Teenage Daughter Breakup - Feeling her pain

Sandra - posted on 05/03/2013

Quick update. It has taken 2 months...my dear Daughter is doing well & has moved gracefully on from her first broken heart.

She started a part time job at the local mall and has met another guy that she enjoys talking with.

I told my daughter this is how it is supposed to be...you happy & smiling again. So my advice to other Moms ... As heart wrenching as it is to watch. Watch you must & it will get better. Promise! :0)

Sandra - posted on 02/22/2013

Susan & everyone,

I truly feel for you & your Daughter. Sometimes our Daughter's stronger than US! I think we feel the hurt more than if someone was disrespecting US...because if it were us we could be in control of the situation...as in ot putting up w/h the guy, moving on etc...

Since our these relationships belong to our Daughter(s.). We are no longer in control, feel helpless..yet must endure watching them go through pain. Lovely, isn't it? :o(

It gets so old hearing these guys say over & over they have "problems/issues/depression, etc..."

Lame excuses. Unfortunately, it may take time before your Daughter accepts that.

My Daughter/17 & as I updated a few days ago...she went ahead & broke up w/h the guy. HOWEVER, she ended up calling him later that night. Uggh. He cried (really??)...SHE cried (genuinely) and when got off phone came into living room & told me they "are together" & she will see him this weekend. That was Wednesday evening. She has not heard from him since!

Like I said...He cried (Really?? Uh huh)

Anyway, I watch daily the range of emotions. Happily, I see her moving again towards "the light!" The light of "realization this Boy is being a total ass & she needs to move on. I am keeping my opinions to myself. Very hard but so necessary!

Good luck to you & keep me posted! :o)

Susan - posted on 02/22/2013

Hi all,
Just want to say it's pretty amazing to have this forum to post our thoughts and feelings and to share our stories. Reading what other moms go though is comforting to me, because it makes me feel like I am not alone.
now for an update on my daughter's situation: since my last post in November my daughter has been in contact with the ex bf. First in mid Nov via text which didn't start out well; he accused my daughter of of trying to be with his cousin, which of course wasn't true. she was only texing the cousin alittle and they were trying to go to a movie; it was supposed to be 3 of them (the 3rd being the ex bf's sister). She never wound up going because the sister backed out and my daughter felt awkward with just the cousin. The ex bf was nasty, made her cry (takes alot for her to cry). At the end of the evening they spoke on the phone, and i guess she felt alittle better. He started texting her again in mid Dec, which quickly turned into a lot of daily texting. She went to his house right after xmas for an evening, then again new years (she stayed overnight, which i texted the mom the next day thanking her for having my daughter sleep over; other than that, I have not communicated with the parents, with the exception of exchange of xmas card). She saw him again over the period of a few days (which included spending the night again at his house) and then again towards the end of Jan. She brought up that she missed him/wanted to be a couple again; he backed off, saying he knew they would be together, but "it's not right for now" and they had problems to work out. Then first week of Feb she found out thru a coworker that he had been dating a girl he met at work, since probably mid Nov (not totally sure). She confronted him, but he basically said he wasn't cheating because they were not a couple. He admitted he was still seeing the other girl. My daughter didn't lose it, but instead said she didn't want to talk to him if he was talking to other girls. A photo appeared on instagram just 2 days ago of the other girl wearing his a hat at what looked like to be her apartment,and stating that if he wanted it back he has to meet her in the city Friday. My daughter asked him about it, he said he left it at work and she was joking saying that he had to meet her if he wanted the hat back. The photo has since disappeared. He recently admitted that he has been having panic attacks about losing her/her being with someone else. He also said he has been having major anxiety about their relationship,college, fear of losing her since the beginning of Sept. I almost feel bad that he is obviously struggling, then i remember what he has put my daughter though. I have told myself to stay out of it, that she has to get thru this. It just breaks my heart.

Susan - posted on 02/21/2013

Hi Georgina, I sent you a message, did you get it? I'm having problems with my computer.

Sandra - posted on 02/20/2013

Georgina,

An update. On Monday at School my Daughter found out the boy had been talking w/h his ex-girlfriend. The girl threatened to hit my Daughter. I immediately contacted the school and then later informed the boys Mom.

The Mom, embarrassed by her Son asked my Daughter to come to their home to talk face to face w/h her Son. I reluctantly agreed she could go...providing Mom was close by monitoring discussion.

Bottomline the boy admitted he was talking to an ex but he still "loves" my Daughter. He cried. My Daughter did nothing. Then, He attempted the old lame routine of turning it back around and blaming my Daughter. But by this time my Daughter had progressed to the angry stage and was having none of it!

When I picked my Daughter up that evening they agreed they would try to work it out. Wednesday nights/tonight is their usual visit night during the week. She did not hear from him until late. He acted as though nothing was wrong and didnot invite her over or ask to see her. She knew then he was not going to put forth the effort.

I have taken a step back since the weekend to let her firgure this out. She came to me about an hour ago crying. She said "I broke it off. It needed to be done and if he trys to win me back then maybe I will rethink it. But for now it is the thing to do."

Once again I ache for her. The Boy took a cowards way out. She ended up having to do the breaking up. My Daughter THEN texted the Boys Mother to let her know.

I told my Daughter...her name is Allison...I am proud that she has enough class bout herself and respect for the boys parents to let them know. She is etting ready now to go out to eat w/h her 2 best girlfriends.

We are on road to recovery! (Hopefully!). :o)
Sandra

Sandra - posted on 02/17/2013

Georgina,

Thank you for the kind words. I do appreciate it. It is still "fresh" as this all just happened 3 days ago. On Valentines day, no less! So hard to see you're child in pain. As a Mothers instinct is to "fix" it.

I will keep you posted and you are correct the boys family loves my Daughter.

Thanks again. :o)

Georgina - posted on 02/17/2013

Hi Sandra,

Exactly the same thing happened to my girl. Her boy's mum was very fond of her and after he broke it off, the mum told her "he still loves you, I know he does". She kept in touch with my daughter and in my daughter's case, it helped alot that his family still cared for her. It is hard for boys at 16 - they think they are in love, but everything is happening at once, senior high school - girls girls and more girls. He may still have feelings for your daughter, but the desire to be "one of the boys" hanging out with mates and getting with random girls is pretty strong. At the end of the day, the boys mum must respect her son's wishes. To put things in perspective, my daughter is nearly 18 now and at a dinner the other night, I was looking at her younger sister 15, talking to 16 year old lad. They were mucking around and laughing and it shocked me to realise that my 18 year old and her bf were this age when they were in their "serious" relationship. I will definitely not allow my youngest daughter to do the same thing - way too young and too painful when it ends!

Sandra - posted on 02/17/2013

We are going through it now.

My 17 yr old Daughter BF of 4 months told her on Valentines Day that maybe they "rushed" into relationship & should be "friends."
And so it is hard as I know they really did love each other. I believe he started hanging out w/h old friends/old (not so good) influences.

They have not seen one another for 3 days and have texted very little. Thankfully my Daughter has good friends and confidence in herself. (She did NOT sit home this weekend)...but she has cried off & on. It is sad.

I think what bothers me most is he told my Daughter last night he still loves her. The Boys MOM texted my Daughter last night and told her that her Son
aid he still loves my Daughter. I have to admit that angered me. Why give my Daughter false hope?

When this all happened 3 days ago I did text his Mom as I know his parents are fond of my Daughter. She said she would talk to him... but to remember "he is only 16 and this is his first real GF."

Am I crazy? Should I text the Mom and ask her to not text my Daughter and tell my Daughter her Son says he "still loves" my Daughter? I just think if THAT were true they would be more respectful & agree to speak face to face.

I truly do not want my Daughter to be hurt anymore than she already has been. Advice please!

Vanessa - posted on 02/17/2013

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Mrs Vanessa PUCHI

Vanessa - posted on 02/17/2013

i saw a comment testifying of ashra great power and ability to re unit once love and ex lover so i copied its email and sent him an email and i he replied following all the instructions my husband is back with me now i want to thank the great ashra for helping me to cast a love spell that brought my husband back to me within 48hours of me contacting him,you can contact ashra on email address :ashraspelltemple@gmail.com or his personal phone number +2348131134346

Mrs Vanessa PUCHI

Georgina - posted on 02/16/2013

Hi Gina again. I just thought I would let you know not to stress too much about your daughter doing the same thing as was done to her. I think its pretty normal - my daughter has been keeping all other lads at arm's length since she had her heart broken. It's their way of protecting themselves from being hurt again. It's a very painful lesson we all have to learn. It will be good for her to focus on college and not a relationship at such a young age. My girl STILL has feelings for her ex - unfortunately, no other lad measures up in her eyes, even though she knows he's a liar and a cheat, she would have him back in a heartbeat if he said the word! She is going overseas for 6 months soon, so I hope she will see that there is a big world out there and she is really too young to really know what love is just yet.

Anderson121 - posted on 02/16/2013

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Gina - posted on 12/30/2012

Update to original post:

I've read through all the responses here and am thankful that so many of us experienced the same feelings. Sometimes we just need confirmation that we're not crazy to be able to deal with our children appropriately. As I mentioned a while back, after a few months, both myself and my daughter were fine and had moved on. I still think about this boy occasionally and wonder what he is up to but I found the best thing that helped me through it was to stop looking on FB and twitter and all the social media. She eventually deleted him and his friends from FB and it made a world of difference in helping her get through it. For all the other moms here who check their kids' social media, that is my best advice. Out of sight really is out of mind.

Having said that, my daughter is now at college and, unfortunately, has done the exact same thing her boyfriend did to her when he went away. It is not a proud moment for me. I know I should support her decisions but I just cant believe that she has treated someone exactly the same awful way that she was treated.

After she finally got over the first boyfriend, she began dating a wonderful guy. Everything was great, he treated her so well and I finally thought that she was happy again. When she left for school in September, they were still so close and skyped or messaged each other every day and made travel plans for the near future when they both got a break. After a couple of months she began telling me about all her new friends and she kept talking about one in particular, a boy. I knew right then that something was up. Then she started complaining to me about her boyfriend and finding tiny little things to make into a big deal. I suspect she was looking for a reason to break up with him so she could pursue the new guy. I told her of my suspicion and she, of course, resisted but then admitted that there was something there. My advice was that it is never a good idea to leave someone because the grass looks greener somewhere else. I reminded her of the pain she went through when her first BF did that to her. Well, she broke up with her BF a couple of days before Christmas. I am so ashamed of her. I know I raised her better than that. I feel awful for the ex-BF and cannot believe she could do this to him, knowing how it feels. I don't know what to do about it. She received a Christmas present in the mail from him that was obviously mailed before they broke up. She started crying and all I could say was "you got exactly what you wanted". I feel like such a biotch but I really cant believe what she has done. I know I should support my daughter and I cant force her to continue a relationship that she doesn't want to be in but OMG I just don't know what to do. Should I tell her that I think what she did was really mean and that I am ashamed of her? Any advice out there?

Lakota - posted on 12/21/2012

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA You all crack me up.

Debi - posted on 11/18/2012

Opps...also....he says he loves her and would take her back....but I just don't hink he gets the gist of why being and spending time wiht her best friend is such a big deal. Argh! This is just crazy.Add that to the oabove post. He also asks mewhat I think he should do...this is just weird! I don't know what to tell him. Any ideas??

Debi - posted on 11/18/2012

I am glad I saw this post. ANd glad I am not the only mom feeling such pain for my daughter. I feel the pain so much! My daughter broke off with her boyfriend a couple weeks into college. He is in college but in his hometown. SHe went away...but it is only a 45 minute ride and she is on campus. There's was a romance.....knew each other since kindergarten...but never hung around. For ninth grade they left the only school they ever knew.....and went to a different high school. The same high school. And in Sept of the 12th grade they became a couple. It was like a fairy tale really. He wrote a song for her and dedicated it to her in front of the entire school and professed his love for her. But it was like he loved the attention her got from all this. My daughter and he cared deeply about each other....but I always got the feeling he needed her to lean on.....as he is on the spectrum. He is also a musical savant. Withdrawn in crowds...but with My daughter..it really drew him out. Well she broke up...because she felt she needed space.She also wanted him to be a whole person without her .....and she needed to find herself too. She just didn't want to be seen as his girlfriend, but for herself. He would always show up in the middle of the week..with 10 minutes notice. It was really getting to her. So...She figured if it was meant to be...then it would happen no matter what.



Move ahead 3 months...he is now spending lots of time back home with my daughter's best friend...till like 4am. He says they are "just friends", and my daughter trusts this girl with her life. I find it all very disturbing.....but...experience is the greatest teacher. What can I do? I feel like I am in mourning....and now I see this train wreck ahead....and don't know what to do!Not only that....but a young man at school has his eye on her...and I don't really know his intentions...and my daughter is so inexperienced....and this "best friend" spends time with her at school....and I have a feeling she is "reporting" to her ex- boyfriend.My daugher still feels deeply about her ex....but wants to also try her wings at flying. Would any of you trust this "best friend" of hers? I try to keep my mouth shut.....(what do I know..right?) Any comments? I am hurting for my daughter! This is to hard.

Susan - posted on 11/08/2012

Hi again to all, and thanks again Georgina for your post. And you are so right Georgina,this breakup is consuming my every waking moment and is keeping me awake nights. I can't eat either. Why am I crying? Why am I so upset? I don't know how to deal with this, it's really consuming me. An update from 5 days ago on the breakup of my daughter and her bf. My daughter and the bf broke up on Sunday and i guess that it is for the best, yet i can't accept it. I really liked him and i thought they had the perfect relationship.Georgina, you were right in that her bf was taking the cowards way out. He didn't want to be with my daughter anymore, which i don't undersand -and your right it is driving me crazy not knowing the reason why. He was stringing her along for 2 months, really hurting her (I couldn't believe the abrubt and complete turnaround of his behavior, almost no communication/avoiding seeing her). Instead of talking to her, he behaved very badly towards her for 2 months and she finally had to end it because she couldn't take the pain. I'm guessing that's what his goal was. But why did he torture her for 2 months ?! I dont understand. She had begged and pleaded and told him his behavior was killing her. His very brief limited respones were/are heartbreaking. Anyway, after she left him the voicmail on Sunday morning, she went over to his house to drop off a letter that she wrote. I didn't know she had gone over, but found out later that evening that she went. I called the Mom the next day with the excuse that i hoped that my daughter didn't make a scene but really just wanted to talk to her.Im assuming this was not a good idea, but i couldn't stop myself. I already knew my daughter wouldn't cause a scene. The mom said her and her husband had a nice conversation with my daughter before she asked if she could leave a letter for him in his room. I pretended i didn't know why she went over, his mom said that she dropped off a letter to her son. I asked if she knew everything that happened (the breakup), she said no but she knew things weren't good between them. Of course i spoke up and said that whatever was going on started when college began, and he was ignoring her, not texting, not talking, and avoiding seeing her. I wasn't nasty, but i wanted to let her know. She offered that her son does not reveal his emotions, even to his own family. She also said that avoiding my daughter maybe was the only way he knew how to not hurt her. I really wanted to lash out at her about her son but i didn't. We talked for an hour, and she offered up some things saying maybe he just wants to be with his friends and she didn't think there was another girl at this point, but then again, he could have a new girl in a month too. I guess she was coming from the bf's perspective, also saying that he felt "twisted". She brought up that fact that she wished her daughter would break up with her bf of 4 years because her an her husband both hate him. She actually talked about that at length (she likes to talk). I think we spent more time discussing that than my daughter/her son. At one point, she admitted that she read the letter, I pretended that I didn't. She proceeded to tell me a general idea of what it said,saying that what she wrote was nice, none of it nasty (i had read the letter, it was a heartfelt love/sad/i'll miss you letter). She mentioned the end of the letter, where my daughter spoke about the if the bf ever realizing what they had, and if he loved her, and would be ready to try and really put his heart into it, maybe they could fight for it. She ended that letter with a simple "I'll miss you". The mom said maybe someday that there might be hope, or something like that. she also mentioned too bad they didn't start their relationship a few years from now, when they were older. I am so upset, I can't believe I can't even remember all the details of our conversation.I am not sure what i wanted to accomplish by talking to the mom, but it really has not made me feel any comfort. I feel as if i am trying to grasp at anything, non if it making this easier to bear. I can't talk to my husband, he doesn't really want to hear it. He says it's over, and thats it. Unfortunately for me, i can't let it go. How long am i going to go on like this??

I have resorted to checking her facebook, twitter and instgram, just obcessively looking at his posts/pics etc. I know i should not do this, but I can't stop. (i saw a pic of him 3 days afer the breakup, and it killed me that he looked so happy in the pic-he was standing next to his friend, and his comment on the pic said that it was the funniest part of their night). Why does this bother me so much that he looked happy?

My daughter's last communiction from him was a text saying that "Look, i don't know how to respond to your letter except that i am so sorry for everything i did to you" on the night she dropped off the letter. Her She texted him back saying that he "didn't have to respond, that his actions spoke louder than his words" and that she "meant every word in the letter".My daughter of course is devastated, totally heartbroken. I know she even thought they could get married one day (2+ years is a long time to date). I hope she will open up to me to talk one day, but for now she does not want to discuss it at all. I however feel a constant need to go over it/discuss it. She doesn't want me even to mention is name, or the fact that i feel so bad for her.They say that time heals all wounds, but i am finding that hard to believe. i don't know how to get thru this, when will the pain and heartbreak end?

Georgina - posted on 11/05/2012

Hi Susan,boy do I know just how you feel Sadly the BF seems to want some freedom, but doesn't want to hurt your daughter and is taking the cowards way out by stringing her along and hoping by avoiding the situation she will get sick of it and call it quits. Believe me I know how it feels, trying to analyse what's going on in his head, and I know you can't feel it now as the situation probably keeps you awake and night and consumes your every waking thought, but it is something that he has to work through. It's sad you both are so devastated, but I have been where you are now and wondering how long till things started to get back to normal. My daughter has just met the nicest boy, who picks her up to take her out to dinner etc and treats her like we all hope our daughters will be treated. She hardly gives the ex a second thought now and she has learned that honesty is way more attractive in a guy than a handsome face or hot body! Do yourself a favour and stop trying to fix it. What your daughter needs to do is cut him off completely. Let him run around and have his fun. Do not write him any letters and do not contact him. Tell her to find other interests. One day he will contact her to see what she's up to and don't be surprised if she doesn't find him attractive any more. Hopefully one day you'll look back and realise the experience although painful was a good thing for her. It may take awhile longer yet though, so just keep writing!

Susan - posted on 11/04/2012

Hi to all again, especially to Georgina:

you have posted words of wisdom and encouragement for these difficult situations that us mothers are involved with. I posted an update a few weeks ago regarding my daughters relationship with her bf falling apart for a 2nd time, and the heartache that i feel for my daughter. It's soo difficult to pull back and impossible not to feel the avalanche of emotions that my daughter feels.I think i am worse than she is, but she hides it well. I have to hide my feelings from my daughter, because it will not help her get thru this. Yet i sit here ready to vomit from the pain and anxiety again.She is keeping her hurt and pain bottled up and i am splling over into this forum. Now for the update: The bf didn't break up with her that Sat a few weeks back. They had a talk and he told her he loves her but was confused (there's that word again that i keep seeing repeated over and over again) and they decided they would "try". Yet immediately after things just seemed to get even worse. He texted even less, didn't ask/discuss/share details of their everyday lives as in the past. Its been one word text answers from him. She has reached out and practically begged him to talk to her to no avail. He made up excuses that he couldn't see her. She couldn't understand that he didn't seem to try at all. I saw the hurt and pain in her eyes as she told me she was watching her relationship die because he was not trying at all. She said he was just getting more distant than ever, not responding to her reaching out. She tried so hard to remain positive, getting shot down repeatedly.Of course i tried making up excuses for his behavior because i couldnt help myself. I wanted to believe/i wanted to fix it....It's just so sad, i couldn't help myself. Anyway it came to a head again when she caught him in his lst lie: He lied and said he had to work yesterday(Sat being the only day they saw each other, and the 2 Sats before that he had excuses, so she didn't see him those days either) He made the mistake of commenting on an instagram picture while he was supposed to be working. His sister happens to work in the same restaurant and my daughter texted her and of course she said he wasn't working.She found out he was with his main group of male friends (a girl had made a pie and he joked /asked if they could come over and have some pie; the girl was a mutual friend and my daughter asked her about it and she said they all came over and had pie) )She got angry, and this morning left him a voicemail (she told his sister she was doing it because she can't get him to meet or talk). I don't know what she said in the voicemail, other than she told me she was done, that lying was the last straw).I thought to myself, this is it we are done. (notice i said we)But he texted her back shortly. He stated he" thought that they would end up breaking up and i wasn't sure if i wanted to do that,but you do have the right to be mad and upset". "Cuz I have been such an ___hole lately and I'm sorry for that".. She responed:" If u didn't wanna break up why didn't u try instead of being an ___ and making things worse". he replied:"Because I didn't know what I wanted". She responded "Well what do u want" he replied:"It not fair for me to do this to you " That was their last communication from a few hours ago. I am guessing that his last comment is meant to be that it's over, but just not saying it.I am also guessing that their last few texts confused my daughter, but i don't know. I do know she had written a sad love/goodby letter a few days ago which she told me she was going to drop off to his sister while he wasn't home tonight. (she told me this after she told me she left him a voicemail). He has been stringing her along while he can't decide whether he wants her or not... She loves him so much she doesn't want to give up. What am i going to do? I am still going crazy over their relationship/the end of it? This obsession is nuts, but my heart is breaking yet again for my daughter. I can't eat or sleep. (which brings me to your comments Geogina:"I learned that daughters can cope with their own heartbreak and disappointment, it's when they have to prop up their mothers as well that things get harder! Good Luck xx " I keep re-reading that trying to accept it, but it's so hard.

Rachel - posted on 11/04/2012

It's effecting you because you love and care about your daughter. Even if it seems she's taking it well, you know she's still hurting and that hurts you.

I think you're doing everything you can for her. Being there for her is wonderful.

Anita - posted on 11/04/2012

My Name is tracy.I will love to share my testimony to all the people

in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and

she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4

weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never

picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her

facebook status from married to Single...when i went to

her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost

my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was

upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried

all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a

Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been

developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed

through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he

gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore

he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left

me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that

from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the

results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the

following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy

casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for

the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days

that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on

Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew

what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she

promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard

that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him

my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i

will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they

called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday

and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home

without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back

and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back

too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him

in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also

helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all

happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested

in meeting the man for help.you can mail him on this e-mail

obadamtemple@gmail.com i cant give out his number cos he told me

he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said

his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he

helped u out too..good luck obadamtemple@gmail.com

Anita - posted on 11/04/2012

My Name is tracy.I will love to share my testimony to all the people

in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and

she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4

weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never

picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her

facebook status from married to Single...when i went to

her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost

my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was

upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried

all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a

Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been

developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed

through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he

gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore

he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left

me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that

from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the

results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the

following day and i called him when i got home and he said he's busy

casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for

the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days

that is Thursday...My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on

Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew

what she's doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she

promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard

that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him

my wife called and he said i haven't seen anything yet... he said i

will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they

called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday

and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home

without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back

and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back

too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him

in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also

helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all

happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested

in meeting the man for help.you can mail him on this e-mail

obadamtemple@gmail.com i cant give out his number cos he told me

he don't want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said

his email is okay and he' will replied to any emails asap..hope he

helped u out too..good luck obadamtemple@gmail.com

Kathy - posted on 11/03/2012

Update - My 16 yr old daughter has been in a relationship with a boy now for about a month... He is very sweet and my daughter seems to like him a lot, although "progress" such as hand holding and kissing has been slow and my daughter gets frustrated with this. I am happy for her, but am constantly worried about her getting "bored" with him as she is not accustomed to the "slow beginnings". I have talked to her many times about communication between them and how important it is to tell each other one's feeling, likes or dislikes. I am very hopeful that it works out as she really does like him a lot. This is her 1st "real" relationship ever.

As far as me regarding my 1st post and my crazy feelings- with this relationship, I have somewhat fallen off the wagon with my emotions and once again feel like I am "obsessing" in every little detail she feeds me about her relationship. I "stalk" him on twitter as well as my daughter and feel "everything" she feels- I still do try to distance myself, but am finding it very hard to stay away?? I hate that I feel this way and with her going to college next year, I feel like these crazy emotions I have should stop. I really want to trust her that she makes the right decisions, but I can't help but give my 2 cents. Anyone else feel emotionally drained with teenagers and relationships? Sometimes, I feel like I am a teen again???? Ugh!

Georgina - posted on 11/02/2012

Hi Mary, so sorry that you and your daughter found out this. The boy lied or did not tell the truth because he did not want to hurt your daughter, and probably he didn't want to look bad in your eyes. Unfortunately from reading other posts, it appears to happen alot. Try not to talk about him with your daughter and she will move on quicker. My daughter has finally met another nice lad she is thinking about getting in a relationship with and when I told her to be careful not to jump in too quick and get her heart broken again - she replied "oh well, mum, it happens to everyone, if it happens, it happens" My problem is I am worried she is going to do the heart breaking this time! Best of luck to you both xx

Mary - posted on 11/02/2012

Update on our situation as the truth has come out over the last 3 weeks on Facebook and Instagram. This boy did break up with our daughter after ten months together over another girl. She suspected this from the start even though he was saying he was "confused" "don't know what I want" "want to spend more time with my friends" and "need space, don't want to go out so much." His mother, whom my daughter had formed a pretty close relationship with, even text her (and me) that she didn't know "what is wrong with him" and she was "more than certain" it was not another girl. She also stated that she just knew they would get back together. I feel that it started with the other girl even before he broke up with my daughter. They go to different schools; the girl he is now with goes to the same school he does so he could hide what they were doing. This girl put something on Facebook within 3 days of the breakup about how she was eating out with this boy and some other friends. Gradually it has come out that they are together until finally this week it showed up on her Facebook page that they are in a relationship. I heard through a friend that his mother was complaining at work that he has given this other girl his $400 class ring. She was upset about it and talking about what to do about it. He was not honest with my daughter and he misled her through the last part of their relationship. He lied outright and by omission and did not tell her the real reason he was breaking up with her. I am glad that he did not immediately let it out on Facebook etc that he was going with this other girl, so I will give him credit for that. She is moving on and working to try and reconnect with girl friends that went by the wayside while she was with this boy. It has still been very painful and upsetting. I pray for her that her heart will heal and be whole again and she will continue to move forward with lessons learned, that I can get all of this off my mind because if I let myself I can be obsessive about it and how my daughter has been hurt by this guy.

Cassandra - posted on 10/27/2012

I am going through similar issues with my daughter. She's 15, she was with her boyfriend for several years and she had a baby to him last year when she was 14. The breakup was very nasty and he and his family have been horrible to her and have done nothing for the baby. She is devastated. None of us can get over the fact that he's been spreading lies about her and the baby, he has nothing to do with him, and he doesn't help support him at all. I have had to step in and tell her exboyfriends father that he is to have no contact with my daughter. He thinks it's ok to get in her face and yell at her and threaten to take the baby away. The whole situation is insane and I've been doing all I can to support her. I've been financially taking care of the baby since birth and have helped raise him, obviously since she still lives at home due to her age. it's a hard thing to see your child go through their first true heart break. I just want to protect her and the baby from any hurt.

Michelle - posted on 10/25/2012

Jana,

I am trying to figure out how to start a new thread of messages between us! So glad you posted here! i was getting worried!!!

Michelle

Jana - posted on 10/24/2012

Michelle,

I can't get any messages to post to you. Can you send me one on a new thread?

Jana

Beth - posted on 10/16/2012

Wow ladies, i am so happy to finally be running across this website, and this discussion. Laura, I too have a daughter in college, and your story truly hits home. She is now a sophmore and after being in a relationship with a guy since last year and even surviving the summer, switching houses, (one weekend his, the next ours). She is choosing the new girlfriends along with the partying over him. I too am devistated and crying. I don't understand, the throwing away of something so special for the fun of going out with the girls. I tried numerous times to drive the point home, of knowing these girls for a few hours why are they more important now? or the fact of when they get boyfriends they won't be around. or even past graduation in two years again they will be gone. Why not cling to the one that you claimed was "the one"?! Ready to move in together and with in a weeks time that was gone?! Yes i am angry at her and feel horrible for him. She calls and starts ranting about the great time with the girls or posting the pics, i don't want to hear it. I truly hope i can get past this, i don't want to continue to be angry but just not sure how?

Georgina - posted on 10/16/2012

Hi Susan,



OMG I know how you must be feeling - the relief of them getting back together, only to have it happen again. I am sorry to say that by the way he is brushing your daughter off and talking about being "confused" etc that it is possible he finds himself attracted to another or other girls now that he is at college. Things are alot different when they leave high school, a wider range of friends becomes available. The only thing you can tell your girl is that they are both changing and it's impossible at this time to say how things will turn out. He obviously still has feelings for your daughter, otherwise they would not have got back together, but 3 years is a long time to be in a relationship at that age, and he may want his freedom for awhile. Young lads find it hard to communicate about relationships and feelings and he may not want to hurt her again, so he's just making himself scarce. To see your girl heartbroken again is so hard, but do you know, that second time around, she may not be as devastated as the first - just tell her that if he does not want to be with her, he is showing very poor judgement. Why should she feel bad if he can't organise himself to spend time with her? It's his loss. However, the ball is in his court - tell her to give him space he wants and she should find other interests for awhile. She may just find some new friends and have some freedom herself and start to like it. I would just thank my lucky stars that "things changing" and the "confusion" happened now and not 5 years or so into a marriage with children. There is always a reason that people in relationships break up - the relationship has served its purpose and there is a lesson to be learned, or there is someone right for her waiting in her future. My daughter's bf played the "confused" and "feelings changed" card which was just code for "I care about you but I want to get with other girls". Try not to get too involved, Susan, I learned that daughters can cope with their own heartbreak and disappointment, it's when they have to prop up their mothers as well that things get harder! Good Luck xx

Laura - posted on 10/13/2012

Hi all,

This post is so amazing. I am so upset and concerned over my daughters breakup with her boyfriend of three years. They are at the same college and live in the same apartment building and I have been so stressed and worried about it. They were truly a special pair but the atmosphere at college did them in. I can't stop crying because every time she goes out with her girlfriends there are so many pictures posted on facebook with her having a great time with other guys in the photos. I just feel this is so cruel. She doesn't see how this can be devastating for her ex boyfriend just 2 or 3 weeks after the breakup! I can't seem to get through to her. We are also good friends with his family and we sincerely care about him. I am so devastated about this and I too, am wondering why? Also I feel like my daughter is going a bit wild and this whole thing has me so upset !

Nancy - posted on 10/13/2012

Yes mama it's normal very much so :-/

Every relationship she had,my daughter somehow

It affects me as well.

Once I felt so bad for a boy that SHE broke up with,

It's had me wonder what's wrong w me lol but it's all

Under realms of normal.

3 years is a long relationship, you bonded and this will affect

You and any normal mother.

My daughter age 16, will be 17 in 2 mos now has a boyfriend

Of 2 mos almost.... This is the 2nd relationship that's lasted

More than a week or two. She never wanted a relationship enjoyed

Being ""free"" ""independant"" but she's falling for this young man

And I worry..... I tell her my advice and we can only

Be there for them... They live learn hurt etc

It's tough :(

Susan - posted on 10/13/2012

Hi to all again,

I really need some help. I think I am about to lose my mind from being involved with my daughter's relationship with her bf. I had posted originally back in March about their breakup, then again when they got back together. Now it seems, he is about to break up with her for the second time and I can't believe how much anxiety, dread and pain that I am feeling. Things seemed ok after they got back together (they were on a "break" as he put it for almost a month and got back together). However, the last few weeks he has pulled away from my daughter. I noticed it, and unfortunately for me, I started reading her texts. This has pulled me into their relationship to the point where I can't eat or sleep. I feel so anxious, like I am constantly about to be sick. This is devastating me; I feel like I can't help my daughter. I want her to have this boy in her life; it's like an obsession that I want her to be happy with him. She doesn't want to talk about it, but I know too much from secretly reading her texts. This is the recent events:



They had only spent Sat nights together when they got back together, he had wanted to spend Fri with his friends. However, he had always did sweet texts to say hello every morning ie: "hi beautiful", "morning sweetie" etc.. and would say "I love you" and other nice goodnight texts. Then just a few weeks ago, he just started saying "goodmorning" or "good afternoon". He stopped texting cute things that she liked so much, stopped texting as much (they used to text a lot, even though she saw him only on Sats).Sometimes not even saying goodnight. He also wouldn't meet up with my daughter when she asked to go grab a bite to eat, saying he was too busy. His texting became less frequent and my daughter seemed to be almost begging him for time/attention. My daughter finally said something to him over text about a week ago; telling him she didn't understand why he seemed to be pulling away (she talked about the change in his texting, him rejecting her attempts to meet with him, him not having the time to talk to her etc). His response was that he was "confused" that "something had changed" that he had "mixed feelings". She got upset at his response and asked "where does that leave us?" He responded "i don't know, what do you think?". She said she didn't know. He said "same here".She said she can't go on like this, basically saying she feels hurt and wants to talk about it. She has wanted to meet with him to talk but he said he hasn't had time. They are both lst year college students going to local, but separate colleges. They both work at local restaurants waiting tables (different restaurants). My daughter has confided to me a little of these recent events; but i know more then she realizes.I explained to her that the transition from high school to college can be tough, and that he is busy and that he must be feeling a lot of pressure, college is a big change. College is alot harder than high school. It requires more of your time to study etc. I told her to talk to him and try to work through it with him.I don't know what to tell her, I think I might even be giving her false hope because I want them to be together. I know this is wrong, but it's part of my obsession. Well, today is Saturday and last night she texted him about them talking today. He responded yes, but when she asked him when he said he had to go pumpkin picking with his family and help out his friend after. the tone of their texting was not good, she pressed on asking when he would be able to, he finally said "i don't know, maybe after pumpkin picking, maybe 4?" I can't believe he wouldn't even commit to a time; neither could my daughter. They have always spent Sat evenings together for the most part; this had to hurt my daughter deeply. He seemed to be saying he didn't have the time to talk. I think he is going to break up with her. I can't handle this. My heart is breaking all over again, as I know hers is.What is wrong with me? And what do I do for later today? (my daughter is at work now). To make matters worse, all but one of her friends are away at school. And I found a note she wrote him (written a day or two ago) about how much she loves him and would spend the rest of her life with him and doesn't understand why he doesn't want to work things out. It's a very sad love letter, saying that she will always love him and miss him. I am guessing she plans on giving it to him when she sees him. I have a feeling in the pit of my stomach that is unbearable. I know my daughter must be suffering, and it's killing me. I just don't know what to do, how to get through this. Like I said, I can't handle this, I need help.

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Georgina - posted on 10/03/2012

Hi Mary,



Your daughter's situation sounds so much like mine, it's scary. You have hit the nail on the head when you said you were worried that they were so young to be getting so emotionally invested. This is the whole problem - we know in our heart of hearts that despite how mature and in love they seem, they are still only so young and the odds are against them staying together forever. We know it is all for the best that they have the experience and learn from it, but what hurts them absolutely kills us because we can't fix it! The boys especially are easily influenced by others at that age e.g. their parents or mates. I am sure some mothers when they find out their sons are so involved so young, would be worried about them getting a girl pregnant or something, protentially ruining their lives. I was certainly worried about this for my own son. Your daughter's bf may have found himself attracted to someone else momentarily and is just confused about his feelings. My daughter's bf was a goodlooking, football player who had lots of girls swooning around him. He professed undying love for her , but she was told that went to a party without her one night, got drunk and cheated with another girl. That was something that we couldn't imagine he would ever do, and he still denies it, I think because he doesn't want everyone to know. I wanted to kill him for betraying our trust too, but had to admit that my girl was immature too, though - even though she professed to be madly in love with her bf, she thought it was fun to make him jealous by talking to other boys on fb. Luckily she kept up with her friends, so when it ended with the boy, she had a support network.



Yes you will both miss him and it hurts there is no closure because neither of you know what happened. Just be there for your daughter if she wants to talk - it's between the two of them and you just have to play it cool and wait for him to let her know what's going on. This could take some time, but he will either come back or he won't - it's completely up to him and out of your hands. Try not to talk about him with her too much - give her a chance to make some new friends without thinking about him and you may just find she is gets over him quicker than you think! And believe me as soon as SHE starts to move on and find other interests, so will YOU. It took awhile for my daughter to stop missing her boy and the loss of companionship, but is now learning about how important honesty is in a person.Good Luck xx

Mary - posted on 10/02/2012

I found this board by searching on the internet for advice on what to say to my daughter. She is 16 and her 16 year old boyfriend of 11 months told her last night that he was not sure what he wanted and that he needed a break. I am literally feeling like an extension of what she is going through, feeling part of the pain she is experiencing. I knew it would upset me but did not expect to feel like this, like I am in the relationship as well.



We have been concerned over the past few months as we could see how emotionally invested she was becoming in the relationship. They spent a lot of time together, talked or text on the phone all the time, and casually talked about events in the future such as his school prom next spring and what they would wear to it. They go to 2 different high schools, he is in their football court that is coming up pretty soon and she had been making plans for a while to go to it with him and watch. Not getting to do all of this kind of thing, plus just the loss of companionship and friendship and a certain sort of status he has given her is an additional huge blow. She did very little with other girls, really almost nothing, and it was all centered around hanging out with him so this leaves a huge empty spot in her life in several different ways.



They are so young and I was worried about how it would be if they broke up and how she would deal with it, even though I knew that chances are it would happen sooner or later due to their age. And now it has happened. She is so upset and seeking for reasons about why. Everything seemed as usual up until a few days ago. Last night when he told her he asked her not to tell anyone and to leave everything on face book as it was for now. This in a way sounds like he really is unsure of what he wants, or maybe doesn't want to deal with everyone at school asking him about it. But I don't want her hanging on just waiting on him to decide he does want to get back with her either.



He also seemed to be emotionally invested. He gave every appearance of being mature for his age, responsible, polite, helpful, considerate, and so on. Everyone who knew him would make comments about what a nice boy he is as soon as they heard his name. We also thought he was a nice boy. He did become almost like a family member over this past almost-year. He went places with us, was at the house, when we went out to eat he was included like other family members. I really will miss his being around. He is a nice young man but I would like to kick/punch him at the same time for hurting our daughter.



I am trying to listen, be supportive, and not give specific advice. I am afraid that if anything I tell her turns out to not be for the best that this will be guilt on me and blame from her. This is so hard, I just want to fix things for her and fix it so she is not hurt. But I know that is impossible. Being a parent of a teenager is so difficult. Our son got his feelings hurt really badly by the same girl two times (she broke up with him twice) and he really cared deeply for her. The last time was probably 7 months ago. He has not shown any real interest in any other girls since then - like he can't get this one out of his mind.



I keep telling myself they are young, this is part of growing up, this is part of maturing, preparing for future relationships, time will heal, if these relationships are right they will work out eventually. But in the meantime I just want to fix it so my kids don't get hurt. It helps some to see that so many others are dealing with this too and can give good support and advice. I am concerned for my daughter.

Georgina - posted on 09/29/2012

Hi Shawna,



I am so sorry your daughter has been through such a difficult time. An experience like that is bound take its toll. Unfortunately it seems that she has trust issues because of the first guy and was taking out all her hurt and frustration on the new guy. She's just trying to protect herself from getting hurt again. You could try getting her some counselling to help her see what a creep the first guy was and how she dodged a bullet by getting rid of him. Its a shame for the new guy, but it may take some time for her to put it behind her and learn to fully trust a boy again. And I know how much it hurts for you as her mum to watch and not be able to fix things for her. All you can do is offer unwavering support as her family whenever she needs you. Good Luck xx

Shawna - posted on 09/29/2012

I'm truly happy to find out that I'm not crazy, and there are other mothers out there that feel the same way that I do. My daughter who is now 21 has had a couple of serious relationships, the first one when she was 17 almost 18 she dated a young man that unfortunately everyone in our family, including my husband hated this guy. Even though he seemed nice, came from a good and loving family, drove a nice car, had a good job, there was something in my guts that just didn't sit right. I detested this character and I had no issues saying so. But she was head over heels in love with this guy, or so she thought. The more I commented on my displeasure of him the more it seemed to drive her right to him. Eventually, I caved and realized that I was not going to be able to destroy this relationship, so I may as well just accept it. Well, it didn't take long and my daughter finally, after a year, got rid of this idiot, and believe me I was so happy I could barely contain myself. However, the down side was he had done a ton of damage to her self esteem. I later found out, he had cheated on her,hit her, ridiculed her in front of his friends, and on FB. The things she told me only confirmed my gut instincts about this creep. The saddest part was she gave all of herself to him and it devastated her so badly she tried to take her own life. Even while she lay in the hospital, I tried to contact him, and all he could say was, he was busy getting ready to go on holidays. He never came to the hospital to see her, console her, nothing. I wanted to strangle this kid. She got help and eventually moved on.

She stayed single for a very long time until she met this guy whom we all liked including my husband. He was kind, big hearted, didn't drive a fancy car, or even live in a fancy house,he lived with his elderly grandparents, in a very old house that needed a lot of work. His parents had split when he was young and his mother was living with a guy that wasn't exactly the greatest pick, but all in all he had a tight close relationship with his mother and the rest of his family,including his blood father. His older brother was handicapped, and watching him take care of his brother was amazing, I loved this kid and his family. The only part I didn't care for was, he was slightly on the lazy side, had a bit of a past nothing overly serious but did some stupid things in high school like most of us, plus he had the tendency to tell white lies to build himself up. Which I knew it was because he was insecure about where he lived, compared to where we lived. Most importantly, you could tell he loved my daughter to death. Maybe too much so, as he sometimes was a bit smothering. Sadly, he wasn't totally honest about his past, and one of his jealous friends decided to enlighten my daughter, it was nothing super serious just something he had done when he was in high school, at a party ,where he had too much to drink. My daughter who of course was totally honest about everything in her life and still feeling the hurt, anger and pain from a previous relationship, went totally off the deep end. He tried everything to convince her what he did was a mistake, he was young, stupid etc. I saw a side of my daughter that scared me. She was mean, cruel, vindictive, angry, accused him of being a freak because when he was 18 he dated a 16 year old. She was vicious. He became depressed, would sleep all the time which made her even angrier, he gained weight and this made her mad. She would say horrible things to him and it was embarrassing, but he hung in there. When she had a cyst burst and was in terrible pain he sat with her at the hospital and never left her side, when she swallowed a vitamin the wrong way and was taken to hospital in an ambulance he was so scared he rushed over to be with her, wipe the vomit from her mouth, cover her up when her gown would slip down, it was touching to watch.

New Years 2012 sadly, the relationship ended, because she said she couldn't handle some of the things he had done in his past, his weight, the way he smothered her etc. Since then, I worry about her constantly. I pray that she comes around and forgives him, his past has nothing to do with how he felt about her. He still cares about her, and she has confided to me very recently that she still cares about him. she has remained single, and he claims he is single too, except my daughter found some pictures of him on the internet with some girl, nothing serious, but she exploded, and now figures he's lying, even though he swears he has no one serious in his life.

So close to a reconciliation, yet so far. My heart aches for both of them. When she was with him, even though I know she was abusing him because of her past relationship, he hung in there, and I trusted him, I could sleep nights knowing he would take care of her. No he wasn't perfect, yes he was slightly lazy, yes he did have the tendency to tell half truths, mostly because he was afraid of upsetting her or having her flip out on him, but when he told me straight to my face he did some wrong things in his life, things he regretted but couldn't change, and was ashamed of. I believed him, and I believed him when he said he loved my daughter very much and would rather cut off his right arm than hurt her. Since then he has lost weight, got a job, and is in college.If I say anything good about him, or stick up for him she gets angry with me and thinks I'm living vicariously though her. I have remained friends with his mother and family they are good people. I feel that her previous relationship when she was 17 has destroyed her, made her angry and mean and it scares me to death. So I join all you other mothers, and say no we are not crazy, we love of daughters and would die for them, and we hurt like hell for them. Even though they will never understand, until one day they are mothers themselves.

Georgina - posted on 09/20/2012

We all have such similar stories to tell, don't we? We all cannot believe that we are so caught up in our teenager's love life and are feeling it so badly! Yes, I am the one who posted that I have been upset about this for 2 years - so I must be doubly nuts! But there are so many emotions invovled and for me because my daughter was so young, I guess it's like going through all the stages of the grieving process, sad about her loss of innocence and sad about losing the boy who was also part of our family. And sad that she has completely changed and is no longer the carefree funloving girl she once was. I do not agree with the poster who said that we may feel this way because something similar happened to us when we were young, this was not so in my case. However, something happened the other day finally put things into perspective for me. I was at a birthday dinner and my youngest daughter 14yrs was talking to a male friend from school, he was 15. I was shocked to realise that my heartbroken daughter and her ex were this age when they met, claimed they were deeply in love and started talking about having children! Mere babes! My daughter and her ex had finally reached a stage where they were friends and still contacting each other occasionally for birthdays etc. However she saw him out the other day with a group of his friends and he completely ignored her! She has no idea why, but at least its made her realise not to bother about him anymore. I do hope you mums who feel as fiercly for your heartbroken children quickly get to the acceptance stage and there will come the time when you find yourselves not even thinking about it. It depends on the circumstances and it takes longer for some than others. xx

Rhonda - posted on 09/20/2012

I totally understand what you are going through, I am in the same boat, My daughter had been dating this guy she is 16 and her is 19 turning 20 tomorrow, and his mom is really sick, with brain cancer,. My daughter has been there for him and his mom and his whole family think she is great. He just resently told her he wants to live life and is not ready for a serious relationship.

My daugther is heart broken and so am I my husband and I welcomed him into our home. I am even thinking about sending him something fro his birthday tomorrow, so how crazy am I

Tamara - posted on 09/17/2012

Oh my goodness! I thought that I was completly nuts, too! I finally decided to google about this struggle and was astounded to see that what I am going through is not unusual.



My daughter became friends with a boy when she was 14 and he was 15. They hung out in groups and finally told each other that they liked each other. We had casually met his parents at church a few times but when his mom came to pick him up at our home one evening, she made it clear that although she new that they were crazy about each other, they were only to be frends. Unfortunately for my husband and I, we were not preared for "the talk" and felt that she was too direct and was unwilling to discuss how we could handle this situation as parents.She wanted him to have lots of "friends" and left our house having made her point quite clear.



The friendship progressed with constant texting and the more our daughter got involved with him, the more my heart did too. Checking her FB, reading her texts with the intent of "monitoring the situation" drew me into the relationship like I never expected.



My daughter was having bullying/isolation issues at school and since he was homeschooled, he had time to text her and keep her encouraged throughout her day at school. He was so attentive and kind and sweet and respectful that I thought that he was perfect for her. He brought out the best in her.



The problems began when his parents (mother) began to mix in, reading their texts and taking issue with him sending her heart emoticons and expressing his feelings to her. She would manipulate when he would and would not get to see her so that my daughter would never know what was truly going on in their relationship.



7 months later (she is now 15, he is almost 16) he told her that he loved her so much, that he would miss her sooo much and that he would give her the biggest hug ever when he got home. Then he went to work at a summer camp for 5 weeks. Just before he left, he told her that his mom had taken his phone and read all their texts about how in love they were with each other but told her that he would contact her when he got to camp to tell her what happened. The message never came. After three weeks of anxious waiting, my husband told her to message him to just say hi. No answer. She messaged a few days later and told him they needed to talk. He finally replied asking her what they needed to talk about. She was so frustrated and sent him a heated message on FB.



Before he left for camp, he gave her access to his facebook account. She never heard back from him on this heated e-mail so I told her to check his account to see if he had even read it. He had not so she was able to delete it. I then encouraged her to look to see if he had posted any pictures from camp that she could not see on the regular feed. As I suspected, there was a photo of him and another girl on the dock with his arm around her. She then knew why she had not heard from him. We were physically sick. She immediatley unfriended him from FB. My heart was broken as much as hers. I had so much respect for him that I could not believe my eyes.



She had 2 weeks to recover before he came home but knew she had to confront him with this info. She wrote him a story about their relationship and about how she knew he found someone else. It was such a beautiful letter it made me cry. He came home and finally 2 weeks later (after thinking through things, talking to his parents and praying about it) he finally messaged her an apology. He told he that what he did was selfish, rude and does not know why he did not contact her while he was away. He thought that they were getting too physical (holding hands) and that is why their relationship was broken up. He also said that although he became close friends with this other girl, the picture had been posed. They were just friends. He hoped that my daughter and he could still be friends.



She messaged back her acceptance of the apology but that relationships don't break up just because they go a little wrong. You back up, see where you went wrong and work together to go a different direction etc. It was so mature in thought that it amazed my husband when she read it to him. He did not reply to her letter before they had to meet up at youth for the first time in 2 months. They have a strong group of friends that they hang with so she made sure that she looked her best, was friendly with the rest and hung out as usual, ignoring his dark mood. The more the night wore on the more depressed he got. He tried to play footsies with her on the bus but she pulled away. He followed around behind her during the whole event but could not talk to her. She kept her cool and had a blast with the rest of the group.



A few days later, he finally messaged her that he wanted to meet with her and talk in person so last Wednesday they met after Youth and he apologised to her, said that the summer was very stressful and that things did not go well at camp for various reasons. The reason, he said, that he was so depressed at the youth event is that he can't forgive himself for what he did to her. He gave her 2 big hugs like he used to.



2 days later he texts her to see if she is attending a certain meeting. He says that he is too but at the meeting he just hangs with her best friend and says nothing to her. Next day he messages her to see what she did for the day. She answers back within the hour but then he reads the message and doesn't respond for 2 hours all the while she can see him back and forth with her girlfriends on FB. By the time he comments to her, she is frustrated an angry and says she is going to bed. He tells her that he is there for her if she ever wants to talk. Next day, she sees on FB in a post by his friend that he and this friend are going to the movies with "girl from camp" along with another girl.



So here is my question. She comes to me to listen and offer advice. Because my heart is broken, too, I end up talking too much and telling her what she does not want to hear. I tell her that he is sending her mixed messages and that he is giving her scraps of his time. He has moved on. She does not understand how he can love her and care for her for so long and then not feel anything at all. Do these boys ever miss what they had? My daughter is much cuter than this new girl (and that is not just a mom feeling this) but I realize that he has had 5 weeks of facetime with this other girl and that it takes more than looks to hold a guy. My daughter is sweet and mature and kind and not mean and all the things that a boy could respect in a girl so she finds it so hard to understand why he would do this to her.



So, I have told her to be friendly but stay away from him and give him space. She will be seeing him at youth about 2 times per week. If he wants the relationship back, he will persue her. She is desperate to have him back as a friend but he has not sent her a friend request on FB. She just want to send him an angry message to tell him if he wants to still be friends, he is should man up and be a friend. I told her that it would only make her look like she is chasing him. Am I right in giving this advice?



This morning the topic came up again at breakfast. I tried to listen and be objective but this is coming in between us. Do boys ever realize what they missed and come back or are they too immature? Why is he sending her these mixed messages. We both need to know but are afraid of the answers. Our hearts are hurting and it seems like our life is revolving around this issue and we can't get on with things as he has never come straight out and told her that his feelings have changed. Can they ever go back to being "just friends".....



Believe me, I don't ever want to have my heart in this situation again. I want her to learn healthy ways to deal with relationships but in trying to teach her, I am getting all caught up!! :(

KIM - posted on 09/16/2012

I've lost the entire post, GOOD LORD IN HEAVEN, will you please help find part 1 of what i wrote to this loving mother who I can completely relate to.... For BOTH OF US! Dear God, please find and post it for me. It's lingering somewhere in cyberspace, that's not too far from you, ya know...right?! Thank you Lord and inJesus name I pray this....AMEN. 0:-/

KIM - posted on 09/16/2012

First, if you think you're nuts, you're not alone dear. I have yet to even read any of the others comments cuz I saw this and (now I'm even a registered member of CO thanks to your post) because I wondered momentarily if my 17 year old perhaps was playing around... Pretending she was me and knowing how I feel about her first bf relationship! However, there are a few differences. But this is your story so I'd just wanted to offer my support and respectively tell you what I think.

We all want good for our children(even when they're adults, right? We also have all our heart-broken at least once. That said, perhaps subconsciously you're reacting based on a past exp you had tht was hurtful. Far beneath moms understanding patient, gentle and nurturing exterior lies a raging fierceness in our mind/heart/soul (whatever you want to call it). Feel blessed for your closeness to your girl and if she doesn't now, one day your daughter will reflect on these times and KNOW how you would do anything in the world for her. Not ALL mothers have the above mentioned nature about them, hence the reason I want you to FEEL blessed.

Strikingly similar to a situation of my own, just allow me a little time, plz. Respectfully, Kim(nickname Kip) P. I'll be posting again, plz look for part 2.... Sorry for inconvenience! Of ourse

SUZANNE - posted on 09/15/2012

Please someone tell me that I won't be harboring this pain for the lost love of my daughter for two years! That is what one poster wrote. I hope my daughter meets someone wonderful and mature when she is ready. My husband keeps telling me he was not up to her caliber. She got him ontrack at school (he was practically fluc=nking and smoked pot). Now he is off to college and really seems to be doing ok. He freely admits she got him on track. I almost wish they had never met so I dont' have to feel this depressed. Is there someone that got thru this faster out there?

SUZANNE - posted on 09/15/2012

Thank you to the last person who wrote he may be a distant memory in 6 months! I am going thru my daughter's breakup too. I can't explain the emotional pain, it just seems so irrational but it is very real to me. They broke up after lmost two years the night before he left for college. She is going away to college to but hers didn't start for three weeks. It was a horrible three weeks for her (and I). She is now away at school but still misses him and every time she mentions it, it is like a knife thru my heart. I know this will take a long time to heal. I thought of him as part of our ffamily too. They had such fun together and were so comfortable. He adored her I thought. I know he needs to sew his wild oats but it just seems men can turn it off like a switch and women can't. He had not called her since he left, she called him a couple times the first and second day and he siad she was making it hard for him to move on! Wow, this was supposed to be a time they explore other people and then if it is meant to be they will get back together. Yikes, I just want to forget I have a daughter sometimes, beccause the unfinished open end is killing me. I know they are young and if it's meant to be it will but I wish I could fast forward time to know one way or the other. Want to tell her to forget him altogether. I keep running into his family everywhere now. They adore my daughter and the mom keeps asking me to do things, ughh. It's too painful and now I fell like cutting her off too. Guess time passing will help. It's part this and part empty nest so I am getting my real estate license and getting busy. I laughed at the one mom's comment about listening to world news to get her mind off it. That is what I am doing too. My problems are so small in the big scheme of things.

Georgina - posted on 09/12/2012

Hi Lyn, I know how you are feeling watching your daughter struggle with this situation. The other teenagers in her group are immature and fickle and most of them will not have been in a relationship for that long, so don't understand how your daughter is feeling, or how the boy has become part of your family. They probably just think that she should "get over it" or "move on", as everyone told my daughter when this happened to her. The boy was young and it was easy for him to become part of your family and you to become friends with his mum because of his young age. As he gets older, they change and it starts to become more important what their mates think. I have now learned my lesson - when my youngest daughter 14 starts asking if a boy can come over the answer is NO. These days there is too much pressure placed on teenagers to be sexy, they have too much freedom in the form of facebook, mobile phones etc. It doesn't matter how nice the boy is, how respectful, how much you like him as part of your family, at that age they are immature and are only learning about relationships too. Too much emphasis is placed on how people look, and it is common place to girls and guys to "get with" other girls and guys that are "hot", whether they are in a relationship or not. They are too young to be in a relationship with all these temptations and too young to deal with the emotions that happen when it ends. It's funny that we as mothers of daughters look at boys as suitable mates for their daughters to marry one day, because we don't want them running around with too many boys, but as mothers of sons, we know deep down that they will probably be better off "sowing their wild oats" before they settle down one day! It is hard to say what is the best course of action if things don't improve for your daughter at school - in my daughter's case, she wanted to go to a different school to get a new start, but she was lucky that some of her close friends were very supportive and she stayed. I know it doesn't feel like it now for both of you as you are both dealing with the loss of a "family member", but in reading these posts, we realise that it happens alot with teenagers! I too was friends with my daughters bf's mum, but after they split, she didn't seem keen to stay in touch. I was disappointed, because I really wanted to understand what happened. Your best bet is to spoil your daughter - take her shopping and to get her hair done and keep her busy or start pursuing other interests with her. She will meet new people this way. Try not to get too involved in her breakup, just be there if she wants to talk to you. I made lots of mistakes trying to "fix things" for my daughter, and I'm sure now if I had just kept my opinions to myself, she would have been over it quicker! 2 years after my daughter was devastated by a similar situation, she is about to finish high school. She has not had any luck finding a boy she likes as much as her ex, but this is a good thing! She now realises she is free to go out and travel. Who knows, if they are meant to be, they may get together again one day when they have both gone out and had life experience and their relationship will be the better for it. Without wanting to be rude about it, I sing my girls that old Captain and Tenile song "my momma told me "you better shop around, don't you be sold on the very first one..." You will be in for abit of a rough ride for awhile yet, Lyn. Keep reading these posts - it does help to know that other mums are having the same feelings as you. xx

Lynn - posted on 09/12/2012

I am so glad I found this site. My daughter broke up with her boyfriend last spring after a year and a half of dating. She was devastated but I think they both needed space and werent sure how to end it. The really hard part now is that while they were together they shared the same circle of friends. After the split, they left her out of many invitations for places which doubled the hurt. I really liked him and felt he was the kind of boy you want your daughte to marry someday. I am also have become good freinds with his mom.

She separated herself from the group, tried to make new friends over the summer but now these girls are searching out the more popular girls to hang out with. Now my daughter feels "dumped" by more than her boyfriend and its breaking me apart to witness this. I got about 3 hours of sleep last night. Through all of this I have been supportive and a lsitening ear which has helped us bond (not easy with a 16 year old girl). I know we will get through this but I feel as badly as she does right not. Thanks for posting at least I dont feel alone in this

Michelle - posted on 09/10/2012

Glad my posts were helpful...I'm still working on taking my own advice lol!

Michelle

Lori - posted on 09/07/2012

I am so glad that i found this site.I really thought there was something wrong with me.My daughter just broke up with a boy that she was dating for 1 year.He was at my house more than his own.I treated him just like a son.Now i can not seem to get it off my mind.I worry about him all the time because his parents are just there they do nothing for him.He became part of our family.I have been looking at both there twitter accounts to see what's going on.She broke up with him and he is heartbroken.Am i crazy?