Teenage Daughter Breakup - Feeling her pain

Gina - posted on 08/27/2011 ( 164 moms have responded )

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A week ago, my 17 year old daughter's boyfriend broke up with her. He has been away at college the past year and she is still in high school. There were new experiences that he was having - drinking, parties, clubs (etc.). He was a shy, studious guy back home and seemed to her that he was changing into a different person at college. It didn't help that Facebook pictures kept popping up of him at clubs, him drunk, him with a bunch of girls. She sort of had to witness this but he never talked about his life there. (FB can be such a problem that way). I think his behaviour is typical and I tried to gently warn her before he went away that changes would happen. He did come home every couple of weeks as the college is not far. But he never invited her to visit. Anyway, when he was home, everything was wonderful for her and he was back to his old self. I know he is just finding himself and I don't fault him for anything. I feel he broke up with her so that he could experience college fully so to speak, and not have to worry about a girlfriend getting mad at him. Totally understandable. But of course he didn't say that to her. He said he was doing this for her...he wanted to stop "hurting" her. She doesn't understand this and is of course hurt but seems to be handling it ok. We talk about it often and I'm just being supportive, keeping her busy, etc. So here is the problem...I am devastated. What is up with that? What is wrong with me? This kid has been in our life for three years. I am friends with his parents. Why should this breakup be affecting me? I'm trying to figure out why this response is happening to me? Am I taking on my childs hurt so she wont be so hurt? It is almost like her getting an injury but the pain transfers to me. When she was a small child and fell down or something, I actually felt kind of a uterine contraction. This is so weird. Anybody else ever experience this sort of transferrance of pain? Any advise for a nutcase mom who seems to live vicariously through her daughter? Thanks.

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Kim - posted on 07/13/2013

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I'm struggling just now with my daughters broken heart , she was dumped by her 1st boyfriend after 7 months , although I was not exactly happy at the start of the relationship with her being so young , but agreed to it so that she wouldn't hide it from us. She is an amazing daughter and we have a fantastic relationship and confides in me . Her boyfriend was her first and now she is lost & lonely . Her friends have abandoned her so she's stuck in her bedroom hoping for an occasional message from her ex.
My main problem is that I'm utterly devastated for her it's as if her heart is breaking in mine . I feel every pain with her. I want to just wrap her up and run away with her so no one can hurt her. I know that's impossible . I think that this is the 1st time in her whole life that I have not been able to help her, and it's incredibly painful unbearably painful. I had a total breakdown today , I feel as if my heart has been ripped out , I don't think that the way I feel is normal , it's a little bit strange. If she's happy then I'm happy & when she hurts I feel it also . I don't want her to see me in distress , I don't want her to stop coming & speaking to me . I just don't know how to cope with this .

Elke - posted on 09/10/2013

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It is so helpful to read this! Thank you for posting. My daughter's boyfriend of 11 months just broke their relationship, and my heart is utterly broken for her. I literally feel her pain, and can't stop crying for her. He was such a major part of her life, and I can remember going through those agonizing feelings as a teen. He was a wonderful boyfriend for 10 months, the sun rose and set around her, celebrated every month and said he couldn't wait for their year anniversary....and bam this last month something in him changed. He was totally showing signs of withdrawal and I sensed this day was coming. I feel like I've held her hand thru this relationship, and seeing him abandon her kills me. The crazy thing is I know in the long run he's really not good for her, so I don't know why it pains me so -- you'd think i'd be happy. I understand this is a process of life, breaking up with different people. Yes, he's a teen boy...so there you go. He's always going to be that first one she'll always remember, and to say goodbye to that is painfully sad. We're two days into this breakup, and I pray she gets stronger each day...going to school right now is horrible for her -- he completely ignores her. Thanks for post...as I'm am terribly awake with insomnia.

Michelle - posted on 02/15/2012

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Tami,

I read your story with sadness for you, feeling your pain. It sounds like your daughter is doing a little better, but you are still struggling. Having gone through this recently, I know how frustrated you are. Please be assured you are not crazy. Emotions are very powerful things, and where our daughters are concerned, they are more intense than even our own lives. I think it is because we ant the best for our girls, no pain, no sorrow. We want them to be happy. So don't feel crazy about how you feel.

Some things I have tried to recover from this:

-- don't read texts, Facebook posts etc. This is difficult, but you have to distance yourself from this. It helps a lot.

--don't ask your daughter for updates...wait until she approaches you. Your relationship with her is more important than anything...you don't want to drive her away by obsessing about her relationship. This is difficult also, but is very helpful.

--find something else to focus your mental energy on. I started following world politics, which makes relationship problems pale in comparison. haha

--focus on your daughter's strength.Praise her strengths and good choices.

--think about her future, and the experience she is getting in these relationships.

This is what worked for me, through an on again off again relationship that lasted over 4 months.By the third time they began getting back together, I was able to successfully stay detached, only discussing things when she wanted to. He is with another girl now, and my daughter is fine with it, and I am glad I stayed out of the last part of the relationship.

I hope this helps some....just know there are many out there that feel the same type of emotions, and have managed to make it through!

Michelle

Gina - posted on 03/03/2012

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Hi Susan,



It is really bizarre how these things are affecting us as mothers as much (and sometimes more) than they affect our daughters. Thank you for posting. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in my reaction to this sort of thing. So here is an update and perhaps some advice for what its worth:



It has been just over 6 months since my original post and not a single word, text, email or any contact with my daughter whatsoever from him. She sent Christmas cards to his family (knowing that he was home for the holidays) but with no response. No contact from him. Keep this in mind, I'll come back to it shortly.



There must be a club or secret society or something since your daughters ex is using the exact same language and "break-up techniques" that my daughter's ex used on her. His tears, the "pause", the "I don't know", the text after 3 days to ask if it is too early to talk yet, the not wanting to meet face to face then finally agreeing to it, the possible regret. So many things in your post are identical to the texts that were sent back and forth between my daughter and her ex it is almost as if it was taken from a secret boys book called "how to break up".



After many tears and a lot of thinking and talking with my daughter, here is what we think happened and perhaps is happening in your daughter's case. All conjecture of course but this is what my daughter and I think happened.



Boyfriend wanted to move on for whatever reasons - he met a new person, wanted new experiences, was remaking himself, fell out of love - we can only guess. He knew it would hurt girlfriend if he broke up, so used the "lets be friends" and "its just a pause" and "I really don't know what I want" and the "we will always be in each other's lives" bs that he thought would ease the pain and not make him the "bad-guy". He truly didn't want to hurt girlfriend and probably did love her, but didn't want to be with her either. He also didn't want to be seen as a jerk among her and her family/friends. Lets face it, being in someones life for over two years (like both our daughters) creates a lot of connections with other people.



In your case, as far as BF's mom goes, I think she has been given a different story to make it seem like your daughter is at fault. Again, he doesn't want mom thinking he's a jerk either so uses the "I want to break up with her because she's smothering me" instead of "I want to break up with her so I can hook-up with a bunch of different girls like all my friends are doing" or whatever the reason is.



Back to what I said in the second paragraph. Since my daughter hasn't heard a single word from him (since the 3-day after-break-up text), I know that all of the stuff he said to her at the time was BS. If he really did care and really did want to be part of her life and really did think that she would always be in his life then wouldn't he have contacted her by now? Wouldn't he have even asked mutual friends about her or something? A Christmas card or email thanking her for the card? There has been absolutely nothing. If I had known that would happen, I think I would have handled the whole thing differently in terms of helping my daughter get through it. Rather than letting her (and me too) cling to false hope for months - waiting for the text saying he was sorry and wanted her back since he said she would always be in his life and he just needed a bit of a break, I could have told my daughter not to get her hopes up. To move on. She declined dates with other guys stayed in a lot and didn't socialize - all with hope that he was coming back like he said he would. True she probably wasn't ready to date again but she missed out on a lot of fun to help her get through that tough time.



So I guess what I am trying to say is this: don't believe his BS and allow your daughter to cling to false hope. I'm not saying to hate him or that he is maliciously making up BS. Just know that most of that break-up rhetoric is self-preservation on his part (or at least it was in my daughters case). I think that boys are under the mistaken belief that if they don't make the break-up sound so "final" that it won't hurt her as much. It also keeps their options open and her waiting in the wings if the guy doesn't find what he was looking for. Don't let your daughter be that girl.



Only lately has my daughter been able to say that she wished she hadn't believed all that stuff about always being in each other's lives. She feels she wasted the last 6 months waiting for him to come back or at the very least check in to see how she was doing. Clearly he didn't want her "always in his life". He moved on. She waited.



The good thing is, she is pretty much over it now. What was devastating to the both of us at the time (both of us crying, not eating, etc. as is happening for you now) is now just a distant memory. No tears anymore. She is even at the point where she can see pictures of him on facebook and and see how much he has changed and think - wow, "I can do so much better." So please know that it does get better. For both of you. Thank you again for posting. You can get through this. :)



Gina

Alecia - posted on 09/11/2013

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Gina - I remember the first days after my daughters breakup. She texted me constantly from school saying she couldn't do it, she couldn't be there and I just kept saying "You have to, it will never be as bad a s today is. Every day gets better." And everyday does get better. Yes, her ex ignored her as well. He put on a happy face and flirted with every girl he saw. It killed her. But she got through it. I know how bad this is hurting both you and your daughter. I am here if you need to talk it through. I slept in my daughter's bed with her for a straight month and held her while she cried all night. It was devastating to see her in that much pain. I too had insomnia for months. Crazy, right? But it was awful. She lost 22 pounds through it all, I lost 16!

She was at a baseball game with her new boyfriend last night and she seems really happy. I am happy for her. But I have to say, I don't see the same twinkle in her eye for this new boy as she had for the last one. It could be that she is protecting herself, I don't know.

What I do know is that this breakup was almost as hard on me as it was for her. I still miss that boy, I miss talking to him. When he wanted her back, he came over and talked with me, we talked on the phone, and he would cry about his mistakes but it was too late for her. The damage was done. It was almost as if I had to help him through the breakup in the end, as if I had to experience their break up all over again. I still wish they could find their way back to each other but they have both moved on, I guess it's time for this crazy mom to as well. :)

Breaking up is hard to do, isn't that a song? But who knew it would be harder on the moms :)

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Donna - posted on 03/22/2014

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You are not in least bit nuts! You r a mother and from what it sounds like an excellent one. I always feel my sons pain even though he's 19 and has been making our lives hell. I love him unconditionally. If he was a serial killer I would still bust him and love him. That's a mothers bond. It's like no other. Only those of us who have carried this other human bring inside of us for 9 months can relate. Well most of us anyway. You seem very intelligent and understanding. You r absolutely right on everything you said about her boyfriend and why he's doing what he's doing. Your daughter will live through this. Hurt and struggles r what build character. Tell her this is in no way her last love. There will be plenty. She will probably break hearts too along the way. Just keep telling her she's a beautiful person inside and out with so much to offer the world and so many wonderful experiences ahead of her. Hold her when she cries. Which I'm sure you already do. You were probably close to this young man also and any kind of loss we experience is sad. I cried too when my son and his girlfriend first broke up. She was like a daughter to me. Well they've gotten back together and broken up a few times since then and now their back on. I always miss her when she's not around though. The mom goes through the breakup too. Anyway keep a close eye on her. Make sure not falling into depression. But I believe with a mom like you she will be fine.

Colleen - posted on 03/19/2014

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TeeDee

It was nice to read your response. I have a similar relationship. I think the reason your daughter isn't telling you as much is because she's probably embarrassed to have you know certain things. For example my daughters first love went to college too and it broke her heart to let him go. Last year he started to pursue her again and she was overjoyed. She would tell me some things and I could see happiness in her again. But it quickly became frustration and pain. After when she couldn't handle the pain she'd open up a bit. When they both decided to stop trying is when she went through a complete melt down. But she told me things that were hard for me to hear. After hearing facts about what was happening it was obvious to me (an adult) he was trying to manipulate her to give in sexually. When they stopped trying he was very honest and admitted he lies all the time to get what he wants from a girl. If he's in college trust me he's getting it. They are 100% selfish at this age. I don't want to go into too many details about it all. But I'd say to trust your daughter about this. Maybe it's a good thing for her to break it off and have some fun in college and find herself. If they are meant to be they will both have to do more growing up so they treat each other respect and dignity. Hugs to you as you try to be loving and supportive. I always tell myself she's the one I bore and my loyalty is to her and her ultimate happiness. And I pray a lot!! Good luck and hang in there. Sorry for typos I'm typing on phone and I'm horrible at it.

TeeDee - posted on 03/19/2014

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I can relate so much to these posts. My daughter is dating for 2 1/2 years her first love, and my son dating again after a 3 year separation his first love. My daughter was crying around midnight Monday night, a couple nights ago, after such a beautiful weekend with her boyfriend when she was so happy, and I heard her say "WTF!" And then later "we ARE DONE." These things get my heart to racing, I hurt for them both, can't sleep. I know it's because I remember the devastation of losing my first love in high school/college. I hate to see them hurt that much; it was even worse pain for me than my eventual divorce from my 1st husband many years later. I have been very close to my daughter, where she would tell me just about everything; to now, where she says very little. I've been close to her boyfriend too, that's part of my problem, I just really love this boy. I think he being in college and her in high school, sometimes they just don't trust. If either has heard that either of them so much as spoke to another girl/guy, they overreact, freak out, break up once again. IT isn't usually even something tangible that happened wrong; like some girl "liked" one of his posts, and so my daughter gets angry, and vice versa, he will get angry if some guy who means nothing to my daughter "likes" her beautiful senior pictures on facebook. Even though these things in and of themselves aren't direct offenses to the other! I hate to see such a beautiful relationship destroyed over nonsense like that, because they seem so perfect. It's such a rollercoaster for me too! I love them both so much, but I hate this roller coaster ride. So prom tux was supposed to be ordered this Friday, and the boyfriend says well, she broke up with me, so I'm not going. But I'd asked her yesterday, and she said they were going to get it Friday. They were supposed to look for an apartment for college together next year on Saturday! Oh God, please help them to communicate better, and to know when something is just irritating to them as opposed to being something that should destroy the relationship. Peace Moms.

Colleen - posted on 03/18/2014

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I think you are all very normal, and eventually after she's gone through either more break-up's or enough disappointments from current one she's interested in, you will start to feel less engaged. I think the first love and heartbreak takes us with our daughters as we want to protect them, and we want them to be loved as much as we think they deserve. Don't judge yourself about it, because it won't help. You'll find in the natural course of things the separation between the two of you happens, and eventually you draw back together when there's less emotional drama that affects you. Also, to Gina you are living proof that life goes on, and no you're not a bad person or Mom. Yes, I think they will learn and it's normal that you kind of feel like she gets what she deserves. You did raise her well, but she's going to do what she wants, so when she gets hurt you'll have a lot less sympathy for her, which proves my point to all you, that it's all going to be OK. You just love your daughters and are going through a process. All of you hang in there, you are great Moms and are not WEIRD or ABNORMAL. You're great!

Colleen - posted on 03/18/2014

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AHHHH I sure hope I can help someone out there. YES, I went through this when my daughter had her first "love" experience and he broke her heart by going off to college. But, then he came back and really played and manipulated her, and it was VERY obvious to me this time he was saying certain "romantic" things trying to get her to sleep with him. She was smart enough not to buy into it, found out about all the other girls he was "hooking up" with, and they finally agreed to end it. I felt just like every one of you the first time around, the 2nd time I was interested because of course I'd like her to have what she wants. But I still felt I was a little TOO interested. In between this "huge" love she kept hoping for and losing, she did date and have a few relationships. Every time it broke off, she would cry and feel bad. But, I never felt "anything" with all the others. I only felt her feelings when it came to the first one. I also want to share that eventually my daughter turned my caring about the situation against me. When she was angry or hurt I became the focus, and she would resent me and think I only cared about that one boy (which after the third time around..not really because I felt it was exhausting). My hope to all of you, is that eventually it doesn't feel so bad because you remove yourself from all of it. I got tired of the drama, and she wouldn't listen to my advice, so I learned the "hard" way to not give it. Keep my mouth shut, don't ask anything, don't say anything. In the end, it's better for me not to be involved. It only helps to sympathize when she needs it, but after a while I saw patterns, and it just seemed to me she wasn't learning from the experiences. I think all young boys aren't emotionally mature, they will all change in college, and probably won't think about settling down until they are 25. I wish my daughter would just date, have a nice time, and stop looking for the "one" because even the nice boys don't know what the heck they are doing yet. Hopefully, she will learn to focus on herself, her life, school, and just have fun with friends and casual dates. They are too young to put themselves through all of this emotional distraction. However, many of you mentioned the social media, and I think it's a big part of the problem. With phones glued to them every moment, our children get addicted to the drama and if they don't have any - they start looking through other people's photo and stories looking for it. I'm hoping my daughter will begin to see how much of her energy gets diverted from improving her life by her addiction to entertainment via social media. I don't know if this helped anyone, but you're not alone, you're not strange, you're not unusual, you are just very close to your daughter, but eventually it will be exhausting and drain you. You'll find the normal process of daughters pulling away happens, and in the end you'll have some peace. Later they can come back, and hopefully there's less drama in their lives. Good luck to all of you! YOU ARE NORMAL!!

Janeen - posted on 03/12/2014

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Hi all. I know this post is a couple of years old, but I see some recent replies.
I have twin boys, age 15. Both just recently ended their first "real" relationship. One had his gf for 15 months, the other only for a few. Both girls broke it off. My boys are devistated! I have never seen them so hurt and almost desperate to have these girls back. Literally, text after text begging them. My heart hurts so for them because I can remember my first heart break and not being able to process those feelings.
My husband and I have prayed with them, let them know that they can't chase these girls and that they are worth so much more than that. Well, the girls have had enough and one of them now refuses to talk to my son. I get that and it probably is the best thing for him. Now i have to convince him to leave her friends alone.
the other one that had the short relationship is not handling it well at all....we have him in counseling, that's how hard he is taking this. Any communication or encouragement from this girl he starts in on her how she is his life and please reconsider.
i feel like i have done a terrible job raising my children that they have no self confidence or self worth when a girl breaks up with them. I have cried myself to sleep for weeks now trying to figure out why they both are having this kind of reaction.

Elke - posted on 01/27/2014

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It's been 4 1/2 months for my daughter since the breakup…she's come a long way since September, but it's only just recently that she seems to be seeing the light on the other side. She still has her sad moments. I read in a few places it can take up to 6 months if they've been together a year. I've been trying everything I can to take this situation as a "new beginning" …telling her to know her worth that she never has to beg someone to see how special she is…and to focus on healing herself. She's been working out a lot and started a new diet (she's already miss fitness, but needed something to keep focused on…staysharpbestrong by nikki sharp…a good person to be inspired by)…my daughter also just got a job at the local coffee shop, and that has done wonders. I think the best thing we can do for our mourning daughters is to tell them we know exactly the heartache they're going through, and that it's just going to take (a hell of) time…but it will get better. I definitely felt her pain, cried many tears over this dumb jerk…but as I see her become stronger, I'm feeling better as well. We love our girls so much…just be there…she'll never forget it and will heal so much better because of it. Thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me feel less crazy.

Elke - posted on 01/27/2014

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Hi everyone! We're 4-5 months post breakup here -- and just wondering if any of these ex bfs came crawling back and what happened… I can see my daughter's ex is regretting the breakup…but he did so much damage, I know he feels he can't ask to come back…I'm still sad over the whole thing, but I am getting better. Seeing my daughter slowly grow and slowly move on has helped a lot. I truly want the best for her and to be happy, and she's now seeing how her ex manipulated and controlled her, and is now doing so many things freely that if she was still with him, wouldn't be able to do. My only wish is that he's regretting and feeling the pain. A little bit of karma would be nice.

Sejal - posted on 01/11/2014

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Hi gina. I know this post is old but i just fell across it and though ive been resding posts here since pregnancy (my LO is 6M next week) i never replied to posts- just liked reading- till i read your post and my heart literally skipped a beat! Although im a very new mum and have not experienced any literal pain when my baby does (ie, colic etc) i am so moved by what you said and cant explain to you the joy i felt reading of your love for your daughter! Im going through a rough patch in life but i know my baby girl is my world as a baby is for most mummies but what you describe- things you here about in poems or books in the form of pain when your daughter is hurt- its the sweetest most wonderful thing in a way and shows that youre a wonderful mother- to put it mildly. As for the problem in itself- havent read other posts yet and by now im sure current situation has at least mellowed, but with a mummy like you shes gonna do great whenever troubles may come along- youre a mother so its natural that you feel her pain- although to literally feel it- ive not heard of such thing before but deeply respect you as a mother for having such experiences and can only asummebits because you deeply love your girl. Cant offer medical advice or anything but adore you - really.

Take care x

Sejal

Kimberly - posted on 01/03/2014

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Hi Gina, my daughter is going through the same thing as your daughter with a few things that are different, her boyfriend of six years went to college in Aug of 2010, he went to Iowa city, and has been there for almost four years and they have lasted this long until September when he went back to school, the summer was a little rocky for them both, Shane had started drinking alot, and finally told her in September that he wanted to break up with her, that it was his last year of college and he wanted to have fun, she has driven many weekends to Iowa to visit him, everything seemed fine as far as their relationship has gone, and I have always thought he was gonna be my son in law, the thing that really bothers me is like you I do realize things do change, but he has let her drive to Iowa which is three hours away, and then the next morning told her she had to go. He came home a week or so before thanksgiving and they had gotten together, and like your daughters boyfriend he was his old self, Christmas has been hard for her as for six years he has been her life everyday they spoke and now just the other day there had been pictures posted of him and another girl and she wrote from summit to DC's which I believe are bars, I could not have made it through 2013 without this guy, now keep in mind he had been home for Christmas, and they had met twice since he had been home, he told her that he still see's himself marrying her, and then those pictures posted on New Years Eve, yesterday it popped up on Facebook that he is in a relationship with this girl, who is drunk all the time, says nasty things on twitter and from what he says making him post things, needless to say It makes me angry that she is being treated this way by him, she has told me I not only lost my boyfriend but I have lost my best friend.And like you I am completely devastated by all of this, I have even cried for her and the pain she is feeling, You had stated that you feel that you are a nutcase mom, your not a nutcase your a mother her loves her child unconditionally and feels her pain, I feel so bad for mine as I have said I even cry, and I have even gone as far as calling him to try to mend things, how sad is that?? I feel your pain.

Kim - posted on 12/19/2013

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It's been a few months since my daughters boyfriend dumped her . She totally fell apart & I did as we'll , my heart broke every minute for her cos I couldn't help her . I actually had a breakdown ( she did not see me in a state ) .my baby was in pain & there was nothing I could do to help .
Fast forward a few months & she is a totally different person. We moved house & she changed school. She is now a happy , confident & a popular girl . I'm so proud of her , she talks about the ex every now & then , telling me that he did not treat her well & was very controlling . She now realises that it was nota healthy relationship. She is a happy single girl & loving life .
There is light at the end of the tunnel .

Lia - posted on 12/19/2013

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Hi my daughter, 16 years old has just broken up with her boyfriend a week ago. They were together for 18 months and all of the sudden out of the blue he dropped her saying she was too much dependent on him. This is destroying her. She has not stopped crying and keeps on saying life is not worth living. She too had dropped all of her friends for him despite my encouragement not to do so. she does not want to go to school saying she cannot do it and what is the point of it all. I feel her pain sooooo much. I cry away from her, in work I am not able to concentrate and i had to start my Christmas holidays early as i am so concerned about her mental state. she wants to speak to him and see him. I am sleeping with her at night as she does not want to be alone and i have friends, neighbour of mine that are keeping her busy during the day but the minute she is at home, the tears start again. I would like to take the pain away from her but this time i cannot. I feel so helpless. I keep on thinking hopefully she will make it through soon but she is not eating and has feeling of worthlessness. i am now thinking to take her to her GP and see if he can help her but would welcome some advice about this. Does anyone know how long this will last for?

TeeDee - posted on 12/09/2013

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There is definitely a common thread here. Social networking. Moms experiencing the pain as though it were their relationship and not their kids. I could have written every word of all of these posts. I don't like feeling so incredibly sad, it hurts so badly, I just could die. My husband is 67 and I am in my early 50's, so of course, as he ages, my own relationship becomes harder, I even wonder why I married him. He's my second husband, and I guess after my own divorce I was in need of encouragement. Little did I know , I'd be his prize younger wife, and the age gap would become a problem. We have little in common, and he's no fun to be around. It's so hard, but he' sick and I'm staying in this til the end, for financial reasons as well.

My youngest daughter is 17 and going through breakup, get back together, breakup, get back together. I adore my beautiful daughter. I adore the boy she's dated, absolutely love him. I can't seem to accept that he may not be "the one." I feel the pain, it seems, more than she does. She's such a tough cookie, and so is he. Kids' tongues seem to be so much sharper these days! My goodness, the things they say to each other. She is slim and absolutely gorgeous, and so many people tell her she should be a model, that she gets sick of hearing it. She plans to be a Nurse Practitioner or something in the medical field. He is a very overweight, star athlete. Some people have actually said, to my horror, "how did he get her?" I hate that, because I just adore him. But the frequent fights and breakups just kill me.

I could have written so many of these posts word for word! I think our instinct as Moms just rears it's ugly head, and we both want to fiercely protect our kids, and at the same time, fall in love with their mates like they were our own kids, then can't stand to see them hurt either!

I just lost my Mom, my very difficult husband has been ill, and I take care of my father, so I guess this beautiful romance was something to enjoy for me. It's just nice to know other people are experiencing the same.

Blessings everyone.

TeeDee - posted on 12/09/2013

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I am going through all of this with my 17 year old daughter. Exactly the sharings on my daughter's break-ups with her first love, we have experienced. She is in her senior year, and he in his first year of college close by. Currently, they are together, and I absolutely love this boy to death. While in high school dating the last two years, they kept each other on a pretty short leash, not partying, drinking, etc. like they did before dating each other. It seems when he went off, he wanted to experience college and talking to other girls, but not get caught. He doesn't treat her with kindness, then she speaks sharply to him, and the cycle goes on and on, then he swears he loves her and doesn't want to lose her. Her friends that were at the same college though, would tell her he's talking to this girl or asked for so-and-so's number. All in all, I think social media sites, cellphones etc are horrid for relationships and trust these days. Being able to text anyone of hundreds of friends anytime they want is so detrimental to trust these days. Anyway, I remember my first breakup 30 years ago, and though we are friends now, he'll always be the one that got away, and I was the one that broke up! I feel all the same things as all of you other mothers .... crazy, because I love my daughter and this boy so much, like a son really! I don't want either hurting. I'm obsessed with it and trying like hell not to be. Seems like I hurt more than my daughter does. Prayers and blessings to everyone, and I guess, "this too shall pass." One thing's for sure, whether we want it to or not, "life goes on."

Laura - posted on 11/27/2013

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I know your post is from a few years ago. But I am going thru the exact same thing right now. Except that my daughter didn't invite her friend to a cast party she had (for a play that she was in, she felt it was for the cast only) I tried to get her to understand how that would make him feel but I could not change her mind. I think feelings were hurt and now he's stopped texting her which is making her sad. UGH... It's sooooooo hard to try and stay out of it. I'm more upset about it than she seems to be. I'm so glad I found this because I thought I was going insane. Thanks for your post! Any experience you can share would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks!

Mae - posted on 11/25/2013

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Gina, I came across this site by sheer accident. I was goggling "encouraging words to say to daughter after break up." After reading this post of yours, I finally had confirmation that I am not alone, and I am not losing my mind! My daughter and her first love were together nearly a year and a half. I loved, and still do love this remarkable young man. My daughter and this young man dated her last 2 years of high school. They had been friends for 2 years before they began dating. When their relationship progressed to dating, they both were so happy. The way that he looked at my daughter just melted my heart. Over the course of their dating, his mother and I became very close friends. Celebrating each others birthdays, Christmas, Prom, Graduation, and first years away at college. My daughter's ex, now wants to keep distance, and minimal communication between the 2 of them. After their rather cordial breakup, he texted me confirming how much he loved my daughter, and thanking me for all the love and support I have given him over the years. He would always consider me his second mom. My heart still aches for the 2 of them so much. Of all the young men my daughter has dated, I have never felt about any of them, the way I instinctively felt about this one young man. I trusted him completely. Getting to know his mom, and brothers, I felt I knew this young man very well. His parents unfortunately got divorced his Jr year of high school. Trust is a HUGE deal for him. Prior to their breakup,my daughter was feeling that their relationship was getting stagnant. Unfortunately, she did not know how to articulate this to him. When she finally had all her words together, he made the decision to call the break up. Facebook can be such a wonderful social media tool, yet it can be the knife in the back as well. Both my daughter and her ex have been respectful with their posts, however, he joined a Frat this year, and he is now being tagged in alot of photos that show him attending events with other young women that look remarkably a great deal like my daughter. My daughter is trying so hard to rise above, and be brave. She knows how much I still adore this young man. Why?!!!!! Why can't I get over the fact that these 2 incredible people will probably never be together again?! He had become such a huge part of our every day family life. I trusted him without limits. I still see him in the little things I do around my house, certain foods I prepare, music that I listen to. I feel like I will lose my mind some days. I don't talk to anyone about this, for fear that they will commit me to a funny farm. I don't speak of this to my daughter, because I don't want to add to her pain. She still has a secret hope that one day he will see her, and be willing to give them another chance.
I have a difficulty spending time with his mother now, because he gets his beautiful smile, and dimples from his mother. It has been almost 4 months since the breakup. My fear is that I will compare every new prospect to her ex. I know that is not fair. My daughter and I are very close, she shares most of her life with me, we don't have secrets. I just want resolve.

Roland - posted on 11/25/2013

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Thanks God I found you Dr. Johnbull by helping getting my Ex-husband back because I don’t believe i can remarried Him again after

divorced him in 2011 but ever since the divorced am still deeply in love with my ex husband Roland, I really do love him very much with

my heart . We have got together in 2008 and I divorced him in 2011 ever since then I have been trying to get him back while reading

Prayer Books, The top relationship guide books Until Sunday that i surface on Google to seek Advice On how i can get my ex Husband back

after divorced him 2years ago and i cant stop thinking of him and loved him then Google Recommend me to Contact Dr. Johnbull spell

caster Email address: johnbullspelltemple@gmail.com, i did contact Dr. Johnbull on the same day which him Assure me that i would have my

Ex husband back within 24hrs , i dont believe at first that Love spell work but it Come to Reality to me on the Next day when i saw my

EX husband knocking my Door in the Morning and say he want to talk something serious with me Immediately he Kneel Down and give me ring

that he want to marry me again.
Thanks Dr. Johnbull for helping me get my Lover back and put smile on my face forever .
Sarah from Spain. contact +23408101864086 +447045738426

Roland - posted on 11/25/2013

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Thanks God I found you Dr. Johnbull by helping getting my Ex-husband back because I don’t believe i can remarried Him again after

divorced him in 2011 but ever since the divorced am still deeply in love with my ex husband Roland, I really do love him very much with

my heart . We have got together in 2008 and I divorced him in 2011 ever since then I have been trying to get him back while reading

Prayer Books, The top relationship guide books Until Sunday that i surface on Google to seek Advice On how i can get my ex Husband back

after divorced him 2years ago and i cant stop thinking of him and loved him then Google Recommend me to Contact Dr. Johnbull spell

caster Email address: johnbullspelltemple@gmail.com, i did contact Dr. Johnbull on the same day which him Assure me that i would have my

Ex husband back within 24hrs , i dont believe at first that Love spell work but it Come to Reality to me on the Next day when i saw my

EX husband knocking my Door in the Morning and say he want to talk something serious with me Immediately he Kneel Down and give me ring

that he want to marry me again.
Thanks Dr. Johnbull for helping me get my Lover back and put smile on my face forever .
Sarah from Spain. contact +23408101864086 +447045738426

Judith - posted on 11/22/2013

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My name is Olivia, am from maimi USA. i want to use this opportunity to thank my great doctor who really made my life a pleasurable one today. This great man DR.NICE OKSE brought my husband back to me, i had three lovely kids for my husband, about four years ago i and my husband has been into one quarrel or the other until he finally left me for one lady. i felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i think of him and always wish he would come back to me, until one day i met a good friend of mine that was also in a situation like me but her problem was her ex-boyfriend who she had an unwanted pregnancy for and he refused to take responsibility and dumped her. she told me that mine was a small case and that i should not worry about it at all, so i asked her what was the solution to my problems and she gave me this great man email address. i was doubting if this man was the solution, so i contacted this great man and he told me what to do and i deed them all, he told me to wait for just two day and that my husband will come crawling on his kneels just for forgiveness so i faithfully deed what this great man asked me to do and for sure after two days i heard a knock on the door, in a great surprise i saw him on his kneels and i was speechless, when he saw me, all he did was crying and asking me for forgiveness, from that day, all the pains and sorrows in my heart flew away,since then i and my husband and our lovely kids are happy.that is why i want to say a big thank you to DR.NICE OKSE. This great man made me to understand that there is no problem on earth that has no solution so please if you know that you have this same problem or any problem that is similar, i will advise you to come straight to this great man you can email him at: professionallovespell@hotmail.com

Marci - posted on 11/13/2013

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I have the same thing. I hope mine do get back together, get married have children and live happily ever after. He is that great. I tell my daughter go out have fun but inside I'm dying right along with her. He have started reading bible verses daily. Sometimes they don't really apply to the situation but she always feels better when we discuss them. Maybe that will help

Roxxy - posted on 11/12/2013

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I am going through the same thing utter dispare that he will actually break up with her for good daughter is 17 been dating same boy for two years he was a wonderful boy who I never thought would ever hurt her I love him like a son and pictured them married but in the last 6 weeks he has been hanging out with new friends and has totally changed hurtin her so much he says their lives are headed in different directions and fear he will end it tonight I am desperate to save their relationship been awake night and day uncontrollably crying for two weeks my husband does not understand my grief and has just left to pick her up all I am say is please let them work this out please

Emma - posted on 11/05/2013

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This is crazy, my partner keeps telling me I am anyway lol..I don't have a daughter but I do have two boys. The eldest 17 is wonderful, good looking and would do anything for anyone. Any pain he feels I feel and it is driving me crazy. I don't sleep with it and I go through every emotion he does. He recently broke up with his girlfriend because she treat him badly, he let her get away with it for months.. Always trying to please her! He finally walked away, hoping after a break they could work it out, she might see how awful she treated him. A week later in a new relationship photos plastered all over Facebook. He feels used. They went out for two years. When you hear your boy crying saying he can't do it anymore at 17 it hurts. He recently met someone else and all of a sudden bam! She stops texting him..a friend rings and tells him she was all over another guy..he feels used again! This has all happened in the past 5 weeks. He is just too nice! And he gets hurt for it..I can never be happy if he isn't..I know he deserves more and I know he is better than those girls..but his pain is mine..It happens to boys too xxx

Loretta - posted on 11/01/2013

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Bf did send a brief reply that says he kind of misses my daughter but didn't know if it would work out. I'm gonna wait a few weeks and see if he'll eventually text her. Maybe he'll get the courage to and my daughter will have worked past her anger by then and they can at least start communicating again.

Sandra - posted on 10/31/2013

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No you are not crazy. Just a concerned Mom. We all are! I promise it will get better & easier. For the kids and for YOU!
My Daughter began the journey this past February. Valentines Day, no less. It was awful to see her so heartbroken. Much has happened since then. She has gone back and forth with the Ex BF a few times and it was so frustrating to watch it "play out." You can go "back" in read my previous posts and can read MY total desperation in my posts back then. LOL
I do believe it is finally over. Good luck Loretta! :o) It is all downhill from here!! (I mean that in a GOOD way, as in "coasting."

Loretta - posted on 10/31/2013

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Sandra Thanks for replying. This will definitely be the last message if I get no reply! Sent it via Facebook and it says he hasn't seen it yet. I did write that I would respect his wishes so that is what I'll do. Could be he won't read it cause he knows I'll know if he saw it. Or it could be that I sound like a crazy quack. Lol! Feel like I'm driving myself crazy.

Sandra - posted on 10/31/2013

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Hello Loretta,

I have not been on COM for awhile. I also read you're post(s) on a different thread but on this same subject. I totally "get" how much you want to make things good again. ESPECIALLY this time of year with the Holiday's approaching. :o(
I see below where you say "you caved." Did/Has the ex responded? If not, probably be better to not contact he or his Father again. The Parents may get upset (kind've like I was with the Mother/Sister of my Daughters ex.)
I know it is hard. I really do. How old are the kids? btw?
Good luck!

Loretta - posted on 10/31/2013

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Sadly I caved and did send message to the ex apologising for getting involved. Then said I would like to keep in contact if he feels comfortable with that and if not I respect his wishes. At this point I just hope he will get in contact with my daughter and rekindle a friendship. Sadly that is the best I can hope for! I see now that at this point in their lives a romantic relationship isn't meant to be
Maybe when they are older? Fingers crossed:)

Teresa - posted on 10/29/2013

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I am so happy I found this post as I am going through the same thing with my daughter's recent break-up. She's 16/he's 17 and he lied to her, cheated on her and THEN broke up with her. She is devastated and I feel her pain. They dated for almost 8 months and they were so happy and perfect for each other. He was truly in love with her (or so it seemed) and she still is with him. Then boom, it's like he changed overnight. My guess is his 'friends' go to him that it's senior year to live it up so he started hanging out more with his friends and drinking and partying the last month which led to arguments. He chose to go with his friends and not his girlfriend to homecoming then didn't even match her like he said he would, didn't talk to her and left with another girl. Now he's with this other girl and it's like he has completely forgotten about my daughter and what they had. He complete ignores he and he has tweeted mean things about her and tweets loving things to this new girl which of course my daughter can see and breaks her heart all over again. I feel horrible and I feel her pain, it's like I am heartbroken too. I don't understand how he could be so loving one day and the next act like she never meant anything to him. I am having a difficult time dealing with this. I pray every day that he will get a wake-up call and come back and make everything right but on the other hand I know she deserves better and nothing will ever go back to the way it was as she (and I) will always have trust issues. This is the hardest thing I've had to go through and it's just so hard to understand who he has become.

Loretta - posted on 10/29/2013

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It feels good to know I am not the only one obsessing over my daughter's relationship. When they were together and things were good, I was on cloud 9. When she dumped him, I was miserable and wanted her to take him back. When he convinced her to give him another chance she just didn't put much into the relationship, but claimed to love him. He finally got the drift that she really wasn't that into him and dumped her via text. Now I know she is hurting and I can't stop crying or concentrate on anything else. Sent several unwanted messages to the boy and his father on facebook trying to patch things up to no avail. Realized I was going way beyond the norm and went the the doctor to change my antidepressant. After telling her all this, I feel better. She said do NOT have any contact unless they contact you first. Even though I already knew it was a bad idea just having someone verbally tell me NO MORE! I have decided that this is it. I am staying out of it! Or sure gonna put my best foot forward in trying:) I do hope that they will eventually start talking and be friends again, but maybe it really is best if they cut all contact. I have to stay out of what they decide to do, but I know I am done contacting and interfering!

Dawn - posted on 10/28/2013

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We have just about the same situation. I feel sorry for the boy even though he did her horribly wrong. Are we just reliving our own experiences from we were their age? I was getting worried about myself....

Sarah - posted on 10/24/2013

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It's 1am and I just sat here and read so many of these posts. My daughter, who just turned 18 and a senior, broke up with her bf 3 weeks ago. They dated all through high school, nearly 3 years, loved each other like crazy, and had talked about getting married some day. We have known him and his family since the kids were were in 2nd grade, and truly loved him. His dad is very strict, and was never real supportive of the length of time they dated, because of the emotional attachment and physical temptation...which is understandable. Then about a year ago he started hanging out with a group of kids and not inviting her, or not tell her where he was or who all was there unless she asked. I saw him begin to distance himself from her, and she allowed it, never making waves because she didn't want to lose him. Then, 9 months ago he suddenly broke up with her. She was a mess...hysterical. Four days later he came back and told her he never stopped loving her, and they got back together. Three months later he did it again. This time she was upset...but not devastated. They stayed apart all summer, then right before school started this year he began talking to her again, and they got back together again. Things were great for awhile, and then he began acting like a jerk again...distancing himself from her, and sometimes not even really treating her like she was his girlfriend. Almost as if he was trying to drive her to break up with him, because he had already done it twice and didn't want to be the bad guy. So, three weeks ago, she had enough, and broke up with him. She doesn't seem upset at all, and ready to move on. He, on the other hand, is acting heart-broken, telling her that he knows he treated her badly, that he "never stopped loving her, he just stopped showing it" and he doesn't know why he changed but he's soo sorry.
Okay. So why on earth do I feel sorry for him? I am so glad that she is strong enough to see this repetitive pattern, and know that she deserves someone with their head together. She says that he only feels bad because he knows he treated her badly. Im sure this is somewhat true. It's guilt. And at the same time I know that he does truly love and care about her and I am absolutely devastated that this time it seems final. I think, as young as they are, that I truly saw them lasting forever. How crazy is that? I think I wanted that for both of them, because of all they shared, and to prevent the sadness they would both feel if it ended. I feel almost obsessed, even now, hoping that they will end up back together. I know the few friends I have confided in are beginning the think I'm crazy mom living vicariously through her daughter, which I am not...so I've stopped talking about it, but still feel like it's on my mind more than it should be. These posts make me feel so much better, like maybe I'm not actually a nut!

Shelly - posted on 10/12/2013

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I can totally relate to this! It is what I am feeling right now. My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her last night. She is really hurt and so am I. Why am I feeling so much pain?

Alecia - posted on 09/15/2013

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Louise,

How are you holding up? Any better? If it helps at all, I feel like I am still obsessing over m,y daughters breakup as well and they both have new people in their lives. I feel like I am a nut case that I can't let it go. They are young but I still, in my gut, feel they belong together. Silly? Yeah.... Although last night my daughter admitted to me that she feels sad when she sees her ex in pictures with the new girl and that she hope they will be back together someday..... Life is so hard and I become so overly invloved with my children. Sometimes I truly wish I didn't care so much.

Alecia

Louise - posted on 09/13/2013

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my 15 yr old son just broke up with his 1st real girlfriend. they were so cute together. spent all summer, every day together. she even went on vaca with us. never any drama. her mom was so good to him.seemed like the perfect relationship. then bam, one day he just decided that he was done, over her just like that.the poor girl is devastated. ive talked to the mom, hoping they would get back together. given my son some hints about getting back together. he dosent want to hear it. only been a wk & hes already hanging out with a new girl!! im devastated, keep thinking about the poor ex g friend.i feel so bad for her. i feel like im the one whos been broken up with. feel like im obsessing over this, while hes just moved his little heart on. cant stop thinking about the poor girl b cuz i know shes still hurting. i wish i could make things better for her. i know hes only 15, but how do they forget that fast. in love one day, cant b without her. now dosent think twice about her. im the one whos crying! feel like i never want to get to know any of these girls again. in fear of same thing to happen. what do u do?

Alecia - posted on 09/09/2013

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So good to find this topic here. I am struggling with my daughter's break up as well. They are 16/17. They were together a year and a half before he felt he was "missing out" and ended things right before summer. She spent the summer crying and he spent the summer catching up on what he was missing out on.

Eventually she came out of her darkness, starting hanging out with friends and met someone new. The ex got wind of this and all of the sudden wanted her back. They spent a few weeks hanging out over summer and then she realized that she didn't feel the same about him anymore. She had lost respect for him and gained some respect for herself.

She is now dating the new guy for almost 2 months! The ex has a new girl as well and seems happy. So if they are both so happy, why am I still so sad? Even though he wasn't nice to her at the end, I still miss him and prayed they would end up back together. I am an idiot I guess, because I felt they were made for each other, even at their young ages. I am depressed over the breakup and the idea they have new people and are not with each other. I feel so foolish and silly and can't tell anyone about it because I know I would be looked at like a crazy person. I guess time will heal my wounds as well? ugh..... I certainly won't get as invested with another boyfriend like I did the first one.

Sandra - posted on 08/27/2013

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Lucy, yes I think it is a little "normal."
Otherwise, the rest of us would not have been so heartbroken for our Daughters when things did not work out. The price of loving our sweet girls so very much! I wish you the best of luck and enjoy the fact that she is sharing with you her happiness!

Lucy - posted on 08/14/2013

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This is so interesting because what's happening to me is the opposite of this , my daughter is in a relationship her first serious one and is in the beginnings stages so all very romantic and beautiful .... I am so happy for her seeing her this happy and in love makes me high as a kite! But this is the weird part that I want to know if any of you experienced this ..... When she shows me his poems that he has written for her or shares with me how she gets butterflies .... I get them too! WTH?!
Is it because I'm so happy for her? it's almost like I'm experiencing the same feelings of falling in love!
So for the moms that are going through break ups I so totally feel for you! I can understand your pain because I know the same thing would happen to me! So has anybody experienced this? Like the mom from the older post said .... I'm a nut case mom that seems to live vicariously through her daughter!

Melinda - posted on 08/05/2013

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OMG, I have the same problem. My daughter had a boyfriend that she just broke up with because he was cheating on her with his ex. Daughter is 15, bf is 16.
He always said he loved my daughter and cried because of what he did. His ex would manipulate him and make him feel bad for her. He now says he didn't love my daughter like he thought he did. Im having trouble believing that but I'm not in his head. I am heart broken as though he broke up with me. I also feel like Im crazy. I just called to get into counseling to deal with whatever my problem is. My daughter already goes to counseling for her depression she's had since 8 years old. I don't know how to help her. When I talk to her about it, I cry. It's so hard. Even though they were only 15/16, they talked about being together forever. (I know the chances of that are slim but it does happen. I need some encouraging help with this.

Octavia - posted on 07/19/2013

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My heart aches for my daughter....my daughter just broke up with her boyfriend of 5 months. Young love hurts 😢Stayed up with her last night because she could not sleep. My daughter discovered her boyfriend posted something yesterday on another girls Instagram declaring that he loved her. The nerve racking thing is that he used his user name that had her name attached to it. She confronted him by phone and he said it wasn't him and that his account was hacked into. That's hard to believe when my daughter tells me it was a second account he created also with her name attached. Because the first one also had glitches. Hmmm,.... Sounds fishy. He was crying his eyes out, my daughter was crying her eyes out and so was I because my daughter was so disappointed. He kept on denying that he did not post his love for the other girl and that if she wanted to believe Instagram over him then she should brake up with him. And so when she asked him if that is really what he wanted her to do....she did. For a split second I was so proud of her. Then after the hang up the tears started to pour down. I've been by my daughter's side for day one. She and her boyfriend really loved each other. After a few arguments here and there...this one seems to be the real thing. How do I console her and tell her everything is going to be ok?

Mary - posted on 06/29/2013

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Oh my gosh...I am going through and doing the same thing. . Our problem is the reverse she is going to college and he still has a year left of high school. He did the breaking because he knew things weren't going to be the same. He refuses to see her. Came out of the blue with no warning.

I'm trying to get a handle on what part of this worries me so much. The rejection she feels? His confusion? And in the big scheme of things why does it effect me so much. I mean really I am a rationale woman and my two boys breakups never affect me...What is it about hers? I feel crazy sometimes I worry about it so much. I am a strong Christian woman...I say that not because I am arrogant about it or see others as "sinners", its just that I rely on my faith to get me through everything and it usually does. I know God has someone special just for her so why am I struggling to let this go?

Sandra - posted on 06/27/2013

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Doreen NO. Have faith in your Daughter she will finally make the smart decision. I have posted to this discussion a few times now. And Misty...Welcome to this discussion! You can scroll back to February to hear our story. I felt just like you do now! This posting helped me so much!

That being said, it is highly frustrating. My Daughter continues to go back when the ex calls. He makes plans with her then ditches at the last minute. The only positive about that is....each time he does that to her...it puts her off from him even more.

Fortunately, she still talks with another guy and hangs out with her circle of friends. Meaning, This ex is not her entire life.

I know my Daughter will finally make, the best decision for her and my hope is...that eventually she will be fed up enough to end it for good. I will keep you posted!

Misty - posted on 06/22/2013

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Wow! I know you posted this 2 years ago but we are made of the same mold!! I thought it was just me and that I was crazy. My daughter, 17, just broke up with her bf of 3 years. I LOVE this kid and excepted him as one of my own. She is doing fine and their break up was basically due to boredom. Neither cheated on the other or went partying or anything like that. I am a bawling mess on the other hand!! I just spent the last 2 hours texting him because I miss him. Have I lost it!!??!! She broke up with him 2 months ago and for the 1st 6 weeks He texted me and consoled him thru texting, phone calls abd in person every day. He was devastated and crushed. The poor kid. I tried to stay strong and positive. Now he is 'getting over her' and I'm a mess about it.

Btw, yes!!! I feel that when my kids get hurt. I feel that when I see anyone get hurt.

Sandra - posted on 05/03/2013

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Quick update. It has taken 2 months...my dear Daughter is doing well & has moved gracefully on from her first broken heart.

She started a part time job at the local mall and has met another guy that she enjoys talking with.

I told my daughter this is how it is supposed to be...you happy & smiling again. So my advice to other Moms ... As heart wrenching as it is to watch. Watch you must & it will get better. Promise! :0)

Sandra - posted on 02/22/2013

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Susan & everyone,

I truly feel for you & your Daughter. Sometimes our Daughter's stronger than US! I think we feel the hurt more than if someone was disrespecting US...because if it were us we could be in control of the situation...as in ot putting up w/h the guy, moving on etc...

Since our these relationships belong to our Daughter(s.). We are no longer in control, feel helpless..yet must endure watching them go through pain. Lovely, isn't it? :o(

It gets so old hearing these guys say over & over they have "problems/issues/depression, etc..."

Lame excuses. Unfortunately, it may take time before your Daughter accepts that.

My Daughter/17 & as I updated a few days ago...she went ahead & broke up w/h the guy. HOWEVER, she ended up calling him later that night. Uggh. He cried (really??)...SHE cried (genuinely) and when got off phone came into living room & told me they "are together" & she will see him this weekend. That was Wednesday evening. She has not heard from him since!

Like I said...He cried (Really?? Uh huh)

Anyway, I watch daily the range of emotions. Happily, I see her moving again towards "the light!" The light of "realization this Boy is being a total ass & she needs to move on. I am keeping my opinions to myself. Very hard but so necessary!

Good luck to you & keep me posted! :o)

Susan - posted on 02/22/2013

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Hi all,
Just want to say it's pretty amazing to have this forum to post our thoughts and feelings and to share our stories. Reading what other moms go though is comforting to me, because it makes me feel like I am not alone.
now for an update on my daughter's situation: since my last post in November my daughter has been in contact with the ex bf. First in mid Nov via text which didn't start out well; he accused my daughter of of trying to be with his cousin, which of course wasn't true. she was only texing the cousin alittle and they were trying to go to a movie; it was supposed to be 3 of them (the 3rd being the ex bf's sister). She never wound up going because the sister backed out and my daughter felt awkward with just the cousin. The ex bf was nasty, made her cry (takes alot for her to cry). At the end of the evening they spoke on the phone, and i guess she felt alittle better. He started texting her again in mid Dec, which quickly turned into a lot of daily texting. She went to his house right after xmas for an evening, then again new years (she stayed overnight, which i texted the mom the next day thanking her for having my daughter sleep over; other than that, I have not communicated with the parents, with the exception of exchange of xmas card). She saw him again over the period of a few days (which included spending the night again at his house) and then again towards the end of Jan. She brought up that she missed him/wanted to be a couple again; he backed off, saying he knew they would be together, but "it's not right for now" and they had problems to work out. Then first week of Feb she found out thru a coworker that he had been dating a girl he met at work, since probably mid Nov (not totally sure). She confronted him, but he basically said he wasn't cheating because they were not a couple. He admitted he was still seeing the other girl. My daughter didn't lose it, but instead said she didn't want to talk to him if he was talking to other girls. A photo appeared on instagram just 2 days ago of the other girl wearing his a hat at what looked like to be her apartment,and stating that if he wanted it back he has to meet her in the city Friday. My daughter asked him about it, he said he left it at work and she was joking saying that he had to meet her if he wanted the hat back. The photo has since disappeared. He recently admitted that he has been having panic attacks about losing her/her being with someone else. He also said he has been having major anxiety about their relationship,college, fear of losing her since the beginning of Sept. I almost feel bad that he is obviously struggling, then i remember what he has put my daughter though. I have told myself to stay out of it, that she has to get thru this. It just breaks my heart.

Susan - posted on 02/21/2013

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Hi Georgina, I sent you a message, did you get it? I'm having problems with my computer.

Sandra - posted on 02/20/2013

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Georgina,

An update. On Monday at School my Daughter found out the boy had been talking w/h his ex-girlfriend. The girl threatened to hit my Daughter. I immediately contacted the school and then later informed the boys Mom.

The Mom, embarrassed by her Son asked my Daughter to come to their home to talk face to face w/h her Son. I reluctantly agreed she could go...providing Mom was close by monitoring discussion.

Bottomline the boy admitted he was talking to an ex but he still "loves" my Daughter. He cried. My Daughter did nothing. Then, He attempted the old lame routine of turning it back around and blaming my Daughter. But by this time my Daughter had progressed to the angry stage and was having none of it!

When I picked my Daughter up that evening they agreed they would try to work it out. Wednesday nights/tonight is their usual visit night during the week. She did not hear from him until late. He acted as though nothing was wrong and didnot invite her over or ask to see her. She knew then he was not going to put forth the effort.

I have taken a step back since the weekend to let her firgure this out. She came to me about an hour ago crying. She said "I broke it off. It needed to be done and if he trys to win me back then maybe I will rethink it. But for now it is the thing to do."

Once again I ache for her. The Boy took a cowards way out. She ended up having to do the breaking up. My Daughter THEN texted the Boys Mother to let her know.

I told my Daughter...her name is Allison...I am proud that she has enough class about herself and respect for the boys parents to let them know. She is etting ready now to go out to eat w/h her 2 best girlfriends.

We are on road to recovery! (Hopefully!). :o)
Sandra

Sandra - posted on 02/17/2013

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Georgina,

Thank you for the kind words. I do appreciate it. It is still "fresh" as this all just happened 3 days ago. On Valentines day, no less! So hard to see you're child in pain. As a Mothers instinct is to "fix" it.

I will keep you posted and you are correct the boys family loves my Daughter.

Thanks again. :o)

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