text,facebook,ok?

Carla - posted on 10/03/2009 ( 15 moms have responded )

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I think we parents are the first generation to have to decide on texting,facebook,im and all of the other fast pace things no other generation has had to deal with. where are the rules, the etiquette, how do we monitor without invading?

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Mekaila - posted on 07/30/2014

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hello..im not a mom..im just 14 and a kid myself so im not telling you that what you're doing is wrong because as i said im just a kid so i have no idea..but checking her text messages seem a bit strange to me ......my parents would check my message if they saw me text a new number they dont know but just text messages with my friends that they know they wouldn't look at those because some things are just really personal maybe their friend might have told them something they would feel uncomfortable if you knew..i was just wondering

Sophia - posted on 02/19/2014

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Just be a part of the people the are close with on line.. My middle son has a cousin he went to daycare with and they continue to attend the same middle school.... However things change with his cousin and I no longer wanted or encourage their friendship on or off line. My son went on to collage ,he drop out of school. My son get high on life ,he need to smoke all day. So just stay close to the people he call friends ... Even family...

Christine - posted on 10/06/2009

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My son is 14. He has had a cell phone for a couple of years now and we give him unlimited texting. We have rules and boundaries. We also set up a facebook account for him because much of my family and some of his younger cousins are on facebook, so its a good way for them to communicate when we all live on opposite ends of the country. He uses his facebook on the iPhone so it is quite limited and easier for us to monitor. We have not had any problems with him and the facebook account and the cell phone is a great tool for grounding purposes if he doesn't do his chores or follow rules. Just have clear boundaries for the usage (we said he cannot have phone calls or text messages after 8:00 p.m. unless its family or he is at a school function and he cannot have his phone in his room after that time after looking on the phone bill and finding him texting after midnight). Some phones allow you to take off features if you do not want them to have internet access, etc, so the phone will depend on what all you want your child to have access to. He does get upset sometimes when we review his text messages, but we only do this when he has broken the rules of the phone usage. Him being a teenager privacy is important, but he also has learned that privacy is also earned.

Suzanne - posted on 10/06/2009

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I don't think there is any such thing as "invading" your kids' privacy. Monitoring your childrens' activities, whether it is playing outside, chatting on the computer, or texting on a cell phone, that all falls under the basic parenting job description!



My son has no interest in MySpace or Facebook, but my daughter has both, as well as texting. Like the rest of you, I have all of her logins and passwords, can read her test messages online anytime (although with as many as she sends, I would never get anything else done if I wanted to read them all!), as well as reading archived messages on an instant messenger. But we actually went a couple of steps further. The kids are NOT allowed to take a laptop into their bedrooms and shut the door, they have to use it in full view of a parent. AND my husband installed a monitoring program on the computers (that the kids have no idea about) that records everything, down to every keystroke and website. Not that I don't trust my kids, but they are savvy, and they have friends over quite a bit.

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I am an invader! I have no problem looking at my teenagers text messages, monoriting his computer activity. He lives under my care and he must deal with it! It is my responsiblity to teach him right from wrong and to protect him while he is a minor. I make no apologies for it.

Tiffany - posted on 10/06/2009

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Both of my teens text, have myspace and facebook. I have the logins and passwords and dad monitors the texts. We give them a little space but they know we check on them. They are honest, to a point i'm sure, but this arrangement works for us. I feel I can trust my kids.

Jessie - posted on 10/05/2009

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I agree with keeping passwords and such for everything they do. I have my 13yr old son's passwords for everything! I also have his yahoo messenger set to archive every conversation so i can log in anytime and review it. I log onto his myspace a couple times a month and go thru his in-box and sent mail. I'm just looking for anything out of line, or inappropriate.
As for cell phones, he texts almost constantly. I have the ability to limit his daily texts but have not gone that far with it yet. I told him if he gets in trouble for texting during class, thats IT! I will lock it down to 20 a day (which would mean he couldnt text anyone but me or his dad pretty much). We use Verizon and I also subscribe to the Family Locate app. When it works right, its a fabulous program.I can find him anywhere at anytime and we get alert messages with in 10 minutes of him leaving or arriving at certain locations around town. He knows I am always "watching" so he is pretty good about most of it.

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My daughter and I have this under control. I am a member of every thing that she likes so I can check on her at anytime and I also let my sister's know her member name so that they can tell me what maybe going on that I am missing. I must say though, my daughter's cousin's are actually the first in line and have busted her more than I have. Just tell her that you are going to check every once in a while, it is not becuase you don't trust her, it is because you don't trust any one else!

Jeannette - posted on 10/04/2009

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I am an invader...I've learned a lot about my kids friends by invading...it has also opened up opportunities to discussion of things there were obviously misunderstanding. Yeah, they get mad that I look or care, but when we talk about the information sharing that is bad/wrong information, they are happy to have the truth. We are close though...

Brenda - posted on 10/04/2009

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My son asked to be added to myspace when he was 13 (at the time that was the starting age). I made an agreement with him that he could as long as I was his friend (I also have the passwords and logon to all websites). As his friend I could see things he put out there, and see what his friends were saying to him. It was a great way to monitor. My daughter is now on myspace and facebook, as well as my son (who is in college now). I am listed as a friend on all of them. I do not only use it to monitor them, but take part in being on these sites to talk to family (showing them it is something that can be used in a family friendly way and not just to gossip or complain). It has worked for us. As far as a the phone there are several ways to monitor, I only allow my children to have prepaid phones so they can only do so much.

Judy - posted on 10/03/2009

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I finally relented and allowed my children to open a facebook account when my oldest was 14 yrs. old. I allowed them to do this with the condition that they give me the login and password. They do text, but only with those they have in the address book on their phone, which I have access. My kids know that I will not hesitate to look at anyone of them, or even search their rooms when they are not there.



I have made it clear to them, that as long as they are under the age of 18 and living in my house, I have every right to enter their room and search or take their phone and read the texts anytime and have randomly checked their accounts. For the most part though, I do give them their privacy and I rarely have to actually question them about whatever texts I see or messages on facebook they type.



Even at ages 15 and 16, they still need to ask before signing up or registering for any website. We always check it out and then we make sure they don't put to much personal information on the sites. My husband has network all the computers in the house and he can access anyone of them to check out their history (he does do this on a monthly basis).



It is a very different time now with all the technology we have today. This technology allows for new ways for bad people to prey on our children and we have to be very vigilant on teaching our kids about the internet and texting. (A huge warning: sometimes pics are sent through cell phones that are not appropriate for children to see. I highly recommend that you tell your kids not to open anything from numbers they do not know and to bring it you.)

Wendy - posted on 10/03/2009

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I allowed my daughters to get a myspace when they each turned 14, now they both have a facebook also. They have me as a friend on both so I know what they're writing about. I do have their passwords, so I go on occasionally to see what you don't see as a friend. They keep their phones are on the table while they are home. They are not allowed to hide it away. Just make them aware that at any time you will be randomly checking up on them. If you find anything inappropriate, punish, but find out the whys behind it. My younger daughter lost her texting ability. If you don't stand by your rules, you lose credibility. She knows not to ask when she'll text again. Good luck with your decision.

Valorie - posted on 10/03/2009

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Don't be afraid to invade! It is our job as parents to teach our children right from wrong and when you are monitoring, if you see something wrong, you can and should put a stop to it immediately. We are older and wiser than they are (although teenagers think we don't know anything) and they really do need our guidance. Someday they will understand. I have an 28 year old who now raises her son with the same techniques that I raised her with. So, invade, invade, invade. It will make a huge difference.

Bekah - posted on 10/03/2009

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With my 13 year old I just ask. He is pretty honest with me about what is going on and what not. He doesn't have a facebook page yet but the websites he does use I know the passwords for and though I don't use them I have them. If I were suspicious of anything I would definitely not hesitate to look at his texts and pages but he is honest with me. On his phone I have the family track GPS thing and also I have limited the phone numbers he can text to and receive texts from. He has to bring me the name and number for me to approve the number and so far it has been fine but then again he is still only 13 so we haven't hit the harder years yet.

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