troubled teen

Rose - posted on 08/11/2010 ( 19 moms have responded )

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I have a teen/16/ who has been drawn into the wrong crowd. We have had court dates and been threatened out of our lease because of his actions. I have had one family member tell me to kick him out but that is not happening. Are there any suggestions out there? Maybe someone who has gone through something like this?

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Vicky - posted on 08/25/2010

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im in court tomorrow with my daughter again wroong crowd but this is a set up she has witnesses as to where she was and has even been told they name her to get her in trouble. I even have a facebook message saved to prove it.

Dont throw your teen out easy to say but where will they end up. I have done my best and it does not help im divorced and still going through court with the ex over my house. Im backing her 100% she is not a bad person

Twala - posted on 08/19/2010

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Get your child involved in something that he likes. Make sure the program has a mentoring program attached to it. It would be great if the mentor was a young person. Children listen and respect other children. I have a teenager boy as well and I know how you feel. It's like he woke up one day and I was like who are you. However, I keep talking to him and respecting him rather than treat him like that 3 year old boy. I find that talking and listening to him works. However, he still is disrespectful at times and it drives me crazy. However, I remember that he is growing and fighting for independence. Sometimes as parents i think that we forget that and have trouble letting go. I hope this helps.

Rose - posted on 08/18/2010

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thanks, I hav been waiting for someone who can actually relate. it is hard reading comments from people who hav no clue. i can't afford to move right now but in a year it should happen. I know that a lot can happen in a year but i think he has actually thought about what he is doing to the family after the letter from the landlord..

Becca - posted on 08/18/2010

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to angie,what you are talking about is a program called scared straight,what happens is the offending juvenile is taken to a local prison and there are certain inmates that will tell them what prison is all about.they let the inmates scare the crap out of these kids.

Becca - posted on 08/18/2010

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went thru the same thing with my 19 yr old daughter and i finally had to kick her out of my home.i know it is not an easy decision but depending on where you live there are programs to help teens,one really works is a program called SCARED STRAIGHT,it really helps teens to see if they stay on the path they are on now they will end up either in prison or dead.you can find out from your local police if they have this program or something similar to it.

Heather - posted on 08/18/2010

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I soooo feel your pain on this!! it would just be easy to throw them out, wouldnt it? but your the mom you love him and you will worry regardless of who he makes your life hell.. well you cant give up on him, or he will continue to act like an ass and end up resenting you and that isnt what any parent wants. I had similar problems with my son, first i moved, and he hated me for it, but umm i havent had a call from the police since its been a little over a year and when we went back to the town in which i lived.. he tried to find those friends that at one time ment soo much, and they didnt have time for him, I think he now realizes how bad those kids were for him, he also seen how the fines and court days effect me and i made sure to find away to relate that back to it hurts him too, i am crossing my fingers as he is only 16 now that we dont go back to court... best of Luck!!

Zatonda - posted on 08/18/2010

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I agree with angie, but you have to mean what you say, and say what you mean. Sometimes parents throw their hand in the air at 12 and 13 year old boys and really don't pay attention to their lack of attention to the court is in it, and it is so much easy to deal with them early on that later. It would be best to let the court get in it if he is at risk to himself or others. You really have to put your foot down if you expect him to give you respect at this age. Not only do he need it done now he needs it done for when he leaves home, and the way it sounds it may be sooner than later. He is still young and I would hate for him to get caught up in a situation where your looking at him behind a cell. I wish you luck and as I always say if he needs change the parents have to change as well so they will take you serious.

Rita_2_davey - posted on 08/18/2010

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Its time to show a "little touch love". Tell him the next time he gets into trouble or causes' a disturbance you are not going to back him. I dont' mean to sound mean but if you keep bailing him out, there is going to be a time that you are anybody else wont' be able to. This is in your sons' best interest. Nobody wants to kick their own child out however, if you dont' show him some tough love you are going nowhere. It sounds pretty obvious with the court dates' the misdemeanors at your home, there will soon be alot more trouble. He has chosen to hang around the wrong crowd and until something/someone puts the fear into him its not going to stop. You would be doing yourself a world of good by not bailing him out the next time. It is putting stress on yourself, I'm sure your health as well. Of course you are going to worry like any normal mom would but it just may save him from a higher court where there will be no coming right home. I hope you do the best, its hard but your son will be a better person for it. Take care and hopefully you will take this advise as others' have mentioned to you. Best Wishes!!

[deleted account]

Take him to a good counselor. I believe in therapy for all ages. He's not going to listen to you. Also, call the parents of the other kids & tell them to keep their kids away from yours. Change school if necessary. Does he have his Father living w/him? Father's can work miracles if they just do right by their kid. Therapy can help you & your son. It's not too late for him, keep trying, keep loving & encourage him to do the right things. Praise him when he does do something (even a little thing). God bless. My prayers are w/you.

Jana - posted on 08/15/2010

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Your local police dept should know. Like I said it is basically a court order signed by the judge, an agreement so to speak. If it is violated a warrant is issued. It is not a crime to runaway, stay out late, no go to school etc...so that is why the State of Wa. put this law into effect. The violation of the order becomes the crime. It really helps parents out a lot. Regardless he needs to be held accountable no second chances. He won't be scared into behaving. He may however find it extremely uncomfortable to make poor choices. You cannot shield your younger son. Usually kids having issues at home really is a "entire family issue". It is more than-fix my kid. (I say that with the utmost respect). For further communication email me: jana@eheroes.org

Rose - posted on 08/15/2010

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Thank you Jana i am in Mass and will look into what we have here. We do have something called a CHINS (child in need of services) They will monitor the child but it is very invasive to the family also. My younger son is great and I really don't want this effecting him more than it already has. Do you know of anything in my state that will protect him while helping out my teen? Thanks

Jana - posted on 08/13/2010

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Rose, I replied above. I just wanted to mention I have 20 yrs working in PD. Different states have different laws not only civil as in the case with your landlord, but criminal. Washington State has the becca bill. This kind of a bill really helps out parents. It allows the judge to issue court order to your son that spells out school attendance, curfew & running away. If he were to do any of these things in Wa. they would issue an arrest warrant based on the fact it is a viol. of a court order. Lastly, scaring him won't work unless it is done, factually void of emotion etc..Jana

Rose - posted on 08/13/2010

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Thank you everyone for the advice. The trouble with the landlord is drinking and weed, no proof but allegations. With the courts it is stolen property. I have fixed things before for him but have let him know that it will not happen again. I am going to try to use my connection in the P.O. dept and maybe get him to see what Juvie is really like. Thanks again, it's not easy as some of you know.

Jana - posted on 08/13/2010

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Rose, this is a tough place to be. Your son needs to be held accountable for ALL of his actions. You cannot kick him out as you are responsible for him. The best thing you can do is to not get ANGRY, he has to see his actions have consequences. Limit as much as you can his friends, etc...email me via eheroes.org and I can tell you more specifics. The bottom line is you cannot make him do anything-so enforceable statements are key. Jana

Sally - posted on 08/12/2010

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I haven't had to deal with such a thing, but it definitely sounds like some tough love is due. Military school? Sounds like some discipline is in order and might be necessary to seek it out elsewhere as he doesn't seem to care about it from home.

Stay strong and stay determined mom. Good luck!

[deleted account]

I would make it near impossible for him to hang out with his wrong crowd friends. Take his computer, cell phone and all of his comforts away. You are still his parent and he needs guidance and consequences. You did not say what kind of trouble he was getting in with the law, so it is hard to say how extreme you need to be with him. I would however stay on him, set rules and consequences that are very clear and enforce them if he breaks the rules. You might want to look into him talking to a therapist to see if there are issues you are unaware of. Good luck!

Louise - posted on 08/12/2010

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You have not said what behaviour he is getting up to? If it is the usual criminal damage or drinking that teenage boys find funny then just chat with him and tell him life is all about respect. Respect for other peoples property and respect to yourself. Luckily my sons did not go over to the dark side, but if they had caused a problem to another person whether it was damage to a persons property or stealing I would hit them where it hurt their wallet. make your son pay for anything that has been broken either in cash or by doing jobs for the other person. If you have a friendly police station then ask them to show him the cells and give him the speech. The police are only to happy to talk to teenagers to persuade them to behave appropriately. Try and steer your son into something productive like sport or volunteer work. It is hard and if your son does not want to change he wont. All you can do is guide him into making the right choices.

Kimberley - posted on 08/12/2010

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He must learn, period. He has too. He needs to be taken to a real prison, set in a cell for a few hours, told what to do and how to do it while there. maybe that will scare the crap out of him for him to realize that doing the right thing is what he must do. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to get a teenager to "wake up". Boot camp is another way to go about it, even though I have heard some horror stories about those places, id be sure and look into it clearly before doing that but that could be an option for you. I wish you luck and guidance. take care.

Angie - posted on 08/11/2010

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tell the court that you are ready for some stronger punishment do not stick up for him and let him spen a few hours sweating next time he gets in trouble or the cops call to tell you they have him... letting him know that you are not going to be there to save him may help if not then i suggest boot camp... worked like a charm for a friends son

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