Margaret - posted on 07/20/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )
Once a year my mother will come for a visit. Even under the best of circumstances this can be a trying time for my family. She's a very opinionated woman, dismissive of everyone she considers to be beneath her and deeply insensitive.
This year promises to be worst of all.
Personal note: I am a lot like my mother but my dear husband and son both insist I am getting better. Call it a form of shock therapy, if you will.
Long story, short: My son P has a girlfriend, N. Due to her home-life taking an unacceptable turn some weeks ago, she came to stay with us. Since then she has migrated from being sheltered in our guest cottage to getting her own room in our house to my having to accept that she's not actually using that room to sleep in anymore.
Now I need to figure out the best way to inform my mother, hopefully in a way that will allow her to process all this.
My husband want's to just send her a (rather adorable) picture he took of the two of them napping together in a hammock and let her figure it out. My son suggested he just call her and straight up tell her what's going on and instruct her to behave.
I rather feel I should be the one to do the talking, especially since I have had to overcome my own prejudices and shock and not that long ago.
In hindsight, I should never have been shocked. P and N have known each other their entire lives. P has never wanted to be with anyone else, which I learned was the only reason my no dating/no girlfriend edict was never rebelled against by him. He just waited it out. Turns out they promised each other their love and loyalty long ago and were "together" as long as anyone can remember so far as all their friends are concerned. None of them think anything of the interracial aspect and only poke (lighthearted and friendly) fun at their size difference (P is 6'5" and weighs 190 pounds, N is 5'2" and weighs at most 100 pounds).
My husband says he is really curious to see which part my mother will freak out about first or most. The fact that a girl is cohabiting with her grandson or that she's black.
N has been through a tremendous amount of pain and grief and it is as much a credit to her own resilience and strength as P's devotion and love that she's not a total loss to all of us. It took a lot for me to overcome but N has earned my love and respect.
I just want for my mother to at least be cordial and to treat N with respect.