not to buy into it, found out about all the other girls he was "hooking up" with, and they finally agreed to end it. I felt just like every one of you the first time around, the 2nd time I was interested because of course I'd like her to have what she wants. But I still felt I was a little TOO interested. In between this "huge" love she kept hoping for and losing, she did date and have a few relationships. Every time it broke off, she would cry and feel bad. But, I never felt "anything" with all the others. I only felt her feelings when it came to the first one. I also want to share that eventually my daughter turned my caring about the situation against me. When she was angry or hurt I became the focus, and she would resent me and think I only cared about that one boy (which after the third time around..not really because I felt it was exhausting). My hope to all of you, is that eventually it doesn't feel so bad because you remove yourself from all of it. I got tired of the drama, and she wouldn't listen to my advice, so I learned the "hard" way to not give it. Keep my mouth shut, don't ask anything, don't say anything. In the end, it's better for me not to be involved. It only helps to sympathize when she needs it, but after a while I saw patterns, and it just seemed to me she wasn't learning from the experiences. I think all young boys aren't emotionally mature, they will all change in college, and probably won't think about settling down until they are 25. I wish my daughter would just date, have a nice time, and stop looking for the "one" because even the nice boys don't know what the heck they are doing yet. Hopefully, she will learn to focus on herself, her life, school, and just have fun with friends and casual dates. They are too young to put themselves through all of this emotional distraction. However, many of you mentioned the social media, and I think it's a big part of the problem. With phones glued to them every moment, our children get addicted to the drama and if they don't have any - they start looking through other people's photo and stories looking for it. I'm hoping my daughter will begin to see how much of her energy gets diverted from improving her life by her addiction to entertainment via social media. I don't know if this helped anyone, but you're not alone, you're not strange, you're not unusual, you are just very close to your daughter, but eventually it will be exhausting and drain you. You'll find the normal process of daughters pulling away happens, and in the end you'll have some peace. Later they can come back, and hopefully there's less drama in their lives. Good luck to all of you! YOU ARE NORMAL!!

Janeen - posted on 03/12/2014

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Hi all. I know this post is a couple of years old, but I see some recent replies.
I have twin boys, age 15. Both just recently ended their first "real" relationship. One had his gf for 15 months, the other only for a few. Both girls broke it off. My boys are devistated! I have never seen them so hurt and almost desperate to have these girls back. Literally, text after text begging them. My heart hurts so for them because I can remember my first heart break and not being able to process those feelings.
My husband and I have prayed with them, let them know that they can't chase these girls and that they are worth so much more than that. Well, the girls have had enough and one of them now refuses to talk to my son. I get that and it probably is the best thing for him. Now i have to convince him to leave her friends alone.
the other one that had the short relationship is not handling it well at all....we have him in counseling, that's how hard he is taking this. Any communication or encouragement from this girl he starts in on her how she is his life and please reconsider.
i feel like i have done a terrible job raising my children that they have no self confidence or self worth when a girl breaks up with them. I have cried myself to sleep for weeks now trying to figure out why they both are having this kind of reaction.

Elke - posted on 01/27/2014

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It's been 4 1/2 months for my daughter since the breakup…she's come a long way since September, but it's only just recently that she seems to be seeing the light on the other side. She still has her sad moments. I read in a few places it can take up to 6 months if they've been together a year. I've been trying everything I can to take this situation as a "new beginning" …telling her to know her worth that she never has to beg someone to see how special she is…and to focus on healing herself. She's been working out a lot and started a new diet (she's already miss fitness, but needed something to keep focused on…staysharpbestrong by nikki sharp…a good person to be inspired by)…my daughter also just got a job at the local coffee shop, and that has done wonders. I think the best thing we can do for our mourning daughters is to tell them we know exactly the heartache they're going through, and that it's just going to take (a hell of) time…but it will get better. I definitely felt her pain, cried many tears over this dumb jerk…but as I see her become stronger, I'm feeling better as well. We love our girls so much…just be there…she'll never forget it and will heal so much better because of it. Thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me feel less crazy.

Elke - posted on 01/27/2014

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Hi everyone! We're 4-5 months post breakup here -- and just wondering if any of these ex bfs came crawling back and what happened… I can see my daughter's ex is regretting the breakup…but he did so much damage, I know he feels he can't ask to come back…I'm still sad over the whole thing, but I am getting better. Seeing my daughter slowly grow and slowly move on has helped a lot. I truly want the best for her and to be happy, and she's now seeing how her ex manipulated and controlled her, and is now doing so many things freely that if she was still with him, wouldn't be able to do. My only wish is that he's regretting and feeling the pain. A little bit of karma would be nice.

Sejal - posted on 01/11/2014

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Hi gina. I know this post is old but i just fell across it and though ive been resding posts here since pregnancy (my LO is 6M next week) i never replied to posts- just liked reading- till i read your post and my heart literally skipped a beat! Although im a very new mum and have not experienced any literal pain when my baby does (ie, colic etc) i am so moved by what you said and cant explain to you the joy i felt reading of your love for your daughter! Im going through a rough patch in life but i know my baby girl is my world as a baby is for most mummies but what you describe- things you here about in poems or books in the form of pain when your daughter is hurt- its the sweetest most wonderful thing in a way and shows that youre a wonderful mother- to put it mildly. As for the problem in itself- havent read other posts yet and by now im sure current situation has at least mellowed, but with a mummy like you shes gonna do great whenever troubles may come along- youre a mother so its natural that you feel her pain- although to literally feel it- ive not heard of such thing before but deeply respect you as a mother for having such experiences and can only asummebits because you deeply love your girl. Cant offer medical advice or anything but adore you - really.

Take care x

Sejal

Kimberly - posted on 01/03/2014

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Hi Gina, my daughter is going through the same thing as your daughter with a few things that are different, her boyfriend of six years went to college in Aug of 2010, he went to Iowa city, and has been there for almost four years and they have lasted this long until September when he went back to school, the summer was a little rocky for them both, Shane had started drinking alot, and finally told her in September that he wanted to break up with her, that it was his last year of college and he wanted to have fun, she has driven many weekends to Iowa to visit him, everything seemed fine as far as their relationship has gone, and I have always thought he was gonna be my son in law, the thing that really bothers me is like you I do realize things do change, but he has let her drive to Iowa which is three hours away, and then the next morning told her she had to go. He came home a week or so before thanksgiving and they had gotten together, and like your daughters boyfriend he was his old self, Christmas has been hard for her as for six years he has been her life everyday they spoke and now just the other day there had been pictures posted of him and another girl and she wrote from summit to DC's which I believe are bars, I could not have made it through 2013 without this guy, now keep in mind he had been home for Christmas, and they had met twice since he had been home, he told her that he still see's himself marrying her, and then those pictures posted on New Years Eve, yesterday it popped up on Facebook that he is in a relationship with this girl, who is drunk all the time, says nasty things on twitter and from what he says making him post things, needless to say It makes me angry that she is being treated this way by him, she has told me I not only lost my boyfriend but I have lost my best friend.And like you I am completely devastated by all of this, I have even cried for her and the pain she is feeling, You had stated that you feel that you are a nutcase mom, your not a nutcase your a mother her loves her child unconditionally and feels her pain, I feel so bad for mine as I have said I even cry, and I have even gone as far as calling him to try to mend things, how sad is that?? I feel your pain.

Kim - posted on 12/19/2013

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It's been a few months since my daughters boyfriend dumped her . She totally fell apart & I did as we'll , my heart broke every minute for her cos I couldn't help her . I actually had a breakdown ( she did not see me in a state ) .my baby was in pain & there was nothing I could do to help .
Fast forward a few months & she is a totally different person. We moved house & she changed school. She is now a happy , confident & a popular girl . I'm so proud of her , she talks about the ex every now & then , telling me that he did not treat her well & was very controlling . She now realises that it was nota healthy relationship. She is a happy single girl & loving life .
There is light at the end of the tunnel .

Lia - posted on 12/19/2013

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Hi my daughter, 16 years old has just broken up with her boyfriend a week ago. They were together for 18 months and all of the sudden out of the blue he dropped her saying she was too much dependent on him. This is destroying her. She has not stopped crying and keeps on saying life is not worth living. She too had dropped all of her friends for him despite my encouragement not to do so. she does not want to go to school saying she cannot do it and what is the point of it all. I feel her pain sooooo much. I cry away from her, in work I am not able to concentrate and i had to start my Christmas holidays early as i am so concerned about her mental state. she wants to speak to him and see him. I am sleeping with her at night as she does not want to be alone and i have friends, neighbour of mine that are keeping her busy during the day but the minute she is at home, the tears start again. I would like to take the pain away from her but this time i cannot. I feel so helpless. I keep on thinking hopefully she will make it through soon but she is not eating and has feeling of worthlessness. i am now thinking to take her to her GP and see if he can help her but would welcome some advice about this. Does anyone know how long this will last for?

TeeDee - posted on 12/09/2013

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There is definitely a common thread here. Social networking. Moms experiencing the pain as though it were their relationship and not their kids. I could have written every word of all of these posts. I don't like feeling so incredibly sad, it hurts so badly, I just could die. My husband is 67 and I am in my early 50's, so of course, as he ages, my own relationship becomes harder, I even wonder why I married him. He's my second husband, and I guess after my own divorce I was in need of encouragement. Little did I know , I'd be his prize younger wife, and the age gap would become a problem. We have little in common, and he's no fun to be around. It's so hard, but he' sick and I'm staying in this til the end, for financial reasons as well.

My youngest daughter is 17 and going through breakup, get back together, breakup, get back together. I adore my beautiful daughter. I adore the boy she's dated, absolutely love him. I can't seem to accept that he may not be "the one." I feel the pain, it seems, more than she does. She's such a tough cookie, and so is he. Kids' tongues seem to be so much sharper these days! My goodness, the things they say to each other. She is slim and absolutely gorgeous, and so many people tell her she should be a model, that she gets sick of hearing it. She plans to be a Nurse Practitioner or something in the medical field. He is a very overweight, star athlete. Some people have actually said, to my horror, "how did he get her?" I hate that, because I just adore him. But the frequent fights and breakups just kill me.

I could have written so many of these posts word for word! I think our instinct as Moms just rears it's ugly head, and we both want to fiercely protect our kids, and at the same time, fall in love with their mates like they were our own kids, then can't stand to see them hurt either!

I just lost my Mom, my very difficult husband has been ill, and I take care of my father, so I guess this beautiful romance was something to enjoy for me. It's just nice to know other people are experiencing the same.

Blessings everyone.

TeeDee - posted on 12/09/2013

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I am going through all of this with my 17 year old daughter. Exactly the sharings on my daughter's break-ups with her first love, we have experienced. She is in her senior year, and he in his first year of college close by. Currently, they are together, and I absolutely love this boy to death. While in high school dating the last two years, they kept each other on a pretty short leash, not partying, drinking, etc. like they did before dating each other. It seems when he went off, he wanted to experience college and talking to other girls, but not get caught. He doesn't treat her with kindness, then she speaks sharply to him, and the cycle goes on and on, then he swears he loves her and doesn't want to lose her. Her friends that were at the same college though, would tell her he's talking to this girl or asked for so-and-so's number. All in all, I think social media sites, cellphones etc are horrid for relationships and trust these days. Being able to text anyone of hundreds of friends anytime they want is so detrimental to trust these days. Anyway, I remember my first breakup 30 years ago, and though we are friends now, he'll always be the one that got away, and I was the one that broke up! I feel all the same things as all of you other mothers .... crazy, because I love my daughter and this boy so much, like a son really! I don't want either hurting. I'm obsessed with it and trying like hell not to be. Seems like I hurt more than my daughter does. Prayers and blessings to everyone, and I guess, "this too shall pass." One thing's for sure, whether we want it to or not, "life goes on."

Laura - posted on 11/27/2013

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I know your post is from a few years ago. But I am going thru the exact same thing right now. Except that my daughter didn't invite her friend to a cast party she had (for a play that she was in, she felt it was for the cast only) I tried to get her to understand how that would make him feel but I could not change her mind. I think feelings were hurt and now he's stopped texting her which is making her sad. UGH... It's sooooooo hard to try and stay out of it. I'm more upset about it than she seems to be. I'm so glad I found this because I thought I was going insane. Thanks for your post! Any experience you can share would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

Mae - posted on 11/25/2013

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Gina, I came across this site by sheer accident. I was goggling "encouraging words to say to daughter after break up." After reading this post of yours, I finally had confirmation that I am not alone, and I am not losing my mind! My daughter and her first love were together nearly a year and a half. I loved, and still do love this remarkable young man. My daughter and this young man dated her last 2 years of high school. They had been friends for 2 years before they began dating. When their relationship progressed to dating, they both were so happy. The way that he looked at my daughter just melted my heart. Over the course of their dating, his mother and I became very close friends. Celebrating each others birthdays, Christmas, Prom, Graduation, and first years away at college. My daughter's ex, now wants to keep distance, and minimal communication between the 2 of them. After their rather cordial breakup, he texted me confirming how much he loved my daughter, and thanking me for all the love and support I have given him over the years. He would always consider me his second mom. My heart still aches for the 2 of them so much. Of all the young men my daughter has dated, I have never felt about any of them, the way I instinctively felt about this one young man. I trusted him completely. Getting to know his mom, and brothers, I felt I knew this young man very well. His parents unfortunately got divorced his Jr year of high school. Trust is a HUGE deal for him. Prior to their breakup,my daughter was feeling that their relationship was getting stagnant. Unfortunately, she did not know how to articulate this to him. When she finally had all her words together, he made the decision to call the break up. Facebook can be such a wonderful social media tool, yet it can be the knife in the back as well. Both my daughter and her ex have been respectful with their posts, however, he joined a Frat this year, and he is now being tagged in alot of photos that show him attending events with other young women that look remarkably a great deal like my daughter. My daughter is trying so hard to rise above, and be brave. She knows how much I still adore this young man. Why?!!!!! Why can't I get over the fact that these 2 incredible people will probably never be together again?! He had become such a huge part of our every day family life. I trusted him without limits. I still see him in the little things I do around my house, certain foods I prepare, music that I listen to. I feel like I will lose my mind some days. I don't talk to anyone about this, for fear that they will commit me to a funny farm. I don't speak of this to my daughter, because I don't want to add to her pain. She still has a secret hope that one day he will see her, and be willing to give them another chance.
I have a difficulty spending time with his mother now, because he gets his beautiful smile, and dimples from his mother. It has been almost 4 months since the breakup. My fear is that I will compare every new prospect to her ex. I know that is not fair. My daughter and I are very close, she shares most of her life with me, we don't have secrets. I just want resolve.

Roland - posted on 11/25/2013

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Thanks God I found you Dr. Johnbull by helping getting my Ex-husband back because I don’t believe i can remarried Him again after

divorced him in 2011 but ever since the divorced am still deeply in love with my ex husband Roland, I really do love him very much with

my heart . We have got together in 2008 and I divorced him in 2011 ever since then I have been trying to get him back while reading

Prayer Books, The top relationship guide books Until Sunday that i surface on Google to seek Advice On how i can get my ex Husband back

after divorced him 2years ago and i cant stop thinking of him and loved him then Google Recommend me to Contact Dr. Johnbull spell

caster Email address: johnbullspelltemple@gmail.com, i did contact Dr. Johnbull on the same day which him Assure me that i would have my

Ex husband back within 24hrs , i dont believe at first that Love spell work but it Come to Reality to me on the Next day when i saw my

EX husband knocking my Door in the Morning and say he want to talk something serious with me Immediately he Kneel Down and give me ring

that he want to marry me again.
Thanks Dr. Johnbull for helping me get my Lover back and put smile on my face forever .
Sarah from Spain. contact +23408101864086 +447045738426

Roland - posted on 11/25/2013

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Thanks God I found you Dr. Johnbull by helping getting my Ex-husband back because I don’t believe i can remarried Him again after

divorced him in 2011 but ever since the divorced am still deeply in love with my ex husband Roland, I really do love him very much with

my heart . We have got together in 2008 and I divorced him in 2011 ever since then I have been trying to get him back while reading

Prayer Books, The top relationship guide books Until Sunday that i surface on Google to seek Advice On how i can get my ex Husband back

after divorced him 2years ago and i cant stop thinking of him and loved him then Google Recommend me to Contact Dr. Johnbull spell

caster Email address: johnbullspelltemple@gmail.com, i did contact Dr. Johnbull on the same day which him Assure me that i would have my

Ex husband back within 24hrs , i dont believe at first that Love spell work but it Come to Reality to me on the Next day when i saw my

EX husband knocking my Door in the Morning and say he want to talk something serious with me Immediately he Kneel Down and give me ring

that he want to marry me again.
Thanks Dr. Johnbull for helping me get my Lover back and put smile on my face forever .
Sarah from Spain. contact +23408101864086 +447045738426

Judith - posted on 11/22/2013

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My name is Olivia, am from maimi USA. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.NICE OKSE brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that is why i want to say a big thank you to DR.NICE OKSE. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man you can email him at: professionallovespell@hotmail.com

Marci - posted on 11/13/2013

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I have the same thing. I hope mine do get back together, get married have children and live happily ever after. He is that great. I tell my daughter go out have fun but inside I'm dying right along with her. He have started reading bible verses daily. Sometimes they don't really apply to the situation but she always feels better when we discuss them. Maybe that will help

Roxxy - posted on 11/12/2013

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I am going through the same thing utter dispare that he will actually break up with her for good daughter is 17 been dating same boy for two years he was a wonderful boy who I never thought would ever hurt her I love him like a son and pictured them married but in the last 6 weeks he has been hanging out with new friends and has totally changed hurtin her so much he says their lives are headed in different directions and fear he will end it tonight I am desperate to save their relationship been awake night and day uncontrollably crying for two weeks my husband does not understand my grief and has just left to pick her up all I am say is please let them work this out please

Emma - posted on 11/05/2013

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This is crazy, my partner keeps telling me I am anyway lol..I don't have a daughter but I do have two boys. The eldest 17 is wonderful, good looking and would do anything for anyone. Any pain he feels I feel and it is driving me crazy. I don't sleep with it and I go through every emotion he does. He recently broke up with his girlfriend because she treat him badly, he let her get away with it for months.. Always trying to please her! He finally walked away, hoping after a break they could work it out, she might see how awful she treated him. A week later in a new relationship photos plastered all over Facebook. He feels used. They went out for two years. When you hear your boy crying saying he can't do it anymore at 17 it hurts. He recently met someone else and all of a sudden bam! She stops texting him..a friend rings and tells him she was all over another guy..he feels used again! This has all happened in the past 5 weeks. He is just too nice! And he gets hurt for it..I can never be happy if he isn't..I know he deserves more and I know he is better than those girls..but his pain is mine..It happens to boys too xxx

Loretta - posted on 11/01/2013

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Bf did send a brief reply that says he kind of misses my daughter but didn't know if it would work out. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and see if he'll eventually text her. Maybe he'll get the courage to and my daughter will have worked past her anger by then and they can at least start communicating again.

Sandra - posted on 10/31/2013

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No you are not crazy. Just a concerned Mom. We all are! I promise it will get better & easier. For the kids and for YOU!
My Daughter began the journey this past February. Valentines Day, no less. It was awful to see her so heartbroken. Much has happened since then. She has gone back and forth with the Ex BF a few times and it was so frustrating to watch it "play out." You can go "back" in read my previous posts and can read MY total desperation in my posts back then. LOL
I do believe it is finally over. Good luck Loretta! :o) It is all downhill from here!! (I mean that in a GOOD way, as in "coasting."

Loretta - posted on 10/31/2013

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Sandra Thanks for replying. This will definitely be the last message if I get no reply! Sent it via Facebook and it says he hasn't seen it yet. I did write that I would respect his wishes so that is what I'll do. Could be he won't read it cause he knows I'll know if he saw it. Or it could be that I sound like a crazy quack. Lol! Feel like I'm driving myself crazy.

Sandra - posted on 10/31/2013

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Hello Loretta,

I have not been on COM for awhile. I also read you're post(s) on a different thread but on this same subject. I totally "get" how much you want to make things good again. ESPECIALLY this time of year with the Holiday's approaching. :o(
I see below where you say "you caved." Did/Has the ex responded? If not, probably be better to not contact he or his Father again. The Parents may get upset (kind've like I was with the Mother/Sister of my Daughters ex.)
I know it is hard. I really do. How old are the kids? btw?
Good luck!

Loretta - posted on 10/31/2013

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Sadly I caved and did send message to the ex apologising for getting involved. Then said I would like to keep in contact if he feels comfortable with that and if not I respect his wishes. At this point I just hope he will get in contact with my daughter and rekindle a friendship. Sadly that is the best I can hope for! I see now that at this point in their lives a romantic relationship isn't meant to be
Maybe when they are older? Fingers crossed:)

Teresa - posted on 10/29/2013

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I am so happy I found this post as I am going through the same thing with my daughter's recent break-up. She's 16/he's 17 and he lied to her, cheated on her and THEN broke up with her. She is devastated and I feel her pain. They dated for almost 8 months and they were so happy and perfect for each other. He was truly in love with her (or so it seemed) and she still is with him. Then boom, it's like he changed overnight. My guess is his 'friends' go to him that it's senior year to live it up so he started hanging out more with his friends and drinking and partying the last month which led to arguments. He chose to go with his friends and not his girlfriend to homecoming then didn't even match her like he said he would, didn't talk to her and left with another girl. Now he's with this other girl and it's like he has completely forgotten about my daughter and what they had. He complete ignores he and he has tweeted mean things about her and tweets loving things to this new girl which of course my daughter can see and breaks her heart all over again. I feel horrible and I feel her pain, it's like I am heartbroken too. I don't understand how he could be so loving one day and the next act like she never meant anything to him. I am having a difficult time dealing with this. I pray every day that he will get a wake-up call and come back and make everything right but on the other hand I know she deserves better and nothing will ever go back to the way it was as she (and I) will always have trust issues. This is the hardest thing I've had to go through and it's just so hard to understand who he has become.

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