What about teens having sex at home?

Alicia - posted on 09/21/2009 ( 42 moms have responded )

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Where do you begin? What do you say? And how do you prevent or stop it?!

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Doting - posted on 09/25/2012

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What about teens having sex at home?



are we talking brother n sister?

Dilara - posted on 09/21/2012

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Okay, so I was looking up what to get for my boyfriends birthday and I came across this link:



http://www.circleofmoms.com/welcome-to-c...



Yeah, so first off, i'm 15. I'm not a mum. I just joined because I disagree. Yes I know i'm not a mother and I don't know the outcome but I hope to be one day. Coming from a teenagers perspective is probably more important.



I'm a female, and I will admit I have had sex but I have to say that when I was around 13 I didn't know a thing about sex but I, myself, researched stuff about safe sex, sexual transmitted diseases and etc. I wasn't 13 when I had sex, I was 14.



I was safe about it even though i'm a person that's loud and is funny and always makes people laugh and no one takes me seriously when I am actually serious. So take in consideration that even though people you may think are stupid will end up pregnant and not know anything about safe sex and birth control, you'd be surprised.



Everyone my age is going through puberty and you all have to realise we are sexually active. You all have been. Yes we may be from different generations but who cares? Certainly not me.

Nicole - posted on 01/14/2014

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One thing everyone seems to be overlooking are the legal ramifications. What is the age of consent in your state? Knowingly allowing 13 or 14 year olds to have sex in your home could result in your being prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, being an accessory to statutory rape, et cetera. For instance, If you allow your son to have sex with his underage girl friend in your home, and her parents learn of it and strongly disapprove, you could be facing a very serious situation. This is also true if pregnancy results or an STD results. Don't trust kids to necessarily take all necessary precautions every time. And then there's always the possibility of pics or a video being made via a cell phone .... Just a heads up --it could be very risky!

Jane - posted on 09/12/2011

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It's YOUR home. YOU pay the rent/mortgage. YOU make some basic stipulations.
Do you want drugs sold from your dwelling?
Do you want your basement used as a holding spot for stolen goods?
Do you want underage sex to be permitted in your home? or any age?
You have to decide what you will allow and then live by it. Can you STOP every dealer from pushing? No, but I'll bet you can do something about it on your ''turf''. Will you be able to STOP thieves from fencing items? No, but I'll bet you can keep them out of your house while they're doing it.
You may not be able to PREVENT it, but you can discourage it and, it does count what happens afterwards. Was it underage? That's statutory assault and charges can be filed. Let your kids know this is your policy and that you WiLL stand by it.
My Dad had a crystal clear policy, for example, and everyone of his 6 kids knew it by word of mouth: once you leave, you don't come back. We all knew leaving was a serious matter b/c we also knew Dad meant what he said.

After that, they have to decide. You're not God; you can't do everything, but everybody can do something.

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Kathy - posted on 04/08/2014

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First off I think every parent has to decide for themselves what they are comfortable with and if it's the right decision for their kid. My 17 yr old daughter began dating her bf at 13 and they did not become sexually active until two years later. I did get her depo and made sure the condoms were available but never allowed the sleepovers because her bf's parents did not approve. She is still with the same bf and his parents still won't allow sleepovers My 15 yr old daughter has been dating the same boy for 8 months now and she too is on depo and his parents do allow sleepovers at his house and I do let them sleep together here now since the other parents are of the same mind set. To me it's not that big of a deal since they are great kids and are respectful around the house. I'm much more comfortable with my girls being in a sexual relationship where they don't have to sneak around and can explore their sexuality in a mature and responsible manner.

CalistasMom - posted on 04/07/2014

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I allow it, on the thinking that if I don't they will just find someplace less clean and safe to do it. It is a little hard to see the problem: they are both honor students and have plenty of friends. They don't drink or do drugs or watch TV. And I appreciate their honesty an openness about it with me. Of course I do worry about what would happen if this relationship doesn't work out.

CalistasMom - posted on 04/06/2014

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My reasoning is, would you rather they skulk away to some dark dangerous place or be safe and sound in a clean, healthy home? If it's a committed relationship and they are on birth control, and they don't do it right in front of you on the couch or anything (which of course almost happens regularly, and I am very quick to tell them to go to their room), I'm a little hard-pressed to see the problem, even though my daughter and her bf are very young.

Just my $.02.

Claire - posted on 01/18/2014

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What I've done in the past is when I started allowing my 16 yr old daughters boyfriend to sleep over is I had a long discussion with him mom to make sure she was ok with it too. Her and I both agreed to allow it and it has worked out fine.

Nicole - posted on 01/14/2014

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One thing everyone seems to be overlooking are the legal ramifications. What is the age of consent in your state? Knowingly allowing 13 or 14 year olds to have sex in your home could result in your being prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, being an accessory to statutory rape, et cetera. For instance, If you allow your son to have sex with his underage girl friend in your home, and her parents learn of it and strongly disapprove, you could be facing a very serious situation. This is also true if pregnancy results or an STD results. Don't trust kids to necessarily take all necessary precautions every time. And then there's always the possibility of pics or a video being made via a cell phone .... Just a heads up --it could be very risky!

Kat - posted on 09/01/2013

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My stepson was allowed to sleep with his little tartlet ex-girlfriend at her parent's house, and now she's pregnant. It's causing a lot of serious issues for all of us. I know they're going to do it whether they're allowed to sleep together or not. But t makes me wonder if they had not allowed them to stay together if we would be faced with this horrible outcome. They are too young.

Claire - posted on 08/31/2013

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Dh and I have allowed it with our 16 year old and her bf. I think it's up to each parents own comfort level but in our case we would rather them be in a safe environment at home.

Andree - posted on 03/16/2012

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Hi

It depends on so much. First I don't like sex in my house by any teens. I find it disrespectful to the parents. If they are in a long term relationship, meaning, if one is older. Example: I have a 16 yr old daughter almost 17 she is dating a boy in college. They have sex. They are both mature enough to handle it. I know they are having it, I ask them to not disrespect us by having it in our house. I know they have it when she visits him at school and other times. I ask he also protects himself since she is on the pill.

Kathryn - posted on 03/15/2012

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My parents don't allow sex in their house, even now. I'm married, and was dating my husband since I was a freshman in college. He had to sleep on the couch when he spent the night a few months before we were married, and we were 25 at the time. I've always assumed this was common with most parents. I didn't loose my virginity till 25 though, so I guess I don't count. I mean everything as well, we might have lived together before we were married, in a 2 bedroom apartment as roommates before getting married, but that's just because we didn't want to have sex before we were married.

Terri - posted on 03/11/2012

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I think every parent has to handle this in whatever manner they are comfortable withs and there's no right or wrong answer. With my now 17 yr old daughter we have allowed the weekend sleepovers since she and her bf had been together almost a year at the time. For me I'd rather them be able to have the safety and privacy of our home rather than sneaking around and doing it. I haven't had to deal with this issue with my 15 yr old yet but I'll be the same way with her if she is in a longer term serious relationship.

Danise - posted on 10/01/2009

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I did not allow the oler kids to have sex in my house and the rules are not changing for the younger ones. But, I have learned a couple of things the avg. age of first sex for girls is 13 an boys 15 and they dont consider it sex becuse it is usually oral and oral sex is considered "hooking up" not the real thing "penetration" so make sure you know your stand on both and talk to your kids starting at about 10 yrs of age becuse thats when they start talking to to freinds about it. I have made my kids boys and girls and there freinds blush talking about arousal and how to deal with that in a safe way I have had some parents pissed off at me but when your kids know of 13 yr old kids having babies and how cool it is I would rather tell my kids about the positive and negative of being a sexualy active person. I also disscuss socitys reaction and how unfair it is that a girl will be considered "loose" and a boy a "stud" and do they want anyone to consider their freinds or themselves by those titles. The strangest thing is most of my childrens freinds who were there when I talked about it chose to be safe also. If you make yourself blush and unconfretable wile talking to your kids they can see how much you care not just the "TALK".

[deleted account]

Wow! my heart is split on this one. My son is 15 yrs old, and I am tip toeing the subject. I tell my son to keep things age appropiate, to talk to me, and to let me know so that I can provide him birth control. I tell him to make smart choices and that I don't want him to get anyone pregnanant because he is too young. I am affraid of the whole matter, but I must face it head on, and eventhough we aren't there yet. Your question has really stumped me because I just don't know how to answer it. On one hand, Do I want him sneaking out and doing things behind my back? or Do I want him to bring a girl home pregnant? Do I want him to bring all kinds of girls home and disrespect my home? I don't want to encourage him to, but I just don't know yet. Thank you for your question as I also really need to figure out how I want to handle it. I need to give him guidance in the matter, and eventhough we don't want them be sexually active it's a bridge we must cross, and I have to prepared for it. Again, Thank you!

Jenni - posted on 09/29/2009

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My daughter is an intelligent 17yr old who has been going out with her boyfriend for two and a half years. She came to me for advice about going on the pill and said that she was not quite ready for sex but had been thinking about it. She talks to me about everything and has never abused my trust therefore I feel that I would be abusing her trust by not abiding by her decision as to when and where. We have brought her up to be kind and th8ink of others and I feel that it is only fair to allow her to make the decision. At 17 they are not children they are young adults, I know that not everyone will agree with me but this openess and mutual respect and trust works for us.

Melody - posted on 09/29/2009

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There is no way that my teen girls are going to have sex in my house. First of all they respect their self, they know the right time the person, the right place and my girls are worried about their education right now. I really talk to my girls as much as I can to help them to understand that there is plenty of time for sex, but education comes first!!!!

Kristie - posted on 09/28/2009

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Just say no to teens having sex at home! It's your house and you are in charge of what goes on there. To say that they'll just go do it somewhere else is like saying, "Let me provide alcohol to them at home so they don't go do it somewhere else." It just doesn't make sense! I have taught that waiting until marriage is the best way and God's way, and I fully expect them to follow that pattern. Kid's live up to our expectations...you expect them to do something wrong and they will meet your expectations. Why not expect them to do right?

Julie - posted on 09/28/2009

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planned parenthood...........every teen should have a place to go for education and protection......

Krysy - posted on 09/28/2009

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i dont think ur gona b able to stop it. if they gona do it they will do it if not wit u knwing and safe at hme then sumwhere else. i think that da best way to deal wit it is to tlk to them bout being safe make sure they hve all the factz and birth control. datz pretty much all u cn do bout it unless tying them up and letting them go wen theyr 30 lol

Terry - posted on 09/28/2009

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No way do you allow teens to have sex in your home. Always know who is home and where your teens are. I have 4 and they know they can't have friends over when we are not at home. And believe me, I know if they do.

Laura - posted on 09/27/2009

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I agree with that statement. We dont allow it in our home. Not under any circumstances.....but every family is different in their thinking. I dont allow my children having sex in our home even an option. It's strickly not allowed. period

Regina - posted on 09/27/2009

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Prevent it...don't allow teens to be alone in any home without adult supervision!!
Have open-on going conversations about sex.

Laura - posted on 09/27/2009

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I raise my kids by the standards my father raised me...and having sex under his roof was unacceptable, and thats the rule in my house. My son is 17 almost 18, and I talk to him every single day about his activites in school, friends, what his plans are, who the newest girl in his life is......We talk about girls, sex, drugs and school grades on a regular basis. He knows that having sex is not an option for him at our home. As do our older boys who are in there 20's. Its hard today though, because society and hollywood really put it out there for them to deal with. It's in every single movie practically, all over billboards...you just cant keep them from it. And society doesnt view having sex today the same as when we were kids, so it makes it harder on us to teach those values to our children. I suggest you ask your self if you would be comfortable with your teens having sex in your home, and then make your rules from that decision. If it's not....make sure you talk to him or her about using condoms and provide them if necessary......and if your answer is yes, what days of the week they are allowed to have "guests" and define your hours theyre allowed to have those guests over. Its hard....good luck you honey!! Hope it comes out in the wash! lol

[deleted account]

Quoting Alicia:

What about teens having sex at home?

Where do you begin? What do you say? And how do you prevent or stop it?!



From experience, NO - once you allow teens to have sex at home, you open the door. They believe that it is okay at any time, with anyone they choose to be with. I had 4 boys - they are all raised now, but my 20 year old has two sons (one is proven - the other, my son is waiting for DNA on). Neither of these children were conceived in my home because I he lived with his real father after our divorce. If you allow it one time, they take advantage of you. If you try to stop it after that, it's too late. Teenagers come up with every excuse imaginable to argue about why they should be allowed to - "you let me have _____ over, so why is this different?" It is your teenager and your house, so it is your choice. Best practice to prevent it is to to keep them in plain view while they are at your house and if they are allowed to go to a "family room" to play games, watch TV, etc. send another sibling down to watch tv with them or just to interrupt them at whatever they are doing. Good luck, I have twins that just graduated from High School and are in college - they never did anything that I am aware of, but teenagers "know" everything, including how to manipulate their parents into guilt. If you are at work when they get home from school, have a NO FRIENDS over policy until you can be there - and talk to them about birth control and the alternatives

Aliska - posted on 09/26/2009

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I suppose it all depends on the age of the kids. I have heard of some families that tolerate it with older teens with the proviso that if the boy/girlfriend is going to stay overnight they have to have a meal with the family like dinner that evening or breakfast the next day. This stops kids having 'one night stands' at home cos they usually only want to introduce someone to the family if they are serious about the relationship. At least if it is at home the kids are safer than in some car park somewhere. Also because it is a bit more open it allows for conversations on birth control etc. This is a personal issue, some parents will be cool about this and others wont. There is no right or wrong. It is your house, set the rules how you see fit.

Alicia - posted on 09/25/2009

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My son is 17 ...not say'n that he is having sex at home not say'n he isn't...i keep a check on his room and there are signs that it may happen while i'm out...and im sure that it does,but just what 2 say!!!Thanks ladies for all the really helpful comments!!!I

I'm lay'n down the LAW!!!

Karen - posted on 09/25/2009

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Kids who think they need to be sexually active should take a class about all the consequences of being sexually active before marriage. These kids also need to find good role models and get involved in a good church youth group that encourages abstinence.

Marge - posted on 09/25/2009

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IT IS YOUR HOME AND YOUR RULES ! THERE SHOULD BE NO QUESTIONS ABOUT OKING THIS THE ANSWER IS NO!! I ASSUME THEY HAVE BEEN EDUCATED ON BIRTH CONTROL AND IF NOT START NOW. YOU CAN NOT MONITOR THEM 24/7 BUT YOU CAN AT LEAST MAKE IT NOT SUCH AN EASY THING TO DO AT HOME.

Karen - posted on 09/25/2009

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I have mixed feelings on this.
On one hand, I do not really want them having sex in our home. My boys are 18 and 17 and our 17 year old is now a father and his girlfriend does live with us, they are getting married soon and have not shared a room...she's lived here almost a year.
I was kind of upset when I found out that my husband's ex wife talked to my step daughter who is 15 and told her she didn't want her to have sex, but if she was going to do it, she'd rather it be in her home.
However, after I thought about her reasoning, I have to say, I agree with her.

Her reason is, it is better for her to be at home instead of out in a car somewhere or at some guy's house because anything could happen in those situations.... if in a car somewhere, they could be robbed, or worse.... if in a guy's home, he could get violent or his buddies could show up and decide to have themselves a party.
Now, she does know our daughter's boyfriends, but, you never know what could happen when they are out away from parents, etc.
The girls are not allowed to go on dates right now anyway, but, this is a 'just in case' thing.
So, I have to say, when looking at it from that point of view.... as being a protective parent, and knowing that if a kid wants to have sex, they WILL find somewhere to do it, even if you don't want them to..... then yes, I would rather it be in our home where we know they are safe than out somewhere where things could go terribly wrong.
BTW, precautions are being taken that IF she (or the other teens) decide to have sex, birth control and condoms are in use/available to prevent another teen pregnancy.

We have had extensive talks with all of our kids about sex and all that goes with it...and even though my son is a teen dad.... they realize that they should have been more careful to prevent pregnancy, however, now that the baby is here, they are good parents and take great care of him...rarely asking for help from my husband or myself even though we are always available should they need us.

Donna - posted on 09/24/2009

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Wow. My Husband & I Have told our son no sex or girlfriends staying over in our home. Yes he's only 13, but I know what his friends are up to. Parents need to be open minded & talk to their kids. It's a very difficult subject to talk about to your children, but we all have to do this at some point in time. Just be open & communicate with them. Good Luck, but Stay Firm!!!!

Becki - posted on 09/23/2009

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13 is very young and the children have no idea what they are doing or the consequences of these actions. first i would sit down with my son and explain everything about birth control, std's and pregnancy. i mean everything, hard core facts!

i would contact the girls mother and make sure she is aware of what they are doing and how to be safe about it. 13 is so young i would really try to get them to hold off for a while but in all reality that will probably not work. i would not under any circumstances allow sexual acts to happen in my home.

Debra - posted on 09/23/2009

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What about when you son is only 13 and talking about having sex and oral sex with a girl.

Maria - posted on 09/22/2009

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Wow, that's a good one! Although my husband and I are thankful that we haven't so far encountered that in our own roof, (knock on wood), we've already laid down the house rules from day 1, and remained steadfast on our ground. We've made it clear that whether we had boys or girls for that matter, rules will have remained the same, regardless of gender. And be firm about it. Our kids look up to us for role models, whether they realize it or not, so my husband and I are acutely aware that every decision we make, we have to stand by it. We're not prude; we're practical and know that kids are very inquisitive at this age. At the same time, we also let them know that the line of communication is always open. If they can't talk to me, because I'm "Mom" and they're embarrassed, they can talk to Dad and vice versa. But, we always reiterate that there is a thing called responsibility attached to sex, whether they like it or not. If they're not ready for it, then they shouldn't be pressured by anyone into doing so. That there's no hurry, and when it presents itself, they'll know it'll be with someone special. And make sure you're prepared, physically (condom, birth control, getting married, etc) and financially.

Mary - posted on 09/21/2009

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I can relate.
If communications are good then just lay down the law about it going on under your roof.
Explain that you are an open-minded Mom and all but you just cannot allow this thing.
In any case take more control of your doors and comings and goings if at all possible.
A locking bedroom door is a privledge, not a right. Feel free to take it off its hinges !
If it is going on while you are at work surprise them a couple times by coming home early if you can.
Outright catch them in the act if you can. All the while shaming them both. This ought to scar them enough that they think twice next time. Nobody likes to get walked in on doing it. Especially by their own mother! Use that in your favor.
Good luck. I have to keep constant vigil in my house with 3 teens at home.So you aren't alone sister.

Billie Gail - posted on 09/21/2009

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I know that my kids are having sex with their girlfriends but we are firm on no having sex under our roof. They have to be married... no exceptions. My oldest son is 21 (today) and is still not allowed to even have a girl overnight. When they become parents to teens or young adults they will understand. Until then... they will be like the rest of us and think their parents are mean and unfair. I guarantee you that they will completely understand when they stand where we are standing today.
God bless and I hope this helps
Billie

Adella - posted on 09/21/2009

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Birth control first of all.

How old is your child? How open is your relationship w/your child?

This is a hard subject. No matter what, if your child is sexually active they will find a time & place to do it, no matter where they are.

If you are open and relaxed w/your child having sex in your home, then lay down some rules I suppose.

Good luck. This is a hard subject.

Kristie - posted on 09/28/2009

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Just say no to teens having sex at home! It's your house and you are in charge of what goes on there. To say that they'll just go do it somewhere else is like saying, "Let me provide alcohol to them at home so they don't go do it somewhere else." It just doesn't make sense! I have taught that waiting until marriage is the best way and God's way, and I fully expect them to follow that pattern. Kid's live up to our expectations...you expect them to do something wrong and they will meet your expectations. Why not expect them to do right?

[deleted account]

Quoting Alicia:

What about teens having sex at home?

Where do you begin? What do you say? And how do you prevent or stop it?!



From experience, NO - once you allow teens to have sex at home, you open the door. They believe that it is okay at any time, with anyone they choose to be with. I had 4 boys - they are all raised now, but my 20 year old has two sons (one is proven - the other, my son is waiting for DNA on). Neither of these children were conceived in my home because I he lived with his real father after our divorce. If you allow it one time, they take advantage of you. If you try to stop it after that, it's too late. Teenagers come up with every excuse imaginable to argue about why they should be allowed to - "you let me have _____ over, so why is this different?" It is your teenager and your house, so it is your choice. Best practice to prevent it is to to keep them in plain view while they are at your house and if they are allowed to go to a "family room" to play games, watch TV, etc. send another sibling down to watch tv with them or just to interrupt them at whatever they are doing. Good luck, I have twins that just graduated from High School and are in college - they never did anything that I am aware of, but teenagers "know" everything, including how to manipulate their parents into guilt. If you are at work when they get home from school, have a NO FRIENDS over policy until you can be there - and talk to them about birth control and the alternatives

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