What are you supposed to do if your 16 year old refuses to go to school?

Kim - posted on 03/13/2010

If he does not want to live by your rules and nothing you do is working, put him out of your house. I would take my key, give him 2 change of clothes and tell him to get out. I would let him be out for a few days and when he asks to come back home I would let him know the only way he can come back is if he goes to school. My friend did this and it worked.

Dawn - posted on 03/13/2010

Try talking to him privately and if that doesn't work, look for a good counsler and see if he can work with him to get him to go to school. Pray for the Lord to help you get through to him. I'll pray for you.

Gloria - posted on 03/13/2010

well i was that kid at sixteen well probably worse and i don't think there would be much you could do how ever with my 16 year old i use complete embarasment as punishment you know dress in your best flanel nighty and drag him to school with some messed up makeup things like image are really important in high school and the big kiss good bye is well the worst gets your point across too might help good luck

Jennifer - posted on 03/13/2010

Sit him down and watch the jail shows! Hmm doesn't look like a good life everything you get is easy come easy go three hots and a cot is that what you want even if you don't go that route you will struggle financially for everything does the child want a car home moneyin the bank well GO TO SCHOOL, easiest way to get and keep what you want

Felicia - posted on 03/12/2010

I don't know if your son's school has this but I did it a couple of times. It's called shadowing.....You go to school with your kid, to each class. Heck, I even sat right next to him. lol It embarasses them pretty bad, but oh well.

BERTHA - posted on 03/12/2010

MY FOURTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER WAS DOING THE SAME,CUTTING SCHOOL I WENT AS FAR AS THREATENED TO PUT HER OUT,WHEN IT CAME TO ME TO ASKE HER GRANDMOTHER TO TAKE HER IN .WHEN SHE WENT TO LIVE AT HER GRANDMOTHER,SHE STARTED IMPROBING NOW SHE IS A HONOR ROLL STUDENT.ANOTHER THING THAT WAS NOT WORKING WAS THE FACT THAT I WORK LONG HOURS AND MY DAUGHTER WAS BASICALLY LEFT ON HER OWN,SHE WAS FALLING IN WITH THE WRONG GROUD.SO LOOK FOR HELP WITH OTHER FAMILY MEMBER OR CHANGE HIM TO A DIFFERNT SCHOOL. HOPE THIS WILL HELP YOU. BERTHA

Mary Jane - posted on 03/12/2010

I have the same problem I talked to the school to see if there was anything wrong like maybe he was getting picked on or if there was a problem with a teacher and thats why he didn't want to go ... that was the first step ... found out nothing then talked to him and asked him why he didn't want to go he said he just doesn't fit in with everyone and that he felt that it was a waste I even went as far as talking to his friends

Angie - posted on 03/12/2010

I agree with all the other mothers by calling your local police station- I have a 15 year old with a very similar problem and my 20 year old used to behave like this too- for one thing is DON'T PANIC I know it's hard when you are facing the state & school district with them reporting you- however you must document every incident & get the law on YOUR side YOU are the parent & HE is the CHILD under your roof school is NOT an option is a REQUIREMENT if you have to make arrangements to follow him class to class until he gets it in his head he WILL go to school and graduate. Factor in puberty & the sense of how you felt @ 16 sometimes they are changing from teens to young adults & trying to find their own sense of independence & individuality etc. CALL YOUR LOCAL POLICE DEPT. & let them know your situation & take him to the station - that will put a chip in the wall of stubborn- TRUST ME-

Debra - posted on 03/12/2010

at first threaten to go to school with them everyday, then follow through with it, if this doesn't work or is too much then go get an officer to write them a truancy ticket to keep your butt out of the slammer, and if that doesn't work drop them from school an make them do housechores from 8-3! this includes no going outside till 3p.m. then if you do let them go somewhere give them a curfew mine is at 8p.m. sharp or they can't go anywhere for the next 2 days.

Jeannie - posted on 03/12/2010

Theresa is right!

Julie - posted on 03/12/2010

we have an officer asigned to each school out here, I called him and he took her to school. That never happend again!

Marion - posted on 03/12/2010

o.k tell him it's his life hit his pocket u lay down the law(1)rent(2)food(3)light bill and any other bills u have or out the door let the DSS pick up the result of 100% tried and keep a diary just in case they think ur at fault.best of luck mom.
if u feel any way treathened keep the cops close to ur chest he wil love ya for this:)

Rachel - posted on 03/12/2010

depend on where u live some states legal dropout age is 16 u can all ways try getting a chins which is child in need of services i know i lost my oldest cuz of this gl everyone

Tracia - posted on 03/12/2010

have you concidered homeschooling? it isnt for freaks or troublemakers..it is for any child that seems to be having trouble with conventional schooling. you dont need to be a rhodes scholor or a professer to pull it off. god knows I am not lol. all 4 of my kids combo-ed the homeschool and public school. I now have one who teaches at a foreign language school in spain! my elder daughter found h.s. too much of a distraction and ended up "graduating" homeschooling with almost perfect scores...ditto with the 17 y/o....its something worth a try. you can tailor the curriuculum to meet any need they have, worth checking into

Elle - posted on 03/12/2010

I assume this an ongoing thing. Does he act out in other ways? Any chance he is depressed? It may be time to tell him the the cops will come and take him and see if that works. Not a long term solution obviously. I would look into him get a full work up by your doctor to rule out things such as thyroid imbalance and then take him to a counselor.

Suzanne - posted on 03/12/2010

My brother did this to my father also, my father said if your not going to school then I want you to get a job and help out with the bills and he was charging him rent money for his room. My brother went back to school the next week. :)

Silka - posted on 03/12/2010

Trudy, honestly all the advice about calling the cops, dragging your son in (as if you could physically pick up and drag a child that is most likely as big or bigger than you), pouring water, taking away phones and games (tried that about a million times, right?), those are all things that people advise that are not in your situation and they have no idea what you are going through. Those are things that they THINK they would do in that situation, but they obviously are not in that situation because it is unusual to have a kid that doesn't want to go to school. We are in a different boat than most parents, and it has nothing to do with our parenting skills. I have followed all of the advice in the world and none of it worked on my daughter. In fact when she was in middle school and I tried the water, taking her blankets off her bed, taking away her phone, tv and computer priveledges, well she slashed her legs and arms about 50 times with a razor blade and went ballistic with a butcher knife threatening to kill herself because she was such a "bad" kid, etc. That is not normal, and hence she started seeing a psychiatrist who said that school was her trigger and her stressor and I needed to make a change for her health and to save her life. The more I yelled and threatened her the WORSE she got, not better like people who don't have these problems think. She could care less if I called the cops on her, or if she went to Juvi, etc. She just hated school that much. Like I said above, I have a 12 year old son who has grown up in the same public school district that my daughter had, and he is an honor student with a 4.0 and in gifted and talented. Obviously if it were my fault as a mom, wouldn't both of my kids be having problems? I agree that a learning disability could be his problem, and by now it is too late to reverse his hatred for school, and you should help him prepare to be an adult. I also know that in this economy my daughter has been trying to get a job for several months to no avail. She desperately WANTS a job, she is not being lazy, she simply hates school, but is willing to give this night school her best shot for now because she does realize that it is her job to go to school right now, and that she does in fact get paid to go to school by me in the form of a roof over her head and a hot meal every night and a cell phone so I can locate her at all times, etc. If your son had the opportunity to get a job and finds an employer willing to hire him (extremely difficult right now as our teens are competing with 40 year olds for jobs at Wal Mart in this economy, it is not the way it was when we were 16 by any stretch!) then do it! Get him working if you can!

Lorna - posted on 03/12/2010

Money talks...sit him down (eye contact) and let him know it's going to cost him to be tardy. Also try getting him up 30min earlier than usual. My daughter needed to snooze 20-30 min before she could actually function.

Virginia - posted on 03/12/2010

get his dad ,to come home and help you, if you can.If not get a uncle or someone like that. If that doesn't work call the cops. I know that sounds bad,but he need to know that your NOT going to be walked on.Plus in some states YOU can go to jail for him not going to school

Cheraki - posted on 03/12/2010

If you are in a state where fines are subjectable.. Then you can go in front of the judge and have the judge put the fines in your sons name.. and he would be responsible for them or face court actions...Call the truant officer and have the truant officer come out and take him to school.. You have to let him see you are the parent and that he has to go to school... Sometimes you have to show some tough love...It's hard as a parent but sometimes we have to... If he has priveldges take them.. He's not entitled to tv, phone, computer anything.. that is not a necessity..only food, clothing and shelter is a necessity.. anything else is a privledge..

Good Luck and Best Wishes

Tonya - posted on 03/12/2010

Tell 'em to get a job, go to work, go make some money, they r responsible for themselves if they don't want to listen to you. They have to get out! So, they go to school or go to work and get out! This is not a free world.....people can't eat, sh*t, and sleep for free. So, if they think they're grown, treat them like they're grown!

Tracey - posted on 03/12/2010

Tell DSS they can talk to him themselves. Let the know you have tried and nothing is working.

Is he having a hard time at school? Being bullied, have a teacher he clashes with?

There may be an under lying problem. I have learning problems but the teachers just thought I was lazy and a daydreamer. I hated school. I left at 16 with a job. At 37 I went and finished high school and did very well.

Now I am studding childcare. As long as I have extra help I know I will pass.

Good luck with him.

And remember learning problems can be very hard to pick up, mine was not picked up until recently. My 14yr old son's learning problems are more severe, but his intelligence is very high.

Caprice - posted on 03/11/2010

let them ditch school. their not a baby anymore

Lesley - posted on 03/11/2010

Umm for what reason does he not want to go to school? Is he being bullied? Does he have a learning dissabilty that has slipped by?
If he is just not going for the reason of just coz! My advice to you would to be get some counselling on your parenting skills and that is not for one minute saying you are a bad parent ....we all have made the mistake of "making rods for our own backs". It takes courage to ask for help to turn it around in the right way. Sometimes we love our kids too much and we give them what we can and then they expect it all the time.And then they begin to rule you they become the parent and you become the slave...you are a person too mate ,think hard about that . Best of Luck

Felicia - posted on 03/11/2010

This might sound harsh.....I would drag that kid out of bed and take him to school......in their pajamas or not.

Priscilla - posted on 03/11/2010

You can give them the choice get up and go to school on their own or you can get assistance from the Police (saving yourself from DSS) but yet you are putting your foot down. Kind of Harsh but The dis-respect from the child is non[compliance and the child does not care if you get in trouble), Tell the officer's you need help with the child especially if the child wants to act out. You will have a record for yourself of child's behavior so that if it continues you have another means of documentation for reaching out for help

Ann - posted on 03/11/2010

he is testing you and I bet there are some things he likes to do or things that he has and would be very sad if you took them away. Time for consequences for his actions find his achiles heel and step on it..

Erika - posted on 03/11/2010

hmm. Have you atken away all of his media? He may be staying up late and that is why he doesn't get up. Have you asked him if something is going on at school that is making him not want to be there? Have you tried searching his room to be sure he's not using drugs or alcohol and that is why he won't get up? I am reading all the advice here and thinking you have already hear ll this... I like the cold water idea! And the frog-marching into school. I would probably guiilt him too, about how YOU are being punished for HIS truancy. Good luck with this.

Janet - posted on 03/11/2010

Well I called the truancy officer and had them pick him up at home. I got a ticket but the scare he got from it was well worth it. The talked all about juvi detention and what kinds of things happen there, etc. It has made a lasting impression on him.

Angel - posted on 03/11/2010

I HAD THE SAME PROBLEM WITH MY SON AND I ASKED THE SCHOOL RESOURCE OFFICER TO STOP BY ONE MORNING TO SEE THAT MY SON WASNT WILLING TO GO HE GOT HIM DRESSED AND TOLD HIM IF HE HAD TO PICK HIM UP EVERY DAY THAT HE WOULD OR HE COULD GO TO THE JUVENILE ASSESSMENT CENTER FOR 15 DAYS MAYBE IF U JUST TELL HIM THEY R GOING TO COME GET HIM FOR SCHOOL HE MIGHT GET UP IT WORKED FOR MY CHILD AND HE DOESNT MISS SCHOOL NOW

Nancy - posted on 03/11/2010

I hear you Trudy, my son refused to go...and the school took ME to court on a CHINS,child in need of help, I was shocked !! was I supposed to drag him fighting to school????...he ended up quiting school, I cry every time I see Graduation ceremonies..... I hope things get better for you.... Talk to your Son's teachers and Principle....they might be able to help...If they CARE,,,some do not...

Jennifer - posted on 03/11/2010

whatever is necessary to get his butt there! If you need to do some tough love and get the services of police or whatever agencies you have there that will help you to get him there then do it!

Loretta - posted on 03/10/2010

I hate to say it, but high school isn't for everyone. If he refuses to go sign him out. Let him quit. With the stipulation that he will get a job, start paying rent, and go get his GED. If he thinks he's all grown up treat him like he's all grown up. Don't make it easy on him. Stress it to him that you WILL NOT go to jail for anyone. Some situations the court will hold the child accountable for their own actions at that age. When they see you're not one of those Mothers who blame everyone else for their child's behavior. When they see you are doing everything in your power to change the behavior. I made my daughter volunteer her whole summer vacation working for free on a horse farm w/ needy children. Something about caring for the animals & children touched something inside her, & it made a major change in her life. I fought her tooth & nail. Made every threat. Inforced every punishment I could think of. That was the one that worked for us.

Jaime - posted on 03/10/2010

Offer to make him an emancipated minor....he would then be responsible for his behavior. Tell him it would require him to find a place to live, a job, etc. Then help him look thru the want ads for a job and apartment (let him see what it costs). Tell him that his only job is school and if he's not willing to do that then he can become an adult on your terms. Once he sees the cost and the fact that you won't support him unless he's going to school, maybe he will wise up.

Lori - posted on 03/10/2010

I recently had a similar problem except that DSS wan't involved...I instantly called the school and asked them if they had a school officer available ...I told them what was going on and the school principle came to the house to get him...if he didn't go then, they said they would send the officer! I'm finding not to let grass grow under my feet about ant thing! Nip it in the butt! Don't waist time!

Tammy - posted on 03/10/2010

One of my buddies suggested that I send her to boot camp. (After high school that is) He said the army may do her some good. After all, they are pretty tough.

Bobbie - posted on 03/10/2010

I guess it depends on where you live but I'm in Alberta and at 16 children don't HAVE to go to school. I asked to have the attendance board brought in at one time but because he was almost 16, they wouldn't. Now he is 17 and in gr. 12. When he decides not to go to school, I take his phone, the controllers to all game systems and the cord to the computer so that he has nothing to do. Luckily, his friends still go to school so all he does is hang at home, watching tv and reading. He then says he's going to school because I took all the "fun things to do" away. Unfortunately it does not stop it from happening again but I do the same thing again and he gets ticked off and goes to school as he can then talk with his friends and have his phone etc. back.

Chrissa - posted on 03/10/2010

Tell DSS you want services!!!! Get your son a tracker....these people will call and even come over to get him out of bed. The will help alot!!!! I am an ex DSS worker and this service was one that actually helped.

Kreana - posted on 03/10/2010

You need to have the school truancy office come and speak to your son. Let him know that the choices he makes today are the choices that will follow him the rest of his life. If he truley does not want to be in school, there are other options, such as virtual High School, Technical school and alternative schools. You need to really sit down and talk to him. Listen to him, then tell him your concerns. Give him some options. And pray that he will try to make better choice for himself. There is not much more you can do. Good luck!

Sarah - posted on 03/10/2010

hi my 15yr old has done the same thing for ages not getting up for school and missing a day a week mst weeks, i have been fined by the education and welfare service and was threatned with court action if it didnt improve my daughter can also be violent towards me, the school she is at have been very supportive of her and towards me i found a solution and that is that my daughter stays with her dad in term time as he lives 5 mins from the school and she gets up for him, its very hard as you may not have this option and its hard for me to have to send her there but it has to be done.. I dont know if this will help you or not there really isnt a lot you can do to be honest .

Kerine - posted on 03/10/2010

Try asking him what he would like to do and why is it that he doesn't want to go to school. Have you looked into alternative school where he will attend school one week and do internship the following week. He will receive a stipend while learning.

Brenda - posted on 03/10/2010

i hope there is another alternative school or a program like score so your child can continue school. my son did really well in alternative school, he took every science and math they offered and other classes and graduated with a lot more credits than required for a high school diploma. in my opinion he received a better education than he would have at the regular public high school. and he enjoyed attending the classes. they had more rules at the alternative school but everyone had to follow them including teachers, whereas at public school rules do not seem to be enforced equally on all. the smaller class sizes are an excellent motivation for some kids, too. they receive a lot more personal attention.my son graduated about 6 years ago and still stays in touch with most of the staff from the school he attended.

Cindy - posted on 03/10/2010

Cut him off!! Not literally, I mean just down to the bare essentials. No more money, no more rides here or there, no more yummy snacks in the house - just the basics. Lock the electronics away or whatever his favorite past time is. I know at 16 they think they are grown - make him learn the hard way. Don't be afraid of DSS. Just do what you know is right and never stop.

Paula - posted on 03/10/2010

Bottom line is he's doing it because he knows he can get away with it. My son was pulling familiar stuff, skipping, sneaking out at night, etc. I spoke with a police officer and they said they would speak with him first, to let him know what could happen but if he didn't change, I could have him arrested for incorrigibility. He was talked to, he was warned, but he didn't listen, so we did it. He was arrested for truancy, incorrigibility, and as a run-away. He spent two weeks in Juvie and he's been a great kid ever since. Sometimes you just have to shock them out of their "I'm invinsible" state of mind.

Good luck to you Trudy.

Christina - posted on 03/10/2010

By the way, I hope he is not allowed to use the computer or television or video games on the days he has not gone to school or completed his homework! It should be less comfortable at home as well to motivate him to participate in his life and future!

Chris - posted on 03/10/2010

every time he dosen't get out of bed for school call the liason officer at the school to come and get him and or the cops to bring him to school . in the middle school my 12 year old goes to the liason officer has came and got a friend of mines son when he did not go and he was put into a program call eip where an eip workr would go to school with him and sit through his classes with him for so many weeks , then the boy skiped again and then they put him in another program wher he now attends cclasses in the afternoon and night also and it is workin
try to find out about night or alternative classes like that.

Christina - posted on 03/10/2010

Unfortunately, at 16, if a teenager does not see a real future for themselves, school feels pointless! This is the age when many kids, especially boys drop out for this very reason (in the US). In many other countries, vocational training begins from 12-14 years old, giving kids hand-on practical life application to their learning process while they are also studying academics. Perhaps your son needs some sort of program to be involved in that will give him some real application towards his future. It is obvious he does not have this now to motivate him. Even if it is some type of training or mentoring outside of school that can be attached to his school participation ie. "You will be able to attend this..... as long as you are attending school and get a ...GPA." All children, especially teenagers, need accountability and unfortunately, it is up to us parents to provide it. They will most always fight us now, but thank us later for being parents, not enablers! Perhaps you can seek out some mentors in your community like Rotary International or Big Brothers, etc or a business owner that needs some help.

Diana - posted on 03/10/2010

He can't get you for educational neglect. That is only filed against parents of elementary/middle school aged kids. When they're older than that, the charge that is filed is Truancy against the kid, not parent. This is because at that age, the court expect the youth to have more responsibility for themselves. (I work at a juvenile court).

Kathy - posted on 03/10/2010

Silka Clark I really like your responds it gave me understanding in those kinds of schools. I honestly thought that it was for kids who were trouble makers at school but I want to thank you for setting me straight.

Kathy - posted on 03/10/2010

First of all find out the reason, then let him know that jobs out there are getting harder to get especially without a high school education and most places now are looking for people who are either College graduates or currently going to college. If that isn't enough reason let him know that if he doesn't go to school you are no longer going to supply him with clothing or any other items that he might need and that he has to get a job and pay rent. That might scare him into going to school. It is no longer your problem if he quits it is now his problem. Make it all his decision and make him deal with the consequences.