Teens and Pot Smoking

Tamara - posted on 04/23/2012 ( 14 moms have responded )

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I heard from a family member a few months ago that live in our community that they witnessed my 14 year old son behind a gas station with some other kids smoking pot. I was incensed to say the least. However I kept my cool when I addressed him and told him that although I understand his curiosity and perhaps peer pressure that may have lead him to do this. I told him that it is not cool and that pot is a gate way drug to harder substances. I told him about addiction and how it has ruined people’s lives. He said he understood and not to worry.

Fast-forward… we have been having issues with attitude and his lack of motivation with school work and everything. I assume from reading most post that most teens at this age are like this. All he cares about is texting, friends and video games. He is an average student, despite the teachers and I know he could be doing much better but is content with just getting by. Not to get side tracked, he came home the other night from hanging out with friends appearing slightly off. Red squinty eyes and an insatiable appetite. I asked him if he had been smoking. After much evasive ness the confessed and told me that he had been doing it for months. I told him I was very disappointed at him and that we would talk about it a little later. I had to quickly gather my thoughts and figure out how best to handle this situation. About 30 minutes and a glass of wine later. I sat him down for a heart to heart. I started with look I am going to be honest with you. I do not condone you smoking pot what so ever. However I cannot keep you in a bubble so that I trust what you are doing. I told him that I have in my own day tried it as well but I was in my 20’s and it lead to a heavier addiction that cost dearly. It lasted a few years and I cleaned up when I got pregnant by him and decided to grow up.

I told him the truth and answered his questions as honestly as I could. I told him that I understand that pot is prevalent with kids in school. I just didn’t think it would be middle school. I realize that I can’t stop or force him. I can just equip him with the facts and hope that he makes the right choices. I got him a few library books that talk about the uses and effects of Marijuana use so that he is aware. I also told him although I am being honest with him I want him to be honest with me as well but that does not by far mean in anyway shape that I want him thinking this is cool because it is not. I talked to him about peer pressure and making the right choice of not trying anything more than pot. I hope I handled this the right way. Any comments?

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Claire - posted on 09/18/2012

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STOP the lie that pot is a gate way drug its harmless my aunt has smoked pot sense she was 14 and she is about 60 and has never thought about trying heroin. You make it a gateway drug becuase if the teen knows hey pot stays in your system for a month but heroin stays in your system for 2 days which are they going to choose?! You are not helping you're hurting your facts are flawed we get a new teen everyday for detoxing off heroin and you know what they told me " I was caught smoking pot, so my mom drug tested m every two weeks so i did research and found i can get high on heroin and other opiates with out being detected." Your facts are flawed marijuana is not i repeat not addicting there are not physical withdraws symptoms. There all in your head i hope the original poster reads this before her teen comes in my clinic for heroin or opiate detox.

Vanessa - posted on 04/23/2012

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Sounds all too familiar for me! My son is 17 and I'm still having a hard time with him as far as weed is concerned. I don't think anyone should judge the way you handled this situation. At least you're handling it. I think its great that you were honest with him. It showed that you know what you're talking about because of your own experiences and you're pulling out some crap from a book. And at the same time, I hope, he sees that you treated him like a young adult instead of a child and hopefully he respects you for that. But please stay on top of this every day!!! Talk to him everyday! It's you versus his peers & the media which is an unfair battle of course, so you need to take advantage of the time you have with him. And not just to talk about weed & drugs & even sex but about anything. That will also help him become comfortable in talking to you. About anything. Good luck to you and your son!

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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I am going thru the same thing here. The only difference is that my son's grades have stayed As & Bs. I think you handled the talk beautifully but I didn't see any consequences. What sort of consequences are you dealing out? I took all of his extras away (xbox, cell, netbook & ipod) and he is only allowed to go to school and track. I told him it would at least be a month since this was a 2nd offense, tho I didn't give an exact end date. He's also been doing extra chores. Next week, I'll give it all back along with the notification that it's his last chance to earn the trust back. Next time will be a MUCH longer lock-down. I realize that he's only experimenting, but he's on the fast track for scholarships both athletically and scholastically. If the school was to find out, he would be kicked out of sports and lose the chance of any scholarship. If he gets busted outside the house with it, he gets a criminal record. I just want to make sure he learns that it carries very serious consequences!! I've told him that in his situation at school, he has the opportunity to lead other kids, whether that be in the right direction or the wrong. He needs to be a leader, not a follower and he needs to lead in the right direction!! I also told him that I don't think any of his friends that he's smoked with will stop being friends if he says no to pot and if they did, what kind of friends were they.

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Tamara - posted on 09/25/2012

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As an update to my orginal post. Since the talk I had with my son, he continues to spoke pot. Although he still comes home with the red squinty eyes and an insatiable appetite have not given him any consequences as of yet, He has actually begun school and is doing much better. He is staying on top of his school work and chores. Now as I am observing him without saying much for the moment, I have noticed that since he is only 14 he doesnt have a job to support his pot smoking, there for he is selling stuff in his room, i.e., old printer and monitor which I didnt mind, however I just noticed that he sold his playstation, expensive ear phone, bike and skate board. I am conflicted and uneasy about this. I cant emagine anyone selling stuff to get pot. He assured me that he is not doing anything else other than pot. He said that he is using some of the money for pot and saving some to get a fancy skat board. (We'll see) I established that if his grades began to decline it would be just cause to dish out swift and appropriate consequences. That means coming home straigt from school (althought there is a two hour window between the time he gets home from school and the time I get home), after which he would be on lock down. He will not be allowed to go anywhere for any reason. If I leave to run errands he goes with me until his next report card. During which time, I think I will take him to a youth shelter to see where he could very well end up as well as sitting in on a Narcotics Annanonymus program. But for now its just giving him a chance to either show me he wheather he is just a regular functioning pot smoker like most teens and some adults, or if there is any signs or reason for concern and take a more serious approach. I feel it fair to let him ride it out. Isn't life an opportunity to learn from our OWN mistakes? Please let me know your thoughts on this.

Sandra - posted on 09/24/2012

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My 17 year old smokes and does pot.



I gave him a drug test and he failed.



I grounded him but I know he still does it.



I won't let him use the car to go out with his friends.



Last week he stayed out until 2:45 without a phone call and didn't answer his cell phone it went straight to voice mail. He left home at 4 pm to go to the football game and I was very worried.



I called the police to make sure there wasn't any accidents. They came to the house and he showed up while they were here. He is grounded 2 weeks. Worse part is he is getting his 15 year brother involved in everything he does. He is also grounded two weeks.



The policeman told him if they had gotten stopped for anything that far after curfew that they would probably both be taken to Juvie. Maybe him but definitely his younger brother since he is so young.



All I can say is if they ever take the younger one they better take the older one too or I will personally drop him off. If he gets him in trouble they are both going to pay the price.



I can't keep him locked up forever. He will be 18 in a few weeks. I hope it is a phase and passes.

User - posted on 09/19/2012

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My son is a smoker and when I first found out, I was devastated. But its a losing battle. I tried taking everything away. And I know I cannot keep an eye on him 24/7 and he can lie about it. So I gave him the example of his pot head father (ex husband) and let him realise how his father can never hold a job, never has money, 2 failed marriages, no car, basically living off of his family.... Hope one day he opens his eyes. He has been smoking on and off for 2 years.. Hope one day, he grows up and realizes that this is not the way to go. As for his grades, he can keep them up if he works at them,.

Taylor - posted on 09/12/2012

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Listen.

You can't stop your kids from smoking pot.

Everyone does it at least once in their life.

It's only a gateway drug if you LET it be.

The only thing it led me to was the fridge!

I'd say just tell him not to be stupid with it.

And you have to keep your eyes out for signs of harder drugs, and if you do, put your foot down immediately!

Kimberly - posted on 09/11/2012

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I am in a similar situation - my fifteen year old son was caught with older boys smoking marijuana two weeks ago. I had no idea he had been doing this - I have a family history positive for drug and alcohol abuse and I felt he knew how strongly his father and I felt about this. We took his cell phone and all his privileges with the exception of his Xbox. We took him to the pediatrician he has seen his entire life and we have an appointment with a counselor in about two weeks. He has not ranted or raved at us and seems to be very accepting of his

punishment. I am just so disappointed in his decision-making that I am almost physically ill. I have cried every day since it happened and feel as if I am the one who needs counseling. He knows better and I don't know when I will ever be able to trust him again. He has never given his father or I reason to distrust him before and even though he has three older sisters who made mistakes, my heart is broken over this and I am having such a hard time. Does anyone have any advice for me?

Tamara - posted on 04/30/2012

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Bonnie,

I too am conflicted. I know that pot is so prevelant that I just think its a losing battle. If your son wants to smoke he will. He has to want to give it up to stop. He wont just because you dissprove. I think putting him in Juvi will do more harm than good. I am afraid he will either associate with some hard core kids that do worse thus resenting you. On the other hand in may work and he may get the message, however I think its a gamble and the cost of negative impact is too high of a price. I just pray and hope that he either out grows this or that if he continues he either stays out of trouble and go on to graduate and get a job and moves out. Believe it or not a large number of society has done just that.

Bonnie - posted on 04/25/2012

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Hi,my name is Bonnie and I have a 16yr. old was caught smoking weed also. I was disappointed in him,I cried for hours after I found out. I have been telling him for years to not smoke weed or even cigarettes for that matter. I have explained how harmful those toxins can hurt his body. But I gave him an at-home drug test and it showed up positive. I tried to explained to him the bad consequences that he will have to face with using drugs or even alcohol. I told him I love him very much and that I only want what's best for me. I told him to think about his future and focus on graduation,not your friends. Because if you get held back and your friends move on without you,they won't be your friends anymore. I did tell him that I will test him really soon again and if the test came up positive again that I will send him to a Juvenile Detention center. Am I wrong?



Sincerely,a concern mother

Tamara - posted on 04/23/2012

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Thanks everyone. At the time in an effort to establish an comfortable and honest environment for him or me to relate to what he is doing. I did not establish any consequences per say. Let me clarify. I laid out the pros and the cons as to the effects of and sub sequential use of pot. I explained to him the dangers being under the influence and how it affects your judgment especially at that age. I explained peer pleasure and not to succumb even though you are smoking and what the physical and physiological dependencies are of other drugs. Lastly I explained to him how could potentially cost him more than he is willing to gamble. I told him to use proper judgment as much as I have taught him. I stated firmly, I do not what him to ever come in this house in a state of inebriation (ie, red eyes, wreaking, laughing and disrespect). No bringing any kind of paraphernalia in here, not even a lighter (and I do check his room occasionally when he is not home, he just doesn’t know it) also firmly told him since he chose to try this than you must also accept any responsibility that comes along with it. You play you pay.

My parents were strict really strict. I was a catholic school girl till graduation at high school but us good girls (which I was and still am prude) found was to do things. I am just trying to approach this a little bit different in a modern time. Not easy for me. TRUST ME. However I think the best approach is to teach, guide and let him hold him accountable for any decisions that he makes. How else will he learn from his mistakes?

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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Yes, everyone calls me Tab. That's fine, I just wanted to make sure I didn't sound like I was judging you.

Vanessa - posted on 04/23/2012

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Oh I'm sorry Tab (can I call you that?) I think we were typing at the same time and your post came out first. :-) No I wasn't talking about your post. I was trying to be encouraging. And I didn't think about the consequences either but you're right. Consequences are important as well as follow through.

Tabitha - posted on 04/23/2012

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I hope I didn't come across as judging, I certainly wasn't trying to. I just wasn't sure if she left that part out of her post or just wasn't adding any consequences. I threw my experience in there to compare. Either way is fine, whatever works is what works.

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