Thirteen Year Old Daughter Acts Like She Hates Me!

Amy - posted on 12/01/2010 ( 8 moms have responded )

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When my 3rd daughter turned 13 she turned into a different person! I didn't have this problem with her older sisters. She flies into these rages, screams, throws things, hits her siblings, just goes bananas! I have high blood pressure and this is the hardest parenting task I've been faced with!

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Sam - posted on 12/03/2010

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Ahhh.... those wonderful lines of communication that get so tangled, we sometimes wonder how, if ever, is the message going to get through! Take comfort in knowing that your daughter doesn't hate you.....she is just acting out. She probably sees you as the "stick in her wheels". I agree with what the other ladies wrote...get some one on one time with her. Go slowly, maybe go see a movie with her; where you can't really talk, but you are just together. I seem to think that she is looking for attention. Not really knowing how to get it nor from whom she is really needing it from. This is a hard time in her life, some kids handle the change well, other are confused by all these new emotions.....

There are many possible answers for your daughter's behaviour. Let her know that you aren't going to judge her and that all you want to do is help her through.

As for the fits, don't REACT. This is negative attention, and not really what we want to convey to our children (that we will give them the attention they need when they are angry and violent) When she throws her fits, tell her to go throw her fit in her own space, probably her room, and that when she decides she has had enough, that she can come and talk to you. Even if, in her room, you can hear her, ignore her. If she wants to throw things around and break her things, then, those are lessons she will learn and that they won't be replaced. Once she has calmed down (and she will), then you could go to her. If she starts up again, walk away calmly......don't REACT. I have done this with my youngest and it works wonders because she is only getting attention when she is calm, and not when she is in hysterics!!

Good luck....let me know whats happening!! xox-Sam

Margaret - posted on 12/02/2010

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Had this issue with my son at 14. They are seeking their independence as an "adult" but are frustrated. Need to let the little things slide. Let her make mistakes,but hold her accountable for them. Teach her there is a price to pay for her "big girl" decisions.If you chose to make an issue of something, don't back down. She'll realize she can't wear you out. My son, now 21,laughs when he recalls this period. I actually moved him to a private school, because of the negative impact I thought he was getting from a public school. He said it was funny then. He thanks me know for not giving in. He is a full time student in a private college and works full time. A little bit of discipline during the "growing pains" goes a long way. It was not easy.

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Pauline - posted on 12/10/2010

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It isn't that she hates you at all. I had to talk to all my kids, boys and girl when they hit puberty about how hormones can affect them. They have higher highs and lower lows and can go from one to the other in a flash. I told them that even though I understood this that they needed to know it to and remember that what they do or say can be hurtful. Try just talking to her about all the changes, sometimes just making them more aware is all it takes. Good luck :)

Melissa - posted on 12/09/2010

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okay when she does this what do you do? do you scream back if you do STOP she knows shes pissing you off she knows she has control. Is she on her period? if so her hormones may be goin wacko also can you tell when she gettin ready to blow up if so get her siblings out of the room and let her scream. but if shes not on her period she may be gettin ready to start an her hormones may be goin wacky. but dont scream trust me I know its hard not to but it really really works.

Racheal - posted on 12/08/2010

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puberty they al hate us. just always remember what it was like for you. pick your battles. shen will get better. lol

Geneva - posted on 12/07/2010

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From the age of 13-16 my daughter "hated" me too. I know have a boy that just turned 13 y/o and he is acting the same way she use to. I think this is just a phase that teenagers go through. i do put my foot down on really bad behavior but the rest i just ignore and usually that works to not give attention to it because they are looking for attention in a negative way, like the terrible 2's lol

Nicole - posted on 12/03/2010

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I know this is not an easy age for, I have a 23 yr old ,19,& 15 . My 15 yr old has anger issues but I must say he is much better then b4 . I did seek professional help and I did take a parent class . It did help and stress my dear is a killer becareful. Going out on a casual lunch or dinner may help ,I use to do that with my son and we would just start chatting about things and he started opening up more& more . keeping the line's of communication open no matter what is important . Sometimes teenagers @ that age do not always know why they are angry and might need some1 other then you to speak to .Staying calm does help I finally realized that . Good luck & I'm here if you ever need to chat . Nicole ;-))

Angie - posted on 12/03/2010

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Find out where her rage is coming from. I hate it when parents automatically through the ADD diagnosis so I can't believe I'm going to suggest a medical reason for this...... Is it possible that she has some sort of depression? I was like that and it didn't stop as I aged. A year ago, I was diagnosed with bipolar and it appears that my depression shows as anger. When she's not upset take her out to dinner or something and have an honest discussion about her feelings. My mom always said I was a "spoiled brat" or "melodramatic" it was the worst thing she could have done for me - but she didn't know better..... Good luck. Anger is a tough thing and often can't be controlled so it's important for her to find a way to be angry without being out of control.

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