Unemployed for the first time. I'm feeling like a looser. How do I stay positive for my family?

Lynda - posted on 09/28/2009 ( 17 moms have responded )

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I recently lost my job. A job that I loved and was good at. Now because of an untruth that one person reported I can't get anyone to give me a second look for a preschool teaching job. So I'm looking outside the teaching profession, but so far no luck. I can't even get hired at the local party store, because I'm over qualified. I'm trying hard to maintain my "everything's going to be ok" attitude for my kids, but that's beginning to fail. I feel like I'm letting my family down. My husband has been the only breadwinner in our family for the last month, and the stress of that burden is getting to him. If my ex-husband would only be consistent w/his court ordered child support payments, some of the stress might be eliminated, but that's doesn't seem to be happening. All I want to do is to stay in bed and cry. My boys are in high school, and I know that they understand, but I don't want them to have too. My friends and family just keep telling me that something better will come along. I'm beginning to feel like no one can relate to what I'm actually feeling. I don't know what to do.

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Jennifer - posted on 04/02/2011

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I have also been devastated by job-loss in the past. I just wanted to hide from everyone so I didn't have to talk about my job situation. In my case it was partly my fault I lost my job, and partly the actions of someone else. Getting fired versus laid off is more complicated, isn't it?
It put extra stress on my marriage because my husband resented the fact he was carrying so much on his shoulders and I felt guilty about it.
Have you looked for any resources in your community? Where I live there are programs that offer workshops about job searches, and some of them even offer groups that provide some peer support. Many people are going through similar feelings and it may help to feel you are not alone.
Best of luck.

Glenda - posted on 10/06/2009

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I too am in the same situation, its been a month and in the beginning it was nice, all this free time to get things done that have been neglected. Slowly that happy feeling has been going away till I feel that I'm in this little box with no way out. I do a lot of praying and job hunting, it is starting to wear me down.I am very impressed with the way your children are handling it and that should be a great source of comfort and happiness for you, just cling to that and your faith whatever that maybe for you. There are a lot of families that have no members employed right now so your husbands job is a blessing, little comfort as you may think that is I find every little bit helps. I hope things work out for you whatever that maybe.

Chrissy - posted on 10/01/2009

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You are NOT a loser. Losers would not worry at all what is happening. They would shrug it off and you haven't done that. Just Remember their are alot of people in the same boat right now, companies are closing their doors after years of being around. When one door closes a window opens just don't be blind to the window. Good luck.

Leslie - posted on 10/01/2009

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I know how you feel, I lost my job in February. I have always been the bread winner,so it was hard to let someone else take the lead for awhile. My ex- has never been one to pay child support so that was always left out of the budget. But I do wish he would pay his part. But it felt good to be home with my kids for once, to be able to make dinner for my family and also keep up the house work. I love it now, never thought I would say that but I do. Always thought I would go crazy, I now see how much my kids need me home. The other thing I did was find a job I could do on my own time and I wouldn't have to leave the house to do it. If you interested take a look at my web site: www.workathomeunited.com/LLParsons2. This is a great way to make money and still be home with your family. Anyways I hope that you start to feel better and don't be to hard on yourself. Things happen for a reason, so just put it in Gods hands and see what He does for you. God Bless...

Lori - posted on 10/01/2009

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The sephencovey's community online forum has helped me think through my concerns. I find those on this forum are very helpful and kind. You may not find the type of support on the SC forum, but you will be able to review your mind, body, spirit and heart and begin to set some clarity to the cloudy life you are living today. Bring about what you think about - I believe you have really worked hard to practice this. My support and thoughts are with you and your boys at this time. Good luck!

Lori Ketkar (moms4teens.com)

Elaine - posted on 10/01/2009

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I can feel everyones pain... and it seems the older you get the harder it is to get a job... but like i have read here... cregs list... look on line.... and the paper... as they say on good morning america reinvent yourself.... if you look at all the things you did in your job and the things you have enjoyed doing.... you will find you might be able to play those things up and find something new or something you have not thought of.... good luck Elaine

Maria - posted on 09/30/2009

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I know how you feel, Lynda! I'm actually in the same boat as you are. This is the first time I've been without a job, too and been at-home-mom for 2 years now. It's frustrating at times since I work in the medical field, and there are supposed to be jobs! Not where I'm at, though. My boys are also in high school, one's graduating next year, the other one a Junior. I know they understand, but sometimes I feel like I failed them somehow, yet I have to stay upbeat for my family, and like my husband says, keep the fort until he gets home (he commutes to work and back). I just keep myself busy at home with more applications and my dogs, so I don't find myself depressed. The last thing I need is to feel sorry for myself, because then I can't get anything done! I have to remember that my family needs me. I need to keep grounded no matter, and keep the faith that things will get better. I know it sounds cliche, but just hang in there!

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Try not to get depressed and give yourself a break. It is hardtimes out there for a lot of people and jobs are not easy to come by. Your kids are old enough to understand that you are doing the best you can. Keep your chin up and keep looking...something will come available.



Good luck!

Lori - posted on 09/30/2009

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Try posting on Craigslist as a babysitter, dog walker, cleaning help anything-you might be surprised on the responses. Not sure where you live-in regards to what is available-but try to set some time aside to visit 2-3 places/fill out applications and an hour or two to peruse help wanted sections (I also had luck with Craiglist, but we live in an area that is pretty populated). Also don't forget to go out and get some exercise-not only for your physical health, but for your mental/emotional health as well. You can do it!! Don't allow negative thoughts to rule who you are really-There are a lot of people out there in the same situation-you are faced with a challenge that you can meet and overcome. Pray, find support, exercise, set aside time to devote to the job search...

Barbara - posted on 09/30/2009

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well lynda see you are teaching your child well they understand about the problems not just your own family are having but everywhere , i hope you enjoy your spa day cause you need it , our children understand more then we think they do at times and sometimes we just dont understand them as much as we should , but you need to pick your self up and take each day as it comes , and have faith in god

Lynda - posted on 09/30/2009

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Thanks, Ladies. I know these things, but sometimes when your in the middle of the yuck it's hard to see the things that you're doing right. My boys are wonderful, they really understood about what was going on. My 14 & 16 year olds told me that they had enough clothes & didn't need any new school clothes this year. My son Xavier (16) and his girlfriend gave me a gift certificate for a spa pedicure recently for my birthday. I'd never had one before & what made it so wonderful was that they bought it for me. That did help me feel much better. Thanks again.

Barbara - posted on 09/29/2009

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your not a loser , so dont feel that many people are losing ther jobs and if you are home taking care of the house that is a job i understand it is hard for you not working and helping your husband , and as for your ex husband report him for being late or behind on his child support , get up out of the bed and get out side , if you like to help people than go do it , i was out of work and now i am working part time taking care of older lady who lost her husband maybe you could find something like that in your area, but get out of that bed and get a smile on your face , so feeling sorry for your self because your not only hurting you its hurting your family

Shelly - posted on 09/28/2009

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Lynda,

Sweety it's time to take a deep breath. And remember that you are not alone with this whole unemployment world. And if your boys are that selfish that they can't understand what your going through then they have alot to learn but by the way you talk you have done a good job with your boys I just wanted you to see what you are protraying!!! Sweety we all have are valleys that we have to walk through or we would never know what it is like to be on the mountain top. I will keep you and your family in my prayers just know that you have a wonderful family and they are there for you just learn to lean on them for support...

Jannette - posted on 09/28/2009

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I am sorry that you are going through such a hard time. Just know one thing you are not a loser you are just going through a hard time. If you were a loser you would not care about the effect it was having on your sons or husband and you obviously do. So long as you don't give up you are not failing. Use this time to work out what else you are passionate about and see if you can turn that into a career. If you do this you will be a success at getting into this career because it won't matter in the interview that you are over qualified because your passion will be more important and the interviewer will feel that to be without you will be a great loss to their company. You will interview better because it is something that you really want to do as well. Don't worry about your sons either. It can be a good thing for teenagers to see their parents struggle at times, it gives them a better understanding of how the world really works and of the value of the dollar. Kids are resiliant, more than we are, and will come through this fine. It may make you even closer to your sons than you are now so that is a good thing. You are allowed to feel down and need support from them as well. I know that is hard because as a mother you probably see it as your job to keep everything and everyone together (I know I do) but we can ask for help and support too. Just take each day as it comes and you will get through. Things will get back in balance and you will all be stronger in the end. Don't give up, you obviously have a lot to offer and a lot of love to give. It is okay if they see that it is hard for you and if you want to cry, cry (you don't have to do it in front of anyone), get it out and move on with life bottling it up may be making it harder for you. I hope this is helpful to you, just remember you are not a loser you are just in a bad spot. It is hard but you will get through. Good luck!

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