Gina - posted on 08/27/2011 ( 200 moms have responded )
A week ago, my 17 year old daughter's boyfriend broke up with her. He has been away at college the past year and she is still in high school. There were new experiences that he was having - drinking, parties, clubs (etc.). He was a shy, studious guy back home and seemed to her that he was changing into a different person at college. It didn't help that Facebook pictures kept popping up of him at clubs, him drunk, him with a bunch of girls. She sort of had to witness this but he never talked about his life there. (FB can be such a problem that way). I think his behaviour is typical and I tried to gently warn her before he went away that changes would happen. He did come home every couple of weeks as the college is not far. But he never invited her to visit. Anyway, when he was home, everything was wonderful for her and he was back to his old self. I know he is just finding himself and I don't fault him for anything. I feel he broke up with her so that he could experience college fully so to speak, and not have to worry about a girlfriend getting mad at him. Totally understandable. But of course he didn't say that to her. He said he was doing this for her...he wanted to stop "hurting" her. She doesn't understand this and is of course hurt but seems to be handling it ok. We talk about it often and I'm just being supportive, keeping her busy, etc. So here is the problem...I am devastated. What is up with that? What is wrong with me? This kid has been in our life for three years. I am friends with his parents. Why should this breakup be affecting me? I'm trying to figure out why this response is happening to me? Am I taking on my childs hurt so she wont be so hurt? It is almost like her getting an injury but the pain transfers to me. When she was a small child and fell down or something, I actually felt kind of a uterine contraction. This is so weird. Anybody else ever experience this sort of transferrance of pain? Any advise for a nutcase mom who seems to live vicariously through her daughter? Thanks.