Teenager is a habitual liar

Lori - posted on 01/24/2010 ( 1 mom has responded )

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Does anyone have any suggestions for handling a teenager who lies so much..I can't even tell what the truth is. The lies are about me and my husband. It has gotten so bad that the lies have gotten to teachers at school and told them I was being abusive! Police came to the house, DCFS is investigating and everything.....need help. Any suggestions are more than welcome

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User - posted on 02/01/2010

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Hello Lori,

I feel you pain and my heart goes out to you and your family. I was a teenager that despised my stepfather for being there when my birth father wasn't(Yea, I know it sounds as crazy as that notion actually is!!). Long story short, I lived in a typical middle class household in the San Francisco Bay area. Bcuz my stepfather required that we complete chores weekly, I began to rebel. Basically, I was punished bcuz, I blatantly refused to wash dishes again, and as a consequence I received a spanking. I called ran to a friends house and called the police and from that point began to create stories about the abuse that never happened in our household. The lies that I told landed me in a group home 20-25 miles away from the neighborhood, parents, & friends that I knew. To top it all off, I was transported to the group home at 3am in the morning and awoke to other girls asking me how I ended up in the group home. My experience was truly filled with the reality that "I had it GRAND living with my parents." During that experience, I talked with girls that had been intentionally burned with irons and curling irons, placed on the streets to sell their bodies, had their fingernails pulled out with pliers, and even more. I could no longer go outside in the yard to jump double dutch at will, I had to get permission to make a telephone call, I was no longer allowed to make a choice of what I wanted to eat in the refrigerator, I had to do my laundry when everyone else did theirs, I had to get out of bed at a scheduled time with all of the other girls, activity time was scheduled and was ONLY once a week. When going outside for activity time the gates were trimmed in bobwire and ALL doors had security locks that would only open with the supervisors key. After having a social worker question me about whether my brother was my true brother or "half-brother", having my mother deny my collect telephone calls, having the judge in my case(Yes, even though I tried numerous times to retract my allegations of abuse...the state continued to go forward with what I'd alleged) tell me that I was going to be placed with my biological father in Los Angeles, and seeing the hurt, pain and grief in my mother & stepfathers eyes, did I realize the mistake that I'd made; although it really didn't hit me until I got to my biological father's home and realized that he did not watch television, listen to the radio, and did not have phone service in his home. It's gets better...my family from the San Francisco area came to Los Angeles to visit friends for the Thanksgiving holiday and my mother refused to allow my brother and stepfather to come see me on the other side of town, regardless of how I begged to see them. Long story short....after three days and nights of leaving messages for my mother and stepfather, my mother grudgingly allowed me to return home with them in San Franciso, and I was never so elated and from that point on became the most obedient child and the lies have never returned. So, I say to you that as parents our hands are forced by the lies that our children may tell. Rest in knowing that the truth will prevail and that God is on your side. Your child may be just as naive as I was at their age. I truly thought that by calling the police on my stepdad, they would force him out of the house and never considered that I'd be removed instead. If a child is exposed to the "child protective system" as a result of the lies that s/he has told, trus me in knowing that the child will and is surely in for a wake up call. The bravado that's on display will soon deteriorate once his/her freedom to come and go at will is no more. Although my parents did not seek legal counsel that may be something that you and your family consider. Have you considered seeking the counsel of your church Pastor. I will be praying for you and your family as well as your teenager.



In His Light & Love,

Angela

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